‘Yanny’ Or ‘Laurel’

So, I won’t lie, son. This is one of those days where I’m allergic to real news, man. Frankly, I don’t want to talk about anything serious, fam. With that being said, let’s get to the bottom of this “Yanny versus Laurel” debacle, bruh. Side note, for those who are unaware, there’s an online debate about which name everybody hears in a particular recording. In any case, I want everyone to chime in on this banal exercise.

Now, before we continue, I need all of the good people out there to listen to the recording. Ok, are we all good now? Great. So, what is the consensus, folks? Is the voice saying “Yanny” or is the voice saying “Laurel?” Look, the answer is clearly “Laurel,” son. On the real, if anybody actually hears “Yanny,” then they also probably think that Santa Claus is real and that Tupac Shakur said “Suge shot me” on “Bomb First (My Second Reply).” Listen, let’s not be contrarians for the sake of being contrarians, man.

In the end, I’m up for the pointless argument, fam. So, who out there thinks the audio actually says “Yanny?” Let’s fight it out, bruh. Ultimately, it’s a cloudy Wednesday and I have nothing better to do, son. All in all, let’s get to the shenanigans, man. Good day. LC out.

Advertisements

How Does Spotify Choose Who To Ban?

So, before I begin, let me make one thing clear: I am in no way caping for XXXTentacion or R. Kelly in this post. Frankly, if both of them got the Thanos Infinity Gauntlet treatment, I’d be perfectly fine with that. In any case, I’m only bringing them up because Spotify‘s new “Hate Content & Hateful Conduct” policy is a little weird, son. I mean, why were those two particular artists picked out? In addition, what does that mean for other similarly-accused artists? Lastly, will any of these changes actually stick?

Ok, for those who missed it, here’s what’s going on. So, based on their new policy, Spotify is removing the music of R. Kelly and XXXTentacion from their playlists. Now, their songs will still be available on the streaming service, but they won’t be visibly promoted. Apparently, this is a way for them to choose who they support, based on their “values.”

Now, in theory, I see what Spotify is trying to do here. Look, both XXXTentacion and Kelly have been accused of some heinous deeds, man. Shit, XXXTentacion has had a myriad of legal issues, including the alleged assault of a pregnant woman. In addition, we ALL know what Kelly has been accused of, fam. Now, here’s my thing: why were these two artists selected? Hell, if we’re being real here, A TON of musicians have been accused of some dastardly shit, bruh. So, where do we draw the line exactly? Is Spotify going to remove EVERY artist that’s been accused of something? If so, it’s going to be SUPER quiet for all of their playlists, son. Keeping it a buck, a lot of these musicians are just terrible people, folks.

Side note, can Black people NOT pull the race card in this circumstance? On the real, I HATE when our community does that, man. Look, I just saw Akademiks try that shit on social media. Listen, can we not use racism as a way to protect abusers, rapists and murderers? Ok, yes, I know there’s a double standard when it comes to justice. However, I’m not about to march or take a stand for a certified dirtbag, fam. It just is what it is, bruh.

In the end, I’m just trying to understand what the end game is, son. Ultimately, Spotify has to come up with a clear methodology on how to choose who to ban, man. Also, I wonder if they can even maintain this initiative long-term. By and by, I’m not necessarily mad at them for removing XXXTentacion and R. Kelly. At the end of the day, I just want to know how far they’ll try to take this and if it’ll actually work. That is all. LC out.

A Letter To ‘Black Panther’ Haters

Dear Black Panther haters,

Eat a diiiiiiiiiiiiiiick, son! On the real, y’all are nothing but a bunch of miserable carpetbaggers who want to fuck up a good thing. All I know is, is takes a special level of loser to launch a campaign designed to ruin a movie’s approval rating. With that being said, I’m glad that Rotten Tomatoes caught on to the bullshit, man. All in all, there ain’t no way to stop this Wakanda parade, fam. It’s T’Challa over everything, bruh!

Ok, before I continue, let me get this straight, son. So, y’all really formed a Facebook group with the intention of giving Black Panther a bad score on Rotten Tomatoes? Wait, y’all tried to do this nonsense before with Star Wars: The Last Jedi? Why? Because y’all are angry about the critical response to those trash ass DC Comics movies? Man, if y’all don’t get the FUCK outta here! Look, there wasn’t a conspiracy to flame those terrible Warner Bros.-produced movies. They were just awful, fam. Man of Steel sucked. Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice sucked. Justice League sucked. Now, NONE of this is anyone’s fault but Warner Bros., bruh. Real talk, if they made better movies, no one would be trashing them, folks.

