Michael Flynn Done F*cked Up

Man, the incompetence of Donald Trump‘s administration is staggering, son. I mean, I could talk about the fact that he publicly discussed classified info with Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe at the Mar-a-Lago Club, but I’ll save that for another day. Side note, am I the only one who doesn’t like how Trump is having presidential meetings at establishments that benefit his business? *Sigh* Anyway, today’s target is Michael Flynn, former National Security Advisor. Now, it hasn’t even been a full month since Trump’s inauguration and Flynn has already had to step down for doing some fuck shit. The thing is, I can’t even say I’m surprised, man.

So, Flynn’s tomfoolery began when he decided to have private phone conversations with Sergei Kislyak, the Russian ambassador to the United States. That’s right, folks. Russia’s name is coming up YET AGAIN. In any case, both Flynn and Kislyak thought it was a good idea to pow wow about American sanctions against Russia. Keep in mind, their little bonding session occurred a full month before Trump even took office. Meaning, these fucktards had no business having these type of conversations under the previous administration. Now, it’s very clear that Flynn was aware of this fact because he flat out lied to Mike Pence about the nature of their communications.

To be EXTREMELY clear, I’m NO fan of Pence. However; if I were him, I’d be LIVID that Flynn was out here telling fairy tales. After believing Flynn’s assertion that nothing improper happened, Pence took to the media to defend Flynn’s name. Alas, the facade crumbled and now everyone involved is looking like a dumbass. Now, because of his insubordination, Flynn is out of a job… again. Remember, this is the same man who was previously fired by Barack Obama. Shit, he’ll be lucky if he’s trusted with the TV remote going forward. Flynn clearly has a hard time doing what he’s supposed to.

In the end, it’s a new day and Trump’s administration couldn’t wait to do some more mind-bogglingly dumb shit. I guess that’s just the nature of the beast, son. LC out.

Let’s Talk About The ‘Bowling Green Massacre’

*Sigh* Another day, another opportunity to hear some “alternative facts.” Look, I didn’t even think I had anything to write today, but here comes Kellyanne Conway to save the day. I mean, I can always count on her for some Grade A fuckery, right? In any case, all I could do was shake my head in disbelief when I heard her mention the “Bowling Green Massacre” on MSNBC. Namely because such an event doesn’t exist! Once again, Donald Trump‘s administration has made it their mission to ignore logic, facts and evidence in order to make their points.

So, Conway was on MSNBC defending Trump’s Muslim Ban. She claimed that what Trump is doing isn’t unprecedented because Barack Obama banned refugees from Iraq for six months back in 2011. Apparently, this action was taken after the arrest of “the masterminds behind the Bowling Green massacre.” Now, there are two things drastically wrong with this argument: first, Obama never instituted a six-month ban on Iraqis. In actuality, after it was discovered that two Iraqi immigrants were trying to send weapons and money back to Iraq, Obama’s administration re-vetted all incoming Iraqis. During this period, refugees were still being let into the country. There was NEVER a ban.

Second, A MASSACRE IN BOWLING GREEN, KENTUCKY NEVER FUCKING HAPPENED! Good fucking Lord, man! Bending the truth is one thing. However; this woman legitimately made up a terrorist attack that never occurred. This can’t be fucking life, man! Kellyanne Conway is in a legit position of power and she’s BLATANTLY making up information, son. These are the people who are leading our country, bruh. This type of shit should scare everyone. All it takes is one grandiose and misplaced lie to start a war with another nation. Shit, ain’t that how the Iraq War started in the first place? Whatever happened to those “weapons of mass destruction,” George W. Bush?

Ultimately, I’m losing more and more of my hair everyday, son. Well, that’s a lie since I’m already bald, but we all know what I mean, man. This administration is driving my stress level to ungodly heights. The amount of incompetence is fucking frightening, son. *Sigh* I don’t know what else to say here. LC out.

What In God’s Name Are ‘Alternative Facts’?

