Fraud, As Told By Ja Rule

Oh my god, this is terrible. Could somebody please find Ja Rule, get ahold of this motherfucker, so I can make sense of all this? Where is Ja?

So, as usual, Dave Chappelle said it all, son. All I know is, I laughed way harder than I should’ve while watching that Fyre documentary on Netflix. Real talk, the Fyre Festival was one of the biggest scams I’ve ever seen, man. Now, before watching this doc, I already knew that a ton of fuckery went down. However, I was thoroughly baffled to see how much nonsense Ja and Billy McFarland tried to get away with. Furthermore, I was confused about how people fell for this shit. All in all, this entire saga was a glorious train wreck, fam.

Ok, for those who missed it, the failed Fyre Festival is back in the news. As of right now, there are two documentaries making their rounds on streaming services. First, there’s the aforementioned Fyre doc on Netflix. In addition, there’s the Fyre Fraud doc on Hulu. Keeping it a buck, I can only speak on the Netflix joint since I don’t have Hulu. Anyway, while watching the footage with my wife, I was blown away by this whole operation, bruh. I mean, this idea was doomed from the start, son. Frankly, I have no idea why anyone went along with this bullshit, man.

Now, where do I even begin, fam? Look, there was NO way McFarland and company could pull any of their promises off, bruh. Shit, McFarland lied to people about EVERYTHING. Like, he had no island, no luxury lodging, no headlining acts and no one to tell him to chill. But, he always found a way to get folks to invest more of their money, son. Hell, all it took was a co-sign from Ja, Kendall Jenner, Bella Hadid, Emily Ratajkowski and Chanel Iman. From there, people were ready to commit, man. All I know is, there was never a time where this festival would even remotely work, brethren.

Keeping it a buck, I have a hard time feeling sorry for people, son. Ok, yes, I feel terrible for the Bahamian folks who were taken advantage of. Side note, shout-out to the GoFundMe campaign that raised close to $200,000 for MaryAnn Rolle. After taking a HUGE loss for trying to feed people during the festival, it appears that she’s been made whole again. In any case, that’s where my sympathy stops, man. Seriously, anyone who fell for the “villa tent” mirage is an idiot, fam. Like, I saw someone write “will my tent have an outlet” in an email to McFarland. No, dumbass! Folks should’ve been happy with ham sandwiches and FEMA tents. That’s all McFarland had for them, bruh.

In the end, Ja Rule needs to be honest, son. Ultimately, false advertising is the same as fraud, man. By and by, Billy McFarland and Ja finessed folks with Joanne The Scammer-like precision, fam. At the end of the day, I have no clue how Ja skated, bruh. I mean, he got hit with a class action lawsuit, but he’s not facing prison time like McFarland. *Sigh* At least I can still hold onto Ja’s first three albums, folks. He’s been up to nonstop tomfoolery ever since. That is all. LC out.

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Shut Up, Faizon Love

So, let’s play a quick game, son. It’s called Irrelevant People Do Weird Shit For 5 Seconds Of Attention. All I know is, Faizon Love currently has the high score in this game, man. Look, his unfounded criticism of Dave Chappelle just REEKS of desperation, fam. Hell, maybe I’d be bitter too if everything I did was inconsequential, bruh. All in all, Love needs to go somewhere with his pathetic hate, folks. At the end of the day, his opinion, like his career, doesn’t really matter.

Ok, for those who missed it, Love decided to jump out of the window over Dave Chappelle. Now, it seems as if Love has been on a crusade to prove that Chappelle doesn’t deserve his accolades. Why? Who the fuck knows, son. All I can say is, he’s stating his opinions as fact, man. However; he can’t back up any of the horse shit coming out of his mouth. Listen, when it comes to arts like comedy, fandom is subjective. But, discrediting another person’s rise to the top is some whole other shit, fam. With that being said, this is where Love needs to sit the fuck down, bruh.

Now, the fuckery began when Love insinuated that Chappelle was a Hollywood creation. Off top, that’s a bunch of nonsense, son. Look, when Chappelle’s Show began on Comedy Central, he barely had a budget, man. Fam, there were numerous interviews where Chappelle talked about the show’s humble beginnings and how the network didn’t necessarily believe in it at first. Real talk, it wasn’t until the success of that first season that Comedy Central put more muscle behind the program. Anyway, that brings me to my next point, bruh.

