A Letter To Hillary Clinton

Dear Hillary Clinton,

Look, I’m not one to mince words, so I’ll just get straight to the point. I’m going to need you to let the election go now. The fact of the matter is, you lost. Yes, we could all point to a million different factors that led to this outcome. However; as much as it pains me to say this, Donald Trump is the President. At this point, instead of rehashing your defeat, maybe you should focus on helping to prevent him from ending Western Civilization.

Now, to be fair, I did vote for you. To do this, I begrudgingly looked past your “superpredators” comment and your history with the prison industrial complex. Shit, as fucked up as your policies have been, I was/still am legitimately scared of Trump. I mean, based on what we’ve seen so far, World War III may still be on the horizon. In any case, I’ve never enjoyed picking the “lesser of two evils.” Listen, this entire election cycle has proved how antiquated the two-party political system really is.

Moving on, despite the loss, you refuse to accept any responsibility. Ok, I get it, FBI Director James Comey royally screwed you with his fuckery. The timing of his renewed investigation into your emails is suspect at best. However; that doesn’t account for the many errors you made on the campaign trail.

First, you lost Michigan, Wisconsin, Pennsylvania and Florida. These are all states that Barack Obama won twice. Twice! In fact, until you, a Democrat hadn’t lost Pennsylvania since 1988. I was 3 years old when that last occurred. To make matters worse, you didn’t campaign in Wisconsin and you only put some money down in Michigan during the last week of the election. How the fuck did you expect to win those states? In my eyes, your hubris got the best of you. You really thought you could just pull those states out of your ass with minimal effort. Well, clearly you were wrong.

Listen, I’m not ignoring the outside factors that may have contributed to your loss. Was there a gender component? Absolutely. Was there a Comey component? Absolutely. Was there a Julian Assange/WikiLeaks/Russia component? Absolutely. With that being said, take some responsibility for your own mistakes. Otherwise, you’re going to keep looking like a bitter loser. All in all, it is what it is, Mrs. Clinton. It just is what it is.

Sincerely,

A dude who’s stockpiling supplies in preparation for Armageddon

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Don’t Fall For Donald Trump’s Ruse

Nah, son. No way. Go home. Get the fuck outta here. I’m not falling for the okie doke, bruh. I’m not going for the misdirection, man. On the real, I truly hope no one believes the gaffle here. Over the weekend, Donald Trump made insanely baseless accusations against Barack Obama. To be clear, this action was taken for one reason and one reason only: to distract from finding a link between Trump’s administration and Russia. It’s no coincidence that right as the Russia talk heats up, a new story is thrown against the wall. All I know is, it’ll take more than Twitter to fool me, son.

Now, before I continue, let me outline some FACTS. First, Michael Flynn, Trump’s former National Security Advisor, lied about being in contact with the Russian ambassador. For that move, he lost his job. Second, Jeff Sessions, Trump’s current Attorney General, ALSO lied about being in contact with the Russian ambassador. To make matters worse, Sessions told these fairy tales during his confirmation hearing. Meaning, he perjured himself. For that action, he has to recuse himself from any potential investigation between Trump and Russia. In addition, if any further dirt is discovered, then Sessions could also lose his job.

Moving on, let me outline some unfounded opinions. As it stands, Mark Levin is the man who started the rumor about Obama wiretapping Trump’s phones during the election. Now, for anyone who is unfamiliar with Levin, he’s a conservative radio host who has a documented history of saying wild shit about Obama. He’s long argued that Obama has initiated a “silent coup” within our government, enacting “martial law” through immigration, health care and law enforcement policies. In any case, Levin is the first person to claim that Obama was secretly monitoring Trump.

So, after Levin made his outrageous claims, the story ended up on Breitbart News. Side note, c’mon son, is anyone else seeing a pattern here? Once again, Steve Bannon’s repugnant ass website has dug its claws into the bullshit. Anyway, after seeing the tomfoolery on Breitbart, Trump fired off a series of tweets alleging that Obama tapped his phones during the campaign trail. Now, Trump wants an investigation into Obama’s mythical and fictitious deeds.

