A Post Of Jokes For Folks Mad About A Black Mermaid

So, I won’t lie, son. Real talk, I can’t even pretend like I’m surprised, man. I mean, anytime there’s an opportunity, bigots are going to dig into their bigotry bag, fam. In any case, this The Little Mermaid shit is especially preposterous. Like, really? Really, folks? We’re seriously out here debating the race of a fictional character? *Sigh* I guess it’s time to get these jokes off, bruh.

Ok, for those who missed it, Disney just brought out the prejudice in a number of people. Now, Halle Bailey, one half of the Beyoncé-signed sister duo Chloe x Halle, was cast as Ariel in the upcoming live-action version of The Little Mermaid. Anyway, on paper, Bailey definitely has the chops to kill this role. I mean, she’s a credible actress, as seen on Grown-ish, and she’s an incredible singer. So, this should be a layup, right? Well, not according to a bunch of racists on social media, son.

Now, from the minute news went out, the hate train started rolling, man. Shit, whether we’re talking about the #NotMyAriel hashtag or the “Make Ariel White Again” group on Facebook, an unfortunate faction of people started to attack Bailey’s race. Apparently, a fictional character, who is also an imaginary entity, cannot be Black. All I can say is, are folks fucking serious, fam?!

Listen, to begin, Ariel is a fucking mermaid, bruh. Last time I checked, MERMAIDS AREN’T REAL, SON! Hell, this is like when Megyn Kelly and company legitimately tried to argue the race of Santa Claus on Fox News. Seriously, are certain White people so insecure, they need fake characters to validate themselves? Fam, we’re talking about a cotdamn mermaid who’s friends with a Jamaican crab and gets her voice box taken by an octopus in a dress. That’s the fight these folks are trying to fight, man? For God‘s sake, don’t these people have more important shit to worry about? Are they paying their mortgages on time? Did their children eat for dinner? Like, the ethnicity of Ariel is not the hill to die on, brethren.

In the end, I need everyone to understand something: if the race of Ariel causes a person to say bad shit about Black people, then they’re racist. Ultimately, there are no ifs, ands or buts about it, son. By and by, if White people weren’t pissed about the casting of Gods of Egypt, then shut the fuck up. If they weren’t pissed about Fisher Stevens playing Ben Jabituya in Short Circuit, then shut the fuck up. If they weren’t pissed about Scarlett Johansson playing a fucking Japanese cyborg in Ghost in the Shell, then PLEASE shut the fuck up. Side bar, I love Scarlett Johansson, but that’s neither here nor there. At the end of the day, race only becomes an issue in casting when White people don’t get the role. So, these folks can kiss the crack of every minority ass, man. That is all. LC out.

‘Grown-ish’: A Debate With My Wife About ‘Girl Code’

So, my wife and I don’t watch a ton of the same shows, but Grown-ish is something we can both agree on. In any case, last night’s episode fueled a heated debate between the two of us. Frankly, I vehemently disagreed with her rules for “girl code.” On the real, I feel like all of the characters are needlessly tripping, son.

Ok, for those who missed it, here’s a little bit of background: Zoey Johnson, the main character, used to have a crush on Aaron Jackson. During the first year of college, they flirted with the idea of hooking up, but nothing really ever happened. As a matter of fact, Zoey ended up dating a dude named Cash Mooney and now dates Luca Hall. Side note, she started dating Luca after Aaron shot his shot and she turned him down.

Moving on, Zoey’s homegirl, Ana Torres, started getting down with Aaron. The both of them neglected to tell Zoey because they were fearful of her reaction. Now, here’s where my confusion begins, man. Look, Aaron was never Zoey’s man AND they never smashed. On top of that, Zoey chose Luca over Aaron. So, where does she get off trying to dictate who can date who?

Now, my wife was like “if I ever called dibs, then the dude is off limits to my friends.” Huh? So, a woman can refuse to date a dude, not give him no ass and STILL claim him? Fam, get the flying fuckity-fuck outta here! Ana can’t possibly be breaking “girl code” if the dude never belonged to Zoey. Listen, if Ana smashed Cash or Luca, then Zoey would be well within her rights to beat the holy snot out of Ana. But, making googly eyes with a dude is not enough of a reason to lay claim, bruh. The truth is, if he was never her man, then who he fucks is none of her business, son.

