Trump & Putin, Sitting In A Tree…


For today’s post, I’d like to tell everyone a love story. This is a tale about the deep-seated and unshakable love between Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin. It all began when the Russian president gushed about how “bright and talented” the GOP presidential nominee supposedly is. This adoration was reciprocated when Mr. Build That Wall praised Putin for being a leader, “unlike what we have in this country.” Now, I’m an advocate for love, so I don’t care who falls in love with who. However; when someone’s love fest begins to interfere with our democracy, now, we have a MAJOR problem, son.

To keep things short, I already mentioned Russia’s possible involvement in our election process in a previous post. Apparently, it was the folks in Putin-Land who leaked the Democratic National Committee‘s emails and exposed the plot to derail Bernie Sanders‘ presidential campaign. Since it’s good for business to see the Democratic party in disarray, of course Trump would jump at the chance to roast his opponents. Now, if Trump simply decided to make fun of the left-wing for looking stupid, that would be one thing. But noooooo, there’s no way he would stick to some semblance of normal behavior. Trump took it one step further and encouraged the Russian government to hack into Hillary Clinton‘s network and find her 33,000 “missing” emails.

So, just to be clear, the Republican nominee for president wants a foreign government to illegally hack into another American‘s email system? Taking this one step further, a presidential hopeful wants a country we’ve had a contentious history with to influence who becomes our next leader? Sooooo, he’s essentially condoning espionage? Isn’t that one of the fundamental definitions of treason, son? What in the flying fuck is happening around here, bro? Even if he wants to claim he was “joking,” he can’t make those type of jokes when he’s trying to run the cotdamn country. Then again, if Trump is so worried about transparency, why doesn’t he ask Putin to hack into his tax returns? Oh, maybe because it’ll expose why they’re so in love with each other in the first place. Of course, that last part is only speculation, but it would surely explain a couple of things, son.

Look, ultimately, I’m just tired of the tomfoolery, man. I can’t think of any other election that’s been this ridiculous. Literally, every single day some new event occurs that defies common logic. Our political system is broken and I’m not sure how to fix it. We might just need to lock the entirety of Washington, D.C. in a basement bunker and start over. My brain is more weary than my body, son. Good day.

Feel The Bern… Of The DNC’s Emails

Well, well, well! What do we have here? Good ol’ politicians up to their normal brand of tomfoolery, son. I guess one day is all I get in regards to not talking about some shenanigans going on in the world. But alas, here I am, ready to tackle the nonsense that is Debbie Wasserman Schultz, Hillary Clinton, Bernie Sanders and the Democratic National Committee.

Now, for those who missed it, Wasserman Schultz has decided to step down from her post as the Chairperson of the DNC. This move comes after WikiLeaks ruined everyone’s weekend and leaked email exchanges between Wasserman Schultz and other members of the DNC. In these conversations, a variety of nefarious characters attempted to conceive of ways to derail Bernie Sanders’ bid for President. This was done, of course, to benefit their preferred pick, Mrs. Clinton. So, you mean to tell me, Bernie’s “crazy” ramblings about the system being rigged against him weren’t so preposterous after all? Ok, look, I’m no fool, son. I’m not naive to the idea of inner political machines cranking, unbeknownst to the general public. Conspiracy theories aren’t new to the political landscape, but c’mon son, this is waaaaaay too blatant, man. Why on Earth would these fools talk so openly about messing with the “democratic” process? Oh, so apparently, questioning Sanders’ Jewish heritage and threatening to “expose” him as an atheist is a premier example of the “fair” and “just” campaign system. All to impress some Southern Christians? Get the flying fuck out of here, bruh.

Listen, here’s my thing about this entire ordeal. It doesn’t really matter whether or not Bernie had a legitimate chance of winning the nomination. When American citizens go out and vote in all of these elections, we’d like to believe we’re contributing to a system that is being somewhat upfront with us. To inadvertently discover the “powers that be” are so willfully trying to circumvent the choice of the people is disheartening. To be real, though, I’m not even sure why I’m acting like I’m surprised by all of this. But damn man, no one really wants to believe the views of the people are useless. With that being said, it should come as no surprise that Bernie supporters aren’t with the shits at the Convention right now. How can anyone reasonably ask people to be onboard with the Democratic platform when we caught prominent members of the party with their hands in the cookie jar? The DNC can blame Russia all they want to for possibly leaking the emails, but maybe they should focus on the fact the emails were sent in the first place. Side bar, to be fair, Russia potentially meddling in our shit is a big problem, man. Someone tell Vladimir Putin to keep his ass on the sidelines, son. We don’t care if him and Donald Trump ride tandem bikes together.

In the end, I honestly don’t know what to say, man. Democracy is on some bullshit right now. I mean, I’m pretty sure it was always on some bullshit, but at least more seasoned politicians had the wherewithal to not have their foolishness so overtly out in the open. At this point, I’m not sure how anyone can feel justifiably okay with any of these Presidential candidates. I might as well just pack my family up and move to Barbados. Prime Ministers are looking a lot better than Presidents these days. Well, except for the folks running things over in England. That’s all I’ve got for today, good people. Adios.