Nooo, Ronda Rousey Wasn’t Ready!

So, at this point, Kevin Hart‘s “She Wasn’t Ready” bit is so ingrained in my head, it was the first thing I thought of when I saw Ronda Rousey get the tomorrow knocked outta her by Amanda Nunes. Shiiiit, that’s gotta be it, right? I mean, Rousey’s career has gotta be over, right? This is now the second straight time her face got the piñata treatment, son. First, she got the business from Holly Holm, and now Nunes got her hits in. With that being said, I think it’s safe to say, happy trails, Ronda!

Now, keeping it a buck, there really isn’t much to write about this, man. I can’t turn a 48 second fight into a dissertation. Shit, as soon as the rumble started, it ended, son. Nunes came out of gate looking for blood and Rousey had absolutely no answers. I do, however, have a question for Rousey’s coach. Rousey built her career on grappling moves and submissions. Why the fuck is she being advised to box her opponents? I would’ve assumed that the ass whooping she took from Holm would’ve been enough for her team to realize boxing is a bad fucking idea. Instead, Rousey tried to put her dukes up against Nunes and got beaten like a rented mule, man. All I can say is, her team set her up for failure. Pure failure.

Ok, so, the last point I want to make is in regards to some fuck shit Rousey’s mother said. After her daughter got her ass kicked, again, AnnMaria De Mars expressed her desire to see Rousey retire. Now, that’s not the bad part. In all honesty, that would probably be the best move for Rousey. Things got weird when De Mars said “I told her that at the beginning of this thing that [she’s] smart and beautiful, let the stupid people get punched in the face.”

Wait, huh? Naaaah, son. De Mars hasn’t earned the right to have that attitude, man. As far as we’re all concerned, her daughter is the only stupid person getting punched in the face. As we’ve seen in her last two fights, her opponents actually punch her in the face quite often, son. Maybe her daughter is the dumbest of them all because she keeps getting in the Octagon to have her shit pushed in. Someone tell De Mars to go sit her ass down somewhere. Oh, and maybe she should take her daughter with her. She clearly isn’t making it in this MMA world, man. The only fighter who can take repeated head shots and still come out on top is Rocky Balboa. And did I mention, he isn’t real!

In the end, I won’t front like that Rousey-Nunes fight wasn’t entertaining, son. Shit is bad when the entire fight can fit in an Instagram video. All I know is, the only MMA fighter who’s really worth the hype is Jon Jones. I just wish that fool would stop doing dumb shit outside of the ring. Good day.

A Letter To Soulja Boy

Dear Soulja Boy,

Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you, bro? Even though you’ve always been a clown, over the past year, you’ve ascended to Jedi-levels of Ronald McDonald. At this point, you’ve probably beefed with every artist who’s more relevant than you. From Lil Yachty to Migos to Chris Brown, you’ve taken it upon yourself to let your Fuckboy Flag fly. Ultimately, all I know is, it’s time for you to disappear forever. Forever-ever.

First, you decided to beef with Lil Yachty over an Instagram chick. The funny thing is, I’m not even sure which of you is more of a loser in this situation. India Love doesn’t claim either one of you fools and y’all are out here tweaking on social media. I’m sorry, but real men don’t post screenshots of private conversations they had with other people. If you’re talking to India and Yachty behind the scenes, then keep that shit behind the scenes, man. The general public doesn’t give a flying fuck about any of this, son. Keep the fuckery under wraps, bro.

Next, you randomly decided to drag Quavo and the rest of Migos into your world of nonsense. Honestly, I’m not even sure what this conflict was about, man. All I know is, you got on IG, again, and flashed a potentially fake AK-47 for all to see. So, are you trying to convince us that you’re a goon now? Are we, the people, supposed to be scared of the dude who made “Yahhh!“? Bruh, if you don’t sit your short bus ass down. Look, I don’t even think you can spell the word “gun,” let alone actually shoot someone with one. Get the fuck outta here, man!

Finally, you decided to enter into a new conflict with Chris Brown over Karrueche, of all people. You alleged that Chris called you over liking one of Karrueche’s pictures and then proceeded to offer Chris all types of fade. Now, while Chris is no stranger to fuck shit, I have a hard time believing this tall tale. Keeping it a buck, I think you have a vivid imagination and be dreaming all of your gripes. With that being said, let me make one thing clear: no one, and I mean NO ONE, is threatened by you, son. We all saw your recent jailhouse picture, bro. When shit got real, you tensed up reeeeeeal quick. Don’t pretend to be about that life if you’re gonna piss on yourself when shit goes down. That’s not keeping it G, my dude. Not in the least.

In the end, I need you to disappear, son. Your career has run its course, man. As it stands now, you’re nothing more than a character to make fun of. I mean, I’ve been laughing at Joe Budden‘s impersonation of you for the last few days now. This is how we all view you, man. On the real, just take whatever money you have left and banish yourself to the mountains. That’s truly what the people want, bro. And that’s truly what the people deserve.