Listen, no one can deny the influence of Charlie Murphy on Chappelle’s Show. However; the idea that he alone made the show funny is pure nonsense, son. Like I previously said, there was an ENTIRE first season of the show before Murphy’s “True Hollywood Stories” segments about Rick James and Prince. On the real, Murphy brought a lot of classic material to the program, but Chappelle was killing the game beforehand, man.

Next, let’s talk about Love’s comparison of Chappelle and Kevin Hart. Now, like I said before, comedy is subjective, fam. However; the idea that Chappelle is a Hollywood invention and Hart is not is fucking LUDICROUS, bruh! Look, I’m a big fan of Hart’s stand-up specials. But, is Love trying to tell me that the guy who’s in Jumanji with The Rock isn’t being backed by Hollywood? Man, get the FUCK outta here, son! Keeping it a buck, NONE of Love’s hot takes make any sense, folks.

Look, let me explain what’s going on here, people. Now, when I think about Love’s career, the first thing that pops up is Friday. After that, I briefly remember him on The Parent ‘Hood. After that, I can’t think of anything else until the recently-released The New Edition Story. Basically, he’s been in the game for decades and has barely made a wave, son. So, it makes sense that he’s hating on all of Chappelle’s accomplishments. It makes sense that he’s bitter that Chappelle got $60 million from Netflix. It makes sense that he’s bitter that Chappelle just won a Grammy. Real talk, those who can’t do go on The Breakfast Club and hate. By and by, it’s a full-blown sucker move, man.

In the end, I hope Love does something with his momentary spotlight. Ultimately, that man doesn’t speak for me, son. He really had the nerve to claim that Chappelle never made Black people laugh. However; as a Black dude who hangs out with mostly Black people, that’s a bunch of bullshit, man. *Sigh* Maybe if Love had more shit going for him, then he wouldn’t be worrying about another man’s success. Well, let me go back to my regular life, fam. Which doesn’t include even remotely thinking about Faizon Love. That is all. LC out.

Et Tu, Louis C.K.?

So, I pride myself on being objective, son. Like, that’s one of the most important things in the world to me, man. In my eyes, the only way to be truthful in this life is to be objective, fam. Otherwise, we’ll just hang onto our own biases and ignore any evidence to the contrary. With that being said, I’d be a hypocrite if I didn’t call out Louis C.K., bruh. I mean, despite the fact that he’s my second favorite comedian of all time, the allegations against him are disheartening, folks. *Sigh* All in all, not even he is safe from getting this work, people. In any case, let’s just get to it.

Ok, for those who are unaware, I’m a HUGE comedy fan. Whether we’re talking about sitcoms, cartoons or movies, I’m down for it all, son. Anyway, keeping it a buck, I’m a stand-up comedy buff more than anything, man. Now, when I say I’m a real fan, I mean to the point that I seriously considered doing open mics myself, fam. All I can say is, thank God I decided to do a blog instead, bruh. Moving on, that’s what brought Louis C.K. to my attention. I discovered him on an episode of Comedy Central Presents and I’ve been a diehard fan ever since. Frankly, outside of Dave Chappelle, Louis is my favorite comedian ever.

Listen, being real, I gave all of that background so I could illustrate to everyone how crushed I was when I heard about the allegations against him. Apparently, according to The New York Times, he has an affinity for (unwarrantedly) masturbating in front of women. So far, five women have accused Louis of randomly pulling out his member and jerking off in their presence. Now, that would be cool if they asked for it, but none of these women were onboard for his advances, son. *Sigh* I guess Louis is just another example of Hollywood fuckery, man.

Now, instead of denying the allegations, Louis confirmed the tomfoolery, fam. In a statement released by his publicist, Louis admitted to abusing his power. According to him, he previously thought his actions were okay because he asked the women first. However; he now realizes that he placed these ladies in an impossible situation. These women were just trying to advance their careers and Louis took advantage of them. Instead of helping them further themselves in the business, he tried to get himself laid, bruh.

In the end, fuck, man. Why did Louis have to go and mess everything up, son? I mean, the drop is already happening, fam. So far, FX and HBO have ended their respective relationships with him. In addition, several premieres for his new movie, I️ Love You, Daddy, have been cancelled. Listen, why do so many famous people behave this way, bruh? Like, they can get ass if they want to, people! Just wait for the woman who’s down for the action. Ultimately, all I can do is shake my head. That is all. LC out.

