The Revisionist History Of Barack Obama

Ok, look, I’m well aware of the fact everyone doesn’t agree with each other when it comes to ideology. However; there’s a HUGE difference between disagreeing with someone and flat out lying about them. Now, regardless of how anyone feels about President Barack Obama, it’s clear as day that individuals like Donald Trump, Rudy Giuliani and Katrina Pierson are essentially spreading falsehoods about the president and his record. With that being said, let’s take this time to relentlessly roast these clowns.

First, let’s talk about Donald Trump, the man we all know and love. Even though he’s already tried to backtrack from his comments, this past Friday, Trump entered yet another absurd statement into the zeitgeist. During one of his campaign speeches, Trump came right out and claimed Obama was the founder of ISIS. While he tried to chalk his foolishness up to “sarcasm,” other GOP pundits attempted to lay the blame on a supposed “power vacuum” created due to Obama removing the troops from Iraq. Either way, both factions are ridiculously wrong. On one hand, I’m about tired of a presidential nominee consistently making “sarcastic” remarks. This dude is running to be the leader of the free world and all he wants to do is make fucking jokes. At this point, I can name more lame wisecracks he’s made than actual policies he suggested. Now, for the individuals who think Obama created a power vacuum in Iraq, I’d like those dummies to look up the U.S.-Iraq Status of Forces Agreement. This agreement was signed by George W. Bush in 2008 and stated that America would remove combat forces from Iraqi cities by June 30, 2009 and be completely out of Iraq by December 31, 2011. So, if Republicans want to blame anybody for the fuckery happening in the Middle East, blame GW. He’s the one who actually created the aforementioned power vacuum.

Next, let’s address my former mayor, Rudy Giuliani. During a speech on Monday, Giuliani claimed there weren’t “any successful radical Islamic terrorist [attacks] in the United States” during the eight years preceding Obama’s tenure. Son, that is literally the DUMBEST thing I’ve ever heard in my entire life. Honestly, how can this clown forget that 9/11 happened while Bush was in office? Giuliani has built his entire mythology around the false idea he was some sort of hero after the attack on the World Trade Center. However; he conveniently forgot this fact while berating Obama. This man is such a clown, son. People like him want to believe their narrative so much, they will completely ignore basic facts in order to make a point. Look, will the media stop giving this fool a microphone? Please?

Finally, I need to acknowledge the consistent tomfoolery that comes out of Katrina Pierson‘s mouth. To be honest, I have no idea what her purpose in life is, but she’s always on someone’s news network, defying common logic with her stupidity. While I don’t have time to comment on EVERY ridiculous statement she’s made, I would like to talk about her memory of the war in Afghanistan. During an appearance on CNN, she insisted President Obama was responsible for invading the country. She even went so far as to call the conflict “Obama’s war.” Here’s the thing: the war in Afghanistan began in 2001, a good eight years before Obama even made it to the Oval Office. Once again, this was yet another incident that occurred under GW’s watch. Seriously, do Republicans forget Bush was in office for eight years too? Do they not remember any of the actions he took? Look, I just want to remind everyone out there, people like her are the ones supporting Trump. In my eyes, that should tell folks everything they need to know about his candidacy.

In the end, if someone out there wants to criticize another person, at least have the decency to be factual in the attacks being made. At the bare minimum, let the hate be grounded in something that can survive being fact-checked. Otherwise, shut the fuckidy-fuck up and get off of our television screens. Good day.

A Letter To Gabby Douglas


Dear Gabby Douglas,

While you may not know me, I wanted to take this time to write to you directly. During this crucial time in your life, I’m positive you have loved ones who are reassuring you that everything will be alright. With that being said, my words may not matter much at all. In any case, I still feel compelled to reach out to you. Despite all of the mean-spirited attacks being levied your way, I simply want to deliver one message to you: fuck the haters.

As sad as it is, we live in a society where people love being outraged and love tearing others down. Losers feed off of the emotions of the individuals around them, as if causing another human being pain adds value to their lives. This concept is one of the main problems with social media. Cowards who wouldn’t have the balls to utter such ugliness to their intended target in person just hide behind their computer screens and smartphones. They’d much rather feel powerful in the comments section of a website while wondering why they have no friends.

For me, the worst part about this entire situation is the fact you’ve been getting knocked down by people who look like you, in addition to all of the others. It’s absolutely disgusting that Black people can see you compete on the highest level of your sport and only think to comment on your hair. The self-hate is so visible when some misguided fools can criticize the way your hair grows NATURALLY out of your head. Do they believe their hair behaves any differently? Malcolm X asked the following question decades ago: who taught you to hate yourself? That’s a question your Black detractors need to ask themselves at this particular moment.

