Amy Schumer Ain’t Even Funny, Though

Ok, before I begin, let me make one thing clear: women should be paid the same as men. I mean, it’s only right that women receive equal pay for equal work, son. Now, despite that fact, people are BUGGING if they think that Amy Schumer deserves the same payday as Dave Chappelle and Chris Rock. All I know is, Schumer isn’t comparable to them and it has NOTHING to do with gender, man.

So, for those who missed it, word came down that Schumer renegotiated her contract with Netflix. This apparently came about after she discovered what Chappelle and Rock were paid for their respective stand-up specials. Look, I’m all for everyone getting their money, but the idea that Schumer is on the same level as those two legends is laughable at best. Now, when I say laughable, that’s definitely in STARK contrast to Schumer’s comedy. See, she’s just not funny, fam. Like, at all, bruh. Listen, it isn’t hyperbole when I say I’ve NEVER laughed at one of her jokes, son. Shit, I’m just being honest, man.

Now, if we take my bias out of the question, let’s just look at some facts here. Chappelle’s recent specials served as a return to form for the comedic hero. After YEARS away from the scene, his two Netflix specials were presented as his return to the limelight. All in all, why on Earth would Schumer be paid the same as him? Fam, she has NEVER shifted culture the way Chappelle or Rock have! Simply put, she’s never been in the same stratosphere as them.

Keeping it a buck, equal pay is definitely a real issue in our society. However; I don’t think this Schumer situation is an example of that. Bruh, she can’t be mentioned in the same breath as Chappelle or Rock, and it has nothing to do with her being a woman. Frankly, she hasn’t put in enough work to be considered amongst their ranks. In my eyes, paying her the same as them would be a disservice to Chappelle’s and Rock’s respective legacies. Simply put, they’ve been doing this A LOT longer (and A LOT better) than she has.

In the end, I hate when people inject social issues into irrelevant circumstances. Ultimately, Schumer’s situation isn’t an equal pay issue, man. By and by, her body of work just doesn’t stack up to theirs. Hell, she even admitted as much, son. Listen, facts are facts, fam. It just is what it is, bruh. LC out.

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Damn, Darkness: RIP Charlie Murphy

Damn, son. *Sigh* All I can do is shake my head, man. On the real, Rest In Peace to Charlie Murphy. Cancer has taken yet another victim, bruh. Now, contrary to what some news outlets might say, Charlie was way more than Eddie Murphy‘s older brother. In fact, he was a master storyteller, a quick-witted verbal flame thrower and a dude who was hilariously menacing. All in all, we lost a great talent and his legacy should be celebrated.

Now, maybe I’m dating myself, but my first real memory of Murphy was in the movie CB4. Yeah, I know he was in a few films before that, including a couple of Spike Lee joints, but I vividly remember him as Gusto. Look, I got endless joy out of watching him terrorize Albert (Chris Rock). His aggression was always funny and it made every scene entertaining to watch.

Moving on, as time progressed, he found himself on every visual medium imaginable. However; no one will ever forget his role on Chappelle’s Show. Listen, everything he did with Dave Chappelle on that show was gold, son. EVERYTHING, man! Whether we’re talking about “Charlie Murphy’s True Hollywood Stories” or “The Mad Real World” or the “Player Hater’s Ball,” Murphy created nothing but classic material, fam.

Ok, keeping it a buck, Chappelle may be the greatest comedian of all time. With that being said, the most memorable material from his show might actually be Murphy’s stories about Rick James and Prince. Think about that for a second, man. That’s how great Murphy was. Even legends like Chappelle and his brother Eddie knew how phenomenal Charlie was. As Eddie always said, Charlie was “his best impression.”

In the end, Murphy deserves his respect. He put in the time and the effort to be considered an icon. Now, let’s celebrate his memory by slapping a “habitual line-stepper” and then eating a plate of pancakes. RIP Charlie Murphy!

P.S. Prayers up to Murphy’s children. Due to his untimely demise from leukemia, his kids are now technically orphans. Unfortunately, Murphy’s wife, Tisha Taylor, died from cervical cancer in 2009. I swear, cancer might be the worst thing to ever plague humanity, man. That is all.

This Is Why Donald Trump Supporters Are Stupid

To begin, no, I don’t feel sorry for calling an entire group of people stupid. Since I’m not Hillary Clinton, I don’t have to apologize for calling folks a “basket of deplorables.” Look, maybe if I say it this plainly, Donald Trump supporters would understand how bad they got conned. Now, while I believe a good number of politicians lie with their campaign promises, most of them at least have the wherewithal to keep the front going. Our President-elect is literally having a “Thank You” victory tour and flatly telling his supporters he was bullshitting about a lot of his rhetoric. In all honesty, if I wasn’t so frightened by a Trump administration, I’d be laughing my ass off right now.

