Get Bill Maher The F*ck Outta Here!

Yeah, I’m going to keep this post short today, son. I mean, in reality, there isn’t much that needs to be said here. All in all, Bill Maher is a fucking idiot, man. To be clear, I don’t want to hear shit about free speech or the fact that he’s a comedian. Frankly, Maher made a highly inappropriate comment and thought he could get away with it. With that being said, he now knows the gravity of his arrogance.

Now, for anyone who missed it, Maher was interviewing Senator Ben Sasse on the Friday edition of his Real Time show. While speaking about Halloween in his native Nebraska, Sasse expressed that the holiday was “frowned upon” in his state. From there, Maher said that he needed to visit Nebraska more. Next, when Sasse invited Maher to “work in the fields” with them, Maher said “Senator, I’m a house nigger.”

Ok, so, let me get this straight. A White guy is having a conversation with another White guy, the word “fields” is brought up and a slavery reference is made? So, why the fuck should anybody be cool with this? Look, does anybody defending Maher even know what a house nigger was? Well, here’s a quick history lesson for everyone reading this.

So, a house nigger was a slave who served the master in the house. They cooked for the master, cleaned for the master and took care of the master’s kids. In a number of cases, house niggers had lighter skin than the typical African slave. This came as a result of frequent sexual assaults perpetrated by masters on their slaves. In addition, a portion of house niggers ended up “loving” their masters because they didn’t have to deal with the backbreaking work in the fields.

With all of that being said, why the FUCK should anyone give Maher a pass, man?! Shit, if he made a Holocaust reference, I highly doubt anyone would claim it was “just a joke.” Man, since when were White people allowed to make slavery jokes anyway? Look, descendants of the oppressor don’t get to liken themselves to the oppressed. Ultimately, Maher was cocky enough to think he could get away with his ignorant ass joke. For that, I don’t accept his half-assed apology. Fam, he only did it to stay on HBO‘s good side.

In the end, I guess I lied about keeping this post short. Listen, I couldn’t help myself, man. Bill Maher is a fucking asshole, bruh. He’s a prime example of a “pretentious liberal.” Look, just because we agree on some political points doesn’t mean he can just jump out the window like that. By and by, Maher just needs to shut the fuck up. I mean, he was never that funny anyway. LC out.

Do We Want The Righteous Or The Ratchet?

So, to begin, the above picture has little to do with the premise of this post. Frankly, I’m using the images of Ayesha Curry and Cardi B as a means of trolling. With that being said, I have a real question for all of my readers. Does everyone out there want the righteous or the ratchet? I ask that because I always notice the difference in response between posts about political/social issues and posts about pop culture. All I want to know is, is celebrity more important than the issues that affect our everyday lives?

Now, before I continue, let me keep it a buck. On the real, I’m thankful for ANYONE who reads this blog. I mean, I’m wholeheartedly surprised that folks pay attention to my random ramblings. In any case, as people could probably tell, I’ll talk about any and everything on this platform. Frankly, this blog is essentially a snapshot of my free association writing. So, I will continue to touch on a wide variety of topics. However; I do find it odd/slightly disheartening that people would rather read about things like Rap beef than police brutality.

Look, let me be clear, son. Regardless of what I write about, I’ve gained a base that will support me. I mean, that’s fucking beautiful, man! I check my analytics everyday and do the Carlton Dance out of pure joy. With that being said, it scares me that sensationalism seems to be more important than reality. While I thoroughly enjoy making fun of pop culture fuckery, I also want people to take a greater interest in substantial issues. Being honest, in the grand scheme of things, speculation about Kim Kardashian‘s ass shouldn’t trump healthcare, pun intended.

In the end, I’m sorry if I’m coming off a bit preachy here. On the real, that’s truly not my intention, man. Listen, I’m really no better than anyone else, son. Basically, I’m just a random dude with an internet connection who happens to care. Ultimately, my only goal is to make everyone out there aware of what’s happening around us. Now, don’t worry, I’ll keep making fun of our celebrities when they do dumb shit, fam. However; I just want people to care about the righteous as much as we seem to care about the ratchet. That is all. LC out.

