The Revisionist History Of Barack Obama

Ok, look, I’m well aware of the fact everyone doesn’t agree with each other when it comes to ideology. However; there’s a HUGE difference between disagreeing with someone and flat out lying about them. Now, regardless of how anyone feels about President Barack Obama, it’s clear as day that individuals like Donald Trump, Rudy Giuliani and Katrina Pierson are essentially spreading falsehoods about the president and his record. With that being said, let’s take this time to relentlessly roast these clowns.

First, let’s talk about Donald Trump, the man we all know and love. Even though he’s already tried to backtrack from his comments, this past Friday, Trump entered yet another absurd statement into the zeitgeist. During one of his campaign speeches, Trump came right out and claimed Obama was the founder of ISIS. While he tried to chalk his foolishness up to “sarcasm,” other GOP pundits attempted to lay the blame on a supposed “power vacuum” created due to Obama removing the troops from Iraq. Either way, both factions are ridiculously wrong. On one hand, I’m about tired of a presidential nominee consistently making “sarcastic” remarks. This dude is running to be the leader of the free world and all he wants to do is make fucking jokes. At this point, I can name more lame wisecracks he’s made than actual policies he suggested. Now, for the individuals who think Obama created a power vacuum in Iraq, I’d like those dummies to look up the U.S.-Iraq Status of Forces Agreement. This agreement was signed by George W. Bush in 2008 and stated that America would remove combat forces from Iraqi cities by June 30, 2009 and be completely out of Iraq by December 31, 2011. So, if Republicans want to blame anybody for the fuckery happening in the Middle East, blame GW. He’s the one who actually created the aforementioned power vacuum.

Next, let’s address my former mayor, Rudy Giuliani. During a speech on Monday, Giuliani claimed there weren’t “any successful radical Islamic terrorist [attacks] in the United States” during the eight years preceding Obama’s tenure. Son, that is literally the DUMBEST thing I’ve ever heard in my entire life. Honestly, how can this clown forget that 9/11 happened while Bush was in office? Giuliani has built his entire mythology around the false idea he was some sort of hero after the attack on the World Trade Center. However; he conveniently forgot this fact while berating Obama. This man is such a clown, son. People like him want to believe their narrative so much, they will completely ignore basic facts in order to make a point. Look, will the media stop giving this fool a microphone? Please?

Finally, I need to acknowledge the consistent tomfoolery that comes out of Katrina Pierson‘s mouth. To be honest, I have no idea what her purpose in life is, but she’s always on someone’s news network, defying common logic with her stupidity. While I don’t have time to comment on EVERY ridiculous statement she’s made, I would like to talk about her memory of the war in Afghanistan. During an appearance on CNN, she insisted President Obama was responsible for invading the country. She even went so far as to call the conflict “Obama’s war.” Here’s the thing: the war in Afghanistan began in 2001, a good eight years before Obama even made it to the Oval Office. Once again, this was yet another incident that occurred under GW’s watch. Seriously, do Republicans forget Bush was in office for eight years too? Do they not remember any of the actions he took? Look, I just want to remind everyone out there, people like her are the ones supporting Trump. In my eyes, that should tell folks everything they need to know about his candidacy.

In the end, if someone out there wants to criticize another person, at least have the decency to be factual in the attacks being made. At the bare minimum, let the hate be grounded in something that can survive being fact-checked. Otherwise, shut the fuckidy-fuck up and get off of our television screens. Good day.

Please, Short-Circuit Hillary Clinton’s Mic

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Ok, I think it’s time we have a candid conversation about Hillary Clinton. There’s an ugly truth Democrats don’t want to admit about their presidential nominee: a loooooooot of people straight up don’t like her, son. The problem is, more than a few of her actions don’t necessarily help her cause at all. At this point, her email server scandal shouldn’t be news to anyone. That situation alone causes certain Democrats to flatly look over her and a ton of Republicans to call for her to be hung in Times Square. With that being said, the former Secretary of State doesn’t seem to know how to remedy her own dilemmas. Now, if anyone needs any more proof, her latest “short-circuit” should give people a clear example of her real issue.