In the end, you paint-sniffers can go back to whatever hole y’all climbed out of. Your hate won’t stop this train from rolling, son. Right now, we’re about two weeks away from the Black Panther premier, and we can’t wait, man! Ultimately, the revolution will be televised in IMAX, fam. By and by, y’all should either get down or lay down. There’s no other choice, bruh. That is all.

Sincerely,

A dude who’s about to show up to AMC Theatres with kente cloth on when Black Panther drops

These Sex Dolls Are Out Of Control!

So, what the fuck is going on, son? Like, is this what we’re really doing, man? Look, are folks trying to tell me that dudes are giving up on real women, fam? Listen, all I want to know is, when did sex dolls become the wave, bruh? I mean, variations of them have been around for eons. All in all, what’s going on in society and technology that this has become such a trend? All I can say is, we’re living in some strange ass times, people.

Ok, I was inspired to write this because of social media. Basically, over the last few weeks, I’ve been seeing more and more posts about a new brand of sex dolls for men. Listen, shit started getting real when a doll named Shakira started making rounds on the internet. Side note, I would normally put hyperlinks to articles on my site, but I ain’t tryna get caught out there dispensing porn, son. Then again, is it porn if it’s a doll? See, I don’t know what the fuck is happening out here, man! In any case, Shakira became notable because of how “she’s” shaped. Essentially, she has a big ass and big ass titties and dudes are losing their fucking minds over it.

Moving on, more and more pictures of dolls have been invading my Facebook, Instagram and Twitter timelines, fam. Wait, what kinda pervs am I following, bruh? Seriously, why is my IG Explore Page filled with this shit, folks? Hmm, I may need to reevaluate who I associate with. Anyway, these dolls are making news because they’re all shaped like chicks who dance in Magic City and King of Diamonds. So, is that all men need, son? Anything that looks like a fat ass? It doesn’t even need to be human ass? *Sigh* I’m fucking LOST out here, man!

Listen, even if we take away the companionship of a real woman, these dolls are going to have obvious deficiencies, fam. Like, can Shakira throw that ass back? Can Shakira ride? Can Shakira give that oral yahmean? Hell nah, bruh! On the real, if they could do all of that, then we’d need to worry about the rise of Skynet, folks. In that reality, sex would be the least of our worries. Coming back, dudes are really trying to fuck a balloon that’s shaped like a stripper? Sheesh, I don’t even know what to say, son. Times like these really give credence to the phrase “truth is stranger than fiction.”

In the end, shit like this is why I’m happy to be married, man. Keeping it a buck, these dating apps already seemed like a daunting enough task for me. Now, guys out here aren’t even trying to entertain talking to women. Ultimately, people say “don’t kink shame,” but fuck that, fam! I’m ABSOLUTELY judging any man who actually buys one of these things! By and by, instead of buying a doll called Shakira, go find a real Shakira and see if she’s down for the getdown. At the end of the day, I’m 100% positive it’ll be more fun that way, bruh. That is all. LC out.

Who The F*ck Is Eating Tide Pods?!

Real talk, why are teenagers so damn dumb, son? Like, I did A TON of idiotic shit as a teen, but I swear, this new breed is on some other shit, man. On the real, why would ANYONE think it was a good idea to eat a Tide Pod? Fam, those things are literally designed to scrub dirt off of clothes. Does that sound like some shit that would do good things to intestines? *Sigh* All I know is, teens shouldn’t be ending up in the hospital for something so ridiculous.

Ok, for those who missed it, teenagers have found a new way to be nonsensical. Apparently, teens have been posting videos of themselves biting into laundry pods all over social media. As expected, these misguided kids have been coughing, foaming at the mouth and even getting poisoned, in a few cases. As a matter of fact, according to the American Association of Poison Control Centers, 39 poisoning calls have already been placed in the new year. Keep in mind, we’re only 18 days into 2018, bruh.

Listen, I may be a grown ass man now, but I wasn’t a teenager that long ago, son. Back then, all I worried about was hollering at chicks and drinking brown liquor. Shit, that was risky enough, man. Where the hell does detergent come into the equation, fam? Good Lord, there are MILLIONS of ways to have fun that don’t involve possible death, bruh. These young muhfuckas need to find a sport or find a real hobby, folks. I mean, I’m pretty sure video games still exist, people.

In the end, teenagers need to cut the bullshit, son. Ultimately, there isn’t a noble way to write “he died from eating a Tide Pod” in an obituary, man. By and by, all of these “challenges” need to stop too. Well, unless it’s something like a “Parallel Park Without Hitting The Car Behind You” challenge. Hell, I know all of these kids would fail that shit, fam. LC out.