Damn, Darkness: RIP Charlie Murphy

Damn, son. *Sigh* All I can do is shake my head, man. On the real, Rest In Peace to Charlie Murphy. Cancer has taken yet another victim, bruh. Now, contrary to what some news outlets might say, Charlie was way more than Eddie Murphy‘s older brother. In fact, he was a master storyteller, a quick-witted verbal flame thrower and a dude who was hilariously menacing. All in all, we lost a great talent and his legacy should be celebrated.

Now, maybe I’m dating myself, but my first real memory of Murphy was in the movie CB4. Yeah, I know he was in a few films before that, including a couple of Spike Lee joints, but I vividly remember him as Gusto. Look, I got endless joy out of watching him terrorize Albert (Chris Rock). His aggression was always funny and it made every scene entertaining to watch.

Moving on, as time progressed, he found himself on every visual medium imaginable. However; no one will ever forget his role on Chappelle’s Show. Listen, everything he did with Dave Chappelle on that show was gold, son. EVERYTHING, man! Whether we’re talking about “Charlie Murphy’s True Hollywood Stories” or “The Mad Real World” or the “Player Hater’s Ball,” Murphy created nothing but classic material, fam.

Ok, keeping it a buck, Chappelle may be the greatest comedian of all time. With that being said, the most memorable material from his show might actually be Murphy’s stories about Rick James and Prince. Think about that for a second, man. That’s how great Murphy was. Even legends like Chappelle and his brother Eddie knew how phenomenal Charlie was. As Eddie always said, Charlie was “his best impression.”

In the end, Murphy deserves his respect. He put in the time and the effort to be considered an icon. Now, let’s celebrate his memory by slapping a “habitual line-stepper” and then eating a plate of pancakes. RIP Charlie Murphy!

P.S. Prayers up to Murphy’s children. Due to his untimely demise from leukemia, his kids are now technically orphans. Unfortunately, Murphy’s wife, Tisha Taylor, died from cervical cancer in 2009. I swear, cancer might be the worst thing to ever plague humanity, man. That is all.

Get Pepsi & Kendall Jenner The F*ck Outta Here!

*Sigh* Damn, son. Why did it have to be Pepsi, man? I mean, I’m one of the people who can actually tell the difference between Pepsi and Coca-Cola. With that being said, Pepsi is without question the superior product, bruh. However; that tidbit can’t save them from getting this work, fam. Look, all I want to know is, what the fuckity-fuck were Pepsi and Kendall Jenner thinking? Now, I’ve seen some strange things in my life, but I’m pretty sure an ice-cold soda won’t stop this country from doing fuck shit.

So, I don’t even know where to begin with the tomfoolery, son. Shit, I could start with Skip Marley for donating his “Lions” song to this ridiculous ass commercial. I could talk about the randomness of the Asian man playing the cello or the hijab-wearing Muslim woman freaking out over her pictures. I could talk about the “joy” on people’s faces while they “protest” injustice. Look, I could rip this commercial apart from so many different angles, but I have to aim my crosshairs at the soda itself.

Now, maybe I’m dumb, but can someone please explain to me how a Pepsi can save the world? Listen, before I continue, I’m pretty sure this company doesn’t literally think handing out soda will solve all of our issues. However; I do think it perpetuates a dangerous ideology. Ultimately, being nice to the establishment won’t stop them from fucking us over.

To be clear, sucking up to authority won’t stop police from killing unarmed Black people. Sucking up to authority won’t stop our government from violating the rights of Muslims, women, minorities, poor people and the LGBTQ community. Keeping it a buck, real protest isn’t convenient and it damn sure isn’t jovial, fam. People are really out here fighting for basic human rights and Pepsi just turned it all into a fucking joke, son. All I know is, everyone involved with this nonsense should be fired immediately, man.

