Bert & Ernie Live Their Truth

So, let me begin this post saying that I find this Bert and Ernie story funny, son. Not because of the longstanding rumor that they’re a gay couple, but because of everyone’s reactions, man. The truth is, different Sesame Street insiders have different perspectives on this subject, fam. With that being said, all of them are right, bruh. Frankly, it just depends on who’s being asked, people. All in all, the real question is, does the sexuality of puppets even matter?

Ok, for those who missed it, Mark Saltzman, former Sesame Street writer, claimed that during his time on the show, he wrote Bert and Ernie as a gay couple. As a matter of fact, he based his writing on his own personal relationships. Now, as expected, this sent the internet into a tizzy. On one side, there were people who were like “duh, son.” Side note, I fall into that category, man. On the other side, there were people who were upset that sexuality was being attributed to puppets on a kid’s show. Shit, even the Sesame Workshop came out with the “they have no sexual orientation” statement. Keeping it a buck, I feel like both sides are correct, fam.

Look, fictional characters are only defined by the individuals writing for them, bruh. Now, when Frank Oz and Jim Henson created Bert and Ernie, they didn’t intend for them to be gay characters. However, that doesn’t change the fact that Saltzman wrote for them from that frame of mind. Hell, Iron Man wasn’t an alcoholic until the Demon in a Bottle storyline. But, that’s how the Marvel writers saw Tony Stark at that particular time. All I can say is, different writers have different vantage points, son. It just is what it is.

In the end, none of this matters, man. Ultimately, Bert and Ernie’s sexuality doesn’t change their impact on children, fam. By and by, both of my sons have religiously watched Sesame Street. At the end of the day, the show still teaches them letters, numbers and how to be nice to people. All I know is, that’s all that really counts, bruh. That is all. LC out.

Advertisements

Get Madonna The F*ck Outta Here!

Really, son? I mean, really, fam? Like, THAT was the best that MTV could do?! Aretha Franklin, The Queen of Soul, dies and THIS is the best tribute they could give her?! Man, I knew there was a reason my heart told me not to watch the Video Music Awards. All I can say is, after seeing Madonna‘s “homage” to Franklin, I want to beat up every staff member at MTV. Frankly, SOMEBODY needs to catch these hands for that travesty, bruh!

Ok, for those who missed it, the VMAs happened last night. Side note, why the fuck did they have an awards show on a Monday? Shit, after a hard day at work, I’m not trying to come home and watch a long-as-fuck show, son. Needless to say, the timing of this is MAJOR fuckery on MTV’s part. Anyway, since Franklin just passed, the network decided to give her a tribute. Now, out of all of the artists they could’ve possibly gotten for this event, who did MTV call? Madonna. Man, what? What?! Whoooo the fuck asked for that, fam? For starters, I can guarantee that NO ONE in the Black community did.

Now, as expected, Madonna’s tribute was simply tragic. First, she somehow made Franklin’s memorial about herself. Hell, instead of talking about the Queen, Madonna told a story about her early days as a struggling musician. Bruh, no one wanted a retrospective on Madonna’s career. Keeping it a buck, I don’t give a flying fuckity-fuck about her come up, son. This is about Aretha Franklin, brethren! Then, to make matters worse, Madonna decided to yodel “(You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman.” Listen, I don’t know what key signature Madonna thought she was singing in, but I definitely know it wasn’t the one from Franklin’s song, man.

In the end, EVERYONE should get slapped up for this tomfoolery, fam. Ultimately, the Queen deserved/deserves WAY better than this, bruh! By and by, I’m going to pretend like last night didn’t exist, son. At the end of the day, it’s better for our collective sanity, man. That is all. LC out.

What Does ‘Self-Made’ Mean?

So, contrary to what some people may think, I’m not about to hate on Kylie Jenner. On the real, I’m not even going to go in depth about how her appropriation of full lips is problematic as fuck. Instead, I want to talk about the idea of her being self-made. Look, I can’t front on anyone who’s on pace to be a billionaire, son. But, if Forbes or anyone else actually thinks she’s self-made, then they’re out of their cotdamn minds, man!

Listen, according to the dictionary, the word “self-made” means “having become successful or rich by one’s own efforts.” Shit, on NO planet does Jenner fit this criteria, fam. Shit, if we’re keeping score, her father is Caitlyn Jenner, her mother is Kris Jenner and her half-sister is Kim Kardashian. Furthermore, she’s been on a reality show since she was a child and she’s been rich her entire life. Frankly, she’s always had the access and the celebrity to be successful in life. Now, that doesn’t mean that she doesn’t have to work hard. But, if folks don’t believe that she has a MASSIVE leg up, then they’re fucking crazy, bruh!