In the end, I want to hear people’s thoughts on this. Like, am I bugging for thinking that Zoey is bugging? Ultimately, I don’t see how she can be upset when she didn’t want Aaron in the first place. By and by, she needs to worry more about Luca and less about who her former crush is banging. That is all. LC out.

What Are Dre & Bow Fighting About On ‘Black-ish’?

So, as the title infers, I watch Black-ish, son. Now, I may not be as caught up as my wife, but I get my chuckles here and there, man. Anyway, over the past few episodes, shit has gotten real, fam. Basically, Dre and Bow are on the verge of a divorce, bruh. All I know is, as I’ve watched the last few episodes, I keep asking myself the same question: what the fuck are they fighting about? In my eyes, their relationship is failing for the same reason a lot of relationships fail: who the fuck knows?

Ok, allow me to keep it a buck for a second, son. Now, I’ve been in a relationship for almost ten years. In addition, I’ve been married for over a year. In any case, at times, my wife does shit that annoys me. For example, she’s always mooching off of my food without permission. Needless to say, I’m SERIOUS about my grub, folks. Side note, hey, babe, don’t hit me. This is all entertainment. Ok, love you, bye. Moving on, she hates it when I walk through the house with shoes on. Essentially, there will always be little things that annoy us about our significant others. By and by, the goal is to never let those small disagreements get in the way of love.

Now, Dre and Bow seem to have passed that point, man. Look, after twenty years of marriage, every problem is exacerbated. Real talk, it appears that every slight issue they have with each other has avalanched into something that’s bigger than it needs to be. All I can say is, it’s amazing how many real-life unions falter for the same reasons, fam. Ok, yes, a number of people break up over money issues and infidelity. However, a lot of people also break up over bullshit, bruh. I mean, that’s why “irreconcilable differences” are grounds for a divorce. Shit, folks reach a point where they don’t even know what they’re beefing about and just call it quits.

In the end, I think this fictional story is a perfect example of how NOT to conduct a relationship. Ultimately, before blowing up a life together, at least figure out what the real fucking problem is, son. By and by, I’m no relationship expert, but I’ll be damned if I don’t have an answer for the “how did we get here” question. At the end of the day, I have NO intention of getting a divorce, man. Hell, my life is great. But, God forbid if it ever happened, at least I’d like to have a clear picture of why, fam. That is all. LC out.

Janelle Monáe’s Got Bars!

Yeeeeeeah, buddy! Janelle Monáe is back, son! She took time out from filming dope ass movies like Moonlight and Hidden Figures to bless us with that fuego, man. With that being said, I want to take this time to briefly talk about the two new joints she put out, fam. All in all, “Django Jane” and “Make Me Feel” showcase different aspects of Monáe’s artistry. Either way, LC has been JAMMIN’, bruh!

Ok, before I get to the Prince influences and Tessa Thompson goodness of the “Make Me Feel” video, let me talk about “Django Jane.” Now, all I know is, Monáe got bars, son! I mean, I knew she could rap from her “Tightrope (Wondamix)” track with Lupe Fiasco and B.o.B. However; she legit has punchlines on this new track, man! Look, as a rapper myself, I always appreciate good wordplay, fam. So, when I hear lines like “I cut ’em off like Van Gogh, now, pan right for the angle,” I get hyped, bruh! In addition, when I hear bars like “I got away with murder, no Scandal, cue the violins and the Viola‘s,” I can’t help but tip my cap, folks. At the end of the day, Monáe can rhyme for real, people!

Moving on, let’s speak about this “Make Me Feel” video. Now, I must say, I have a MASSIVE crush on Janelle Monáe. So, the rumors of her dating Tessa Thompson only suck because that eliminates my chances, son. Listen, I’m pretty sure my wife would say our marriage eliminates my chances, but she understands how hot Monáe is, man. Anyway, Thompson is prominently featured in the video and their chemistry has everybody talking. On top of that, the music is phenomenal, fam! Listen, when most artists attempt a Prince sound, they fuck it up. But, Monáe is able to take the Purple One’s template and make it her own. On the real, I’d bet money that he’s grooving to those guitar licks in Heaven, bruh.