Ok, I have questions, son. First, if Trump has proof, then why does he need an investigation? Why doesn’t he just reveal the evidence he already has? Ohhhh, that’s because THERE IS NO EVIDENCE, MAN! This tactic is nothing more than a ruse to get people talking about this instead of Russia. The fucked up thing is, it’s working, son. Ever since Trump’s tweets, this story has been the topic of conversation on the news. Trump has successfully shifted the focus of both the public and the media. If I wasn’t so infuriated by the obvious ploy, I’d be impressed, man.

In the end, let’s cut the malarkey, son. I don’t want to hear about wiretaps and I don’t want to hear about leaks. Until the story is resolved, let’s find out what’s really good between Trump’s administration and Russia. If everything is aboveboard, then why is Trump’s staff constantly lying about speaking with Russian dignitaries? I mean, fuck conjecture, man. We know for a fact that people in this current regime have been less than truthful to the American public. At this point, I’m tired of the back and forth, man. I just want to know the truth… about everything. LC out.

P.S. FBI Director James Comey has already asked the Department of Justice to refute Trump’s claims. I find it very odd that they haven’t done so yet. The idiocy in our government is simply staggering, man. That is all.

A Letter To People Who Regret Voting For Donald Trump

Dear Regretful Donald Trump Voters,

I’ve never been one to hold back or mince my words, so I’ll just get straight to the point. If you already regret voting for Trump, I don’t feel sorry for you. Sounds harsh, but I wholeheartedly mean that. If you’re one of the people who has suddenly realized Trump is a con artist, I have no sympathy for you. This man showed you who he was the entire election and you refused to believe him. So, every terrible thing he does from here on out is on YOUR head.

Look, at this point, I’m not even going to reiterate all of the awful things he’s said or done. I’ve done that enough times on this blog. However; let’s talk about all of the promises he made to YOU and already backtracked on.

First, there was all of the bullshit he said about Hillary Clinton. For the entire duration of his campaign, Trump claimed he was going to lock Clinton up for her “crimes.” What were her crimes exactly? Having a private email server. Regardless of the fact the FBI determined she had broken no laws, Trump still asserted that he was coming for her head. Now, since all of you Clinton-haters LOVED the idea of putting her in an orange jumpsuit, you flocked to the orange-faced clown. With all of that being said, what does he do when he wins? Completely abandon the notion of pursuing any charges against her. One point for you Trump supporters.

Next, there was his stance on Obamacare. For YEARS, he railed about how much of a failure the ACA was. His entire healthcare platform was built around repealing the law and replacing it with something “better.” In any case, just a few days after being elected, Trump talked about possibly keeping parts of Obamacare. Then, he switched course and said the law was going to be repealed and replaced simultaneously.

Now, here’s the problem: not only do your Republican reps not have a replacement plan, but they don’t even have enough votes to pass anything at all. It takes 60 votes to push a new plan through the Senate and the GOP only has 52 seats. Do you see the issue here? Once again, Trump made a promise he can’t possibly keep. Not to mention, after this past December‘s ACA enrollment period, the states with the highest coverage are the ones that voted for Trump. Are you guys really that stupid? I’ll just take that as a yes, son.

Ultimately, you guys are getting what you asked for. You asked for a liar to be your president and you got one. Let’s see if all of his billionaire cabinet friends will help drain that swamp for you. Good luck suffering through the mess you caused. I’m out.

Sincerely,

Your friendly neighborhood LC

Donald Trump Loves Golden Showers

So, let me begin this post by saying there is no actual evidence to suggest that Donald Trump loves golden showers. As of right now, Ben Smith‘s dossier in BuzzFeed is the only article to mention the possibility of Trump paying hookers to piss on him. Now, even after saying that, I guarantee some idiot is going to read my headline and get pissed (phrasing). Well, stupid is as stupid does, son. I have no control over people’s reactions, man. In any case, the real story here is the allegations that Russia has damaging personal and financial information about Trump. With that being said, all I want to know is, if this is the case, why was Hillary Clinton the only person harmed by Russian hacking?

Now, at this point, I don’t have to tell anyone what happened during the election, man. If someone is unaware of the fuckery that occurred over the past year, then they’re lost anyway. In any case, American intelligence agencies have made it well known that Russia engaged in various hacks, in an attempt to influence our presidential election. Despite the fact that Trump and his team have denied all of this from the beginning, I’m going to go ahead and believe the FBI, CIA and NSA. Let’s just say, I’m more convinced of their ability to deal with facts instead of propaganda.