Now, during the Pennsylvania stop of this stupid ass tour, Trump basically let the cat out of the bag in regards to his campaign platform. If we go back to the presidential race, besides his non-specific “Make America Great Again” slogan, Trump continuously talked about “draining the swamp.” Throughout the course of the campaign, he promised his supporters he would rid Washington, D.C. of corruption and remove the influence of Wall Street and other lobbyists from government. Fast forward to today, if anyone with a brain took one look at his cabinet, they’d know he already duped his followers. So far, he’s stocked his team with nothing but bankers, oil men and Nazi, excuse me, alt-right enthusiasts. These moves alone should be enough to show his true intentions, but at his latest rally on Thursday, he took it a step further.

So, during his speech, when Trump brought up his infamous “drain the swamp” slogan, he freely admitted he thought it was corny. In reality, he only kept saying it because he kept getting applause from the crowds. Moving on, Trump literally said the words “I said it like I meant it.” Good fucking Lord, man! He’s literally in a room full of people who voted for him and told them he didn’t mean one of the central themes of his campaign. The only thing crazier than that is the fact people in the audience kept cheering and clapping. Are people that damn dumb, son? Seriously, are Trump supporters that idiotic?! He even said he used to claim the system was rigged, but stopped because he won and doesn’t care anymore. Wow! Fucking wow, man! Like, I couldn’t make this shit up, son! He OPENLY admitted to being a liar and these fools keep clapping for him. It’s fucking mind-boggling!

In the end, I’m a very firm believer in what I said, man. Anyone who voted for Donald Trump is a dumbass. At this point, the man is directly telling people he lied to them and they still won’t turn away from him. Like Silky Johnson said, “I hope all the bad things in life happen to you and nobody else but you.” I’m out.

P.S. I didn’t even touch on the fact that Trump keeps “thanking” African-Americans for supporting him by not voting. In his warped mind, he truly believes that since a few people weren’t sold on Clinton, that automatically meant they were in his corner. I wonder if Kanye West, Jim Brown and Ray Lewis are listening to this bullshit. This is what he really thinks about the Black community, son. Thanks for being pawns in his little game, sellouts. One.

Dave Chappelle + A Tribe Called Quest = Classic!

So, I know what some people may be thinking, son. Just a few posts ago, I was hard on Dave Chappelle. He said some fuckity-fuck shit during a standup routine and I had to call him out on it, man. Nobody is safe from being ridiculed, bro. That’s what I call “checks and balances.” With that being said, in that particular post, I also mentioned how huge of a fan I was, and still am, of Chappelle. So, I was more than thrilled to watch his performance on the most recent episode of Saturday Night Live. When we add two impassioned performances from A Tribe Called Quest, it’s safe to say we all witnessed a night for the books, man.

Now, we all know there was no way Donald Trump could become president and Dave would stay mum on the issue. This topic, along with the political landscape at large, was discussed in his opening monologue and the “Election Night” sketch. In these scenarios, he, with some help from Chris Rock, expressed not being surprised by Trump’s election. Furthermore, he implored the president-elect to give the disenfranchised people of this country a fair shot to prosper. Shit, at this point, that’s all any of us want, son. In addition, Chappelle spoofed the Negan beat down from this season of The Walking Dead. However; instead of the show’s actual cast of characters, Tyrone Biggums, Clayton Bigsby, Silky, Chuck Taylor and “Lil Jon” served as the would-be victims. Do I even need to explain how huge, and hilarious, this is, man?! No, I didn’t think so!

Moving on, when it comes to ATCQ, the legendary Rap group used both performances to pay tribute to their fallen co-founder, Phife Dawg. Not to be left behind, Busta Rhymes and Consequence joined in on the festivities, reminding everyone of why the Native Tongues representatives are icons in the first damn place. Side note, everyone needs to go listen to their newest, and final, album, We Got It from Here… Thank You 4 Your Service. The group was able to make a swan song that’s unmistakably them, but without sounding dated. Thank you, Newborn Baby Jesus!

In the end, it’s a celebration, bitches! Now, instead of me simply paraphrasing the greatness of this SNL episode, I’ll just let the clips speak for themselves. Enjoy yourselves! Nothing else needs to be said, son. Good day.

Et Tu, Dave Chappelle?

Look, I’m a Dave Chappelle fanatic, son. Like, an absolute Stan, man. In my opinion, he’s the greatest comedian of all time and created the greatest sketch show ever. Now, with all of that being said, all of my hero worship doesn’t mean he can’t get this work too, son. After hearing his thoughts on Hillary ClintonDonald Trump, women’s rights and the LGBTQ community, I’m forced to take the Gawd to task for the fuckity-fuck shit he said. *Sigh* With great pain in my heart, let’s do this, man.