So, I would like to welcome everybody back to the Twilight Zone. This is a place where the newly sworn-in President of the United States makes his Press Secretary argue with the media about inauguration attendance. This is also a place where the President’s Senior Adviser gets on NATIONAL TELEVISION and speaks about “alternative facts.” Son, what fucking planet are we living on right now? Outside of the fact that Donald Trump’s administration is already spreading egregious falsehoods, we’re also witnessing something extremely dangerous. Trump is essentially trying to set up an America where no one can question his moves. Shit, our country is already starting to look like Communist Russia, man. Everyone needs to get ready.

First off, let’s start with Sean Spicer, son. Out of all of the things the new Press Secretary could’ve talked about in his first press conference, he decided to speak on inauguration numbers. Once the Trump administration got wind of the fact that the media was ACCURATELY reporting how many people showed up to the event, Trump’s goons went on the offensive. It’s now widely known that the crowd size for Trump’s inauguration paled in comparison to both of Barack Obama’s inaugurations. However; in the grand scheme of things, none of this actually matters, son. Trump is still the President, regardless of how many people came to Washington, D.C. to celebrate. With that being said, Trump STILL sent Spicer to the podium to argue about how many people came to the party. Spicer even said that Trump had “the largest audience to ever witness an inauguration, period.” I mean, as we can clearly tell, facts don’t matter, son (word to Desus Nice). C’mon son, who’s got time for evidence and proof in the first place, right?

Next, let’s talk about Kellyanne Conway. In the wake of Spicer’s meltdown, the new Senior Adviser decided to plead her team’s case on Meet the Press with Chuck Todd. Now, when Todd confronted Conway about the tomfoolery of Spicer’s press conference, she gave one of the most confusing rebuttals I’ve ever heard in my entire life. While speaking about Spicer’s BLATANTLY inaccurate statements, Conway said that he was just presenting “alternative facts.” Alternative facts? What? What?! WHAT?!? Good fucking Lord, son! Is that what we’re doing now? Instead of just saying that someone lied, we’re saying that they’ve provided alternative facts? Shit, can that defense be used in court? If my wife caught me cheating, could I tell her that I was just helping the other woman verify if her birth control worked? I mean, those are alternative facts, right? What the fuck are we talking about here? How is this acceptable, man? We really have to deal with these exorbitant lies for the next four years? Who will survive in America, son?

Look, all jokes aside, we’re in a bad place right now. Trump’s administration is already setting the stage to eliminate all dissenting voices. They’re trying to regulate everyone’s narrative and attack anyone who dares to say something different. Even when individuals have FACTS on their side, Trump is using officials as a weapon to intimidate anyone who opposes him. I know there’s been a lot of talk about Trump’s relationship with Vladimir Putin, but controlling the media is ACTUALLY something that Putin does. Our country is already being turned into Mother Russia, son. At this rate, I wouldn’t be surprised if Trump somehow made it illegal to say anything against him. These are truly scary times, man. Scary times indeed.

In the end, I don’t know, son. I still can’t believe this is our reality, man. I’d like to thank the Swing States for destroying America. When World War III occurs and those folks are laying in a sea of rubble, I hope they know they probably won’t have any healthcare to help them out. Dumbasses. I’m gone.

The Most Slanderous Moments Of Barack Obama’s Presidency

So, I guess it really is over, huh? Barack Obama’s presidency is really coming to an end, huh? Donald Trump is really about to be unleashed on us, huh? Well, since I’m an expert in laughing to keep from crying, I’ve decided to talk about some of the most slanderous moments of Obama’s presidency. Over the past eight years, he’s experienced all types of shade and downright disrespect. As a matter of fact, one of the most egregious examples came from our own President-elect. With that being said, let’s go through some of the most ridiculous things that have happened to our soon-to-be former President.

First, let’s talk about the time Barack and Michelle Obama gave each other dap and the right-wing called it a “terrorist fist jab.” Like, that actually happened, son. Back in June of 2008, while the then-Senator was running his presidential campaign, there was a Fox News panel discussion about his exchange with Michelle. Like, pundits legit sat around a table and tried to decipher giving dap, man. Seriously, I can’t make this shit up, son. Now, I’ve seen and heard plenty of stupid things in my lifetime, but this might be on the Mount Rushmore, bro. Obama’s detractors really tried ANYTHING to discredit this dude, no matter how ridiculous the tactic was. Such is life, I guess.

