Dear Basketball Gods: Give Us Zion Williamson!

So, I’m going to keep this post short today. All I can say is, I’m a lifelong New York Knicks fan who needs some damn relief, son. With that being said, I’m on fucking edge right now, man! I mean, the NBA Draft Lottery is tonight and I’m STRESSED, fam! All in all, I NEED the Knicks to get the first pick so we can get Zion Williamson.

Ok, for those who are unaware, tonight is an important night for the league. The Draft Lottery will let us know the order of the upcoming NBA Draft. More importantly, it’ll let basketball fans know where Williamson will end up next season. Like, let’s be real, bruh: Zion is going number one. But, we don’t know which team will get the pick. Currently, my Knicks have a 14% chance of getting it. Frankly, I don’t like those odds, son.

Look, I don’t know what else to say, man. Keeping it a buck, I’m nervous as fuck, fam. All I know is, I hope Patrick Ewing can give us some good luck while he represents us tonight. The fact is, Knicks fans have suffered enough, bruh. Like, can we FINALLY get a win, son? Please? PLEASE?! For God‘s sake, I’m tired of the tomfoolery, folks. Tired, tired, tired!

In the end, I’m on pins and needles, son. Ultimately, I’m just praying for something good, man. By and by, I won’t know what to do with myself if we don’t get this pick, fam. *Sigh* Excuse me while I go drink my anxiety away, bruh. Viva la Zion! That is all. LC out.

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Kawhi Leonard OD’d!

So, before I begin, I’d like to apologize to Kawhi Leonard. I mean, I was hard on him for the way he left the San Antonio Spurs, son. Frankly, I thought he ditched the team in a very unprofessional way. On top of that, I undervalued him as a player. Now, while I still think he ganked the Spurs for their time, I was dead wrong about him as a player, man. All in all, he’s been killing it this season, especially in the playoffs. With all of that being said, the shot he hit last night was one for the fucking ages, fam.

Ok, for those who missed it, Leonard hit one of the craziest shots I’ve ever seen. Now, with the score tied in a Game 7 between the Toronto Raptors and Philadelphia 76ers, Leonard hit a buzzer-beating corner jumper to send the Sixers home. On the real, the shot alone was bad enough, bruh. But, the ball took like four bounces on the rim before going in. I mean, the Sixers have to be siiiiiick, son. Like, the tears in Joel Embiid‘s eyes said it all, man.

Look, I don’t know what to say about that shot, fam. Frankly, I don’t have the vocabulary to express how incredible that shit was, bruh. Real talk, I’d need George R. R. Martin to write some eloquent shit, son. In any case, everyone can just watch the basket here. All I know is, Leonard napalmed the Sixers hopes and dreams, man. On top of that, Leonard didn’t even have his greatest game. Yeah, he had 41 points, but he wasn’t as efficient as he’s been all playoffs. In any case, when the Raptors needed him, he got that shit done, brethren.

In the end, I fucking love basketball, son. Hell, my wife got pissed at me because I woke her up by yelling when that shot went in. Anyway, the next round matchup between the Raptors and the Milwaukee Bucks is going to be wild, man. All I can say is, I can’t fucking wait, fam! Viva la NBA! LC out.

P.S. Ben Simmons is trash and no one can convince me otherwise. That is all.

Ayesha Curry Can’t Have It Both Ways

So, let me keep it real, son. I’m going to try my best to utilize my analytical side and not my “I’m a husband who’d want to drop kick somebody” side. Frankly, I’m not here to bash Ayesha Curry, man. On the real, I’m just trying to make sense of her nonsensical-ness, fam. All in all, she can’t want attention from men AND get mad at the attention that Steph Curry gets.

Ok, for those who missed it, Mrs. Curry sat down with Jada Pinkett Smith, Willow Smith and Adrienne Banfield-Norris for an episode of Red Table Talk. Now, although a variety of topics were touched on during the discussion, a few tidbits caught people’s attention. First, Curry talked about how she hates the reactions that Steph gets from women. I mean, that’s completely understandable, bruh. Like, what spouse wants to see their significant other ogled by outsiders?