In the end, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I’m just… I’m just tired of the day-to-day stupidity, bruh. It’s just so fucking tiring and irritating, son. I quit. I… I fucking quit. LC out.

Let It Go, Aunt Viv

Look, I’ll just get straight to the point, son. Janet Hubert aka Vivian Banks aka Aunt Viv needs to let it go, man. Whatever beef she has/had with Will Smith and the cast of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air needs to die, bruh. I mean, the show has been off of the air since 1996. In addition, she left the show in 1993. That’s like an eternity, man. Put it this way: if a child was born the same year this show ended, then they’d be able to legally drink now. Good fucking Lord, that’s a long time, son! With that being said, please, Hubert, give all of this petty shit a rest, ma’am. It’s over. It’s all over.

Now, for those who missed it, the cast of The Fresh Prince recently reunited for a charity event. So, in addition to Smith, Alfonso Ribiero, Tatyana Ali, Karyn Parsons, Joseph Marcell and Daphne Maxwell Reid all got together to support Parsons’ charity. Needless to say, they all took some pictures together and everyone was happy. Well, everyone expect Hubert. In actuality, after getting wind of the reunion, she went on a tirade, calling Ribiero a “media hoe” and an “ass wipe for Will,” amongst other things.

To be clear, this isn’t the first time she’s aimed her barrels at her former cast members. On the real, she has a long, long, looooong history of going at their necks, especially Smith. Ever since she was replaced by Reid as Aunt Viv, there’s been conflicting stories about what really happened between Hubert and Smith. In any case, neither one of them fuck with each other, son. So, it makes perfect sense that Hubert wasn’t invited to the getdown. Keeping it a buck, there’s been bad blood all around for like 25 years, man. All I know is, the shit needs to die, bruh. None of that shit even remotely matters anymore. It just is what it is, son. All we need to do is let these reruns cook, B.

In the end, regardless of the fuckity-fuck shit, The Fresh Prince is still the jam. All in all, Hubert can take some solace in knowing that she was the best Aunt Viv. Her legacy is solidified, man. Now, she just needs to stop being so damn petty. LC out.

Ted Koppel Is A G… Ask Sean Hannity

Man, I rock with Ted Koppel. Nah, for real, for real, I rock with Ted Koppel, son. After watching his interview with Sean Hannity on CBS Sunday Morning, I was excited to see an actual journalist deconstruct today’s media. As it currently stands, opinions have replaced facts in our news and it’s exceedingly dangerous, man. With that being said, I applaud Koppel for calling out Hannity to his face. However; Hannity and Fox News aren’t the only ones to criticize. In my eyes, MSNBCCNN and countless other “news” networks all share some of the blame. Ultimately, all opinion shows disguised as news are bad for America.

Now, I won’t lie, son, when it comes to this subject, I argue a lot with my wife and my mother. To me, I see no difference between Fox News and MSNBC. Yes, the ideology is drastically different between the two channels, but they both engage in the same brand of propaganda. All jokes aside, Bill O’Reilly and Chris Matthews are the same person, man. They both have definitive beliefs and they both refuse to listen to any guest with a conflicting point of view. Instead of acknowledging someone else’s sentiment, they’d rather just cut them off or speak over them. On the real, I challenge anyone to watch both of their shows back-to-back. Once their respective dogma is removed, it becomes apparent that their approach to “news” is strikingly similar.

Look, didn’t I just scold Rachel Maddow on this very site for engaging in the tomfoolery? I mean, she took two pages of Donald Trump‘s 2005 tax return and spun an entire story out of nothing. Outside of quoting how much money he made and how much he paid in taxes, Maddow had no other spec of news to report. She just launched a series of hypotheticals that were designed to create an unproven narrative in the audience’s mind. *Sigh* I just want the damn news, son! Can I get that without someone trying to shape how I’m supposed to interpret it?