Sincerely,

A dude who actually used to jam out to “Pretty Boy Swag

2016 Killed EVERYONE!

Man, I had no plans to write anything this week. Since I’m on vacation until the New Year, I thought I could sit back and chill. But yo! What the fuck is wrong with 2016, son?! This year has killed damn near every celebrity I grew up with, man. Seriously, the last 365 days have been completely out of control. At this point, after hearing about the recent deaths of George Michael and Carrie Fisher, I’m more than ready for the year itself to be buried. With that being said, get the fuck outta here, 2016!

On the real, I’m not even sure what to write here. The year started off poorly when David Bowie passed. That caught me completely off guard. However; Prince‘s death took the wind out of my sails. Anyone who knows me knows he’s my favorite musician of all-time and the MAIN reason why I learned to play instruments. In all honesty, I’m still not over his death, man. I still have so many questions and comments about the circumstances that led to his untimely demise. But, we don’t have enough time for all of my conspiracy theories, son.

Now, whether we’re talking about Muhammad Ali, Phife Dawg, John Saunders, Craig Sager, Sharon Jones, Maurice White, Gene Wilder or Alan Thicke, we’ve lost countless celebrities who’ve impacted us on various levels. The wildest part of all of this is the fact that I haven’t even named everyone, son. Frankly, I don’t have enough time, patience or mental capacity to list everyone who fell this year. With that being said, I’ll let the New York Daily News do their job and give the proper shine to all of our fallen comrades.

Ultimately, this may be the last post I write for the year, man. 2016 has been a fucking beast! I didn’t even mention the fact that democracy also died this year with Donald Trump‘s election. For anyone who thinks I’m being over dramatic, just look at the voting numbers. Hillary Clinton got 2.9 million more votes than Trump and still lost, son. *Sigh* I’m going back to sleep, man. Good day.

Black People Shouldn’t Call The Police For Help

Look, I just want to cut to the chase here. At this point in time, Black people have no reason to trust the police. Time and time again, law enforcement has shown us they have absolutely no regard for our rights or our safety. Their disdain for us is so strong, that even when we call them for help, our lives are still in danger. Now, after watching the viral video of a White officer arresting three Black women in Fort Worth, Texas, I’m standing firm in my belief that Black people should never, ever, EVER call the police for anything.

So, let’s quickly review this situation. Jacqueline Craig called the cops because her White neighbor choked her 7-year-old son. The neighbor alleged that the boy littered on his property and refused to pick it up. Somehow, this grown ass man thought it was appropriate to assault a child over litter. Now, when the cop arrived on the scene, instead of arresting the man for harming a kid, he decided to flippantly tell Craig to teach her son not to litter. From there, Craig told the officer that on top of the fact the neighbor couldn’t prove her son littered, even if he did, that still didn’t give him the right to hurt the boy. In response to that sound logic, the officer asked “why not?” Wait, what? WHAT?!? This fucking turd in a uniform really thought it was alright for an adult to choke a child over some trash he may or may not have placed on his property?! I’m literally beside myself from the pure lack of respect, man. The plain disregard for our basic humanity is mind-boggling, son!

Moving on, Craig’s daughter, Brea Hymond, tried to get in the middle of a heated exchange between her mother and the officer. Somehow, this led to the cop pulling out a taser and wrestling both women to the ground. Good fucking Lord, man! How the hell did we get here? How the fuck does a woman call the police for help and end up getting both assaulted and arrested? Protect and serve? This cop decided to protect and serve the rights of a violent ass neighbor who put his hands on a child! THIS is why we say Black Lives Matter! Even when we need assistance, we’re treated like criminals! Even when we extend our hands, we end up with spit on our face! I can’t take this shit anymore, man! I really fucking can’t! Black people have no place, no rights and no dignity in this fucking country! We’re still treated like three-fifths of a person.

Ultimately, I’m getting to the point where I don’t believe racial equality is possible in America. When situations like this continue to happen, it’s hard to actually believe we’ll ever reach the progress we’re so desperately fighting for. We can’t even get our detractors to acknowledge our lives are in peril, let alone get them to strive for change. All in all, Black people shouldn’t trust the police and we shouldn’t trust anyone who says “we need to have a discussion.” Fuck a discussion, man! Stop hurting us! Stop killing us! Stop belittling our pain! If that isn’t on the agenda, then shut the fuck up and get out of the way! I’m out.

Get Grayson Allen The F*ck Outta Here!

Well, well, well, what do we have here, son? Are the Duke Blue Devils actually doing the right thing for once? It took them this long to realize Grayson Allen is a piece of shit? It took them this long to realize he’s been a dirty player for quite some time now? I mean, this fool has been getting away with fuck shit for well over a season and change. Now, while I’m happy to see him finally pay a price for his Bush-league style of play, in my eyes, his punishment has been long overdue.

Keeping it all of the way real, even though I’ve never been a Blue Devils fan, that tidbit doesn’t factor into my disdain of Allen. Despite having my own personal biases against the program (mostly because I’m a North Carolina Tar Heels fan), I can still acknowledge their greatness. With that being said, as an avid viewer of college basketball, I’ve seen this clown get away with cheap tricks and low digs on multiple occasions. Any time a play doesn’t go his way, he takes it upon himself to doing something underhanded, man. Until now, everyone seemed to just turn a blind eye to his tomfoolery.

