Damn, DMX

Man, folks don’t understand how much DMX‘s fall from grace bothers me. Like, that man’s music has had a HUGE influence on me, son. Real talk, if it wasn’t for Earl Simmons, I wouldn’t be a rapper, man. Shit, I would’ve NEVER tried to make my own music if it wasn’t for X, fam. With that being said, it sucks to see him constantly battle his demons, bruh. All in all, his tax evasion conviction is just another example of a dude who’s now a shell of himself.

Ok, before I continue, let me expound on how much of an X fan I am. Now, during the summer of 2000, I was bedridden with a broken leg. Moving on, all I did during that time was watch Rap City on BET. Anyway, at that particular moment, X’s “What These Bitches Want” video was my favorite thing in the world. On the real, I loved that video so much, I pondered on the various ways I could live that life. That day, I picked up a composition notebook, put on “Ruff Ryders’ Anthem” from It’s Dark and Hell Is Hot and wrote my first rhyme. Side note, I want everyone to say “yeah my name is L, and I do it well” with X’s flow. Yes, that’s how my first verse went, son.

Now, I wrote all of that to express how trash it is to see him in trouble yet again. Basically, X owes the government $2.29 million in taxes and they gave him a year in prison. So, Dark Man X is about to spend MORE time behind bars. *Sigh* I swear, these days, anytime X is in the news, he’s either gotten somebody pregnant or he’s going to jail. It’s so fucking wack, man. Keeping it a buck, I just wish this dude would gain some sort of stability. Hell, I don’t even need new music from him. I just want him to LOOK like the legend he is, fam. That is all a brother wants, bruh.

In the end, long live DMX, son! Ultimately, the guy is an icon and needs to behave as such. By and by, I’m tired of seeing him in some kind of fuckery, man. Now, since it’s almost all self-inflicted, I need him to have some accountability and make a real change. At the end of the day, as long as he’s still breathing, a change can be made. Yeah, I know that sounds philosophical, but it’s also true, fam. Good day. LC out.

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Go Watch ‘The New Edition Story’!

All jokes aside, I can’t believe BET pulled this off, son. I mean, let’s be real, man. BET has been a joke for quite some time now. They have specialized in damn near every type of coonery imaginable. However; it looks like they’re trying to get back in Black people’s good graces by releasing good content. With that being said, this New Edition miniseries is awesome, son! Like, this project was really well made, man. So far, after being locked in for the first two nights of the three-night event, I must say, from the storyline to the casting, BET got The New Edition Story right. Ultimately, this series is a dope history lesson about a group of supremely crazy ass dudes who made timeless records. People need to get onboard ASAP, bruh.

First, let’s talk about the casting, son. Whoever assembled the guys to portray New Edition is a cotdamn genius, man. To begin, I don’t care what anyone says, the kid who plays the child version of Bobby Brown MUST be related to Bobby. Shit, Bobby has a gillion kids, so I wouldn’t be surprised if that was actually his real son. Moving on, casting Hakeem Lyon, excuse me, Yazz the Greatest, excuse me, Bryshere Y. Gray as Michael Bivins is fucking brilliant, man. Their vocal inflections match perfectly. Seriously, if I’m not paying close enough attention, I really do believe Bivins is the one speaking. Lastly, Luke James is one of the few people with the vocal prowess to tackle Johnny Gill’s notes. Since these guys are actually singing the songs, they definitely needed a talented singer to handle all of Johnny’s Luther Vandross-esque vocal stylings.

Next, Bobby Brown is just good for television, son. Without a doubt, Bobby is one of the craziest dudes to ever become famous. Despite all of his talent, he couldn’t help himself when it comes to being a train wreck. He was already everyone’s crazy uncle by the time he was a teenager, bruh. He just always found himself in some bullshit, man. Keeping it a buck, I really do wonder how big Bobby could’ve been if he just remotely kept his act together. People act like he wasn’t the biggest R&B star on the planet when he was at his peak. People act like “On Our Own” isn’t a perfect fucking song. People act like Usher didn’t take a grip of his dance moves from Bobby. *Sigh* Even with the success he had, Bobby Brown still could’ve been a way bigger star. I guess we’ll never know, son.

Lastly, I think the film is doing a great job of displaying the group’s mentality. Sometimes, it’s hard to remember that a lot of this stuff happened before any of them turned 25. Hell, most of this shit happened when they were still teens. Of COURSE they were making terrible decisions, man! How smart were any of us when we were 17? Does any know why the name of this blog is “I Can’t Be Famous?” It’s because I know damn well I’d act a complete fool if I had any kind of notoriety. Lord knows what I would’ve done if I was in their position at 17 or 18. Honestly, I can’t even fault them for the bad contracts. I mean, grown ass people are STILL signing awful deals today. Ultimately, a lawyer is everyone’s best friend.

In the end, go watch this series, son. Plain and simple. Part three comes on tonight and I’m sure BET is replaying the first two parts before that. While I’m still shocked I’m promoting anything related to BET, I do give credit where credit is due. They did great work here, man. Now, let me get back to playing “You’re Not My Kind of Girl” at ignorant levels. Good day.

Let’s All Laugh At Stacey Dash

Awwww, poor Lil Tink Tink! It’s a sad, sad day when someone COMPLETELY sells out for a paycheck and STILL loses their job. With that being said, I cannot stop chuckling at the fool we call Stacey Dash. Despite all of her coonery, buffoonery and tomfoolery on Fox News, this turd still got fired from her role on the network. I guess after Donald Trump‘s victory, they no longer need their resident Uncle Ruckus.

