Get The Muslim Ban The F*ck Outta Here!

Shiiiiiit, how does Donald Trump like those judges and courts now, son? After violating the rights of numerous refugees, green card holders and visa carriers, the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals told Trump to take his Muslim Ban and shove it. Ok, no, they didn’t say it in those words, but the court voted to uphold the block on the travel ban. With that being said, maybe Trump and his administration will now put a REAL plan in place to monitor potential terrorism. However; based on Trump’s response on Twitter, we shouldn’t hold our breath, man.

So, this entire saga started when James Robart, a district judge in Seattle, put a temporary ban on Trump’s travel order. This was done after both Washington and Minnesota sued. Due to the unconstitutional travel ban, many innocent people, including students, were being detained at various airports. The legality of Trump’s executive order was always in question, and when the case went before the appeals court, the three-person staff upheld Robart’s decision. Judges Michelle Friedland, William Canby Jr. and Richard Clifton unanimously determined that the government had no evidence to support the theory that anyone from the seven countries listed perpetrated any attacks in America. So, it was very reasonable for them to shoot this stupid ass executive order down.

Of course, Trump took to Twitter to berate the judges. I mean, that’s his MO, right? He vows to take this matter all the way to the Supreme Court, but that could take months to be resolved. If Trump is really serious about protecting the country, maybe he should have Steve Bannon draft an order that doesn’t violate people’s basic rights. If time is really of the essence, as he claims, he shouldn’t be wasting time trying to take this to the highest court. In my eyes, Trump only cares about winning and not about doing what’s right for the people. As of right now, he needs to hold this L and regroup. How about going after actual terrorists and not aunts and uncles who are just trying to see their families? I mean, that’s just a suggestion, son.

In the end, fuck Trump, Bannon and their First Amendment-ignoring Muslim Ban. Our country already has a strenuous vetting program that doesn’t break the law. I can say that because I’m a first-generation American who has plenty of family members who’ve had to deal with this country’s immigration policy. *Sigh* Once again, get Donald Trump the fuck outta here, son! LC out.

Charles Oakley Is The GOAT!

Let’s just skip the pleasantries here, son. Charles Oakley is the GOAT, the Gawd, the Myth and the Legend. For ten seasons, he faithfully served my beloved New York Knicks and helped to cultivate our 90s image. Now, when I say image, I’m talking about the fact that he was the tough guy. Along with Anthony Mason and Xavier McDaniel, Oakley let teams know that they couldn’t fuck around in the paint, son. Elbows were being thrown and shoulders were being checked. With that being said, regardless of what happened at Madison Square Garden last night, I’m glad to see his fire still burning.

So, there are conflicting stories about what got Oakley escorted out of last night’s game against the Los Angeles Clippers. According to outsiders, Oakley was either going after Knicks owner James Dolan or a random fan. From there, he got into a physical altercation with MSG security and was forcibly removed from his seat. Now, according to Oakley, he was minding his own business when security told him that “someone” wanted him out. In any case, regardless of the fight’s catalyst, Oakley was eventually arrested and charged with three counts of assault.

Now, maybe I’m a weirdo, but let me explain why this story made me proud. First, I prefer to believe the version of the story where Oakley tried to confront Jim Dolan. As a lifelong Knicks fan, Dolan has run this team into the fuckin ground. He’s made it his life’s mission to oversee every team decision and he ALWAYS makes the wrong choice. Like, I don’t even know where to begin when it comes to his ineptitude. Whether we’re talking about Allan Houston‘s ridiculous $100 million contract, hiring Isiah Thomas or trading away our entire team for Carmelo Anthony, Dolan’s been at the center of ALL of our worst moves. Needless to say, it’s about time someone rolled up on Dolan for his constant fuckery. I’m a firm believer that as long as he owns this team, we will NEVER be great, let alone average.

In the end, FREE CHARLES OAKLEY! He’s just doing the Lord‘s work, man. Contrary to what the Knicks organization said, Oakley doesn’t “need help,” man. Frankly, he’s the only one thinking clearly out here. Dolan is the worst thing to ever happen to New York sports, son. Get. Jim. Dolan. The. Fuck. Outta. Here! LC out. 

I Don’t Know About LaMelo Ball

Look, I already know what some people are going to say, son. Any time someone has a dissenting view from popular opinion, that person is labeled a “hater.” With that being said, call me whatever, but I’m not sold on LaMelo Ball. Yes, the high school sophomore/UCLA-commit can ball (no pun intended), but I think his coaches give him WAY too much freedom, man. At this point, the way I see it, LaMelo is going to have a hard time at the next level if he thinks teams are going to just let him run wild.