Next, there was Donald Trump’s eight-year crusade to prove Obama wasn’t born in America. To this day, I have no idea how the “birther movement” grew legs, man. Apparently, official documentation of his birth isn’t enough for idiots to concede the fact that he was born on U.S. soil. To be honest, I’m upset with Obama for even entertaining this foolishness. When he released his birth certificate, I personally felt like he was giving into the bullshit. Bruh, who cares what an orange-faced, fake-haired internet troll has to say? Just handle presidential business and let Trump continue to swim in his sea of nonsense. Then again, let me not say that, because Trump’s nonsense might get us all killed, son. Let us pray.

Finally, how about the persistent rumor that Obama is Muslim? Now, there’s multiple ways to look at this, son. At this point, I think it’s understood that these rumors were circulated to damage his reputation. As we all know, America has made Islam synonymous with terrorism. So, maybe, if Obama is presented as a Muslim, his haters could get him out of office, right?

Well, there’s a couple of ways to look at this. First off, Islam and Islamic radicalism are two different things. I really don’t understand why people don’t understand that. If we’re keeping it real here, in the Middle East, other Muslims are the biggest victims of Islamic radicalism. The right-wing doesn’t talk about that because it doesn’t fit their narrative. Since 9/11, there have been more terrorist attacks in America by White men than Al Qaeda and ISIS combined. However; naysayers remain mum on that issue. Second, our own First Amendment endorses freedom of religion. This constant disrespect to Islam is an affront to the First Amendment, man. In case people forgot, the American forefathers escaped religious persecution in Europe. It’s funny how that’s all folks want to do here now. It makes absolutely no sense, son. No sense at all.

Ultimately, I could’ve talked about a MOUNTAIN of tomfoolery that occurred during Obama’s presidency. Those three examples were just the first three that popped into my head, man. It goes without saying, Obama had to deal with a ton of fuckery during his eight years in the Oval Office. Wait, now that I think about it, I might super glue him to his White House desk so Trump has nowhere to set up shop. I refuse to except a Twitter fiend as my President, son. That’s all I have to say about that. LC out.

What Is The Point Of The Electoral College?

To begin, I know exactly what the point of the Electoral College is. However; as this recent election, along with the 2000 George W. BushAl Gore race, has shown us, this system is fucking bullshit, man! As it currently stands, Hillary Clinton has amassed 62.8 million votes across the country. In comparison, Donald Trump has pulled in 61.5 million total votes. Now, despite securing well over a million more votes than Trump, Clinton somehow lost the election by 74 projected electoral votes (306 to 232). Based on this result, on December 19th, the actual Electoral College is supposed to vote and confirm Trump’s presidency. So, let me get this straight, son. This woman could literally have a million MORE people on her side and still get trounced in the race? If that ain’t a sign that the Electoral College needs to go, we all must be wrong about simple mathematics, man.

Now, for those who don’t understand the Electoral College, I’ll try to give a little bit of background. I’m not going to go balls deep into the issue, but I’d like to give some insight on its purpose. So, the idea is, the Senate, the House of Representatives and three additional electors from Washington, D.C. vote for who will ultimately become the President and the Vice President. The way this vote works, all states, except for Maine and Nebraska, vote in a “winner-take-all” manner. Meaning, if a candidate has the most general election votes in a particular state, the electors from that state give all of their votes to that candidate. In addition, the number of electors per state depends on the population of that state. This is why states like New York, California, Florida and Texas have a shit-ton of electors.