Now, before I continue making fun of Dash, let’s go through why it’s appropriate to roast her. As anyone can see from looking at a picture of her, Stacey Dash is CLEARLY a Black woman. However; for God knows what reason, she’s made it her life’s mission to speak AGAINST issues that impact women and the Black community. On the real, it’s fucking mind-boggling, son. She literally spent her tenure at Fox News speaking against any idea of racial or gender equality. With that being said, it’s no surprise that Fox made her the token Black poster child for their Birth of a Nation-like agenda.

Look, when I say she spoke against equality, I’m not being facetious. This is the same woman who argued that we need to get rid of the NAACP, Black History Month and BET. According to her, it’s a double standard for Black people to represent themselves, and it’s akin to segregation. In saying this, she completely ignored the fact that these brands were created because we weren’t being properly depicted by the White mainstream in the first place.

Honestly, the part that makes these comments even stupider is the fact that BET was the last company to give her consistent acting work. I guess she forgot about a little show called Single Ladies, son. Then again, I don’t blame her, man. I actually forgot about that show too. Nowadays, outside of a random role here or there, this chick can’t even get a steady gig anymore. Smart move, idiot.

Moving on, Dash has also proved she’s no ally of feminism either. Now, keep in mind this is a working woman. What kind of working woman would argue AGAINST equal pay? Like, huh? What? Does she enjoy making less than men for the same work? I don’t fucking get it, son. Back in 2015, during a discussion on The Meredith Vieira Show, she actually said that the fight for equal pay was an excuse. An excuse for what? Women wanting to be compensated appropriately. How can she speak so freely against her own interests? That’s like a dude with a rotting tooth arguing against the benefits of a root canal. I refuse to believe anyone can be that stupid, son. Then again, 62 million people voted for Trump. So, what do I know?

In the end, I take immense joy in knowing that Stacey Dash no longer has a job. She shucked and jived for all of the bigots on Fox News and has nothing to show for it. At this point, maybe she can get a job cleaning toilets for BET. They’re both full of shit anyway. Good day.

P.S. This ain’t got nothing to do with nothing, but sheesh, she was so bad back in the day, son. It’s a damn shame that the Black Don’t Crack gods took their magic away when she started being a dumbass. I guess I’ll just have to relish the good ol’ days, man. LC out.

Why The Hell Do I Like Desiigner’s “Timmy Turner”?

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To be honest, I got so much heaviness off my heart last week that frankly, I don’t want to talk about anything overtly serious today. Then again, with all of the fuckety-fuck shit going on in the world right now, I’m positive I’ll need to put my cape back on and save the planet from itself in the very near future. With that being said, today’s post was inspired by my fiancée. She overheard me singing Desiigner‘s “Timmy Turner” and she flatly asked me why I liked that song. After about five seconds of straight silence, I legit didn’t have an answer for her. So, today, I’m going to try and figure this out. Why on Earth do I like that God-forsaken song?

Now, for anyone who follows me on Instagram (@icantbefamous), I’m sure you’re familiar with a video rant I had a few weeks back about Desiigner’s New English mixtape. As a musician and sincere music fan, I try to stay abreast on any artist pushing the needle of the culture. However; by taking this approach to life, I’ve listened to my fair share of pure basura. After listening to Desiigner’s mixtape, I wanted to kick puppies off of bridges, have someone shoot a BB gun at my nuts and do a backflip into a piranha tank. Bruh, that was 30 odd minutes of some of the worst shit I’ve ever heard in my entire life. Most of the songs were under 3 minutes long and rarely consisted of more than a repeated chorus and maaaaaybe some semblance of a verse. Frankly, I was shocked a label of the pedigree of GOOD Music would release something of this caliber, or lack thereof. Fast forward a couple of weeks, the full version of “Timmy Turner” came out and I completely forgot what I was talking about.

If I’m going to be real, every single criticism I had for Desiigner’s mixtape is still in full effect on “Timmy Turner.” I still have no idea what the fuck that dude is talking about and the song is still basically nothing more than a chorus. However; for reasons unbeknownst to me, it all works on this song. With that being said, I still have so many damn questions, son. Why the hell is this song about a Fairly OddParents character? Why the hell does Timmy need a burner to kill everybody walking? What the hell does a “fine bitch” and BET have to do with anything? Seriously, what the hell is this song even about? I’ve already lost track of how many times I’ve said “hell” in this post, son. I’m so confused and I literally have no explanation for any of this, man. I sincerely need someone to help me make sense of all of this.

Since I’m not a hypocrite, I’ll admit I’ve been a fan of this song ever since it came out as a XXL Magazine Freshman Freestyle. Side bar, since when did a freestyle simply become nothing more than reciting the chorus of an unreleased song? Does everyone out there see what I mean? There’s absolutely no reason why I should like this song. In any case, you mix Desiigner’s dumbfounding weirdness with a melodic masterpiece of an instrumental by the legendary Mike Dean and you’ve got me, hook, line and sinker. Being someone who hated “Panda” and his aforementioned mixtape, it’s unbelievable I would like anything this guy released as much as I like this song.

In the end, I don’t think I’ve accomplished anything with this post. I’m still not sure why I jam out to this track. As I’m writing this, my fiancée is giving me the “what the fuck is wrong with you” look. Ultimately, who cares, though? Someone just tell Timmy Turner to keep it cool. Everybody walking doesn’t need to die. Now, before I go, if anyone reading this likes this song too, can you explain to me why? I’d legit like to know. Good day, folks.