A Letter To Ari Shaffir

Dear Ari Shaffir,

So, instead of just flying off of the handle from the rip, I want to actually get a sense of what’s going on in your head. Like, I’ll never understand why some people think it’s cool to joke about death. With that being said, I’m honestly not here to talk to you about your feelings regarding Kobe Bryant. Instead, I genuinely want to know if you have a soul at all. The way I see it, no “joke” is worth coming off as a subhuman piece of sewer shit.

Ok, to be fair, you’ve been talking shit about Bryant for years. Frankly, ever since his rape charges were dropped, you’ve been VERY vocal about how you believe he got away with a crime. Now, even though you’re clearly not a fan of the man, I was still taken aback by the fuckery you spewed on Twitter and Instagram. Son, you were literally celebrating the fact that Bryant died. Apparently, his death is a “good story” and you shouted out the “hero who forgot to gas up his chopper.” Furthermore, for some reason, you thought it was appropriate to profess your hatred of the Los Angeles Lakers.

Now, keeping it a buck, I don’t even know where to begin, man. Look, as I said above, you can feel however you want to feel about Kobe Bryant. But, you fuck-face, eight other people died on that damn helicopter! Did you hate Gianna Bryant too? Did you also hate Christina Mauser? Did you hate Ara Zobayan, the Altobelli and Chester families as well? Is your hatred of one man so strong that you’re content with the demise of several teenagers and their parents? Good fucking Lord, you’re literally one of the worst fucking people I’ve ever witnessed in my life, bruh. All in all, if you think that Bryant’s death was karma, just wait until that shit comes back on you, dumbass. All I know is, I’d bet money that almost no one will cry for you.

In the end, good luck with those “jokes,” son. Ultimately, being an asshole has brought you greater visibility than any of your comedy routines, man. By and by, I hope you run into any of the family members from the people you’ve disrespected. All I can say is, sometimes street justice is the best form of justice, bruh. At the end of the day, I’m not telling you to care about Kobe Bryant. But, if other innocent lives don’t matter to you, then who’s the REAL evil person here? That is all.

Sincerely,

A dude who only knows that you exist because of Joe Rogan

RIP Kobe Bryant

Listen, let’s just skip the bullshit, son. On the real, I’m at a fucking loss for words right now, man. I mean, this story can’t be real, right? Like, are folks really trying to tell me that Kobe Bryant is dead? Fam, that doesn’t even make any fucking sense, bruh. All in all, I don’t know what else to say besides Rest In Peace to all of the folks who suddenly lost their lives yesterday.

Ok, for those who are living under a rock, tragic news just came out on Sunday. Now, according to reports, Bryant, along with eight other people, died in a helicopter crash in Calabasas, California. As of right now, no one knows what caused the helicopter to fall out of the sky. However, we do know that none of the passengers onboard survived. Sadly, in addition to Bryant, his daughter Gianna, Christina Mauser, John Altobelli, Alyssa Altobelli, Keri Altobelli, Sarah Chester, Payton Chester and pilot Ara Zobayan all perished in the crash. Needless to say, this entire situation is SUPER fucked up, son.

Look, if I’m being honest, I might be more sad about the young ones than anything else, man. I mean, death is always terrible, but it’s especially egregious when kids are involved, fam. Like, they will never have a chance to reach their full potential, bruh. Also, as a parent, I simply can’t imagine being in a situation knowing that I couldn’t save my kids. Frankly, that’s my worse fear as a father, brethren. Shit, I can’t take the idea of not being able to keep my children out of harm’s way. So, I’m fucked up just contemplating what everyone onboard might’ve been thinking in those final moments.

In the end, I’m not here to debate Bryant as a basketball player. Ultimately, we already know that he’s one of the greatest to ever lace up a pair of sneakers. By and by, I’m more upset about the fragility of life, son. With that being said, there are two lessons that I’ve taken from Kobe Bryant’s demise: one, life can truly end at a moment’s notice. Ok, yes, we all know that, but let’s be real, man. No one really expects to die prematurely. All in all, we need to live life to the fullest. Two, Bryant had an unparalleled work ethic. So, if anyone really wants to achieve something great, they better be prepared to put EVERYTHING into their craft, fam. In any case, RIP to all of people who needlessly lost their lives yesterday. That is all. LC out.