Moving on, I just want to know, if all of these agencies were aware of potentially damaging information about Trump, why did Clinton always get the short end of the stick? Shit, just a week before voting in November, FBI Director James Comey released a note saying they were looking into more emails related to Clinton. Despite the fact they found nothing, this incident was just another slight against Clinton, which raised doubts in the minds of the American people. Keep in mind, outside of the fact that the private email server existed, the FBI never found any evidence of an actual crime. Yet, this storyline ended up playing a major factor in our election. None of this is adding up to me, son.

In the end, I may be looked at as a conspiracy theorist, but when shit stinks, it stinks, man. If a foreign entity has information about two people and only one person suffers for it, it can be deduced that they were trying to benefit the other. Don’t be surprised when Vladimir Putin is freely walking around Manhattan, son. Hell, he might have a suite in Trump Tower as we speak. We’ve got a Russian puppet as a President, man. Oh happy day… on Opposite Day.

P.S. Even though I don’t think the story is true, wouldn’t it be GOLD if Donald Trump loved getting peed on? Side note, see what I did there? I’m killing y’all, man. Get fire on these bitches, son! In any case, the more Trump’s questionable behavior comes to light, the more I’m convinced he’ll be quickly impeached. I would rejoice, but I’m not too fond of a Mike Pence presidency either. That dude is verifiably loco, son. That is all.

I Wish Dylann Roof The Absolute Worst

So, I, like many others, was always taught growing up to never wish ill on someone. “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you,” so on and so forth. However; some people deserve to have bad shit happen to them. Dylann Roof is one of those people, man. Keeping it a buck, I have nothing positive to say about that piece of shit and I genuinely, GENUINELY hope his time in prison is brutal.

Now, at this point, I shouldn’t have to tell everyone what this subhuman did. Anyone who isn’t aware of the Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church massacre that happened in South Carolina must not care about people. In any case, Roof’s trial just wrapped up and he was found guilty on all counts. As of right now, he’s in the sentencing phase.

To be clear, his conviction is not why I’m writing this. Nah, what he said at his death penalty trial made my fucking blood boil, son. Not only did he fail to apologize for killing nine innocent people, but he also made some bullshit speech about why he “had” to do what he did. In his eyes, his deed was some sort of ridiculous retribution for all of the “innocent White children” who have to live in this country and all of the “innocent White people” killed by the “lower race.” He continued by saying he represented himself in court because he didn’t want his lawyers to question his mental stability. Apparently, there’s nothing wrong with this asshole.

*Sigh* I don’t even know where to start, man. Ok, let’s start with the fact that 84% of White people are killed by other White people. That stat comes directly from the FBI, man. So, who are all of these White people being killed by the “lower race?” This fucking devil based his entire rampage on a theory that doesn’t even fucking exist, man. This is no better than Donald Trump and Ann Coulter calling all Latinos “rapists” and the overall Islamophobia being perpetuated in this country. A misguided fear of the “other” is leading people to commit heinous crimes against innocent folks. There are never any facts to bolster a bigot’s argument, yet they feel like it’s their right to harm people who don’t look, act or believe like them. It’s absolutely fucking disgusting, man.

Ultimately, I’m one of the few people who doesn’t believe in the death penalty. Not because I think it’s wrong, but because I think life in prison is worse. I want Dylann Roof to spend the rest of his natural life in general population. I don’t want him to be protected from any of the other inmates. Let’s see how long he lacks remorse when his cellmates lack remorse for him. Let’s see how long he thinks he’s tough when he encounters some really tough people. Death is the easy way out for cowards like him. He needs to continually suffer until he understands the gravity of what he’s done. And even then, he should suffer some more. I’m out.

A Dissertation About Hillary Clinton, Emails & D*ck Pics

I know, I know, I know, son. I know I said I wasn’t going to write about this election anymore. But dammit, ridiculous things just keep on happening, man. All jokes aside, I’ve never seen an election of any kind with this much fuckery embedded in it. Real talk, I wholeheartedly believe a high school senate race has more ethics than this bullshit. I mean, look at all of the nonsense this myriad of adults has engaged in, son. With that being said, here we go again with Hillary Clinton’s emails, man. Eight days before a dire presidential election and the FBI is looking into her situation again, thanks to none other than Anthony Weiner.