So, over the weekend, Chappelle did a number of surprise shows at The Cutting Room here in New York. Now, while he’s been known to incorporate social and political musings in his material, I don’t think his Friday audience was prepared for his latest batch of hot takes.

To begin, let’s talk about Trump’s “grab them by the pussy” scandal. Apparently, to Chappelle, while Trump’s words were “gross,” he thought the idea of Clinton’s camp possibly leaking the Access Hollywood tape was more egregious. In addition, he didn’t agree that Trump promoted sexual assault in his rhetoric. According to Chappelle’s logic, the phrase “they let you do it” implies consent. I guess we’re just ignoring the fact that Trump literally said he’ll flat out kiss AND grab women if he finds them attractive. Nowhere in his comments did he EVER state his advances were warranted. Shit, Chappelle must have been famous for too long because even he can’t seem to wrap his mind around the fact that physical actions can’t just be taken. If the woman didn’t co-sign beforehand, it’s a no-go, son. Plain and fucking simple, man. Also, even if Clinton did release the tape, who gives a fuck, man? Out of every group Trump has offended this election cycle, it would be poetic justice if he fell on the sword of his own words.

Now, while Chappelle’s political philosophies may have been bad enough, he decided to turn his attention to women and the LGTBQ community. It appears Dave has a problem with activists discussing the issues of these particular groups in front of Black people. In terms of disenfranchisement, racism is apparently top tier and everyone else’s struggle is secondary. Good fucking Lord, Dave! Look, man, I’m one of the main people speaking about racial injustice around here, but that shouldn’t come at the expense of someone else’s fight, son. What the fuck, Dave?! Black people have a raw fucking deal in this country, but so do American Indians, women, gay people, transgender people, etc. Shit, if we’re really being real here, this country favors straight White men. Everyone else is working to gain some type of equal footing. It’s a fucking shame that Chappelle is acting like he isn’t aware of this.

In the end, maybe Chappelle has been in Yellow Springs, Ohio for too long now. He’s becoming a cantankerous older gentleman and it’s a damn shame to watch, man. Now, maybe, hopefully, I’m blowing this entire thing out of proportion. All I know is, we can’t be out here losing more of our heroes, son. Get your shit together, Dave! Good day.

Michael Phelps & Some Black Chick

“Have you ever had something happen that was so racist that you didn’t even get mad? It’s like, ‘Goddamn, that was racist.’ I mean it was so blatant, you were just like ‘Wow!'” For those who are unaware, that stream of consciousness was uttered by the immortal Dave Chappelle. See, Dave perfectly encapsulated how a lot of Black people feel on a daily basis with that statement. Various things happen in our society and all we can do is make the Kermit the Frog face. Well, that’s exactly how I felt after I saw what The Mercury News did to Simone Manuel. It was racial bias at its finest, son. Sit back and enjoy.

Now, in case anyone missed it, Simone Manuel is fucking awesome. This 20-year-old young lady from Texas made history at the Rio Olympics. This past Thursday, after her performance in the 100-m freestyle, Manuel became the first African-American woman to win an individual swimming event at an Olympic Games. Wait, let me say that again. Manuel became the FIRST African-American woman to win an individual swimming event at an Olympic Games. So, how does The Mercury News honor this woman for her historic achievement? Solely add her as the racial component of a headline about Michael Phelps. Exhibit A: the photo embedded in this post.

Look, I’m not one to hate on Michael Phelps, man. Any dude who can win more Gold medals than most of the countries on this planet is a dude who deserves to be revered and respected. However; come the fuck on, man. This woman literally accomplished something no one else has ever done and she’s referred to as nothing more than an “African-American?” This is literally White patriarchy at its most potent. The White dude gets the distinction and the top billing while the Black woman isn’t even called by her name. In cases like this, I don’t even give a fuck about an apology, man. Yeah, someone can acknowledge they did something wrong, but that doesn’t change the fact they thought it was an appropriate action in the first place. THAT’S the real issue here. If people didn’t call them out on their bullshit, does anyone think The Mercury News would have apologized for their gaffe? I certainly don’t, son.

In the end, I’d like to thank America for being America. Even during the times when Black people are representing this God-forsaken land, the country always finds a way to remind minorities we’re not viewed in the same light as everyone else. Shit, don’t even get me started on the stupid outrage surrounding Gabby Douglas, son. She’s literally out there sacrificing her body for this country and all people want to talk about is why she didn’t put her hand over her heart during the national anthem. Get the flying fuck out of here, man! From my point of view, anyone who supports Donald Trump especially needs to shut the figgidy-fuck up. Why? Just take a look at this picture, man. Exactly, son. Good day.