With all of that being said, this system is fucking broken, son! First, the founding fathers put this system in place because they did NOT want the popular vote to choose the president. That’s a major red flag, man. Way to circumvent the will of the people, douchebags! Second, this system gives way too much power to “swing states.” Every four years, we can basically guess how most of the country will behave. California will most likely be a blue state, while Texas will most likely be a red state. Meaning, places like fucking Ohio and Iowa ultimately have the upper hand on who will win the election. Look, son, maybe it’s just me, but a couple of random states shouldn’t have that much fucking influence. If the overall country is leaning towards a particular candidate, why should we all have to suffer because a few states in the Midwest decided to do some fuck shit? It doesn’t make any sense, man! More Americans wanted Clinton as our president, bro. I don’t give a flying fuck about what people in Michigan are thinking. These swing states ruined it for all of us, son!

Ultimately, I could keep going with my Electoral College hate fest. However; I should probably get back to work. I need to make sure I acquire as much funds as possible, son. I damn sure ain’t gonna be broke during the revolution, bro. All I know is, Donald Trump ain’t my president, man. Tell his supporters to come and get me. Good day.

P.S. It’s funny, as in not funny, how Trump now praises the Electoral College after calling it a disaster back in 2012. I guess it’s only “genius” when it benefits him instead of a Black man. That is all.

No, This Isn’t Politics As Usual

So, this is another one of those posts where I need to talk to my fellow Black people. Frankly, I’m seeing a disturbing trend among some members of my community. The idea that the election of Donald Trump is just “politics as usual” is not only flippantly dismissive, but also very inaccurate. While bigotry of all forms has always been embedded in the fabric of our country, never before has someone so OPENLY embraced EVERY kind of hatred and actually made it to the most powerful seat in the world.

Now, at this point, I’m not going to run down every despicable thing Trump has ever said and done. I mean, I’ve already covered enough of that on this blog. However; I do want to reiterate a couple of key items. When we look at Trump, we’re looking at man who’s bragged about sexual assault, called the majority of Hispanics rapists and criminals, called more for “law and order” in response to the police killings of unarmed Black people, berated a Gold Star family, mocked a disabled reporter, asked to use nuclear weapons more than once and proposed a ban on Muslims. Please note, all of that happened within the last 18 months alone, son.

Keeping it all of the way real, that last paragraph doesn’t even include his history of demanding the execution of the Central Park Five in 1989, failing to pay federal taxes since I was in elementary school and fishing to discredit President Obama‘s citizenship for half a decade. Now, in case that’s not scary enough, this same man is now in control of Congress and the Supreme Court. So, no, this isn’t just politics as usual, man. This country was built on prejudice, but Trump’s lack of decorum and INCREDIBLE lack of basic intelligence is unprecedented, son.

Honestly, I could probably handle a bigot, son. However; a bigot who’s completely unaware of how his job actually works is fucking frightening, man. Anyone who doesn’t understand that is truly disconnected from what’s happening in this country. Yeah, there have been openly racist candidates before, like George Wallace and Barry Goldwater, but neither one of those clowns actually made it to the White House, man. Stop the shenanigans, son.

Ultimately, I don’t want to hear shit from anyone who doesn’t vote or participate in our political landscape. As I’ve stated before, even if people don’t completely see the value of presidential elections, if those same folks aren’t involved in down ballot or local elections, they are part of the fucking problem. Here’s an example: in New York City, our major chooses the police commissioner. The commissioner then, in turn, governs how the police department will engage with the community. I don’t want to hear anyone complain about changing the laws and punishments surrounding police brutality if they have no voting influence on the people who enact those policies. Enough of the fucking excuses, man! Let’s get to work! Good day.

P.S. Trump’s election has already caused White people to pretend like it’s the 1960s all over again. Just take a look at a couple of the racially-motivated attacks that have occurred since Tuesday. Look, I’ve said it before, man. Bigots can run up on me if they want to, but they’re going to catch this fade, son. My hand speed is impeccable, bro. I ain’t nonviolent. That is all.

I Believe In Michael Moore

Ok, ok, ok, I know what people are thinking. In yesterday’s post, I definitely said I wasn’t writing anything for the rest of the week. I lied, son. I know that’s something Donald Trump is extremely used to. If anyone feels a way about my fib, sue me. I also know that’s something Trump is intimately used to. In any case, I’d like to officially thank Michael Moore for rejuvenating me, man. After reading his “Morning After To-Do List,” I’m definitely ready to tackle the impending shenanigans and do my part to make this country what it truly needs to be.