In the end, what else can I say, son? Ultimately, Monáe is two-for-two with these new releases, man. By and by, I can’t wait for her Dirty Computer album, fam. Keeping it a buck, she’s one of the few artists that I truly believe is incapable of making wack shit. So, on that note, let’s jam to that new Dylan hot fire, bruh. That is all. LC out.

Let’s All Laugh At Tomi Lahren

Well, well, well, what do we have here, son? Tomi Lahren actually got herself suspended by Glenn Beck and TheBlaze. The crazy thing is, she got put on ice for the least likely comment. So, out of all of the stooooooooopid things this woman has said, her show got temporarily pulled for being pro-choice on abortion rights? Ain’t that about a bitch, bruh? Now, maybe I’m petty, but I got a good chuckle out of this story, son. After eons of regurgitating stale conservative ideals, Lahren got suspended for actually having a thought of her own. Welp, with all of that being said, I think today is a good day to make fun of Tomi Lahren.

So, Lahren went on The View this past Friday and shared some of her useless worldly analysis. Now, while speaking about women’s rights, she stated that she is pro-choice because of her desire for “limited government.” Meaning, she believes the government shouldn’t be allowed to tell women what to do with their bodies. Needless to say, that didn’t go over well with her conservative base, son. I mean, pro-life is one of the tenants of right-wing ideology, man.

For example, when Rick Santorum ran for president, he flatly said that rape victims shouldn’t be allowed to have abortions. In his words, the baby would be a “gift from God.” Shit, if that ain’t an extreme belief, then I don’t know what is, bruh. On the real, too many grown ass men are fiercely invested in what women do with their own bodies. All in all, Lahren picked the wrong fight with the wrong group of irrational people.

Now, before I continue, I’d like everyone to keep one thing in mind. This woman isn’t pro-choice because she cares about her fellow women. In fact, she used the Republican template of “limited government” to support her beliefs. So, in actuality, she thought she was riding with her home team and it backfired. That’s hilarious because it’s so idiotic, son. She thought she had allies and her constituents were like “NOPE!” At this point, maybe if she had more real thoughts of her own, then she wouldn’t have to rely on half-cooked doctrines to survive. All I know is, she continuously showcases the fact that she has no idea what the fuck she’s talking about, man. *Sigh* Go home, Tomi, you’re drunk.

In the end, no one feels sorry for Lahren, man. People with common sense already couldn’t stand her and now she’s at odds with her own peers. Way to go, champ! Good luck trying to get back in the right-wing’s good graces. She’s going to have to go extra hard with the racism, sexism and xenophobia, son. All I can say is, I’m not looking forward to the nonsense, bruh. LC out.

P.S. I find it amazing that Lahren can compare Black Lives Matter to the Ku Klux Klan, but gets suspended for this. America is a wonderful place, isn’t it? Siiiiiiiiiiiike!

Let’s Talk About The Blackity-Black Golden Globes

I’m Black, y’all, and I’m Black, y’all, and I’m Blackity-Black and I’m Black, y’all. Man, if anyone watched the Golden Globes last night, they would’ve probably heard those CB4 lyrics cycling in the background. All jokes aside, last night’s awards show was a great time for Black actors and actresses. After a year of exceptional work in both television and film, multiple Black stars were honored for their respective performances. Accolades were doled out for achievements both in front of and behind the camera. With that being said, let’s keep the party going and talk about all of our winners, son. Ohledoit!

Now, if we’re starting with television, we’ve got to give major props to both Donald Glover and Tracee Ellis Ross. First off, let’s talk about the fact that Ross is the first Black woman to win the award for Best Actress – Musical or Comedy since Debbie Allen. To put this into perspective, Allen won that award back in 1983 for Fame. To give even MORE perspective, Allen won that award before I was born and I’m in my early 30’s. Needless to say, it’s been a long fucking time, son. Ross has been killing it on black-ish for a while now. This honor is long overdue, man. Massive congrats to her.