Now, if that’s where the discussion ended, then all would be well, son. Instead, Curry divulged a little bit more information. To be more specific, she chose to illuminate some of her own insecurities. In any case, she stated that she wishes she got more “male attention.” Apparently, while Steph has been dodging all of these unwanted eyes, Ayesha wishes more men looked at her in that way. In fact, due to the lack of gazing stares, she began to wonder if something was wrong with her.

Look, I’m not an idiot, man. Real talk, everyone likes to know that people find them attractive. However, that shit needs to stop mattering when you’re fucking married. On top of that, she can’t get mad at women for wanting Steph when she desires the same type of interest. Furthermore, I need some of the ladies out there to stop caping for her, fam. Hell, if someone’s husband told them “damn, I wish these ladies looked my way more,” they’d be fucking pissed, bruh. All I know is, Steph and Ayesha need to be enough for Steph and Ayesha.

In the end, Ayesha needs to let that shit go, son. Ultimately, as long as she has Steph and Steph has her, outside influences shouldn’t matter, man. In addition, this is the last thing homie needs right now, fam. By and by, he’s having a rough time in the playoffs, bruh. Shit, I wouldn’t put it past an opponent to throw this in his face on the court, folks. At the end of the day, we need to be careful what we wish for, brethren. She might get that attention she wants and fuck up her marriage. Knock it off, Ayesha. That is all. LC out.

Thanks For Wasting Our Time, Brock Lesnar

So, I won’t lie, son. I’m happy that Brock Lesnar is retiring from MMA. Frankly, no real fan wanted to watch him fight Daniel Cormier, man. On the real, the fact that this fight was ever a possibility is a fucking joke, fam. I mean, he’s only had two fights in the last eight years and he popped for PEDs in 2016. All in all, the sport won’t miss him, bruh.

Ok, for those who missed it, the proposed match between Lesnar and Cormier is off. Apparently, Lesnar informed Dana White that he’s retiring, so the UFC now has to change gears. Now, after the months of fuckery, the UFC is trying to schedule a rematch between Cormier and Stipe Miocic. Side note, this is the fight that should’ve happened from the beginning. Fuck all that Hollywood shit, son. The best should be fighting the best. Period.

Now, I never understood why Cormier wanted to fight Lesnar in the first place, man. Ok, yes, I know Cormier was looking for a big payday. But, that bout would’ve contradicted everything he claimed to stand for. Shit, he’s extremely vocal about being a clean athlete and often criticizes Jon Jones for his transgressions. So, his answer was to fight Lesnar, a man who’s also failed drug tests? Come the fuck on, fam.

In the end, I just want Miocic to get his just due, bruh. Ultimately, he’s achieved more than any other Heavyweight in UFC history. By and by, it was fucked up to see him being dismissed so easily. At the end of the day, I think the rematch with Cormier will be crazy. All I know is, that’s what real MMA fans want, son. That is all. LC out.

Russell Westbrook Is Trid-ash

So, let me begin this post by saying that I used to vehemently defend Russell Westbrook. I always gave him credit for his hustle, passion and otherworldly athleticism. However, enough is enough, son. The fact is, he’s an outrageously inefficient player, man. On the real, the triple doubles have fooled a lot of us, fam. All I know is, the Oklahoma City Thunder will never win shit if Westbrook continues to play in this manner.

Now, for those who are ready to roast me, let’s look at some statistics, bruh. Ok, yes, he’s averaged a triple double for the last three seasons. All in all, he’s the first player to ever do that in NBA history. So, is that impressive? Yes. But, it doesn’t tell the whole story, son. Listen, over the last two years, he’s averaged 43% shooting from the field and 29% from 3-point range. That’s fucking atrocious, man. The problem is, his performances in the postseason are even worse, fam.

Look, Westbrook has played 18 playoff games since him and Kevin Durant squandered a 3-1 lead against the Golden State Warriors. During that stretch, the Thunder have gone 4-14. To make matters worse, Westbrook has shot 38% from the field and 30% from 3-point range. Frankly, those numbers are gross, bruh. But, no one seems to notice because he’s also averaged 29 PPG, 10 RPG and 9 APG. So, he’s close to his triple double average, but his team is losing and his shooting is disrespectfully bad. All I can say is, that’s not a coincidence, folks.