Moving on, I just want to make one thing clear. Is my blog based on my own personal point of view? Absolutely. With that being said, I’m not a journalist, man. I’m just a dude with an opinion and immaculate WiFi, son. I’m simply out here reacting to the world as it happens. We, the people, need the media to tell us the unbiased truth. That’s the only way we can truly make sense of everything. All I know is, I’m a firm believer that opinion-based media is largely responsible for the division in our country. The public can’t come together when information is always being spun and misrepresented.

In the end, Ted Koppel is a G, man. He’s one of the few who’s able to call a spade a spade. Now, if more journalists took this stance on the news, then maybe we’d actually have a shot of figuring out what’s really going on out here. But, then again, in the words of Desus Nice, by Bronx bredren, facts don’t matter. LC out.

P.S. This is very random, but shout-out to Ghostface Killah, son. Look, the entire time I was writing this post, I kept hearing the line “hit mics like Ted Koppel” in my head. With that being said, everyone should go listen to “Mighty Healthy” after reading this. That is all.

Go Watch ‘The New Edition Story’!

All jokes aside, I can’t believe BET pulled this off, son. I mean, let’s be real, man. BET has been a joke for quite some time now. They have specialized in damn near every type of coonery imaginable. However; it looks like they’re trying to get back in Black people’s good graces by releasing good content. With that being said, this New Edition miniseries is awesome, son! Like, this project was really well made, man. So far, after being locked in for the first two nights of the three-night event, I must say, from the storyline to the casting, BET got The New Edition Story right. Ultimately, this series is a dope history lesson about a group of supremely crazy ass dudes who made timeless records. People need to get onboard ASAP, bruh.

First, let’s talk about the casting, son. Whoever assembled the guys to portray New Edition is a cotdamn genius, man. To begin, I don’t care what anyone says, the kid who plays the child version of Bobby Brown MUST be related to Bobby. Shit, Bobby has a gillion kids, so I wouldn’t be surprised if that was actually his real son. Moving on, casting Hakeem Lyon, excuse me, Yazz the Greatest, excuse me, Bryshere Y. Gray as Michael Bivins is fucking brilliant, man. Their vocal inflections match perfectly. Seriously, if I’m not paying close enough attention, I really do believe Bivins is the one speaking. Lastly, Luke James is one of the few people with the vocal prowess to tackle Johnny Gill’s notes. Since these guys are actually singing the songs, they definitely needed a talented singer to handle all of Johnny’s Luther Vandross-esque vocal stylings.

Next, Bobby Brown is just good for television, son. Without a doubt, Bobby is one of the craziest dudes to ever become famous. Despite all of his talent, he couldn’t help himself when it comes to being a train wreck. He was already everyone’s crazy uncle by the time he was a teenager, bruh. He just always found himself in some bullshit, man. Keeping it a buck, I really do wonder how big Bobby could’ve been if he just remotely kept his act together. People act like he wasn’t the biggest R&B star on the planet when he was at his peak. People act like “On Our Own” isn’t a perfect fucking song. People act like Usher didn’t take a grip of his dance moves from Bobby. *Sigh* Even with the success he had, Bobby Brown still could’ve been a way bigger star. I guess we’ll never know, son.

Lastly, I think the film is doing a great job of displaying the group’s mentality. Sometimes, it’s hard to remember that a lot of this stuff happened before any of them turned 25. Hell, most of this shit happened when they were still teens. Of COURSE they were making terrible decisions, man! How smart were any of us when we were 17? Does any know why the name of this blog is “I Can’t Be Famous?” It’s because I know damn well I’d act a complete fool if I had any kind of notoriety. Lord knows what I would’ve done if I was in their position at 17 or 18. Honestly, I can’t even fault them for the bad contracts. I mean, grown ass people are STILL signing awful deals today. Ultimately, a lawyer is everyone’s best friend.

In the end, go watch this series, son. Plain and simple. Part three comes on tonight and I’m sure BET is replaying the first two parts before that. While I’m still shocked I’m promoting anything related to BET, I do give credit where credit is due. They did great work here, man. Now, let me get back to playing “You’re Not My Kind of Girl” at ignorant levels. Good day.