The Revisionist History Of Barack Obama

Ok, look, I’m well aware of the fact everyone doesn’t agree with each other when it comes to ideology. However; there’s a HUGE difference between disagreeing with someone and flat out lying about them. Now, regardless of how anyone feels about President Barack Obama, it’s clear as day that individuals like Donald Trump, Rudy Giuliani and Katrina Pierson are essentially spreading falsehoods about the president and his record. With that being said, let’s take this time to relentlessly roast these clowns.

First, let’s talk about Donald Trump, the man we all know and love. Even though he’s already tried to backtrack from his comments, this past Friday, Trump entered yet another absurd statement into the zeitgeist. During one of his campaign speeches, Trump came right out and claimed Obama was the founder of ISIS. While he tried to chalk his foolishness up to “sarcasm,” other GOP pundits attempted to lay the blame on a supposed “power vacuum” created due to Obama removing the troops from Iraq. Either way, both factions are ridiculously wrong. On one hand, I’m about tired of a presidential nominee consistently making “sarcastic” remarks. This dude is running to be the leader of the free world and all he wants to do is make fucking jokes. At this point, I can name more lame wisecracks he’s made than actual policies he suggested. Now, for the individuals who think Obama created a power vacuum in Iraq, I’d like those dummies to look up the U.S.-Iraq Status of Forces Agreement. This agreement was signed by George W. Bush in 2008 and stated that America would remove combat forces from Iraqi cities by June 30, 2009 and be completely out of Iraq by December 31, 2011. So, if Republicans want to blame anybody for the fuckery happening in the Middle East, blame GW. He’s the one who actually created the aforementioned power vacuum.

Next, let’s address my former mayor, Rudy Giuliani. During a speech on Monday, Giuliani claimed there weren’t “any successful radical Islamic terrorist [attacks] in the United States” during the eight years preceding Obama’s tenure. Son, that is literally the DUMBEST thing I’ve ever heard in my entire life. Honestly, how can this clown forget that 9/11 happened while Bush was in office? Giuliani has built his entire mythology around the false idea he was some sort of hero after the attack on the World Trade Center. However; he conveniently forgot this fact while berating Obama. This man is such a clown, son. People like him want to believe their narrative so much, they will completely ignore basic facts in order to make a point. Look, will the media stop giving this fool a microphone? Please?

Finally, I need to acknowledge the consistent tomfoolery that comes out of Katrina Pierson‘s mouth. To be honest, I have no idea what her purpose in life is, but she’s always on someone’s news network, defying common logic with her stupidity. While I don’t have time to comment on EVERY ridiculous statement she’s made, I would like to talk about her memory of the war in Afghanistan. During an appearance on CNN, she insisted President Obama was responsible for invading the country. She even went so far as to call the conflict “Obama’s war.” Here’s the thing: the war in Afghanistan began in 2001, a good eight years before Obama even made it to the Oval Office. Once again, this was yet another incident that occurred under GW’s watch. Seriously, do Republicans forget Bush was in office for eight years too? Do they not remember any of the actions he took? Look, I just want to remind everyone out there, people like her are the ones supporting Trump. In my eyes, that should tell folks everything they need to know about his candidacy.

In the end, if someone out there wants to criticize another person, at least have the decency to be factual in the attacks being made. At the bare minimum, let the hate be grounded in something that can survive being fact-checked. Otherwise, shut the fuckidy-fuck up and get off of our television screens. Good day.

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The Day Ann Coulter Went Too Far

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So, Ann Coulter finally did it, huh? She finally said something that gave conservatives ulcers and conniption fits. Honestly, I never thought I’d see this day, man. After the years upon years of top shelf tomfoolery, her own constituents finally see her for the shiny turd she’s always been. I only have one question for her former supporters? What the hell took y’all so long? In any case, welcome to the side of the rational. Apparently, today is the day Ms. Ann finally went too far. Well, depending on who you ask.

To be fair, there aren’t too many things that are off limits in this country when it comes to free speech. Anytime I take a stroll through the wonderful streets of FacebookTwitter and Instagram, I see some of the most vile comments imaginable. However; there’s one faction of people who are generally left alone by individuals with even a morsel of morals: soldiers and their families. This general rule of thumb was blatantly violated by Ann after Khizr Khan‘s speech at the Democratic National Convention. Khan, the father of deceased Army Captain Humayun S.M. Khan, ridiculed Donald Trump‘s rhetoric against Muslims, especially since his son sacrificed his life for this country. During a tour in Iraq in 2004, Captain Khan saved the lives of his troops by telling them to stay back while he investigated a suspicious vehicle. Ultimately, this vehicle was packed with explosives and claimed Khan’s life. Based on the fact Trump’s plan is to ban all Muslims from the United States, Khizr Khan painted a real life picture of the sacrifices made by members of this community.

Since good ol’ Ann is a star player on Team Trump, she decided to take aim at Khan and his wife. According to her, Khan is an “angry Muslim with a thick accent like Fareed Zacaria.” Now, there are several things wrong with this statement. First, the CNN host’s proper name is Fareed Zakaria. Second, why was his name brought up in the first place? He had nothing to do with nothing, son. Third, talking about someone’s accent is a textbook example of racism, man. His accent doesn’t sound like hers, so apparently, there’s something wrong with him. Fourth, a man’s son gives the ultimate sacrifice for the country she claims to love and THIS is what she says about his family? Man, there is literally no pit of Hell this woman won’t sink to. You know things are bad when conservatives lose their collective minds. According to John Podhoretz, he’s ashamed to have ever known her. Jerry Saltz forwarded her a picture of Captain Khan’s gravesite and Yair Rosenberg questioned whether Ann was hugged enough as a child.

To be frank, I’m confused as to why it took people so long to realize Ann Coulter is a terrible human being. She was a terrible human being when she talked about Latin America‘s imaginary “rape culture” while campaigning for Trump. She was a terrible human being when she told a disabled Vietnam vet that people like him caused us to lose the war. She was a terrible human being when she suggested making a televised sport out of torturing Arabs. I mean, the list goes on and on and on and on and on and on and on, son. She’s literally one of the most despicable people walking this planet, man. It’s no wonder she has such a deep love for Trump. They’re made for each other.

In the end, do I really have to say anything else, bruh? Ann Coulter is exactly who we think she is. She’s always been this person, and FINALLY, her own compatriots are starting to see it. Hopefully, her audience has had enough of her, man. To be honest, I was done with her about fifteen years ago. Good day.