Remy Ma Just Played Herself

*Sigh* Man, didn’t I JUST give Remy Ma her just due? Didn’t I JUST proclaim that she bodied Nicki Minaj? Everything was all good less than a week ago when “ShEther” was the only diss track floating around the internet. However; just like that, Remy let Nicki back in the game, son. After the release of “Another One,” her second diss track, Remy might’ve killed her own momentum. Yeah, the song was that bad, man. It was that damn bad.

Now, ever since the weekend, everyone has wondered if Nicki would respond. In addition, social media has broken out into a civil war, with Nicki’s Barbz in a deadlock with Remy’s… Wait, what do we call Remy’s fans? Nah, I’m not being a dick, son. I’m asking a legitimate question. I have no idea what’s applicable here. In any case, I’ve seen hoards of people argue over wholly irrelevant details. Listen, Nicki’s looks, net worth and chart success have nothing to do with Rap skills, man. Anyway, people talk about hits as if “All The Way Up” wasn’t ringing off all 2016.

Moving on, instead of joining in on the festivities, Nicki has made it her mission to act as if nothing is bothering her. She’s posting pic after pic on Instagram as if we’re not looking at her with The Rock eyebrow. All I know is, filming a video with Future won’t stop the slander, son. It’s real out here on these internet streets.

With all of that being said, Remy had the upper hand, man. Well, that was until last night. I’m sorry, but this “Another One” song is weak as hell, son. The beat is meh, the flow is meh, the punchlines are meh and she makes too many references to Drake‘s “Back To Back.” Look, bringing attention to another artist’s diss song doesn’t make a new diss song any more effective. Instead of stealing Drake’s swag, she should’ve thought of more heinous shit to say to Nicki. The way I see it, Remy wasted all of her ammo in “ShEther.” It doesn’t seem like she has anything else to say about Nicki.

Ultimately, Nicki’s in a good position right now. On the real, I wouldn’t be surprised if she finally fires back at Remy. Instead of directly responding to “ShEther,” Nicki can just respond to “Another One” and catch a W. All in all, Remy’s clearly never heard the phrase “quit while you’re ahead.” Damn shame, son. In any case, back to our regularly scheduled program. LC out.

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Man, Drake Ain’t Battling Eminem

Ok, look, let’s stop the foolishness right now, son. It really doesn’t matter what Ebro Darden from Hot 97 says. There’s no way in Hell Drake and Eminem are going to battle each other. According to Ebro, he told Drake that Em was going to diss him and Drake replied that he had something for him if he does. Come on, son, I don’t believe that tall tale for a second, man. With that being said, can we put all of these hypotheticals to rest? At the end of the day, we all need to be completely honest with each other: Em would eat Aubrey for breakfast, lunch, dinner and fourth meal.

Let me start this dissertation by getting one item out of the way: popularity doesn’t matter, son. Everyone knows Drake is the most popular rapper in the world right now. However; his greatest successes don’t really compare to Em’s. Yeah, Drake has the most number-one Rap songs in history, but Em has two diamond-selling albums. Allow me to put that in perspective for a second. In the history of the world, only nine Rap albums have ever sold ten million records and Eminem has two of them. That’s some straight Adele shit, bro. So, in regards to this imaginary battle, success is irrelevant. Eminem wins that fight by default, man.

Now, let’s talk about actual skills here. In case anyone forgot where Eminem came from, he was literally bred to be a battle rapper. Don’t believe me? Just hit up YouTube and see a younger version of him royally roast a variety of opponents for the world to see. On the other hand, it doesn’t even seem like Drake considers him a rapper. In “Back To Back,” his damn near career-ending diss to Meek Mill, he uttered the words “you’re getting bodied by a singing nigga.” In addition, on “Big Amount,” his most recent guest appearance on a 2 Chainz song, he definitely said Rap is something he does “on the side.” From that mentality alone, he shouldn’t want ANY parts of the “Rap God.” After all of these years and all of the records sold, Em still writes rhymes with the focus of a broke dude trying to get a record deal. It would be asinine for Drake to pick a fight with a man who’s that dedicated to rhyming words together.