Now, before I continue, let me give the kid his props. During a game against Los Osos last night, the Chino Hills star scored 92 points. 92 fucking points, son! Like, that’s absolutely absurd, man! The wildest part is, he’s not even the best Ball on the team. His older brother, UCLA-bound senior LiAngelo Ball, sat out the game with an ankle injury. That gave his little brother the opportunity to make his peers look like a bunch of aimless toddlers. Shit, while we’re on the subject, both LiAngelo and LaMelo are still trailing their oldest brother, Lonzo Ball. As it stands right now, the eldest Ball brother is lighting shit up at UCLA. Good Lord, son, that’s a talented ass family. Word to Lavar and Tina Ball.

Ok, now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, let me explain my issue with LaMelo’s game. First, let’s start with the aforementioned 92-point game. Even though he shot 37-61 from the field, he was only 7-22 from three-point range. Why the fuck is this kid allowed to take 22 three-pointers and MISS 15 of them? Moving on from that, there are numerous clips floating around of LaMelo hitting half-court shots during games, a la Stephen Curry. Bruh, why the fuck would his coaches allow him to showboat like that during active competition? The kid is only a sophomore in high school, son! Is this type of behavior supposed to represent good sportsmanship? In addition, don’t even get me started on the fact that he was blocked during one of his half-court attempts.

To be clear, my problem here is the fact that his game isn’t developed enough for him to be this flashy. From the footage I’ve seen of him, I hate his shooting form. Yeah, Curry takes a lot of wild shots, but his release is lightning quick and scarily accurate. LaMelo’s wind up is waaaaay too slow for all of the fuck shit, son. At this rate, by the time he gets to UCLA, defenders are going to be punching his shot left and right. I mean, it’s easy to make everything look effortless against high school talent, but try that against a hoard of players who were also the shit in high school. Unless he matures, he’s going to have a very rude awakening in college.

Ultimately, he’s still really young, so everything I just said could end up being bullshit. All I know is, I need the kid to play some defense and shoot a better percentage to justify his swag. LC out.

Donald Trump’s Fake News About ‘Fake News’

*Sigh* I guess it’s back to the bullshit, huh? I swear, man, Donald Trump‘s entire administration is a clown show, son. It’s a daily fucking circus and it’s making my head split in two. For the last few months, Trump’s been on a crusade against “fake news,” despite the fact that his team is responsible for some of the most egregious examples of false reporting. Whether it’s Sean Spicer or Kellyanne Conway, Trump’s entire squad of buffoons constantly spews inaccuracies that boggle the mind. However; not to be outshined, Trump took his ridiculous claims a step further by insinuating that the media doesn’t accurately report terrorist attacks.

To begin, while speaking with enlisted service-members at MacDill Air Force Base in Florida, Trump claimed that terrorist attacks are happening all over Europe and they’re not being reported. He then went on to say that the “dishonest” press has their “reasons” for not reporting these alleged incidents. Now, I say alleged because Trump gave ZERO examples to support his argument. In the aftermath, Spicer was probed by reporters for evidence to support Trump’s baseless accusations. In response, Spicer said that the White House would release a list of “underreported” attacks to bolster Trump’s words.

Now, here’s where the REAL fuckery begins. When the White House’s list finally surfaced, it chronicled a mountain of instances that dominated the news cycle over the past two years. Incidents such as the 2015 Paris attack, the Orlando nightclub shooting and the truck attacks in Nice and Berlin were included. Son, there was literally wall-to-wall coverage for ALL of these situations on damn near EVERY news network! How the fuck could Trump conclude that they were being underreported? Furthermore, why weren’t the massacres perpetrated by Dylann Roof and Alexandre Bissonnette included here? Oh, is it because they don’t fit Trump’s narrative of Islamic radicalism? Yeah, that sounds about right, son.

Moving on, I find it incredibly peculiar that only one of the attacks listed actually occurred in the countries targeted by the Muslim Ban. Only one out of 78?! In addition, most of them happened in Egypt. So, why are their citizens still free to come and go as they please? Son, what the fuck are we even talking about right now? To add insult to injury, there were spelling errors EVERYWHERE! I can’t take anyone’s argument seriously if they write “attaker” instead of “attacker,” son. Good fucking Lord, man! Get this dude faaaaaaaaaaaar away from the Oval Office!

In the end, FUCK! I can’t do this shit everyday, son. They’re already closing down Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus, man. They just need to go ahead and add Donald Trump’s entire administration to that list. LC out.

How The F*ck Did The New England Patriots Win?!?

Man, what the hell did I watch last night? Seriously, how the FUCK did the New England Patriots pull this shit off, son? More importantly, how the FUCK did the Atlanta Falcons lose this Super Bowl?! In my 30-plus years on this planet, I’ve NEVER seen a crazier comeback. All in all, as much as it pains me to say this, Tom Brady is without question the greatest quarterback of all time. In addition, Bill Belichick is absolutely the greatest coach of all time. Now, before I continue vomiting, allow me to try and reconcile what I just witnessed yesterday.

