Go Home, Congress, You’re Drunk

Did anyone know President Obama was responsible for the Space Shuttle Challenger disaster? Did anyone know he was responsible for the Watergate scandal? Wait, did anyone know Obama was chiefly responsible for the Great Depression in the 1930s? Well, if we all listened to the idiots in Congress, they’d probably try to convince us of all of those things. Look, just ONE day after overriding Obama’s veto of the controversial 9/11 law, Congress has suddenly had a change of heart. Now, instead of just admitting to their foolish errors, they still found a way to blame Obama for their own ineptitude. It’s so baffling to watch, son.

To start off, the 9/11 bill is a law that allows families to sue Saudi Arabia for their involvement in the World Trade Center attacks. Now, in theory, this sounds fantastic. However; there are certain complications that could potentially arise from a move like this. Namely, this could put the United States and our soldiers at risk for the same type of lawsuits. In case anyone forgot, America has a LONG history of fucking shit up in other people’s countries. So, if we start suing other nations for attacks, we could potentially be on the hook for the same tactic. Both Obama AND CIA Director John Brennan expressed these concerns.

With all of that being said, Congress heard these objections, said “fuck that” and hit Obama’s veto with the override. The Senate, for example, was so sure of itself, the vote was 97 to 1. 97 to fucking 1, man. That’s like the worst college football score ever, son. No type of “mercy rule,” bro. From there, the House followed in the tomfoolery and also passed the bill. Now, all of a sudden, Congress wants to change parts of the bill to protect our troops and blames Obama for not explaining the possible consequences. Are these people fucking kidding me, man? I swear, Republicans have made it their life’s mission to just disregard anything Obama says or does. Now, they got caught with their asses in the air and they still tried to pin it on him.

Regardless of what anyone else tries to say, it’s not his fault the Republican-led Congress didn’t think this one through. Shit, Mitch McConnell literally said “nobody focused on the potential downside in terms of our international relationships.” How on Earth is that an Obama issue? Look, if my mother told me not to touch the stove, I can’t then blame her for a burnt hand if I did it anyway. Honestly, if I tried that, I’d probably get backhanded in the mouth, man. Get these clowns the fuck out of here, son.

In the end, Congress must’ve really taken a lot of cues from Brexit. Apparently, it’s good form to overwhelmingly vote on something without doing proper research. Look, I’m no Obama apologist, but Congress blaming him for failing to do their job is ridiculous. Maybe, if they didn’t have such a hard-on for fighting him at every turn, then they would’ve made the right decision. Then again, maybe not, son. We have an ABUNDANT amount of idiots in our government. Good day.

LC’s Review Of Last Night’s Debate F*ckery

Man, my head hurts, bro. Like, I’m fairly positive my brain cells are on fire right now. What the hell did I watch last night, son? Did a presidential debate actually occur or did we all watch the premiere of a new VH1 reality show? All I know is, during the course of last night’s shenanigans between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump, I hugged my sons because this truly might be the end of days. With that being said, I’ve decided to reluctantly give everyone my review of last night’s debate, bullet point style.

1. Lester Holt Got Treated Like A Punk Bitch: Bruh, how bad of a moderator was Lester Holt? Look, I’ll always support the Black man when it comes to Dateline or the Nightly News. However; he needs to never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever moderate another debate. He never had control of the situation, son. Both candidates, ESPECIALLY Trump, frequently went over time, Holt never stopped Trump during the copious amount of times he interrupted Clinton AND Trump even interrupted him. At one point, Trump literally told Holt to wait while he rebutted a comment Clinton made. All I can say is, Holt definitely came out of this with his lip busted and reputation mangled.

2. Trump Would’ve Interrupted God Himself: Look, this dude Donald Trump has no couth whatsoever. While I’ve already mentioned the number of times he interrupted Holt, the real victim here was Clinton. During the first 26 minutes of the debate alone, Trump interrupted Clinton 25 times. 25 fucking times, man! Now, I’m no brain surgeon, but I’m pretty sure that’s not how a debate works. What the hell is the point of time limits if Trump is just going to talk whenever he feels like it? By the way, I hope Trump understands, simply blurting out words like “lies” doesn’t actually disprove any of the points Clinton made. For example, he claimed she lied about him saying global warming was an invention of the Chinese, but lo and behold, the internet found his tweet from 2012 saying exactly that. Foolishness, I say.