Amy Schumer Ain’t Even Funny, Though

Ok, before I begin, let me make one thing clear: women should be paid the same as men. I mean, it’s only right that women receive equal pay for equal work, son. Now, despite that fact, people are BUGGING if they think that Amy Schumer deserves the same payday as Dave Chappelle and Chris Rock. All I know is, Schumer isn’t comparable to them and it has NOTHING to do with gender, man.

So, for those who missed it, word came down that Schumer renegotiated her contract with Netflix. This apparently came about after she discovered what Chappelle and Rock were paid for their respective stand-up specials. Look, I’m all for everyone getting their money, but the idea that Schumer is on the same level as those two legends is laughable at best. Now, when I say laughable, that’s definitely in STARK contrast to Schumer’s comedy. See, she’s just not funny, fam. Like, at all, bruh. Listen, it isn’t hyperbole when I say I’ve NEVER laughed at one of her jokes, son. Shit, I’m just being honest, man.

Now, if we take my bias out of the question, let’s just look at some facts here. Chappelle’s recent specials served as a return to form for the comedic hero. After YEARS away from the scene, his two Netflix specials were presented as his return to the limelight. All in all, why on Earth would Schumer be paid the same as him? Fam, she has NEVER shifted culture the way Chappelle or Rock have! Simply put, she’s never been in the same stratosphere as them.

Keeping it a buck, equal pay is definitely a real issue in our society. However; I don’t think this Schumer situation is an example of that. Bruh, she can’t be mentioned in the same breath as Chappelle or Rock, and it has nothing to do with her being a woman. Frankly, she hasn’t put in enough work to be considered amongst their ranks. In my eyes, paying her the same as them would be a disservice to Chappelle’s and Rock’s respective legacies. Simply put, they’ve been doing this A LOT longer (and A LOT better) than she has.

In the end, I hate when people inject social issues into irrelevant circumstances. Ultimately, Schumer’s situation isn’t an equal pay issue, man. By and by, her body of work just doesn’t stack up to theirs. Hell, she even admitted as much, son. Listen, facts are facts, fam. It just is what it is, bruh. LC out.

Damn, Darkness: RIP Charlie Murphy

Damn, son. *Sigh* All I can do is shake my head, man. On the real, Rest In Peace to Charlie Murphy. Cancer has taken yet another victim, bruh. Now, contrary to what some news outlets might say, Charlie was way more than Eddie Murphy‘s older brother. In fact, he was a master storyteller, a quick-witted verbal flame thrower and a dude who was hilariously menacing. All in all, we lost a great talent and his legacy should be celebrated.

Now, maybe I’m dating myself, but my first real memory of Murphy was in the movie CB4. Yeah, I know he was in a few films before that, including a couple of Spike Lee joints, but I vividly remember him as Gusto. Look, I got endless joy out of watching him terrorize Albert (Chris Rock). His aggression was always funny and it made every scene entertaining to watch.

Moving on, as time progressed, he found himself on every visual medium imaginable. However; no one will ever forget his role on Chappelle’s Show. Listen, everything he did with Dave Chappelle on that show was gold, son. EVERYTHING, man! Whether we’re talking about “Charlie Murphy’s True Hollywood Stories” or “The Mad Real World” or the “Player Hater’s Ball,” Murphy created nothing but classic material, fam.

Ok, keeping it a buck, Chappelle may be the greatest comedian of all time. With that being said, the most memorable material from his show might actually be Murphy’s stories about Rick James and Prince. Think about that for a second, man. That’s how great Murphy was. Even legends like Chappelle and his brother Eddie knew how phenomenal Charlie was. As Eddie always said, Charlie was “his best impression.”

In the end, Murphy deserves his respect. He put in the time and the effort to be considered an icon. Now, let’s celebrate his memory by slapping a “habitual line-stepper” and then eating a plate of pancakes. RIP Charlie Murphy!

P.S. Prayers up to Murphy’s children. Due to his untimely demise from leukemia, his kids are now technically orphans. Unfortunately, Murphy’s wife, Tisha Taylor, died from cervical cancer in 2009. I swear, cancer might be the worst thing to ever plague humanity, man. That is all.

This Is Why Donald Trump Supporters Are Stupid

To begin, no, I don’t feel sorry for calling an entire group of people stupid. Since I’m not Hillary Clinton, I don’t have to apologize for calling folks a “basket of deplorables.” Look, maybe if I say it this plainly, Donald Trump supporters would understand how bad they got conned. Now, while I believe a good number of politicians lie with their campaign promises, most of them at least have the wherewithal to keep the front going. Our President-elect is literally having a “Thank You” victory tour and flatly telling his supporters he was bullshitting about a lot of his rhetoric. In all honesty, if I wasn’t so frightened by a Trump administration, I’d be laughing my ass off right now.