What Happened To Kenneka Jenkins?

So, to be real, I keep reading stories about Kenneka Jenkins and I still don’t feel like I know anything, son. Like, no matter what article I come across, I’m still clueless about what led to this young woman’s death. As it stands, no concrete information has surfaced about her demise. All I know is, Teresa Martin deserves to know what happened to her daughter. Real talk, I don’t know if foul play was involved, but the truth needs to come to the light, man. All in all, Jenkins’ story is thoroughly unsettling, fam.

Now, for those who missed it, I’m going to try and condense this wild story. So, the entire situation unfolded over this past weekend. On Friday, Jenkins left her Chicago home to go party at the Crowne Plaza Hotel. During the course of the night, she spoke with her sister and even seemed to appear in a Facebook Live video. Around 3 a.m., she was seen walking around drunk on a hotel camera near the front desk. Around 4 a.m., her friends called her mother to tell her that they couldn’t find her. Fast forward to 12 a.m. on Sunday, Jenkins was found dead in an industrial freezer in the hotel.

Moving on, the main issue here is that we don’t know what happened between the time she was seen on camera and when her body was discovered. As of now, social media is in an uproar, with everyone offering analysis of what they think happened. Naturally, everyone wants to know what her friends know. How did they lose track of her? What was she doing before she disappeared? Who are all of the people in that Facebook Live video and what do they know? Did Jenkins’ body have any noticeable injuries? On the real, we’re all speculating and we legit don’t know shit, man!

Keeping it a buck, I can’t automatically say that foul play was involved. Not because it isn’t a possibility, but because we don’t have enough facts to make any judgment calls. Shit, we don’t know if someone hurt her or if she just stumbled into the freezer. Either way, the situation is super tragic, man. In any case, her friends do need to start talking, though. Someone has to know something about her untimely demise, son. In my eyes, I wouldn’t be surprised if some freak accident happened and these teenagers tried to cover it up. All I can say her, Jenkins’ autopsy can’t come soon enough, fam.

In the end, Rest In Peace to Kenneka Jenkins. Ultimately, it’s truly sad that she died so young, man. As a 32-year-old man, I couldn’t imagine leaving this world at 19. Shit, our lives are just getting started at that age, son. In addition, as a father, I couldn’t imagine losing a child is such a manner, bruh. By and by, I just hope this isn’t a mystery that remains unsolved. LC out.

Let’s Talk About Quantasia Sharpton

So, let me get straight to the point, son. On the real, I don’t give a fuck if Quantasia Sharpton is big, man. Look, I’d bet money that a lot of dudes with the worst jokes have the most questionable history with sexual partners. With that being said, who cares if Usher Raymond has an affinity for big girls. In any case, instead of judging Sharpton for her weight, we should be talking about the idea that she may be a liar, fam. All in all, parts of her story ain’t adding up, bruh.

Now, for those who missed it, Sharpton is the first person to publicly sue Usher. She alleges that she met him at one of his concerts and had sex with him after the show. Anyway, despite the fact that she admits she doesn’t have herpes, she’s suing Usher for not disclosing his status. Shit, she even hired notable lawyer Lisa Bloom to make it real, son. Apparently, the shitshow has officially begun, man.

Moving on, this is where shit gets silly, fam. Outside of the fact that she doesn’t have herpes, her old Facebook and Twitter messages are starting to make noise. On Facebook, she recently claimed that she needed some money and then wrote “enjoying my last couple of hours as a regular girl.” Next thing we know, she’s holding a fucking press conference, bruh. To make matters worse, she’s previously accused August Alsina of fathering her child and even bragged about sleeping with Kirko Bangz. Man, this girl sounds like she’s just out here trying to finesse people, son.

Fam, what’s the real story here? Is this woman just looking for attention? I mean, if she’s lying, why would she even want this kind of energy around her? Frankly, she ain’t gonna get no money from fairy tales and all of her business is going to get exposed. From my vantage point, this looks like a stupid ass move, son. By and by, these five minutes of fame aren’t worth it, Quantasia.

In the end, Sharpton’s dress size is irrelevant, man. If a big girl isn’t a virgin, then that means someone is hitting it, son. Shit, let’s all grow up here, fam. The real story here is the potential lying that Sharpton may be doing. Ultimately, if she’s just trying to capitalize off of a bad situation, then she deserves to be dragged to the depths of social media hell, bruh. All I know is, this Usher shit just keeps on getting worse, folks. LC out.