3. Trump’s Views On Race Relations Are Frightening: In regards to this bullet point, all I have to say is Stop and Frisk. When asked about how he would improve race relations in this country, Trump mentioned the need for more “law and order” in minority communities. Taking it a step further, he then suggested instating Stop and Frisk across the nation. Here’s the problem, though: A DISTRICT COURT JUDGE DEEMED THE PRACTICE UNCONSTITUTIONAL! A number of studies showed the method was racially biased toward stopping Black and Hispanic people. Speaking as someone who’s been stopped more than once due to this bullshit tactic, I can attest to the fact it’s highly prejudicial to minorities. Someone, please get this man the fuck out of here.

4. Trump Admitted Some Terrible Things About Himself: Now, for just one moment, let’s talk about taxes and the housing market. First, Clinton brought up the fact Trump hadn’t paid federal taxes during certain periods of time. Instead of denying it, he said it’s because he was “smart.” Next, Clinton stated that Trump was in favor of the 2008 housing market crash since it gave him the opportunity to buy more property. In response to that, Trump called it “good business.” So, let me get this straight, son. The man running for president doesn’t pay the IRS AND was in favor of the crash that contributed to the worst depression since the 1930s? IS ANYONE ELSE OUT THERE PAYING ATTENTION TO THIS SHIT?! I didn’t even mention the fact he basically admitted he doesn’t properly pay his own employees. Son, seriously, what the fuck is going on around here? How is Donald fucking Trump the Republican nominee for president? What the hell is wrong with the GOP?!

5. Trump Is Absolutely Allergic To Facts: In regards to the “birther movement” he spearheaded, Trump said he let the issue go when President Obama released his birth certificate in 2011. However; he was STILL talking about whether or not Obama was born in this country as of THIS YEAR! When Holt brought this fact up, Trump flat out refused to answer the question. Instead, he claimed credit for making Obama prove he was an American. Next, he blamed Obama and Clinton for the “power vacuum” that created ISIS, ignoring the fact that the agreement that removed the troops from Iraq was signed by George W. Bush. Hell, I already wrote about this in a previous post. Lastly, I literally heard this dude say he’s never “given much thought” to NATO. How in God’s name can Trump run this country when he’s not even familiar with our allies, man? His campaign is mind-bogglingly stupid and I have a really heard time figuring out how we got here as a nation.

Ok, I think that about does it for me today. Look, I’m still no huge fan of Clinton, but good Lord, Donald Trump is a maniac, son. For the life of me, I CANNOT understand how the polls are so close. If anyone needs proof the general public is idiotic, just examine the people who support this man. The sad part is, regardless of what happened last night, Trump’s base will probably never leave him. With that being said, I can’t stress enough how important it is to vote. Otherwise, everyone needs to start preparing for the Zombie Apocalypse. Armageddon is about to reach America really soon, son. Good day, I think.

Fun Fact: Barack Obama Invented Racism

Ok, can I ask everyone out there a question? With all of the racial tension currently bubbling in America, is it bad that Kathy Miller‘s ABSURD comments were just the laugh I needed? I mean, I’ve heard some preposterous statements in my lifetime, but Miller has reached a Jedi Grand Master level of stupid. But hey, what can I expect from a staunch supporter of Donald Trump?

Now, we do I begin? Ok, so, Kathy Miller was Trump’s campaign chair for Mahoning County in Ohio. I used the word “was” because after the barrel of fuckery she uttered during an interview with The Guardian, she promptly stepped down. In any case, what made this interview highly entertaining is the fact she believes racism didn’t exist until Barack Obama became president. In addition, she commented that she never experienced segregation and never saw the civil rights movement “as anything.” To top it all off, she claimed that Black people have always had the same opportunities as White people. For example, she referenced our “access” to the same schools as everyone else. Look, I could keep going, but it’s time to start tearing this truffle butter stain to shreds.

First, I find it incredibly odd that she stressed if Black people haven’t risen up in the last 50 years, then it’s our fault. Why 50 years, Kathy? Ohhhh, maybe that’s because we only got the right to vote about 50 years ago! Why didn’t we have the right to vote before that, Kathy? Institutional bigotry, dumbass! Racial discrimination in the voting process only became illegal in 1965. 19-motherfucking-65, man! My mother was a legit fourteen years old when this occurred. That’s how short of a time period we’re talking about, son.

Moving on, how can she claim we always had access to the same schools when SEGREGATION EXISTED?! Oh, wait, I forgot, she never experienced that. So, since some random White woman never came face-to-face with what was happening in damn near every American neighborhood, segregation must not have been real. Look, our inability to get accepted into predominantly White colleges was a fundamental reason for why HBCUwere created in the first place. Funny thing is, these same schools always allowed access to students of all races. Can these historically White institutions make that same claim? Absolutely not, son.

