I Almost Disowned My Mother Over Stan Lee

So, allow me to keep it a buck for a second, son. Real talk, if anyone doesn’t understand how legendary Stan Lee was/is, then I really don’t want to know that person. Taking it a step further, if I have a friend/family member who doesn’t comprehend Lee’s GOAT‘ness, then I’m not sure that I can continue our relationship. I mean, Lee was The Gawd, man! Seriously, where the fuck would Marvel Comics or the overall zeitgeist be if Lee never existed, fam? Shit, I don’t even want to imagine such a world. All in all, Rest In Peace to one of the greatest dudes ever!

Ok, now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, let me explain the title of this post, bruh. So, once upon a time in elementary school, I was a HUGE comic book fan. Side note, I dare someone to test my knowledge on anything before like 2005. Honestly, I’ve got this, son. In any case, around like the third grade, I came across a special comic book: an original edition of Amazing Spider-Man #300. Now, for anyone who is unaware, this issue contains the first full-length appearance of Venom. Moving on, the comic first came out in 1988, but somehow in the early 1990s, I found an original copy. Needless to say, I was fucking HYPED, man!

Anyway, even though Lee didn’t write that particular issue, it’s no secret that Peter Parker was his brainchild. Hell, Parker along with every other Marvel character who has ever mattered, fam. All I can say is, getting ahold of Venom’s first foray meant EVERYTHING to me, bruh! On the real, I read that comic once and put it back in the plastic, son. Listen, I didn’t want to risk creasing it, man.

Now, fast forward to my freshman year of boarding school. I came home for my first vacation and noticed my room looked a little different. Most notably, my bookcase seemed to be missing all of my comic books. To add insult to injury, I definitely noticed that Spider-Man #300 was missing. From there, I asked my mom where my comics were and she uttered four words that changed our relationship: “I threw them out.” I immediately asked her why she would do such a thing and she said “you’re a teenager now, I figured you wouldn’t want them anymore.” All I know is, that might’ve been the only time I legitimately wanted to hit my own mother with the Stone Cold Stunner.

Look, I told that story to highlight one main point: Stan Lee invented a universe that I NEEDED to be a part of. Like, he created characters with nuance, fam. He created characters with ethos. For God‘s sake, he based Professor X and Magneto on Martin Luther King Jr. and Malcolm X! What else do people need to know, bruh?! Yeah, these heroes had unreal abilities, but a lot of them had VERY real problems, son. Keeping it a buck, what awkward teenager couldn’t relate to Peter Parker? Being a superhero didn’t absolve him from the trash-ness of high school, man. The fact is, Lee built a world that all of us could identify with AND get lost in.

In the end, RIP to the greatest! Ultimately, his influence will forever be solidified. By and by, Marvel is stronger than ever and it’s directly because of his influence. At the end of the day, legends never die, fam. Long live Stan Lee! That is all. LC out.

P.S. Man, I still don’t know if I’ve forgiven my mom. Look, I just Google‘d the price of an original copy of that Spider-Man issue and got mad all over again. *Sigh* Her and I need to have another discussion, son. Good day.

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My 500th Post

So, I won’t lie, son. I don’t really have anything weighing on my mind today, man. Well, that’s not true at all. I mean, I have a million things on my mind, but nothing that I feel the need to write about, fam. Instead, I just want to take this time to thank any and everybody who supports this raggedy ass blog, bruh. Shit, as of today, I’ve reached 500 posts, brethren. Real talk, that’s a lot of fucking writing, folks. All I can say is, I wouldn’t have kept this up if people didn’t hold me down. Hell, every time I’ve wanted to quit, someone would randomly give me a word that I needed to hear. With that being said, I just want to acknowledge the fact that I don’t take any of it for granted. In the end, I’m going to do my best to make sure my shit ain’t trash, people. Love y’all! That is all. LC out.

50 Cent Needs To Let His Ja Rule Beef Go

Look, let me cut straight to the chase, son. Real talk, it’s 2018 and 50 Cent needs to let his beef with Ja Rule go. I mean, at this point, 50 looks like an obsessed ex-girlfriend, man. For God‘s sake, he won this feud over a decade ago, fam! So, why can’t he just go on with his life, bruh? All I know is, there comes a time when we’re all too old to be this petty, brethren. The way I see it, 50 is already waaaay late to that party.

