An Unabashed Love Letter To Solange

Getting straight to the point, I love Solange Knowles. I’ve actually always loved Solange Knowles. For anyone who thinks I’m lying, just ask my fiancée. I’m sure she’s convinced I’d leave her for either Solange or Tina Knowles. Shit, both women could get it, son. In regards to Mama Knowles, I luh the cougars, bro. In any case, when it comes to music, I’ve actually enjoyed Solange’s records a lot longer than Beyoncé‘s. Side bar, I pray to God the BeyHive doesn’t massacre me for uttering that. With that being said, I do acknowledge that Bey’s last two albums are fucking flawless. But, with the release of A Seat at the Table, Solo has effectively released an album that’s at least on par with her sister’s greatest work.

Now, to be real, I’m not going to write a real review of her new album. At this point, there are too many think pieces about the record to even count. All anyone needs to do is hit up Google and find whatever type of commentary they want. For example, the good folks over at Pitchfork wrote a review that I fuck with. They understand the greatness that is Solo. In any case, I’d much rather talk about the fact that Solange finally made an album that fully encapsulates the personality she’s showcased over the years.

If anyone’s familiar with her interviews or her social media presence, it’s safe to say that Solange doesn’t hold her tongue. She’s not afraid to speak about issues that affect her, her family, women or the Black community. Hell, when it comes to family, even her brother-in-law could get it, son. Jay-Z may be the greatest rapper ever, but he can still catch these hands, bruh. Moving on, with every record she’s released, Solo Star notwithstanding, she’s inched closer to the artistic statement I believe she’s always wanted to make.

From “T.O.N.Y.” on Sol-Angel and the Hadley St. Dreams to “Lovers in the Parking Lot” on her True EP, the ingredients that would eventually comprise her new album were already visible. This time around, with the assistance of Raphael Saadiq and an incredible cast of musicians, she’s fully unlocked the code. So, it goes without saying, every song on this album is my fucking jam, son. As of right now, if I had to pick a favorite song, “Don’t Touch My Hair” is the wave, man. Outside of her contributions, special guest Sampha can do no wrong, in my eyes.

All in all, if anyone hasn’t listened to the album yet, stop being a fucktard and do the appropriate thing. Also, as a side note, Solange’s husband better do right by her, son. Otherwise, I’ll be waiting in the cut to pick up the pieces. Hopefully, my lady didn’t read that last sentence. Good day.

Donald Trump’s Guide To Getting Women

Now, let’s be real for a second, son. Of COURSE I’m talking about Donald Trump today. I mean, did anybody really think I was going to let his latest batch of tomfoolery slide? On the real, how can anyone who breathes air endorse this guy? How can anyone who breathes air BE this guy?! Every time I think it’s impossible to top the copious amounts of insanity he’s said, some new shit comes out. With that being said, let’s talk about Trump’s most recent philosophies about women.

Look, to start, I’m not going to spend too much time on last night’s debate. It was exactly what I thought it would be: a pure shitshow. Instead of being on the defensive, Trump came out swinging, launching a bunch of accusations at not only Hillary Clinton, but Bill Clinton as well. Even before the debate, Trump held a press conference with four women who claimed to either be sexually assaulted by the former president or wronged by Hillary. In any case, the debate devolved into one of the ugliest spectacles I’ve ever seen, which is exactly what Trump and company wanted.

So, why was Trump so desperate to create a distraction? Because of a video that surfaced over the weekend of an outrageous conversation he had with Billy Bush in 2005. While on the set of “Access Hollywood,” Trump was recorded speaking about how he approaches attractive women. Apparently, in his world, it’s perfectly ok to “just start kissing” women and “[grabbing] them by the pussy.” To him, these are appropriate actions because celebrities can essentially do whatever they want. Now, I don’t have to speculate about his mentality because he literally said “when you’re a star… you can do anything.” That’s actually a statement that came out of his mouth, son. Honestly, “flabbergasted” isn’t even a strong enough word to describe my reaction, man.

Now, as expected, all of the people who heard these remarks were as taken aback as I was. The outrage even extended to Trump’s own party. So far, he’s been condemned by Paul Ryan, Reince Priebus, Mitt Romney, John McCain, Jeb Bush and myriad of GOP faithful who were appalled by Trump’s words. In addition, a number of Republicans have even demanded that Trump drop out of the presidential race. However; we all know Trump would never do that. Quitting has never been the man’s style.