Ever since the FBI investigation into her private email server, Clinton has been telling everyone who would listen that director James Comey said all of her statements regarding the matter have been “truthful.” However; that is definitely NOT what the director said. In actuality, he said she was “extremely careless” with her actions and couldn’t really comment on her public assertions. In addition, while she maintains the facade she never shared any classified information in her emails, Comey’s findings directly contradict that theory. Frankly, the final conclusion was the fact that Hillary’s shit stinks, but not enough for the bureau to drape her in an orange jumpsuit.

So, now that I’ve gotten all of that information out of the way, let’s talk about the elephant in the room. Honestly speaking, if this were a normal election, and if Donald Trump wasn’t a raging psychopath, Clinton would be in real danger of being unelectable. Simply combine the fact she’s been a Washington, D.C. constant since the Stone Age and a high percentage of Americans don’t seem to trust her, not a lot of folks really feel enthused to give her their vote. At this point, I can’t even recall the amount of times I’ve heard people say they’re only voting for her to prevent Trump’s bid to destroy the planet. That doesn’t sound like much faith in her candidacy, son. I truly believe if she were up against a more solid opponent, she’d be left in the dust. Hell, ain’t that what happened with President Obama all those years ago? In the beginning, no one really thought some upstart senator from Chicago could derail her campaign. Alas, eight years later, she’s still trying to get into that Oval Office, man. Shiiiiit, maybe the writing has been on the wall when it comes to her.

In the end, voting for the “lesser of two evils” may seem like the right thing to do, but I’d be lying if I said this shit wasn’t mentally draining, son. Why do the candidates for the two most visible political parties suck sooooo much, man? Forget it, though. I might just have to run for president myself. I can’t possibly be any worse than these two individuals. Good day.

Slavery, As Told By Bill O’Reilly


Seriously, Bill O’Reilly? No, seriously, Bill?! Is this guy actually for real with the diarrhea coming out of his God-forsaken mouth? Right when I thought I’ve heard just about every racist statement that could possibly be made, a fool like Bill jumps out of the window and reveals the depths of prejudice I didn’t even think were still possible. With that being said, thank you, Bill O’Reilly, for providing one of the most racist examples of revisionist history I’ve ever heard in my natural life.

Now, for those who missed it, on night one of the Democratic National Convention, Michelle Obama gave a very poignant speech about her view of America, while relating various anecdotes about her family life. In one particular passage, she brought up the fact that her, her husband and their daughters are living in a house that was built by slaves. The juxtaposition of a Black man holding the highest office in this country, when our ancestors were deprived of basic human rights, is nothing short of remarkable.

Not to be left out of this conversation, good ol’ Bill decided to jump into the fray and give Mrs. Obama a different “perspective” on these slaves who helped build the White House. While acknowledging the fact slave labor was indeed used to construct the presidential building, the Fox News “pundit” also noted that the slaves were “well-fed and had decent lodging.” Well, shit, why didn’t someone say this earlier? Being denied your freedom and having your wages given to your slave owners can’t possibly be that bad if the bosses give you a roof over your head. Besides, if these slaves worked besides free Blacks, Whites and other immigrants, who cares if their work was being exploited for the benefit of the very establishment who made it legal to profit off of their pain?

To everyone out there who is reading this blog right now, that statement actually came out of the mouth of someone with a national television show. He literally downplayed slave labor because they had clothing and housing. He even tried adding the footnote that the federal government stopped using slave labor in 1802, which is completely irrelevant because the White House was already finished by then. I’m fucking bewildered, man. It’s beyond disgusting how evil-hearted individuals are actively trying to rewrite the plight of my people. This is just as bad as those baffoons in Texas who tried to label slaves “immigrant workers” in their school textbooks. It’s bad enough we were forcibly removed from Africa and brought to this side of the world to suffer, but now our post-Diaspora ordeal is being reshapen. Let me make this clear to everyone out there: SLAVERY CAN NEVER BE JUSTIFIED!

In the end, I’m not going to sugarcoat this shit at all. Fuck you, Bill O’Reilly. Fuck you, Fox News. Fuck you to everyone who endorses anything this sexual harasser and domestic abuse enthusiast says. I’m already over this entire damn day, son. Goodbye.