Now, during the Pennsylvania stop of this stupid ass tour, Trump basically let the cat out of the bag in regards to his campaign platform. If we go back to the presidential race, besides his non-specific “Make America Great Again” slogan, Trump continuously talked about “draining the swamp.” Throughout the course of the campaign, he promised his supporters he would rid Washington, D.C. of corruption and remove the influence of Wall Street and other lobbyists from government. Fast forward to today, if anyone with a brain took one look at his cabinet, they’d know he already duped his followers. So far, he’s stocked his team with nothing but bankers, oil men and Nazi, excuse me, alt-right enthusiasts. These moves alone should be enough to show his true intentions, but at his latest rally on Thursday, he took it a step further.

So, during his speech, when Trump brought up his infamous “drain the swamp” slogan, he freely admitted he thought it was corny. In reality, he only kept saying it because he kept getting applause from the crowds. Moving on, Trump literally said the words “I said it like I meant it.” Good fucking Lord, man! He’s literally in a room full of people who voted for him and told them he didn’t mean one of the central themes of his campaign. The only thing crazier than that is the fact people in the audience kept cheering and clapping. Are people that damn dumb, son? Seriously, are Trump supporters that idiotic?! He even said he used to claim the system was rigged, but stopped because he won and doesn’t care anymore. Wow! Fucking wow, man! Like, I couldn’t make this shit up, son! He OPENLY admitted to being a liar and these fools keep clapping for him. It’s fucking mind-boggling!

In the end, I’m a very firm believer in what I said, man. Anyone who voted for Donald Trump is a dumbass. At this point, the man is directly telling people he lied to them and they still won’t turn away from him. Like Silky Johnson said, “I hope all the bad things in life happen to you and nobody else but you.” I’m out.

P.S. I didn’t even touch on the fact that Trump keeps “thanking” African-Americans for supporting him by not voting. In his warped mind, he truly believes that since a few people weren’t sold on Clinton, that automatically meant they were in his corner. I wonder if Kanye West, Jim Brown and Ray Lewis are listening to this bullshit. This is what he really thinks about the Black community, son. Thanks for being pawns in his little game, sellouts. One.

Dave Chappelle + A Tribe Called Quest = Classic!

So, I know what some people may be thinking, son. Just a few posts ago, I was hard on Dave Chappelle. He said some fuckity-fuck shit during a standup routine and I had to call him out on it, man. Nobody is safe from being ridiculed, bro. That’s what I call “checks and balances.” With that being said, in that particular post, I also mentioned how huge of a fan I was, and still am, of Chappelle. So, I was more than thrilled to watch his performance on the most recent episode of Saturday Night Live. When we add two impassioned performances from A Tribe Called Quest, it’s safe to say we all witnessed a night for the books, man.

Now, we all know there was no way Donald Trump could become president and Dave would stay mum on the issue. This topic, along with the political landscape at large, was discussed in his opening monologue and the “Election Night” sketch. In these scenarios, he, with some help from Chris Rock, expressed not being surprised by Trump’s election. Furthermore, he implored the president-elect to give the disenfranchised people of this country a fair shot to prosper. Shit, at this point, that’s all any of us want, son. In addition, Chappelle spoofed the Negan beat down from this season of The Walking Dead. However; instead of the show’s actual cast of characters, Tyrone Biggums, Clayton Bigsby, Silky, Chuck Taylor and “Lil Jon” served as the would-be victims. Do I even need to explain how huge, and hilarious, this is, man?! No, I didn’t think so!

Moving on, when it comes to ATCQ, the legendary Rap group used both performances to pay tribute to their fallen co-founder, Phife Dawg. Not to be left behind, Busta Rhymes and Consequence joined in on the festivities, reminding everyone of why the Native Tongues representatives are icons in the first damn place. Side note, everyone needs to go listen to their newest, and final, album, We Got It from Here… Thank You 4 Your Service. The group was able to make a swan song that’s unmistakably them, but without sounding dated. Thank you, Newborn Baby Jesus!

In the end, it’s a celebration, bitches! Now, instead of me simply paraphrasing the greatness of this SNL episode, I’ll just let the clips speak for themselves. Enjoy yourselves! Nothing else needs to be said, son. Good day.