Ok, for those who missed it, Ja is supposed to do a show somewhere on November 9th. Apparently, there are tickets for sale on Groupon. Anyway, when 50 got word of the concert, instead of just going on with his day, he decided to fuck with Ja for the millionth time. So, he bought 200 front row tickets just so they could be empty for the show. Now, listen, if this were 15 years ago, I probably would’ve thought this was hilarious, son. But, since they’ve been beefing since the early 2000s, it’s kind of ridiculous now, man. Shit, aren’t these dudes in their fucking 40s now?

To be fair, I was a HUGE 50 Cent fan, fam. On the real, I legitimately learned how to write hooks from listening to G-Unit songs, bruh. On the other hand, despite their longstanding feud, I remained a Ja Rule fan too. Side note, cats need to stop fronting like Ja ain’t have the jams, folks. Real talk, outside of that The Last Temptation bullshit, all of Ja’s albums were tough, people. In any case, I say all that to say that I have no bias when it comes to these artists. In fact, the only point I’m making is that 50 is too damn grown to still be acting like he’s late for home room in high school.

In the end, 50 needs to be more constructive with his time, son. Hell, shouldn’t he be working on Power right now? Keeping it a buck, the writing on that show has been a little suspect over the last two seasons. Ultimately, if he focused more on that and less on Ja, the show might be as good as it was during the first two seasons. Then again, what the hell do I know, man? Frankly, 50’s going to keep doing what he’s doing, fam. At the end of the day, trolling seems to be a large part of his job description, bruh. That is all. LC out.

My Question About Bill Cosby: Do We Really Want Justice?

So, the day has actually arrived, son. Bill Cosby, TV dad to a generation of people, is actually going to prison. Look, I won’t lie, man. I have conflicted feelings about this, fam. On one hand, he’s getting exactly what he deserves for abusing numerous women. On the other hand, it’s a damn shame that this has overshadowed everything he’s ever built, bruh. But, that’s what happens when someone has a long history of deviance, folks. In any case, I want to ask the people out there (mostly Black) one question: do we really want justice or do we want to be able to get away with the same crimes as White people?

Ok, before I continue, let me make one thing clear: I’m not here to argue about Cosby’s guilt, son. By now, if anyone hasn’t heard his 2005 deposition where he admits to giving women drugs so he can have sex with them, then that person is lost, man. Face it, Cosby did that shit, fam. Anyway, in the aftermath of his sentencing, social media has been in a tizzy, bruh. Real talk, a lot of the commentary seems to be around the idea that only Cosby, a Black man, is suffering the consequences of his actions. Furthermore, people would like to know why people like Harvey Weinstein and Kevin Spacey haven’t suffered the same fate.

Listen, I agree with the idea that monsters like Weinstein and Spacey need to be held accountable. However, are we saying that since they haven’t paid the price yet that Cosby shouldn’t have to pay? Is that the wave we’re on? So, are our complaints about sexual abuse or the fact that Cosby is the only convicted celebrity? Ideally, I want everybody to go down for their treachery, son. Shit, I don’t want Cosby to be free just because Weinstein is free. I mean, that literally doesn’t make sense, man. All in all, a criminal shouldn’t be excused just because another criminal hasn’t been busted yet. So, instead of asking for Cosby’s release, we need to ask for all of the abusers to get helmed up, fam.

In the end, we need to let the hero worship die, bruh. Ultimately, we all know the justice system isn’t fair, son. But, that doesn’t mean we need to excuse Cosby’s behavior, man. By and by, he needed to pay for his crimes, fam. At the end of the day, people like Weinstein and Spacey also need to pay for their crimes. All I can say is, I don’t put them in different categories, bruh. Wrong is wrong is wrong. That is all. LC out.

Bert & Ernie Live Their Truth

So, let me begin this post saying that I find this Bert and Ernie story funny, son. Not because of the longstanding rumor that they’re a gay couple, but because of everyone’s reactions, man. The truth is, different Sesame Street insiders have different perspectives on this subject, fam. With that being said, all of them are right, bruh. Frankly, it just depends on who’s being asked, people. All in all, the real question is, does the sexuality of puppets even matter?

Ok, for those who missed it, Mark Saltzman, former Sesame Street writer, claimed that during his time on the show, he wrote Bert and Ernie as a gay couple. As a matter of fact, he based his writing on his own personal relationships. Now, as expected, this sent the internet into a tizzy. On one side, there were people who were like “duh, son.” Side note, I fall into that category, man. On the other side, there were people who were upset that sexuality was being attributed to puppets on a kid’s show. Shit, even the Sesame Workshop came out with the “they have no sexual orientation” statement. Keeping it a buck, I feel like both sides are correct, fam.