Now, his latest tripping episode against Elon’s Steven Santa Ana is hardly his first time being a douche. As seen in the video at the bottom, he did the same shit to Louisville’s Raymond Spalding and Florida State’s Xavier Rathan-Mayes. Keep in mind, both of those incidents happened in the same damn month earlier this year! So, what was his punishment back then? Just a formal reprimand from the ACC. That’s it. Apparently, they didn’t want to actually suspend their little golden child. This time around, I guess being a three-time dickhead is too much for Coach Mike Krzyzewski to handle. All I can say is, it’s about damn time these organizations had a fucking backbone and scolded a player who was disgracing the game.

In the end, get Grayson Allen the fuck outta here, man. He’s been a loser, son. Don’t even get me started on the time he traveled before hitting a game-winning shot against Virginia. *Sigh* That dude really aggravates me, son. Maybe now he’ll stop getting a pass for being a little bitch on the court. LC out.

Go Away, Lena Dunham

So, I plan on keeping this post short today, but I just need to make one thing clear: Lena Dunham needs to go away. Far, far, faaaaaar away. At this point, what is her point? What is her purpose? What is she aiming to accomplish with all of the idiotic things she says? For someone who claims to be a champion of women’s rights, Dunham spends a large part of her life spewing unwarranted nonsense. Now, I could take some time and go through her laundry list of tomfoolery, but I’d rather speak about two of her most recent incidents. After this, maybe she can finally disappear into an abyss and never be heard from again.

Now, let’s start with her debacle with Odell Beckham, Jr. As of now, I’m sure a lot of people have heard about her make-believe encounter with the New York Giants star. During the Met Gala earlier this year, Dunham happened to be sitting next to Beckham. While recounting her “experience” during a conversation with Amy Schumer, Dunham went on some ridiculous tirade about how Beckham didn’t speak to her because she wasn’t shaped like the women he normally deals with. She essentially body-shamed herself and made it seem as if Beckham was the one being sexist. She called herself a “marshmallow,” a “child” and a “dog” in an effort to present Beckham as some heartless misogynist who only values a woman’s body. Somehow, Dunham turned a non-situation into an ordeal which erroneously painted her as a victim. For me, I could care less about the fact she apologized. This story should’ve never been told in the first place. It didn’t add ANY value to the REAL movement feminists are fighting for.

Moving on, just the other day, Dunham did the damn most YET AGAIN! This time, her foolishness awakened while reminiscing about a conversation she had with a young girl outside of a Planned Parenthood in Texas. The girl was asking different women to share their stories of abortion. Now, despite the fact Dunham never had an abortion, she apparently didn’t want to be left out of the struggle. Instead of just leaving well enough alone, Dunham stated on a podcast that even though she’s never had an abortion, she wished she had. What? Wait, what?! Did she just speak about abortion like it’s the latest dance craze? Is this woman fucking serious? There is absolutely NOTHING lighthearted about abortion! While I’m a firm believer in a woman’s right to choose, that doesn’t make the decision any less difficult for them. It’s never an easy choice to forgo a pregnancy and her ability to speak about this topic so nonchalantly shows how dense she really is. How can a woman “fight” for women’s rights but be so insensitive to an action that can be profoundly impactful? Man, get this clown the fuck outta here, son!

In the end, I’m mad at myself for even writing this post, man. I really don’t believe this woman is worth any of our time. Hopefully, when Girls is finished on HBO, the ground will open up and swallow her whole. She doesn’t deserve to walk among us. Good day.

In Honor Of Tupac Going To The Rock & Roll Hall Of Fame…

To begin, I hope Gene Simmons is somewhere mad as hell, man. That’s right, son, another rapper, arguably the world’s most famous rapper, is finally going to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Now, I don’t know how long it takes an artist to become eligible for this, but c’mon son, Tupac Shakur’s been dead since 1996. What the hell took these folks so long to put this man where he rightfully belongs? In any case, in honor of Tupac being inducted in 2017, I just want to briefly go through some of my favorite songs from him.

Before I continue, I just want to give some background on my Tupac fandom. To be clear, he’s my favorite rapper of all-time. Now, do I think he’s the best rapper of all-time? No. I could name a bunch of rappers who are superior to him, bar-for-bar. To some people, that last statement may seem blasphemous, but I’m also a realist, son. Look, if we’re judging him from a strictly technical standpoint, then that wasn’t his greatest strength. With that being said, for me, his message was always the greatest and most important aspect of his music. In that particular arena, he was unparalleled. No one else was as political, social, deeply flawed, and at times, flat out ignorant as Tupac. He encompassed the entire spectrum of human emotion, for better and for worse. On one song, he could be uplifting women, and on the next song, he could be threatening a rival’s kids. Did that make him a saint? Hell no! But it made him a real human being that a lot of us could relate to. All in all, he’s my favorite rapper because he was one of my favorite people, who just happened to rap.

In the end, I could probably ramble on and on about why I’m such a huge Tupac fan. Instead, as I stated above, I’ll just share some of my favorite jams. Viva la Tupac Amaru Shakur! Good day.