Now, hasn’t this dude caused enough trouble in his lifetime? Hasn’t Carlos Danger ruined enough people already, man? It’s bad enough he can’t stop sending pictures of his dick to women, but now his ridiculous habit could have an effect on the election. Apparently, during an FBI probe into his underage sexting scandal, the bureau found some emails that could pertain to their previous investigation of Clinton’s private email server. The problem is, there are more than 1,000 emails for the bureau to sift through, which cannot possibly be done before we all vote next week. So, this situation could potentially alter the outcome and we’re not even sure if they’re going to find anything. As it stands, it seems as if they didn’t find any emails from Clinton directly, but her name appears to be swirling all throughout the muck and the mire.

At this point, facts really don’t matter here (shout-out to Desus Nice and The Kid Mero). It doesn’t matter if FBI Director James Comey broke protocol by announcing these findings publicly. The content of these emails don’t matter either, man. The reality is, perception is everything, son. It’s no secret that Hillary Clinton has a high disapproval rating and there are numerous people who don’t think she’s trustworthy. This situation is yet ANOTHER incident which lends credence to people’s fears that she’s just some corrupt politician with no regard for rules. In the end, that’s all her detractors need to plead their case against her. Regardless of what Democratic pundits try to say, these things matter in the eyes of the people. Soooooo, next Tuesday’s election should be very interesting and not in a good way, son. Not in a good way at all.

All in all, I have nothing else to say, man. I just want this election to be over. I simply want to know whether or not I need to buy a plane ticket out of this country. With that being said, next Tuesday can’t come soon enough. Good day.

Please, Short-Circuit Hillary Clinton’s Mic

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Ok, I think it’s time we have a candid conversation about Hillary Clinton. There’s an ugly truth Democrats don’t want to admit about their presidential nominee: a loooooooot of people straight up don’t like her, son. The problem is, more than a few of her actions don’t necessarily help her cause at all. At this point, her email server scandal shouldn’t be news to anyone. That situation alone causes certain Democrats to flatly look over her and a ton of Republicans to call for her to be hung in Times Square. With that being said, the former Secretary of State doesn’t seem to know how to remedy her own dilemmas. Now, if anyone needs any more proof, her latest “short-circuit” should give people a clear example of her real issue.

Ever since the FBI investigation into her private email server, Clinton has been telling everyone who would listen that director James Comey said all of her statements regarding the matter have been “truthful.” However; that is definitely NOT what the director said. In actuality, he said she was “extremely careless” with her actions and couldn’t really comment on her public assertions. In addition, while she maintains the facade she never shared any classified information in her emails, Comey’s findings directly contradict that theory. Frankly, the final conclusion was the fact that Hillary’s shit stinks, but not enough for the bureau to drape her in an orange jumpsuit.

So, now that I’ve gotten all of that information out of the way, let’s talk about the elephant in the room. Honestly speaking, if this were a normal election, and if Donald Trump wasn’t a raging psychopath, Clinton would be in real danger of being unelectable. Simply combine the fact she’s been a Washington, D.C. constant since the Stone Age and a high percentage of Americans don’t seem to trust her, not a lot of folks really feel enthused to give her their vote. At this point, I can’t even recall the amount of times I’ve heard people say they’re only voting for her to prevent Trump’s bid to destroy the planet. That doesn’t sound like much faith in her candidacy, son. I truly believe if she were up against a more solid opponent, she’d be left in the dust. Hell, ain’t that what happened with President Obama all those years ago? In the beginning, no one really thought some upstart senator from Chicago could derail her campaign. Alas, eight years later, she’s still trying to get into that Oval Office, man. Shiiiiit, maybe the writing has been on the wall when it comes to her.

In the end, voting for the “lesser of two evils” may seem like the right thing to do, but I’d be lying if I said this shit wasn’t mentally draining, son. Why do the candidates for the two most visible political parties suck sooooo much, man? Forget it, though. I might just have to run for president myself. I can’t possibly be any worse than these two individuals. Good day.