Moving on, according to him and his campaign, his comments were nothing more than “locker room talk.” Apparently, this is the way men talk behind closed doors. Come the fuck on, son! Last time I checked, I’ve been a man my entire life and I’ve NEVER participated in a conversation like this! When it comes to the men I know, we talk about what we would do if we had the opportunity to get down with a chick. But we NEVER endorse sexual assault, man! Nowhere in Trump’s statements did he speak about consent. In actuality, he said he does things because he knows he can get away with them. Bruh, that’s textbook rape. At this point, anyone who disagrees is advocating violence against women. Plain and simple. On the real, the same men who consider this “locker room talk” are probably the same men who sympathize with Brock Turner, Austin Wilkerson and David Becker.

In the end, the scariest part of this is, after last night’s debate, Trump’s constituents will probably still continue to support him. Based on some early reviews of his performance, he’s been getting positive feedback for seemingly pushing Hillary against the ropes. All of this proves that morals are an obsolete idea. Party unity is more important to everyone than having an actual belief system. With that being said, voting is still vital. I know I’ve said that a number of times on this site, but I can’t stress this enough, man. This November‘s election is of the utmost importance. Everyone needs to use their voice. Good day.

P.S. Does anyone else find it sexist that Bill’s alleged misconduct is always brought up to smite Hillary? SHE’S the one running for president right now, not Bill! If the jabs have nothing to do with her directly, keep them out of this race. She shouldn’t have to suffer for what her husband may or may not have done. That is all.

The F*cked Up Psyches Of Kid Cudi & LC

So, while I don’t often divulge information about myself, the latest news about Kid Cudi has inspired me to open up. Honestly, any time I hear stories about depression and/or suicide, it hits close to home for me. With that being said, I’m glad to see Cudi be proactive about his mental health. Ultimately, I just wish more of us in the Black community will do the same.

Now, reports came out earlier this week about Cudi checking himself into rehab. Going further, he cited depression and suicidal thoughts as the catalyst for this move. This particular story came on the heels of him lashing out at Kanye West and Drake, in conjunction with reports about the threats he made to his daughter’s mother. While I originally joked about the rap beef portion of all of this, it’s clear now that Cudi is truly having issues at the moment. At this point, I feel like someone such as myself should’ve seen the signs.

To be clear, I’m personalizing this because I understand what Kid Cudi is feeling. While our lives may be very different, the mentality is not. Keeping it 100, I suffer from clinical depression. In addition, when I’m at my low points, I also have issues with alcohol. Unfortunately, I’ve used booze as a coping mechanism for my mental state at various times. To be truthful, I’ve had two really dark patches in my life: my junior year of college and the first year of my oldest son’s life. During the former time period, I was dealing with family (daddy) issues, living conditions back home, failing a couple of subjects and being at odds with my former girlfriend. During the latter time period, I was unhappy with my career, struggling as a new dad and at odds with my then-girlfriend/now-fiancée. In both scenarios, I was a very destructive human being. While the people around me loved me, they couldn’t necessarily help me out of my despair.

To that end, I don’t think the Black community talks enough about mental health. Until this day, I don’t believe my mother even believes I suffer from depression. I mean, damn what the doctors say, right? Honestly, I’ve heard the phrase “man up” from more people than I’d like to admit. With everything Black people have to deal with in this country, we don’t give each other the space to not be ok. Fuck it, though, man. Sometimes we are NOT ok. No one should ever be afraid to admit that. The only way to truly improve a situation is to first acknowledge that it even exists. So, hats off to Kid Cudi for doing that. I’d much rather him take this action than spiral out of control. He’s way too young to implode.

In the end, I want everyone reading this to be honest with themselves. I want everyone to ask themselves “am I alright?” If the answer is no, there’s no need to panic. There are therapists to talk to and medicine to take, only if necessary. Ultimately, the sooner we all know how we’re really doing, the sooner we can figure out where we’re really going. Good day.

Luke Cage Drinks White People’s Tears

White people just need to be a part of everything, huh? It’s mind-boggling how our Caucasian counterparts can watch a show about a Black man in Harlem and be upset about the lack of White representation. Now, the last time I checked, Harlem wasn’t Greenwich, Connecticut. However; I refuse to go down this path. I’m not going to spend my time debating such a stupid argument. Instead, I’m going to propose a trade. On behalf of the Black Delegation, we’ll make future episodes of Luke Cage “more White” if the following things happen:

1. Friends returns with more Black people in its cast.

2. Seinfeld returns with more Black people in its cast.

3. The Wonder Years returns with more Black people in its cast.

4. Gilligan’s Island returns with more Black people in its cast.

Ok, wait, let me stop for a second. Does everyone see where I’m going with this? Literally EVERY television show or movie features a predominantly White cast. Hell, why the fuck do dumbasses think Black people were so angry about the Academy Awards last year? Did we already forget the #OscarsSoWhite movement? All we do is beg for representation, man. Instead, we get idiots like Tim Burton explaining why diversity isn’t important in his movies. So, White people get to be the stars of damn near ALL of our entertainment and they STILL want to commandeer ours too. Man, the fuckery is so strong, I don’t even know how to put it into words.