Now, before I continue, I want everyone to actually read what Moore said. It might be a little lengthy, but it’s well worth it, son. So, here we go:

Morning After To-Do List:

1. Take over the Democratic Party and return it to the people. They have failed us miserably.

2. Fire all pundits, predictors, pollsters and anyone else in the media who had a narrative they wouldn’t let go of and refused to listen to or acknowledge what was really going on. Those same bloviators will now tell us we must “heal the divide” and “come together.” They will pull more hooey like that out of their ass in the days to come. Turn them off.

3. Any Democratic member of Congress who didn’t wake up this morning ready to fight, resist and obstruct in the way Republicans did against President Obama every day for eight full years must step out of the way and let those of us who know the score lead the way in stopping the meanness and the madness that’s about to begin.

4. Everyone must stop saying they are “stunned” and “shocked.” What you mean to say is that you were in a bubble and weren’t paying attention to your fellow Americans and their despair. YEARS of being neglected by both parties, the anger and the need for revenge against the system only grew. Along came a TV star they liked whose plan was to destroy both parties and tell them all “You’re fired!” Trump’s victory is no surprise. He was never a joke. Treating him as one only strengthened him. He is both a creature and a creation of the media and the media will never own that.

5. You must say this sentence to everyone you meet today: “HILLARY CLINTON WON THE POPULAR VOTE!” The MAJORITY of our fellow Americans preferred Hillary Clinton over Donald Trump. Period. Fact. If you woke up this morning thinking you live in an effed-up country, you don’t. The majority of your fellow Americans wanted Hillary, not Trump. The only reason he’s president is because of an arcane, insane 18th-century idea called the Electoral College. Until we change that, we’ll continue to have presidents we didn’t elect and didn’t want. You live in a country where a majority of its citizens have said they believe there’s climate change, they believe women should be paid the same as men, they want a debt-free college education, they don’t want us invading countries, they want a raise in the minimum wage and they want a single-payer true universal health care system. None of that has changed. We live in a country where the majority agree with the “liberal” position. We just lack the liberal leadership to make that happen (see: #1 above). Let’s try to get this all done by noon today. — Michael Moore

Moving on, I won’t lie as if I wasn’t fired up after reading that. The time is NOW to make major changes in the political landscape. No more can candidates from any of our parties just make empty promises with no returns. In addition, the elected officials who are already on the inside need to be held accountable for EVERYTHING they do. Voting is not where our participation ends, it’s only the beginning, man. If these politicians don’t want to put the will of the people first, then they need to get the fuck out of the way! Finally, the Electoral College needs to go, son. Once again, this old fashioned establishment royally screwed the people. Despite receiving the most overall votes, Clinton got trounced in the Electoral College, and now our president is basically the living embodiment of Lex Luthor. With that being said, we all need to be Superman, son.

In the end, I’m charged up, man! Going forward, everyone who reads this blog needs to know my writing won’t be dumbed down. I’m going for the jugular on every issue that matters, son. For those who are with it, let’s get the proceedings proceeding. For those who aren’t, sign off now! The movement doesn’t need those type of people. Good day!

P.S. I definitely see all of the protests happening around the country, man. I just have one question: did all of those protestors vote? If they didn’t, I need them to take their dumbasses back in the house. We had a chance to keep this lunatic out of the Oval Office and we failed to do our job. I’m happy to see the spirit of the people, but more of us should’ve exercised our right to vote. Six million LESS people voted for Clinton than voted for Obama four years ago. That shit made a HUGE difference, son! As of right now, we need to hold Trump’s feet to the fire and ensure he doesn’t send this country off the rails. Let’s go!

P.P.S. I’m starting to see White people get aggy in my various comments sections on social media. Look, folks better keep it cute and not try any shit in person. All I know is, Trump can’t save them from catching these hands, son. That is all.