No One Goes To IHOP For Burgers

So, I’m going to keep this post brief today, son. Long story short, IHOP needs to chill the fuck out, man. I mean, no one is going to the International House of Pancakes for burgers, fam. On the real, I don’t care how fire their new lunch and dinner options may be, bruh. All I know is, when I pull up to IHOb, excuse me, IHOP, they better have them buttermilk pancakes on deck, folks.

Ok, for those who missed it, IHOP just tried to do some quick rebranding, son. Now, in a statement released earlier this week, the company said they were changing their name to IHOb. Apparently, instead of being the House of Pancakes, they want to be known as the House of Burgers. In any case, they weren’t really serious about changing their name, man. In fact, the goal of this little experiment was to bring attention to some of their new menu items. For instance, I see there’s going to be some shit called the Big Brunch Burger with bacon, a fried egg and hash browns on top.

Listen, I’ve been going to IHOP for a long time, fam. All in all, they’ve been trying to convince us about their non-breakfast items for a minute, bruh. With that being said, let me send IHOP a message: we’re only here for the pancakes, folks! Real talk, if the meal isn’t an 80-stack of pancakes or an oversized omelette, then I don’t want that shit, brethren. Keeping it a buck, what do I look like going to a pancake house for a burger? Why would I trust IHOP to handle my burger fix when places like Shake Shack and Five Guys exist, son? At this point, IHOP needs to know where its bread is buttered, man. All pun intended.

In the end, wake me up when IHOP comes to its senses, fam. Ultimately, I will be back at their establishment, bruh. However, I won’t be there for the burgers, son. At the end of the day, they need to have that pancake batter on deck, man. That is all. LC out.

P.S. Shout-out to Burger King, Wendy’s, Whataburger and Checkers for being super petty, fam. Shit, who doesn’t love a good beef, bruh? Side note, does everyone see what I did there? Yeah, I’m fucking HILARIOUS, son! Good day.

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Wendy’s Got The Sauce

Now, before I get started, I want to give a shout-out to my boy Vince Booker. He’s the one who put me on to the swagness that is the Wendy’s We Beefin? mixtape. Side note, he also hosts a podcast called The Book of Huey and I did an episode last month. In any case, I’m not sure who runs the marketing department at Wendy’s, but that person deserves TWO raises, son! I mean, this mixtape is legitimately hard, man! From the beats to the rhymes, Wendy’s is going harder at McDonald’s and Burger King than rappers be going at each other, fam.

Ok, so, when it comes to grading the mixtape, let’s start with the beats, bruh. Now, I have no idea who made these tracks, son. However; they BANG, man! Look, who doesn’t love a good 808, fam? Shit, I know I do. Real talk, they just make everything sound awesome, folks. With that being said, the instrumentals served as the perfect backdrop for Wendy’s to get these bars off. All I can say is, McDonald’s and Burger King weren’t the only restaurants to catch this heat, people. From what I can tell, I also hear references to Wingstop and Hardee’s.

All in all, McDonald’s got the brunt of the fire, son. On the real, Wendy’s saved their best bars for Ronald McDonald, man. Hell, when I heard that “you number one? That’s a joke. Why yo’ ice cream machine always broke?” line, I legit laughed out loud, fam. When I heard that “but you hide from funk, that’s prolly why you go paint your face” bar, I scrunched my face, bruh. Listen, Wendy’s out here dissing competitors the way I wish some of these rappers would. Look, Drake and Kendrick Lamar have been dancing around each other for years, people. Frankly, they need to follow Wendy’s and just get to the shits, folks.

In the end, big ups to Wendy’s for the fire tweets and the fire mixtape, son. Ultimately, they’re the pettiest of the petty, man. By and by, everyone can listen to all of the songs on their mixtape below. At the end of the day, I’m actually upset that I didn’t make the “4 for 4$” beat, fam. That is all. LC out.