Keeping it a buck, I really don’t think that wealthy people fully understand the benefits of being wealthy. Like, I remember when Donald Trump tried to downplay his father’s assistance by saying he got a “very, very small loan” from Fred Trump for a million dollars. Son, I don’t know ANYONE right now who could just give me a milly. Real talk, that’s not the way the vast majority of this country lives, man. So, the idea that any of these people are self-made is preposterous, fam. Now, as I stated before, that doesn’t mean that rich people don’t have to work to prosper. However, they’re already A LOT further in the race than the rest of us, bruh. It just is what it is.

In the end, congrats to Kylie, son. Ultimately, I’m not here to shit on anybody’s accomplishments, man. By and by, I just want to put this entire narrative into perspective, fam. At the end of the day, the Jenner’s did what any family is supposed to do: create opportunities for the next generation. In that regard, Kris and Caitlyn succeeded, bruh. All in all, I’ll let them cook for today, folks. Hell, I’ll probably go back to shitting on them tomorrow. That is all. LC out.

Put Some Respek On Dame Dash’s Name

Man, I fucks with Damon Dash. Shit, I know that people like to judge him for his falling out with Jay-Z. However, Dash is a legend and should be treated as such, son. In any case, it seems like Lee Daniels missed that memo, fam. Hell, not only did Dash run up on Daniels for not repaying a $2 million loan, but he also filed a lawsuit over the missing money. All in all, Dash hit Daniels with that “run me my check” type of energy.

Ok, for those who missed it, this beef has been brewing for quite some time. Now, according to Dash, he lent Daniels money to fund his movie career. Based on Dash’s story, he gave Daniels the bread needed to create a Richard Pryor biopic, which never saw the light of day. In addition, Dash was supposed to receive five percent of the backend profits from the film. Needless to say, none of that transpired and Dash is PISSED!

Real talk, I can completely understand why Dash is heated, bruh. I mean, look at all of the success that Daniels has had, son. Listen, whether we’re discussing Precious, The Butler or Empire, Daniels has had an amazing run in the industry, man. So, why won’t he just pay Dash his money, fam? Honestly, I feel like people front on Dash because of his failed relationship with Hov and ousting from Roc-A-Fella Records. Keeping it a buck, all of this shit feels like a “kick a dude while he seems to be down” kind of vibe.

Listen, folks need to applaud Dash for his accomplishments, bruh. Keeping it a buck, he’s the one who believed in Hov from the jump. He’s the one who wanted to start Roc-A-Fella after all of the major labels turned Jay down. He’s the one who brought Kareem “Biggs” Burke in to help fund their independent endeavor. He’s the one who actually believed in, and signed, a young Kanye West. Side note, we ALL know about West’s current run of fuckery. But, that doesn’t negate his past work. Anyway, Dash deserves more than the shade that people constantly give him, folks.

In the end, Daniels needs to pay Dash back, son. Ultimately, Dame isn’t going to let this shit go, man. Either way, it makes for amazing entertainment, fam. By and by, Daniels and everyone else need to put some respek on Dash’s name, bruh. Word to Birdman. LC out.

Can I Have Unbiased News?

So, I won’t lie, son. I’m tired of the news, man. No, I’m not tired of current events, but I’m tired of the way these stories are presented to me, fam. Like, can I just have the regular fucking news, bruh? Without a talking head telling me how to interpret it? Look, people are always quick to blame Fox News for the degeneration of journalism. Side note, they are BY FAR the most egregious, folks. I mean, let’s just be real here. But, Fox is not the only culprit in this clusterfuck of media, people. All in all, EVERY news network is to blame for the biased broadcasting presented to the public.

Ok, before I continue, I want everyone to look at this article on Deadspin‘s The Concourse. Listen, writer Timothy Burke put together a video of content across numerous television stations owned by Sinclair Broadcast Group. In the video, DOZENS of news anchors can be seen reciting the same rhetoric, emphasizing Donald Trump‘s fictitious war on “fake news.” Now, when I say the “same rhetoric,” I mean these anchors are actually saying the SAME EXACT WORDS across multiple broadcasts. Shit, how the fuck are people supposed to get unbiased news when the presenters are LITERALLY reading from a script, son?

Now, let me be clear, man. Fox News isn’t the only evil entity in this equation, fam. Hell, MSNBC loves to get in on the bullshit, bruh. On the real, I already shitted on Rachel Maddow in the past for trying to connect dots between Trump and Russia with no verifiable proof. In addition, I remember when Don Lemon had a LONG run of saying fuckity-fuck shit about race on CNN. Keeping it a buck, I can’t watch ANY of these networks anymore, son. All of their content has an angle and I’m fucking sick of it, people.