Finally, just listen to this damn song, man. I don’t care what anyone says in response to this. There is absolutely no rhyme in Drake’s catalog that can fuck with the first verse of this track. From a straight technical standpoint, it’s a genius display of wordplay, man. This ain’t rhyming to make a meme, bro. This is rhyming to make a motherfucker regret stepping into a circumference of body blows. Honestly speaking, if Drake has any real friends, they should tell him to debunk this story, even though I never believed it was real to begin with. Someone needs to save that man ASAP.

In the end, I don’t want it to seem like I’m a Drake hater here. I’m actually a huge fan of that guy’s music. Shit, “Under Ground Kings” is one of my theme songs, man. However; when it comes to Eminem, we’re talking about one of the greatest human beings to ever put a metaphor to a bass line. Also, we’re forgetting one crucial element here: if Drake didn’t want any static from Joe Budden, he damn sure doesn’t want to end up in Em’s crosshairs. Ultimately, we’ll never know, though. Drake seems to prefer taking shots at Funkmaster Flex, for God knows what reason. In any case, adios, good people.

P.S. Shout-out to my dude Kurt for inspiring this post. Yessir.

What The Hell Are Joe Budden & Drake Doing?

To start off, the fact I’m a few weeks late in regards to speaking about this subject is very telling. In all honesty, I thought the foolishness would’ve died down by now, but noooooo. Everyday, a new detail comes out about the rift between Joe Budden and Drake, and I’m more confused than I was previously. Is this what rap beef has become, man? If so, I want absolutely no parts of it, son.

Usually, when I’m speaking about a new subject, I might say something like “in case you missed it.” However; if anyone hasn’t heard about this situation yet, then I wonder if that person has access to the Internet. The only part that might be fuzzy to people is how the shenanigans began in the first place. Now, for anyone confused about this facet of the story, let me fill in the details.

To begin, Joe has a weekly podcast titled I’ll Name This Podcast Later. Right after Drake’s Views album came out, Joe took to his podcast to say Aubrey sounded “real fucking uninspired.” He also said this in a vocal tone that was so passionate, I was dying from laughter while listening to the show. From there, French Montana popped up on Instagram, playing a snippet of a new song he had with Drake, where Drake can be heard saying “pump, pump, pump it up” at the beginning of his verse. Now, for anyone familiar with rap music, they’ll probably remember “Pump It Up” was the highest charting song Joe Budden ever released. With that being said, the Interwebz lost its collective mind with speculation that Drake was coming to “Meek Mill” Joey.

Never one to back down from a lyrical challenge, Joe decided to strike first with a diss track titled “Making A Murderer Pt. 1.” After receiving no response, he doubled back and released another diss track, this one called “Wake.” For me, this is where shit starts to get extra silly, son. Instead of releasing a real rebuttal to Joe, the full version of Montana’s “No Shopping” finally came out, with Drake’s lines towards Joe on display. As retaliation, Joe put out a third diss song, “Afraid.” Finally, after another period of radio silence from Drake, Joe dropped ANOTHER diss song, this one called “Just Because.”

Ok, look, this entire feud makes absolutely no sense to me. The bars on “No Shopping” are what got this whole shindig started in the first place. Joe already released two songs addressing these lines. So, why would he send out MORE bars to re-address the same shit he already addressed? In addition, why the fuck is Drake so quiet? I don’t want to hear the “Joe Budden is irrelevant” argument I’m seeing all over social media. If his words were really that irrelevant, Drake wouldn’t have taken shots at him on French’s song, he wouldn’t have mentioned Joe’s name during a recent concert and he wouldn’t be DMing Joe on Instagram. Side bar, what part of rap beef is DMing your opponent? What part of rap beef is inviting your adversary to a concert at Madison Square Garden and daring said adversary to release 25 diss tracks beforehand for $10,000? What happened to the days when dudes actually traded real bars with one another? Memes ain’t got shit to do with lyrical ability, son. That’s why I can’t respect what Drake is doing right. He can respond to Meek, but he’s too shook to get at people like Joe and Pusha T, who’s been lighting his ass up for some time now.

In the end, rap has become so corny, man. I can’t take the tomfoolery anymore. Good thing I’ve got this Maxwell blackSUMMERS’night album in rotation, son. I might as well get my woman in the mood to drop them drawers as opposed to watching grown men act like children. Good day.