A Post Of Jokes For Folks Mad About A Black Mermaid

So, I won’t lie, son. Real talk, I can’t even pretend like I’m surprised, man. I mean, anytime there’s an opportunity, bigots are going to dig into their bigotry bag, fam. In any case, this The Little Mermaid shit is especially preposterous. Like, really? Really, folks? We’re seriously out here debating the race of a fictional character? *Sigh* I guess it’s time to get these jokes off, bruh.

Ok, for those who missed it, Disney just brought out the prejudice in a number of people. Now, Halle Bailey, one half of the Beyoncé-signed sister duo Chloe x Halle, was cast as Ariel in the upcoming live-action version of The Little Mermaid. Anyway, on paper, Bailey definitely has the chops to kill this role. I mean, she’s a credible actress, as seen on Grown-ish, and she’s an incredible singer. So, this should be a layup, right? Well, not according to a bunch of racists on social media, son.

Now, from the minute news went out, the hate train started rolling, man. Shit, whether we’re talking about the #NotMyAriel hashtag or the “Make Ariel White Again” group on Facebook, an unfortunate faction of people started to attack Bailey’s race. Apparently, a fictional character, who is also an imaginary entity, cannot be Black. All I can say is, are folks fucking serious, fam?!

Listen, to begin, Ariel is a fucking mermaid, bruh. Last time I checked, MERMAIDS AREN’T REAL, SON! Hell, this is like when Megyn Kelly and company legitimately tried to argue the race of Santa Claus on Fox News. Seriously, are certain White people so insecure, they need fake characters to validate themselves? Fam, we’re talking about a cotdamn mermaid who’s friends with a Jamaican crab and gets her voice box taken by an octopus in a dress. That’s the fight these folks are trying to fight, man? For God‘s sake, don’t these people have more important shit to worry about? Are they paying their mortgages on time? Did their children eat for dinner? Like, the ethnicity of Ariel is not the hill to die on, brethren.

In the end, I need everyone to understand something: if the race of Ariel causes a person to say bad shit about Black people, then they’re racist. Ultimately, there are no ifs, ands or buts about it, son. By and by, if White people weren’t pissed about the casting of Gods of Egypt, then shut the fuck up. If they weren’t pissed about Fisher Stevens playing Ben Jabituya in Short Circuit, then shut the fuck up. If they weren’t pissed about Scarlett Johansson playing a fucking Japanese cyborg in Ghost in the Shell, then PLEASE shut the fuck up. Side bar, I love Scarlett Johansson, but that’s neither here nor there. At the end of the day, race only becomes an issue in casting when White people don’t get the role. So, these folks can kiss the crack of every minority ass, man. That is all. LC out.

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‘The Lion King’ Isn’t About Beyoncé

So, let me keep it a buck, son. On the real, I know I’m treading dangerously with this post, man. However, as a lifelong The Lion King fan, I feel like I have to take a stand, fam. Listen, I know everyone loves Beyoncé, but the fact is, The Lion King isn’t about her character, Nala. With that being said, I really don’t like how much more attention she’s getting than the rest of the cast.

Ok, for those who are living under a rock, Disney is releasing a live-action version of the classic film. Now, I think it’s safe to say that this movie is star-studded, bruh. From Beyoncé to Donald Glover to Seth Rogen to Chiwetel Ejiofor to James Earl Jones, the big guns came out for this joint, son. Shit, they even got Jon Favreau directing it, man. Side note, I can’t explain how happy I am that Jones is still voicing Mufasa, fam. I mean, no one else is worthy enough for the role, brethren.

In any case, the film sounds fantastic on paper, son. But, as promotion for the movie has started to ramp up, I’ve noticed that Beyoncé is getting a lot of the shine, man. Like, anytime I look on social media, I see people talking about Beyoncé. Next, I read a report that she’s adding her own original song to the flick. Hell, even outlets like Complex are giving Beyoncé her own billing on their sites. All I know is, her character isn’t even close to being the star of the show, fam.

Look, let’s be frank here, bruh. If we’re going by the original film, Nala’s in like three scenes, son. First, Simba convinces her to go to the elephant graveyard and shenanigans with the hyenas ensue. Next, a whole heap of years later, she finds Simba in the wilderness with Timon and Pumbaa. Finally, she helps Simba take down Scar, reclaim Pride Rock and then becomes his bride. Now, in total, that’s like 15 minutes of airtime, man. So, how does any actress playing that role become the focal point of the press campaign, fam?

Listen, I’m not going to sit here and pretend like I know how the movie is going to turn out. All in all, the live-action version could very well end up being a play-by-play remake of the original. All I’m saying is, based on Beyoncé’s coverage, it looks like the powers that be are trying to position her as the lead. In my eyes, that would be a complete disservice to the masterpiece that was/is the 1994 version of the film.

In the end, I want to make myself perfectly clear, son. Ultimately, I’m not trying to hate on Beyoncé. Real talk, I would feel the same way if it were anyone else. The truth is, I’m just a diehard fan of the original movie. By and by, I don’t want Disney to fuck up a classic just to capitalize off of Beyoncé’s fame. The way I see it, the plot is already perfect, man. So, I just hope they stick to the script and do the film justice, fam. At the end of the day, I’d be devastated if they fuck this up. That is all. LC out.