Next, let’s talk about Donald Glover, aka Childish Gambino. This dude had an incredible night, man. Shiiiit, if we’re counting his “Awaken, My Love!” album and his soon-to-be stint as Star WarsLando Calrissian, Glover had an incredible 2016, son. In any case, not only did he win the award for Best Actor – Musical or Comedy, but his show, Atlanta, also won Best Series – Musical or Comedy.

Keeping it a buck, Atlanta and Issa Rae’s Insecure were my two favorite shows of the past year. Both Glover and Rae made shows that were unapologetically Black and dared the mainstream to get onboard. Keep in mind, when I say “unapologetically Black,” I’m not referring to any stereotypical depictions of Black people. Both shows displayed the nuances of our community and depicted the fact that we’re not all a monolith. So, with a show like Atlanta being respected, it shows us all that we don’t have to dilute ourselves for recognition.

Moving on, let’s get to these movies, son. All I know is, all praises are due to Viola Davis and Moonlight. Davis won the award for Best Supporting Actress – Drama, Musical or Comedy for her role in Fences and Moonlight won Best Motion Picture – Drama. Now, even though I believe Davis should’ve been in the Best Actress category, it’s about time Hollywood recognized she’s one of the best in the game. She’s been a deity for quite some time now, man. They’re officially late to the party, son.

Also, to keep it going, Moonlight was the best movie I watched last year. If we’re being real, homosexuality can be a taboo subject in the Black community. However; this film does any amazing job of chronicling a man’s journey through self-realization and self-acceptance. There was nothing cliché about the storyline and it’s impossible to not be emotionally invested in the characters. Side note, I love absolutely EVERYTHING about Janelle Monáe. I’d find a way to marry her if my wife wouldn’t kill me first.

In the end, while we don’t need Hollywood’s acceptance to do great work, it’s still good to see them acknowledge our awesomeness. With or without their help, we need to continue pushing OUR art forward and telling OUR stories. That’s the only real way to shape our own narrative. Once again, congrats to all of last night’s winners, man. Good day.

P.S. I hate to end this post on a critical note, but someone tell the Golden Globes that Hidden Figures and Fences are two different movies. No, White people, we don’t all look alike and we don’t all act in the same movies. That is all.

P.P.S. Shout-out to Glover again for showing love to Migos‘ “Bad and Boujee“. That song is without a doubt the most enjoyable thing on the planet right now. Rain drop… LC out.

More Dumb Sh*t From Lil Wayne

So, Lil Wayne said some more fuck shit, huh? I mean, at this point, none of us should be surprised, but it’s still stunning nonetheless. It’s amazing how one man can display such arrogance while in the depths of idiocy. Then again, we’ve all been watching Donald Trump run for president over the last year, so what do I know? In any case, let’s review the latest brand of nonsense uttered by Dwayne Carter.

Now, I could paraphrase what Wayne said, but I’d rather let everyone read what he said for themselves. During an interview with ABC‘s Nightline, the interviewer asked him about his thoughts regarding Black Lives Matter. This was his response:

“That just sounds weird. I don’t know, that you put a name on it. It’s not a name, it’s not ‘whatever, whatever’. It’s somebody got shot by a policeman for a fucked up reason. I am a young, Black, rich motherfucker. If that don’t let you know that America understand Black motherfuckers matter these days, I don’t know what it is. That man White, he filming me. I’m a nigga. I don’t know what you mean, man. Don’t come at me with that dumb ass shit, ma’am. My life matter. Especially to my bitches. I don’t feel connected to a damn thing that ain’t got nothing to do with me.”

*Sigh* I… Wait, no. No! I’m not going to do this again, man. I’ve commented on these sellout ass Black celebrities too many times now. I’ve already written about A$AP Rocky, Young Thug, Travi$ Scott and Cam Newton. Hell, I’ve even written about some other Uncle Tom shit Lil Wayne said in the past. As a matter of fact, that’s how we’re going to proceed, son. I want everyone to just go and read my “Racism, As Told By Lil Wayne” post. Seriously, either click the hyperlink or click the link at the bottom of this post. I’m completely over these clown ass Black celebrities, son. Thanks to all of them for being disgraces to the community. Good day.

https://icantbefamous.com/2016/09/14/racism-as-told-by-lil-wayne/