Look, fictional characters are only defined by the individuals writing for them, bruh. Now, when Frank Oz and Jim Henson created Bert and Ernie, they didn’t intend for them to be gay characters. However, that doesn’t change the fact that Saltzman wrote for them from that frame of mind. Hell, Iron Man wasn’t an alcoholic until the Demon in a Bottle storyline. But, that’s how the Marvel writers saw Tony Stark at that particular time. All I can say is, different writers have different vantage points, son. It just is what it is.

In the end, none of this matters, man. Ultimately, Bert and Ernie’s sexuality doesn’t change their impact on children, fam. By and by, both of my sons have religiously watched Sesame Street. At the end of the day, the show still teaches them letters, numbers and how to be nice to people. All I know is, that’s all that really counts, bruh. That is all. LC out.

Get Madonna The F*ck Outta Here!

Really, son? I mean, really, fam? Like, THAT was the best that MTV could do?! Aretha Franklin, The Queen of Soul, dies and THIS is the best tribute they could give her?! Man, I knew there was a reason my heart told me not to watch the Video Music Awards. All I can say is, after seeing Madonna‘s “homage” to Franklin, I want to beat up every staff member at MTV. Frankly, SOMEBODY needs to catch these hands for that travesty, bruh!

Ok, for those who missed it, the VMAs happened last night. Side note, why the fuck did they have an awards show on a Monday? Shit, after a hard day at work, I’m not trying to come home and watch a long-as-fuck show, son. Needless to say, the timing of this is MAJOR fuckery on MTV’s part. Anyway, since Franklin just passed, the network decided to give her a tribute. Now, out of all of the artists they could’ve possibly gotten for this event, who did MTV call? Madonna. Man, what? What?! Whoooo the fuck asked for that, fam? For starters, I can guarantee that NO ONE in the Black community did.

Now, as expected, Madonna’s tribute was simply tragic. First, she somehow made Franklin’s memorial about herself. Hell, instead of talking about the Queen, Madonna told a story about her early days as a struggling musician. Bruh, no one wanted a retrospective on Madonna’s career. Keeping it a buck, I don’t give a flying fuckity-fuck about her come up, son. This is about Aretha Franklin, brethren! Then, to make matters worse, Madonna decided to yodel “(You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman.” Listen, I don’t know what key signature Madonna thought she was singing in, but I definitely know it wasn’t the one from Franklin’s song, man.

In the end, EVERYONE should get slapped up for this tomfoolery, fam. Ultimately, the Queen deserved/deserves WAY better than this, bruh! By and by, I’m going to pretend like last night didn’t exist, son. At the end of the day, it’s better for our collective sanity, man. That is all. LC out.

What Does ‘Self-Made’ Mean?

So, contrary to what some people may think, I’m not about to hate on Kylie Jenner. On the real, I’m not even going to go in depth about how her appropriation of full lips is problematic as fuck. Instead, I want to talk about the idea of her being self-made. Look, I can’t front on anyone who’s on pace to be a billionaire, son. But, if Forbes or anyone else actually thinks she’s self-made, then they’re out of their cotdamn minds, man!

Listen, according to the dictionary, the word “self-made” means “having become successful or rich by one’s own efforts.” Shit, on NO planet does Jenner fit this criteria, fam. Shit, if we’re keeping score, her father is Caitlyn Jenner, her mother is Kris Jenner and her half-sister is Kim Kardashian. Furthermore, she’s been on a reality show since she was a child and she’s been rich her entire life. Frankly, she’s always had the access and the celebrity to be successful in life. Now, that doesn’t mean that she doesn’t have to work hard. But, if folks don’t believe that she has a MASSIVE leg up, then they’re fucking crazy, bruh!

Keeping it a buck, I really don’t think that wealthy people fully understand the benefits of being wealthy. Like, I remember when Donald Trump tried to downplay his father’s assistance by saying he got a “very, very small loan” from Fred Trump for a million dollars. Son, I don’t know ANYONE right now who could just give me a milly. Real talk, that’s not the way the vast majority of this country lives, man. So, the idea that any of these people are self-made is preposterous, fam. Now, as I stated before, that doesn’t mean that rich people don’t have to work to prosper. However, they’re already A LOT further in the race than the rest of us, bruh. It just is what it is.

In the end, congrats to Kylie, son. Ultimately, I’m not here to shit on anybody’s accomplishments, man. By and by, I just want to put this entire narrative into perspective, fam. At the end of the day, the Jenner’s did what any family is supposed to do: create opportunities for the next generation. In that regard, Kris and Caitlyn succeeded, bruh. All in all, I’ll let them cook for today, folks. Hell, I’ll probably go back to shitting on them tomorrow. That is all. LC out.