Lastly, I’m not even going to comment on her views about the civil rights movement. I mean, my day off from work on Martin Luther King Jr. Day is all of the proof I need, son. That man literally took a bullet for Black people, yet this woman denies the movement was even real. *Sigh* Idiocy knows no bounds, son. It honestly, truly, knows no bounds.

In the end, all I can say is, these type of people really walk the streets, man. Like, Kathy Miller is an actual human being. She isn’t someone we made up. She really breathes air and drinks water, son. With that being said, it’s mind-boggling that there are people out there who are this stupid. Shit, not only stupid, but actually in charge of organizations. Man, I wouldn’t even let this woman work the deep fryer at Kentucky Fried Chicken. Once again, this is the kind of tomfoolery Trump inspires. Need I say more? Good day.

The Revisionist History Of Barack Obama

Ok, look, I’m well aware of the fact everyone doesn’t agree with each other when it comes to ideology. However; there’s a HUGE difference between disagreeing with someone and flat out lying about them. Now, regardless of how anyone feels about President Barack Obama, it’s clear as day that individuals like Donald Trump, Rudy Giuliani and Katrina Pierson are essentially spreading falsehoods about the president and his record. With that being said, let’s take this time to relentlessly roast these clowns.

First, let’s talk about Donald Trump, the man we all know and love. Even though he’s already tried to backtrack from his comments, this past Friday, Trump entered yet another absurd statement into the zeitgeist. During one of his campaign speeches, Trump came right out and claimed Obama was the founder of ISIS. While he tried to chalk his foolishness up to “sarcasm,” other GOP pundits attempted to lay the blame on a supposed “power vacuum” created due to Obama removing the troops from Iraq. Either way, both factions are ridiculously wrong. On one hand, I’m about tired of a presidential nominee consistently making “sarcastic” remarks. This dude is running to be the leader of the free world and all he wants to do is make fucking jokes. At this point, I can name more lame wisecracks he’s made than actual policies he suggested. Now, for the individuals who think Obama created a power vacuum in Iraq, I’d like those dummies to look up the U.S.-Iraq Status of Forces Agreement. This agreement was signed by George W. Bush in 2008 and stated that America would remove combat forces from Iraqi cities by June 30, 2009 and be completely out of Iraq by December 31, 2011. So, if Republicans want to blame anybody for the fuckery happening in the Middle East, blame GW. He’s the one who actually created the aforementioned power vacuum.

Next, let’s address my former mayor, Rudy Giuliani. During a speech on Monday, Giuliani claimed there weren’t “any successful radical Islamic terrorist [attacks] in the United States” during the eight years preceding Obama’s tenure. Son, that is literally the DUMBEST thing I’ve ever heard in my entire life. Honestly, how can this clown forget that 9/11 happened while Bush was in office? Giuliani has built his entire mythology around the false idea he was some sort of hero after the attack on the World Trade Center. However; he conveniently forgot this fact while berating Obama. This man is such a clown, son. People like him want to believe their narrative so much, they will completely ignore basic facts in order to make a point. Look, will the media stop giving this fool a microphone? Please?

Finally, I need to acknowledge the consistent tomfoolery that comes out of Katrina Pierson‘s mouth. To be honest, I have no idea what her purpose in life is, but she’s always on someone’s news network, defying common logic with her stupidity. While I don’t have time to comment on EVERY ridiculous statement she’s made, I would like to talk about her memory of the war in Afghanistan. During an appearance on CNN, she insisted President Obama was responsible for invading the country. She even went so far as to call the conflict “Obama’s war.” Here’s the thing: the war in Afghanistan began in 2001, a good eight years before Obama even made it to the Oval Office. Once again, this was yet another incident that occurred under GW’s watch. Seriously, do Republicans forget Bush was in office for eight years too? Do they not remember any of the actions he took? Look, I just want to remind everyone out there, people like her are the ones supporting Trump. In my eyes, that should tell folks everything they need to know about his candidacy.

In the end, if someone out there wants to criticize another person, at least have the decency to be factual in the attacks being made. At the bare minimum, let the hate be grounded in something that can survive being fact-checked. Otherwise, shut the fuckidy-fuck up and get off of our television screens. Good day.

Please, Short-Circuit Hillary Clinton’s Mic

150901_pol_hillaryclinton-crop-promo-xlarge2

Ok, I think it’s time we have a candid conversation about Hillary Clinton. There’s an ugly truth Democrats don’t want to admit about their presidential nominee: a loooooooot of people straight up don’t like her, son. The problem is, more than a few of her actions don’t necessarily help her cause at all. At this point, her email server scandal shouldn’t be news to anyone. That situation alone causes certain Democrats to flatly look over her and a ton of Republicans to call for her to be hung in Times Square. With that being said, the former Secretary of State doesn’t seem to know how to remedy her own dilemmas. Now, if anyone needs any more proof, her latest “short-circuit” should give people a clear example of her real issue.