With all of that being said, let me backtrack for a second. No, we will NOT add more White people to Luke Cage just to make the Butt Hurt Federation happy. For once, we’re telling stories about OUR lives, and news flash, White people aren’t always a part of it. On the real, if this is what people think “reverse racism” is, they literally have no clue about regular racism. Black people have to deal with institutional bias, profiling and brutality, while fools complain about not being shown at the same deli as Luke. Is this a fucking joke, son? Like, this can’t be real life.

All in all, if any White person is mad about Luke Cage, then I’m happy. On the real, anyone that falls into that category needs to grow the fuck up. Black people don’t watch shows set in Nebraska and wonder why we’re under-represented. This is Harlem, bitch! Hold this L. Good day.

P.S. Simone Missick, the woman who plays Misty Knight on the show, is fine as FUCK, son! Now, that has absolutely nothing to do with the subject of this post, but I had to say it anyway.

P.P.S. Shout-out to my dude Brent for inspiring this post. I tried to avoid the tomfoolery, but I do take good advice when it’s given to me. That is all.

Wesley Snipes Could Learn From Donald Trump

Honestly, I just want everyone reading this to know something: Donald Trump is a genius. He’s a genius for successfully fooling a section of the country into believing he’s a genius. The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist. The second greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing idiots that Trump is a master of the tax code. At this point, I’m positive I’m in the Twilight Zone. However; there’s only one thing I want to know: how can I avoid paying my federal income taxes too?

On the real, do I even need to give a summary about Donald Trump’s taxes? Does anyone out there watch the news or get Google alerts? In any case, three pages of Trump’s 1995 tax return was leaked by the New York Times. From there, the whole world temporarily stopped. Well, not really, but c’mon son, let me exaggerate for a second. Moving on, it was discovered that Trump claimed losses of $916 million for the year. Now, for those wondering, that number is NOT a typo. The “business genius” running for president loss close to a billion dollars in ONE YEAR! Because of his ineptitude, he was granted the opportunity to avoid paying federal taxes for the next 18 years. This means that when Hillary Clinton claimed Trump doesn’t pay his taxes during the debate, she was telling the truth, son. The ugly, God-awful truth.

Now, for some reason, GOP surrogates are using this tidbit to “prove” Trump’s greatness. In their eyes, he “brilliantly” took advantage of our country’s tax codes to secure wealth for himself. The funny part is, they never seem to mention the fact HE LOST A BILLION DOLLARS IN THE FIRST PLACE! To put this into perspective, Alan Cole of the Tax Foundation tweeted that Trump, by himself, was responsible for 1.9% of ALL net operating losses that year. Wait, can I rephrase that for a second? One man, the GOP nominee for president, represented nearly 2% of ALL company losses in the ENTIRE United States. What part of being a “genius” is that? If my mom sent me to the supermarket with $20, I couldn’t come home without the groceries or the money and be considered smart, man. Instead, I’d probably catch a swift leather belt to the rear end. Come the fuck on, son!

Ultimately, I just want to know, what the hell did Wesley Snipes, Ronald Isley and Fat Joe go to jail for? How are people going to prison on tax evasion charges when the potential next president hasn’t paid his for most of my lifetime? Hell, even Wesley wanted to know the answer to that question. He hilariously tweeted that the IRS hates on the Daywalker every April and that we need to “Make America Blade Again.” All jokes aside, Wesley has a point. This dude spent three years in prison while Trump is now one step closer to the nuclear codes. Man, the game is all fucked up out here, son.

In the end, there’s nothing else to say, man. All I can think about is how much further my money could go if I didn’t have to pay any attention to the IRS. Can Uncle Sam let me cook for the next 18 years too? I mean, do I have to lose all of my money first? If so, I’ll empty out my checking account today! Just let me know, son. Just let me know. Good day.