It’s also incredibly disheartening to see so many White people question your patriotism. Whether they’re attacking you for not putting your hand on your heart during the national anthem or not “cheering” for your teammates enough, the lack of empathy is ridiculous. Have they never been disappointed before? I know the results of a couple of Olympic events didn’t go the way you planned them, so I completely understand being upset by the outcome. When you want something so bad and don’t achieve it, the pain is very real and hard to hide. Do NOT feel bad for being human. You have every right to be emotional during these times, naysayers be damned. I wonder how any of your critics would feel if they were in a similar position. Would they feel chipper if they saw the intended finish line and didn’t cross it in the way they envisioned? It’s incredibly easy to be critical of someone else when that individual has nothing at stake.

In the end, all I can say is, you’ve represented this country to the best of your ability. If anyone out there can’t accept that, they didn’t deserve to have you on their side in the first place. Also, while you may be too proper to say things as plainly as you should, I do not have that problem. Soooooo, fuck any and everybody who has something malicious to say about you. I guarantee they haven’t done shit with their lives anyway. In any case, keep your head up and keep pushing, Gabby.

Sincerely,

Your friendly neighborhood LC

Michael Phelps & Some Black Chick

“Have you ever had something happen that was so racist that you didn’t even get mad? It’s like, ‘Goddamn, that was racist.’ I mean it was so blatant, you were just like ‘Wow!'” For those who are unaware, that stream of consciousness was uttered by the immortal Dave Chappelle. See, Dave perfectly encapsulated how a lot of Black people feel on a daily basis with that statement. Various things happen in our society and all we can do is make the Kermit the Frog face. Well, that’s exactly how I felt after I saw what The Mercury News did to Simone Manuel. It was racial bias at its finest, son. Sit back and enjoy.

Now, in case anyone missed it, Simone Manuel is fucking awesome. This 20-year-old young lady from Texas made history at the Rio Olympics. This past Thursday, after her performance in the 100-m freestyle, Manuel became the first African-American woman to win an individual swimming event at an Olympic Games. Wait, let me say that again. Manuel became the FIRST African-American woman to win an individual swimming event at an Olympic Games. So, how does The Mercury News honor this woman for her historic achievement? Solely add her as the racial component of a headline about Michael Phelps. Exhibit A: the photo embedded in this post.

Look, I’m not one to hate on Michael Phelps, man. Any dude who can win more Gold medals than most of the countries on this planet is a dude who deserves to be revered and respected. However; come the fuck on, man. This woman literally accomplished something no one else has ever done and she’s referred to as nothing more than an “African-American?” This is literally White patriarchy at its most potent. The White dude gets the distinction and the top billing while the Black woman isn’t even called by her name. In cases like this, I don’t even give a fuck about an apology, man. Yeah, someone can acknowledge they did something wrong, but that doesn’t change the fact they thought it was an appropriate action in the first place. THAT’S the real issue here. If people didn’t call them out on their bullshit, does anyone think The Mercury News would have apologized for their gaffe? I certainly don’t, son.

In the end, I’d like to thank America for being America. Even during the times when Black people are representing this God-forsaken land, the country always finds a way to remind minorities we’re not viewed in the same light as everyone else. Shit, don’t even get me started on the stupid outrage surrounding Gabby Douglas, son. She’s literally out there sacrificing her body for this country and all people want to talk about is why she didn’t put her hand over her heart during the national anthem. Get the flying fuck out of here, man! From my point of view, anyone who supports Donald Trump especially needs to shut the figgidy-fuck up. Why? Just take a look at this picture, man. Exactly, son. Good day.

The New George Zimmerman


Man, I’m tired of writing about this shit. I’m legitimately sick and tired of all of this. Honestly, I feel nothing but unbridled anger these days. Day after day, week after week, year after year, Black people have to consistently deal with our community being treated like target practice for biased assholes. Look, fuck the pleasantries here, man. I want Chad Copley to pay a REAL price for what he did to Kouren-Rodney Thomas.

In the latest episode of “Unarmed Black Person Targeted For No Reason,” Thomas was shot and killed by Copley after leaving a party with friends a few houses down. Before the incident, Copley called 911, claimed he was on neighborhood watch and that there were “hoodlums” outside of his house with firearms. He then proceeded to tell the dispatcher he was “locked and loaded” and ready to “secure [the] neighborhood.” After telling the individuals to leave the premises, he fired what he described as a “warning shot,” and ultimately, killed Thomas.

Now, there are MANY things wrong with Copley’s version of events. First, his neighbors have now confirmed there is no neighborhood watch in their community. So, essentially, Copley took it upon himself to be the judge, jury and executioner for his area. Second, where were these firearms Copley claimed to see? As far as what’s been reported, there were no guns found on Thomas, his friends or at the house party they were attending. This is yet ANOTHER example of a White person assuming the worst about someone Black and taking matters into their own hands. Third, Copley apparently fired the fatal shots from inside his garage. Look, let me say that again. Copley shot Thomas from INSIDE his garage. So, let me get this straight. Thomas had no gun, there was no physical altercation and he STILL got shot? What in the flying fuck, man? Why does this bullshit keep happening to us?!