First, let me start with the Falcons. As far as I’m concerned, this team is no longer allowed to have fans. Not even my greatest enemy deserves to be a fan of a team that can blow a 28-3 lead. 28-3? 28 TO FUCKING 3?!? How on God‘s green Earth could this squad fuck up a 98.9% chance of winning?! Before this game, the largest deficit a team ever overcame was 10 points. THESE MOTHERFUCKERS WERE UP BY 25 POINTS, MAN!! After taking that 28-3 lead, these clowncakes never scored again and lost 34-28. I mean, these losers couldn’t even get a field goal? A fucking safety? Anything?! Man, that’s literally the most insane comeback I’ve ever watched, son. Real talk, to all of my friends and family in Atlanta, the Falcons don’t deserve any fandom from this point forward. They just disrespected the city in the WORST way.

Now, let’s talk about the Patriots. I mean, what can I say here, son? Despite being a diehard New York Giants fan, I have to call a spade a spade, man. Brady and Belichick are the greatest duo in NFL history. Brady now have five rings and Belichick has seven, when including the two rings he won as the Giants’ defensive coordinator. At this point, they have damn near every record imaginable. There’s literally no disputing their greatness, son. Look, I don’t use the term “hater” lightly, but if anyone still has negative things to say about the Patriots, they’re just haters. These dudes have done it all, man. There’s no one else in their league or even close to it.

In the end, there really isn’t much else to say here. The only downside to this victory is the fact that deplorables like Donald Trump and Richard Spencer support the Patriots. It’s literally never cool when White supremacists are onboard the train. In any case, as I’ve previously stated, Tom Brady is indeed the greatest quarterback of all time. However; keep one thing in mind, son. The Patriots’ historic greatness makes Eli Manning and my Giants even more mythical, son. We’re the only team to ever beat him and Belichick. And we did it twice, bitch! I’m perfectly content with my team being the two glorious stains on their record, man. Good day.

P.S. How sick was Roger Goodell yesterday? After the whole Deflategate fiasco, he still had to hand the Vince Lombardi Trophy over to Robert Kraft and company. On the real, I’m no fan of the Patriots, but I’m even less of a fan of Goodell. With that being said, it was great watching him being forced to swallow his shallow pride. LC out.

Let’s Talk About The ‘Bowling Green Massacre’

*Sigh* Another day, another opportunity to hear some “alternative facts.” Look, I didn’t even think I had anything to write today, but here comes Kellyanne Conway to save the day. I mean, I can always count on her for some Grade A fuckery, right? In any case, all I could do was shake my head in disbelief when I heard her mention the “Bowling Green Massacre” on MSNBC. Namely because such an event doesn’t exist! Once again, Donald Trump‘s administration has made it their mission to ignore logic, facts and evidence in order to make their points.

So, Conway was on MSNBC defending Trump’s Muslim Ban. She claimed that what Trump is doing isn’t unprecedented because Barack Obama banned refugees from Iraq for six months back in 2011. Apparently, this action was taken after the arrest of “the masterminds behind the Bowling Green massacre.” Now, there are two things drastically wrong with this argument: first, Obama never instituted a six-month ban on Iraqis. In actuality, after it was discovered that two Iraqi immigrants were trying to send weapons and money back to Iraq, Obama’s administration re-vetted all incoming Iraqis. During this period, refugees were still being let into the country. There was NEVER a ban.

Second, A MASSACRE IN BOWLING GREEN, KENTUCKY NEVER FUCKING HAPPENED! Good fucking Lord, man! Bending the truth is one thing. However; this woman legitimately made up a terrorist attack that never occurred. This can’t be fucking life, man! Kellyanne Conway is in a legit position of power and she’s BLATANTLY making up information, son. These are the people who are leading our country, bruh. This type of shit should scare everyone. All it takes is one grandiose and misplaced lie to start a war with another nation. Shit, ain’t that how the Iraq War started in the first place? Whatever happened to those “weapons of mass destruction,” George W. Bush?

Ultimately, I’m losing more and more of my hair everyday, son. Well, that’s a lie since I’m already bald, but we all know what I mean, man. This administration is driving my stress level to ungodly heights. The amount of incompetence is fucking frightening, son. *Sigh* I don’t know what else to say here. LC out.

So… Beyoncé Is Having Twins, Huh?

Look, I won’t lie, son. I get supreme enjoyment out of seeing people lose their shit any time Beyoncé does something. At this point, she might really be a religion now, man. With that being said, I’m having a ton of good laughs while watching the world’s reaction to her pregnancy announcement. Excuse me, her “our family is growing by two” announcement. Honestly, there’s no congratulatory message I could give that would match the fever currently sweeping the internet. So, why don’t I just let the people talk and keep the jokes rolling, son. Below are my favorite responses to Beyoncé’s pregnancy news.

Welp, that’s all I got today, folks. Ain’t much else to say around here, bruh. The internet always wins, man. I’m just sitting back and watching the show, son. I’ll probably get back to my regularly scheduled programming tomorrow. Good day.