Paris OD’d On Kim Kardashian

Listen, I’ve never been a fan of the Kardashian family, but wow, son, Paris completely stepped out of bounds. The newly unearthed story of Kim Kardashian’s robbery is so wild, it legit sounds like some movie shit. Honestly, I’m confused as to how something so bonkers could happen to someone at Kim’s fame level. I have so many questions, man. So many damn questions. Let me see if I can talk my way through this.

First, for those who are unaware, Kim was robbed of $10 million worth of jewelry at a Paris hotel. Now, on face value, when I hear a story like that, I automatically think someone got lucky by stealing a suitcase or something. However; in this case, the situation was WAY more dangerous. Apparently, a couple of gunmen dressed up like police, put the pistol to the concierge and made him take them to Kim’s residence. From there, the gunmen tied Kim up in a bathroom and ran off with her shit. Like, I didn’t make up any part of this story, son. That’s actually what’s being reported, man.

All I want to know is, where the fuck does this type of shit happen, bro? Where was her security? Why wasn’t the security at the hotel better? Look, it’s entertaining to make fun of the Kardashian family, but this ain’t the time for jokes, man. This really could’ve been a hazardous scenario. Do we even know if her kids were with her at the time? So many loose ends to tie up, no pun intended, though.

Ultimately, I don’t really have much else to say. Nobody deserves to face that type of potential violence. On the real, armed people need to be around celebrities at all times. No one can ever guess when some overzealous fools might try to reenact some nonsense they saw in a Quentin Tarantino film. At this point, I’m just looking for a simpler time when I could make fun of the Kardashian’s for being media whores. This type of incident is way too real for the streets they reside on. Everybody needs to be safe, though. Word to Taxstone. Good day.

P.S. Like my homegirl LeShay said, this story better NOT end up on Kim’s reality show. This ain’t the type of shit that should be exploited for ratings. Then again, that family put Lamar Odom‘s issues on blast, so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised if it does. All I know is, I agree with my fiancée: that stolen jewelry is waaaay too hot for the theives to be able to safely lay low. I hope it was worth it, son. I hope it was all worth it.

Go Home, Congress, You’re Drunk

Did anyone know President Obama was responsible for the Space Shuttle Challenger disaster? Did anyone know he was responsible for the Watergate scandal? Wait, did anyone know Obama was chiefly responsible for the Great Depression in the 1930s? Well, if we all listened to the idiots in Congress, they’d probably try to convince us of all of those things. Look, just ONE day after overriding Obama’s veto of the controversial 9/11 law, Congress has suddenly had a change of heart. Now, instead of just admitting to their foolish errors, they still found a way to blame Obama for their own ineptitude. It’s so baffling to watch, son.

To start off, the 9/11 bill is a law that allows families to sue Saudi Arabia for their involvement in the World Trade Center attacks. Now, in theory, this sounds fantastic. However; there are certain complications that could potentially arise from a move like this. Namely, this could put the United States and our soldiers at risk for the same type of lawsuits. In case anyone forgot, America has a LONG history of fucking shit up in other people’s countries. So, if we start suing other nations for attacks, we could potentially be on the hook for the same tactic. Both Obama AND CIA Director John Brennan expressed these concerns.

With all of that being said, Congress heard these objections, said “fuck that” and hit Obama’s veto with the override. The Senate, for example, was so sure of itself, the vote was 97 to 1. 97 to fucking 1, man. That’s like the worst college football score ever, son. No type of “mercy rule,” bro. From there, the House followed in the tomfoolery and also passed the bill. Now, all of a sudden, Congress wants to change parts of the bill to protect our troops and blames Obama for not explaining the possible consequences. Are these people fucking kidding me, man? I swear, Republicans have made it their life’s mission to just disregard anything Obama says or does. Now, they got caught with their asses in the air and they still tried to pin it on him.

Regardless of what anyone else tries to say, it’s not his fault the Republican-led Congress didn’t think this one through. Shit, Mitch McConnell literally said “nobody focused on the potential downside in terms of our international relationships.” How on Earth is that an Obama issue? Look, if my mother told me not to touch the stove, I can’t then blame her for a burnt hand if I did it anyway. Honestly, if I tried that, I’d probably get backhanded in the mouth, man. Get these clowns the fuck out of here, son.

In the end, Congress must’ve really taken a lot of cues from Brexit. Apparently, it’s good form to overwhelmingly vote on something without doing proper research. Look, I’m no Obama apologist, but Congress blaming him for failing to do their job is ridiculous. Maybe, if they didn’t have such a hard-on for fighting him at every turn, then they would’ve made the right decision. Then again, maybe not, son. We have an ABUNDANT amount of idiots in our government. Good day.