In the end, I don’t even know how to fix this problem, son. Ultimately, these companies benefit from spinning these tales, man. At the end of the day, the American public is the only group that loses, fam. By and by, we can never come to a resolution about any of the issues because we’re never given accurate information. *Sigh* Where’s Ted Koppel when we need him, bruh? LC out.

What Are Dre & Bow Fighting About On ‘Black-ish’?

So, as the title infers, I watch Black-ish, son. Now, I may not be as caught up as my wife, but I get my chuckles here and there, man. Anyway, over the past few episodes, shit has gotten real, fam. Basically, Dre and Bow are on the verge of a divorce, bruh. All I know is, as I’ve watched the last few episodes, I keep asking myself the same question: what the fuck are they fighting about? In my eyes, their relationship is failing for the same reason a lot of relationships fail: who the fuck knows?

Ok, allow me to keep it a buck for a second, son. Now, I’ve been in a relationship for almost ten years. In addition, I’ve been married for over a year. In any case, at times, my wife does shit that annoys me. For example, she’s always mooching off of my food without permission. Needless to say, I’m SERIOUS about my grub, folks. Side note, hey, babe, don’t hit me. This is all entertainment. Ok, love you, bye. Moving on, she hates it when I walk through the house with shoes on. Essentially, there will always be little things that annoy us about our significant others. By and by, the goal is to never let those small disagreements get in the way of love.

Now, Dre and Bow seem to have passed that point, man. Look, after twenty years of marriage, every problem is exacerbated. Real talk, it appears that every slight issue they have with each other has avalanched into something that’s bigger than it needs to be. All I can say is, it’s amazing how many real-life unions falter for the same reasons, fam. Ok, yes, a number of people break up over money issues and infidelity. However, a lot of people also break up over bullshit, bruh. I mean, that’s why “irreconcilable differences” are grounds for a divorce. Shit, folks reach a point where they don’t even know what they’re beefing about and just call it quits.

In the end, I think this fictional story is a perfect example of how NOT to conduct a relationship. Ultimately, before blowing up a life together, at least figure out what the real fucking problem is, son. By and by, I’m no relationship expert, but I’ll be damned if I don’t have an answer for the “how did we get here” question. At the end of the day, I have NO intention of getting a divorce, man. Hell, my life is great. But, God forbid if it ever happened, at least I’d like to have a clear picture of why, fam. That is all. LC out.

It Be Ya Own People: Kevin Hart Edition

So, this Kevin Hart infidelity shit just took a weird turn, huh? I mean, when I read that someone was trying to extort him with a sex tape, I just assumed it was one of the women in the video, son. On the real, I would’ve never imagined that the culprit might be someone from his inner circle, man. In any case, if the rumors are true, then Jonathan Todd Jackson is a fucking clown, fam. All in all, what part of the game is trying to extort a friend, bruh?

Ok, before I continue, allow me to be petty for a second, son. Now, while researching this story, I’ve seen several media outlets refer to Jackson as either JT or Action Jackson. First off, we already have a JT and his name is Justin Timberlake, man. Furthermore, that JT is already on thin ice after his Man of the Woods album, fam. Needless to say, we don’t need anymore fuckery from someone who goes by JT. Second, there’s only one Action Jackson and his name is Carl Weathers, bruh. Look, I ain’t never see Jonathan Todd square up with Rocky Balboa or Predator, folks. So, he doesn’t have the right to use the “Action” moniker.

Anyway, let’s get back to Jackson’s tomfoolery, son. Now, according to reports, Jackson has been charged with attempted extortion and extortion by threatening letter. Apparently, he somehow got a copy of Hart’s sex tape and tried to swindle some money out of the comedian. This is notable because these dudes used to be boys. Real talk, I only recognize Jackson’s face because of his proximity to Hart, man. Shit, I can specifically remember seeing him in Think Like a Man Too, a film that starred Hart. So, I think it’s safe to say that Hart got homie a roll in that film.

My thing is, what would lead that dude to attempt this fuck shit, fam? Keeping it a buck, if my boy tried to shake me for some cash, I might as well just confess, bruh. I’d much rather take the risk with my wife than give a carpetbagger any of my bread, son. On top of that, this friend, now former friend, would have to catch these hands, man. Lastly, I’d make him film his own beatdown, since he likes tapes so damn much. Good Lord, Jackson is a straight dumbass for this shit, people.

In the end, I hope those felony charges were worth it, son. Ultimately, if Jackson gets convicted, those consequences ain’t gonna be sweet, man. At the end of the day, stupid is as stupid does, shout-out to Forrest Gump. By and by, Jackson is the definition of stupid, fam. That is all. LC out.