Currently, Copley is being held without bail and could face the death penalty. The sad part is, none of that makes me feel comfortable. People like me have seen individuals like Copley get away with cold-blooded murder too many times now. At this point, are we really supposed to have any faith in the criminal justice system? It’s not like that institution regularly works in our favor, son. From what we know, Copley’s lawyer is going to use the “Stand Your Ground” defense in his trial. However; as several experts have already stated, it should be difficult to prove this claim since it was CLEAR that man was in no physical danger.

Look, ultimately, I’m not going to mince words here. Give this fool the death penalty. I know not everyone is an advocate for this type of punishment, but dammit, I am, man. Either that, or leave him in general population for the rest of his natural life. Cowards like him don’t deserve protection. I’d like to see him be tough under those circumstances, son. Situations like this are exactly why we say Black Lives Matter. Frankly, fuck anyone who doesn’t understand.

Money Can’t Buy ‘Woke’

Look, I won’t lie, son. This topic has been on my mind for some time now. While I could rail against racial prejudice and institutional bias until I’m blue in the face, sometimes the bullseye needs to be placed squarely on our own chests. With that being said, this post is dedicated to all of the Black celebrities who don’t seem to understand racism. Thank you for proving to us regular folk that money can’t buy “woke.”

While A$AP Rocky may be the face I put on this post, he’s not the only Black celeb who falls into this category. However; let’s just start with him. Now, for those who may be unfamiliar, Rocky caught some heat a few weeks ago regarding his comments about Black Lives Matter. Apparently, in a 2015 interview with Time Out New York, Rocky essentially rebelled against the idea of speaking out against racial injustice. In his mind, he can’t relate to what’s happening to Black people in America because he’s living in Beverly Hills and would rather talk about fashion and the women he’s fucking. Now, at this point, I’m sure there are plenty of dissertations about why these comments are patently absurd, but the problem is, Rocky isn’t the only Black celebrity who feels this way.

When Travi$ Scott was promoting his Rodeo album last year, he did an interview with Clique, a French publication. After the interviewer asked him about the Ferguson protests, Scott simply responded “I don’t really get too involved in the whole political shit.” Now, that statement irked the shit out of me, man. There’s absolutely nothing political about the frequent shootings of individuals who look like HIM. The incredibly sad part about a statement like this is the fact Black public figures seem to think their exempt from unjust treatment. In addition, there also seems to be some misguided belief that since they’re not subjected to the same harsh realities as other minorities, this treatment must not be real. The lack of empathy is completely astounding in their retorts.

I also remember when Bossip interviewed Young Thug on the red carpet of the BET Awards. He was also asked about Mike Brown and the atmosphere in Ferguson, and all that man could talk about was the money he was getting. Honestly, the fact these artists have the ear of our children should be frightening, son. If their ambivalence is passed down to our future generations, we as a community could have a MAJOR problem on our hands.

To be fair, I’m not the first individual to point this trend out. During this year’s BET Awards, Jesse Williams mentioned this same issue in his incredible acceptance speech. While he made a variety of outstanding points, he did specifically mention that we shouldn’t allow ourselves to be distracted by “getting money.” Just because a few individuals are able to occupy a different social category, that doesn’t mean the same treatment has trickled down to the entire race. We can’t lose sight of the fact there are still rampant injustices happening around this country. In addition, we can’t underestimate the strength of public figures speaking out. Frankly, a lot of them have a large enough platform to reach people the everyday crowd can’t. However; there’s an uncomfortable trend of said individuals abandoning the people when they have the chance.

Ultimately, it hurts me to write this type of shit. It hurts me to see our own people distance themselves from us since they no longer share the same daily experiences. No, we don’t need Rocky to be the next Al Sharpton, but it would be helpful for someone in his position to stand with us in solidarity. Side bar, I’m definitely not the biggest Sharpton fan, but I’ll save that for another day. In any case, I guess being on the cover of fashion magazines is more important to Rocky. All I can do is shake my head in disgust, son. Good day.

Man, Drake Ain’t Battling Eminem

Ok, look, let’s stop the foolishness right now, son. It really doesn’t matter what Ebro Darden from Hot 97 says. There’s no way in Hell Drake and Eminem are going to battle each other. According to Ebro, he told Drake that Em was going to diss him and Drake replied that he had something for him if he does. Come on, son, I don’t believe that tall tale for a second, man. With that being said, can we put all of these hypotheticals to rest? At the end of the day, we all need to be completely honest with each other: Em would eat Aubrey for breakfast, lunch, dinner and fourth meal.

