Julia Roberts Ain’t Nobody’s Harriet Tubman

So, on today’s episode of Folks Be Doing The Cotdamn Most, we get one of the most laughable stories I’ve ever heard. Look, I couldn’t make this story up if I tried, son. Now, according to Gregory Allen Howard, the screenwriter for Kasi LemmonsHarriet, a studio executive once wanted Julia Roberts to play Harriet Tubman. *Sigh* Let me say that again, man. Once upon a time, a Hollywood exec wanted Roberts, a whole White woman, to play one of this country’s most-notable African-Americans. All I know is, I’m at a complete loss for words, fam.

Ok, for those who are unaware, a Harriet Tubman movie has been on the docket since the early 1990s. Now, back in 1994, Howard was already tasked to write the film’s screenplay. In any case, during a meeting about the movie, this unnamed exec floated the idea of getting Roberts to play Tubman. Moving on, when everyone in their right mind said “homie, you wilin’,” the aforementioned exec replied “it was so long ago, no one is going to know the difference.”

Now, I don’t even know where to begin with this story, bruh. I mean, I can’t even express in words how preposterous that idea was, son. Listen, Hollywood has SUCH a lack-of-faith in Black stories that they’ll do ANYTHING to whitewash it, man. Fam, on what planet is it cool to have a White woman play a Black woman who freed other Black people from slavery?! Like, what? What?! All I can say is, I’ll be down for a White Harriet if they’ll be down for a Black Elvis with dreads and a spliff. So, who’s ready for the shits now, bruh?

In the end, I’m a little ashamed of myself, son. Ultimately, I’m surprised that I can still be surprised by some of the fuckity-mcfuckery that happens in this country, man. By and by, situations like this are why I’m a firm believer in minorities controlling our own stories. At the end of the day, we can’t depend on outsiders to do right by us, fam. The way I see it, allies are ALWAYS great. But, we also need to determine our own destinies. That is all. LC out.

Quincy Jones Doesn’t Give A F*ck

Listen, old people don’t give a flying fuckity-fuck, son. I swear, once people make it past “retirement age,” they do and say whatever the hell they want, man. All I know is, Quincy Jones DEFINITELY fits into that category, fam. Real talk, the legendary producer recently did interviews with GQ AND with Vulture. Needless to say, he let ALL of the hot takes go, bruh! All in all, I can see people having issues with some of his statements. However; his sit-downs with these well-known publications were HIGHLY entertaining, folks!

Ok, let’s just skip the formalities, son. On the real, I simply want to get straight to the fuckery, man. Now, in regards to the tomfoolery, I want to do something a little different, fam. Keeping it a buck, I want to go through some of Jones’s most ear-catching stories in bullet format. With that being said, here’s some of the shit that made me go “oh shit”:

1. Jones claims to have 22 girlfriends all around the world. In addition, despite being 84 years old, his women apparently range between 28 and 42. Now, even funnier, those ages are part of an agreement between him and his daughters. Look, this is a wild motherfucker, son!

2. When he was down with Lionel Hampton‘s band, they allegedly used to buy dope from Detroit Red. Now, this is notable because the man formerly known as Detroit Red eventually became Malcolm X. Sheesh, that’s some wild shit, man!

3. Jones claims that Ray Charles convinced him to try heroin for a few months. In addition, Charles’s addiction was apparently so bad, he used to have a guy shoot dope directly into his nuts. Look, if that story ain’t true, then Jones has the CRAZIEST imagination, fam!

4. Apparently, after the infamous James Brown concert where Prince embarrassed himself in front of Michael Jackson, Prince tried to run over MJ with his limousine. Bruh, that’s fucking HILARIOUS! I swear, Prince was always the king of petty. This is part of the reason why I’m still a huge fan of his.

5. Jones asserts that MJ’s monkey, Bubbles, hit his daughter Rashida. Now, hurting a child is never funny, but come on, son! Only MJ would get into some shit where his pet monkey hit a kid. Good Lord, Mike was a cotdamn legend but a weird ass dude, man!

6. Jones maintains that Taylor Swift is a bad songwriter, that Elvis Presley couldn’t sing and that The Beatles were terrible musicians. Listen, I can see A LOT of people being upset by these claims, but what the fuck can they say to Quincy Jones, fam? I mean, he’s a legend among legends, bruh. Just deal with it.

7. Jones said that Marilyn Monroe‘s breasts looked like pears. On the real, I don’t know why that’s so funny, but I laughed REALLY hard when I read that, son.

8. About twelve years ago, Jones allegedly dated Ivanka Trump. Now, in his own words, she had great legs, so OF COURSE he had to do it, man! Real talk, this man has been a dog, by his own admission, for DECADES!

9. Last but not least, Jones claims that Marlon Brando smashed James Baldwin, Richard Pryor and Marvin Gaye. Now, I’m not surprised by Baldwin. Hell, I’m not even surprised by Pryor. Look, Pryor has made jokes about his sexuality and his widow even confirmed the story. However; Gaye through me for a loop, fam. All in all, this tale doesn’t make one bit of difference to me. But, it’s bugged out how casually Jones said it, bruh. Shit, it’s almost as if he looked at the interviewer crazy for not knowing this information. At the end of the day, Jones has seen EVERYTHING, people!

In the end, long live Quincy Jones, son! Ultimately, that’s a wild ass dude, man! All I can say is, I can read/listen/watch his interviews all day, fam. By and by, shout-out to GQ and Vulture for getting him to let off these shots. That is all. LC out.