Ever since the FBI investigation into her private email server, Clinton has been telling everyone who would listen that director James Comey said all of her statements regarding the matter have been “truthful.” However; that is definitely NOT what the director said. In actuality, he said she was “extremely careless” with her actions and couldn’t really comment on her public assertions. In addition, while she maintains the facade she never shared any classified information in her emails, Comey’s findings directly contradict that theory. Frankly, the final conclusion was the fact that Hillary’s shit stinks, but not enough for the bureau to drape her in an orange jumpsuit.

So, now that I’ve gotten all of that information out of the way, let’s talk about the elephant in the room. Honestly speaking, if this were a normal election, and if Donald Trump wasn’t a raging psychopath, Clinton would be in real danger of being unelectable. Simply combine the fact she’s been a Washington, D.C. constant since the Stone Age and a high percentage of Americans don’t seem to trust her, not a lot of folks really feel enthused to give her their vote. At this point, I can’t even recall the amount of times I’ve heard people say they’re only voting for her to prevent Trump’s bid to destroy the planet. That doesn’t sound like much faith in her candidacy, son. I truly believe if she were up against a more solid opponent, she’d be left in the dust. Hell, ain’t that what happened with President Obama all those years ago? In the beginning, no one really thought some upstart senator from Chicago could derail her campaign. Alas, eight years later, she’s still trying to get into that Oval Office, man. Shiiiiit, maybe the writing has been on the wall when it comes to her.

In the end, voting for the “lesser of two evils” may seem like the right thing to do, but I’d be lying if I said this shit wasn’t mentally draining, son. Why do the candidates for the two most visible political parties suck sooooo much, man? Forget it, though. I might just have to run for president myself. I can’t possibly be any worse than these two individuals. Good day.

Slavery, As Told By Bill O’Reilly


Seriously, Bill O’Reilly? No, seriously, Bill?! Is this guy actually for real with the diarrhea coming out of his God-forsaken mouth? Right when I thought I’ve heard just about every racist statement that could possibly be made, a fool like Bill jumps out of the window and reveals the depths of prejudice I didn’t even think were still possible. With that being said, thank you, Bill O’Reilly, for providing one of the most racist examples of revisionist history I’ve ever heard in my natural life.

Now, for those who missed it, on night one of the Democratic National Convention, Michelle Obama gave a very poignant speech about her view of America, while relating various anecdotes about her family life. In one particular passage, she brought up the fact that her, her husband and their daughters are living in a house that was built by slaves. The juxtaposition of a Black man holding the highest office in this country, when our ancestors were deprived of basic human rights, is nothing short of remarkable.

Not to be left out of this conversation, good ol’ Bill decided to jump into the fray and give Mrs. Obama a different “perspective” on these slaves who helped build the White House. While acknowledging the fact slave labor was indeed used to construct the presidential building, the Fox News “pundit” also noted that the slaves were “well-fed and had decent lodging.” Well, shit, why didn’t someone say this earlier? Being denied your freedom and having your wages given to your slave owners can’t possibly be that bad if the bosses give you a roof over your head. Besides, if these slaves worked besides free Blacks, Whites and other immigrants, who cares if their work was being exploited for the benefit of the very establishment who made it legal to profit off of their pain?

To everyone out there who is reading this blog right now, that statement actually came out of the mouth of someone with a national television show. He literally downplayed slave labor because they had clothing and housing. He even tried adding the footnote that the federal government stopped using slave labor in 1802, which is completely irrelevant because the White House was already finished by then. I’m fucking bewildered, man. It’s beyond disgusting how evil-hearted individuals are actively trying to rewrite the plight of my people. This is just as bad as those baffoons in Texas who tried to label slaves “immigrant workers” in their school textbooks. It’s bad enough we were forcibly removed from Africa and brought to this side of the world to suffer, but now our post-Diaspora ordeal is being reshapen. Let me make this clear to everyone out there: SLAVERY CAN NEVER BE JUSTIFIED!

In the end, I’m not going to sugarcoat this shit at all. Fuck you, Bill O’Reilly. Fuck you, Fox News. Fuck you to everyone who endorses anything this sexual harasser and domestic abuse enthusiast says. I’m already over this entire damn day, son. Goodbye.