Let me start this dissertation by getting one item out of the way: popularity doesn’t matter, son. Everyone knows Drake is the most popular rapper in the world right now. However; his greatest successes don’t really compare to Em’s. Yeah, Drake has the most number-one Rap songs in history, but Em has two diamond-selling albums. Allow me to put that in perspective for a second. In the history of the world, only nine Rap albums have ever sold ten million records and Eminem has two of them. That’s some straight Adele shit, bro. So, in regards to this imaginary battle, success is irrelevant. Eminem wins that fight by default, man.

Now, let’s talk about actual skills here. In case anyone forgot where Eminem came from, he was literally bred to be a battle rapper. Don’t believe me? Just hit up YouTube and see a younger version of him royally roast a variety of opponents for the world to see. On the other hand, it doesn’t even seem like Drake considers him a rapper. In “Back To Back,” his damn near career-ending diss to Meek Mill, he uttered the words “you’re getting bodied by a singing nigga.” In addition, on “Big Amount,” his most recent guest appearance on a 2 Chainz song, he definitely said Rap is something he does “on the side.” From that mentality alone, he shouldn’t want ANY parts of the “Rap God.” After all of these years and all of the records sold, Em still writes rhymes with the focus of a broke dude trying to get a record deal. It would be asinine for Drake to pick a fight with a man who’s that dedicated to rhyming words together.

Finally, just listen to this damn song, man. I don’t care what anyone says in response to this. There is absolutely no rhyme in Drake’s catalog that can fuck with the first verse of this track. From a straight technical standpoint, it’s a genius display of wordplay, man. This ain’t rhyming to make a meme, bro. This is rhyming to make a motherfucker regret stepping into a circumference of body blows. Honestly speaking, if Drake has any real friends, they should tell him to debunk this story, even though I never believed it was real to begin with. Someone needs to save that man ASAP.

In the end, I don’t want it to seem like I’m a Drake hater here. I’m actually a huge fan of that guy’s music. Shit, “Under Ground Kings” is one of my theme songs, man. However; when it comes to Eminem, we’re talking about one of the greatest human beings to ever put a metaphor to a bass line. Also, we’re forgetting one crucial element here: if Drake didn’t want any static from Joe Budden, he damn sure doesn’t want to end up in Em’s crosshairs. Ultimately, we’ll never know, though. Drake seems to prefer taking shots at Funkmaster Flex, for God knows what reason. In any case, adios, good people.

P.S. Shout-out to my dude Kurt for inspiring this post. Yessir.

Please, Short-Circuit Hillary Clinton’s Mic

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Ok, I think it’s time we have a candid conversation about Hillary Clinton. There’s an ugly truth Democrats don’t want to admit about their presidential nominee: a loooooooot of people straight up don’t like her, son. The problem is, more than a few of her actions don’t necessarily help her cause at all. At this point, her email server scandal shouldn’t be news to anyone. That situation alone causes certain Democrats to flatly look over her and a ton of Republicans to call for her to be hung in Times Square. With that being said, the former Secretary of State doesn’t seem to know how to remedy her own dilemmas. Now, if anyone needs any more proof, her latest “short-circuit” should give people a clear example of her real issue.

Ever since the FBI investigation into her private email server, Clinton has been telling everyone who would listen that director James Comey said all of her statements regarding the matter have been “truthful.” However; that is definitely NOT what the director said. In actuality, he said she was “extremely careless” with her actions and couldn’t really comment on her public assertions. In addition, while she maintains the facade she never shared any classified information in her emails, Comey’s findings directly contradict that theory. Frankly, the final conclusion was the fact that Hillary’s shit stinks, but not enough for the bureau to drape her in an orange jumpsuit.

So, now that I’ve gotten all of that information out of the way, let’s talk about the elephant in the room. Honestly speaking, if this were a normal election, and if Donald Trump wasn’t a raging psychopath, Clinton would be in real danger of being unelectable. Simply combine the fact she’s been a Washington, D.C. constant since the Stone Age and a high percentage of Americans don’t seem to trust her, not a lot of folks really feel enthused to give her their vote. At this point, I can’t even recall the amount of times I’ve heard people say they’re only voting for her to prevent Trump’s bid to destroy the planet. That doesn’t sound like much faith in her candidacy, son. I truly believe if she were up against a more solid opponent, she’d be left in the dust. Hell, ain’t that what happened with President Obama all those years ago? In the beginning, no one really thought some upstart senator from Chicago could derail her campaign. Alas, eight years later, she’s still trying to get into that Oval Office, man. Shiiiiit, maybe the writing has been on the wall when it comes to her.

In the end, voting for the “lesser of two evils” may seem like the right thing to do, but I’d be lying if I said this shit wasn’t mentally draining, son. Why do the candidates for the two most visible political parties suck sooooo much, man? Forget it, though. I might just have to run for president myself. I can’t possibly be any worse than these two individuals. Good day.