The way I see it, this last series against the Portland Trail Blazers proved that triple doubles are meaningless, son. Shit, in the last game when Damian Lillard stole their soul, Westbrook had a triple double. He also shot 11-31 from the field. Man, he took 11 more shots than Paul George who was shooting 70% that night. Like, that’s just poor basketball IQ, fam. Listen, a bad shooter was having a bad night and he still wouldn’t stop chucking the ball. That’s a fucking problem, bruh. Hell, he had games like that all series, people. In Game 2, he was one rebound away from another triple double, but he went 5-20 from the field. In Game 4, he went 5-21 on his shots. That’s three games where he had more shot attempts than points. So, remind me again why the triple doubles matter, brethren.

In the end, I’m sick of the bullshit, son. Ultimately, Westbrook will never win anything if he continues to play this way. By and by, I crucified Kevin Durant for joining the Warriors, but not for leaving Westbrook. At the end of the day, I understood why he had to get away from him, man. Keeping it a buck, Russell Westbrook just doesn’t play smart basketball, fam. It is what it is. Maybe now he’ll stop shooting so many damn threes. Probably not, though. That is all. LC out.

Damian Lillard Is A Cold Motherf*cker

So, I’m going to try and keep this post short today, son. Frankly, I only have one message, man: Damian Lillard is a cold motherfucker, fam. I mean, SHIT, bruh! What the hell kinda shot was that?! Look, I know that Lillard isn’t a stranger to series-winning shots. But, what he did to the Oklahoma City Thunder was just disrespectful, folks. On the real, that might have been the most “suck my dick” shot I’ve ever seen, brethren.

Ok, for those who missed it and hate themselves, the first round series between the Thunder and the Portland Trail Blazers was amazing, son. Now, don’t be fooled by the 4-1 outcome, man. Real talk, there was A LOT of animosity between these teams, fam. Correction, there was A LOT of animosity between Lillard and Russell Westbrook. Hell, as competing point guards, Lillard and Westbrook were essentially trying to kill each other, bruh. All I know is, Lillard got in Westbrook’s ass the entire series, people.

First, we could talk about the fact that Lillard outscored Westbrook in four of the five games. Side note, the one game that Westbrook outscored Lillard, it was only by a 33 to 32 margin, son. In any case, Lillard was outplaying Westbrook at every turn. Also, when it was time to take over a game, it was Lillard putting the Blazers on his back. On the flip side, Westbrook was a damn liability most of the time. Shit, his inept shooting was a large part of why the Thunder lost this series, man.

Now, if outplaying Westbrook wasn’t enough, Lillard decided to plunge the sword in the heart, fam. Not only did he drop 50 on their headtop, but he hit a series-winning, buzzer-beating shot from 37 feet. 37 fucking feet, bruh! Like, shit doesn’t get any more emphatic than that, bruh. Keeping it a buck, losing in that fashion has to be demoralizing, son. All I can say is, I’d have to fight Lillard if he hit that shot on me.

In the end, long live Damian Lillard! Ultimately, he’s been underrated for years, man. By and by, maybe now people will realize that he’s been cold-blooded for quite some time, fam. On top of that, Westbrook is no longer allowed to talk shit to him. That wave is dead, bruh. Finito. That is all. LC out.

P.S. Everyone should watch the shot below, son. Seriously, it’s fucking incredible, man. Good day.

You Had One Job, Jarrell Miller

So, by definition, “stupid” means showing a great lack of intelligence or common sense. On the real, that’s the best way to describe Jarrell “Big Baby” Miller right now. I mean, this dude has a shot at Anthony Joshua and three of the four major Heavyweight boxing titles and he fucks it up, son. Like, the LAST thing he should want to do is test positive for PEDs, man. Alas, he did and here we are, fam.

Ok, for those who missed it, Miller is supposed to face Joshua on June 1st for the WBA (Super), IBF, WBO and IBO Heavyweight titles. Now, out of all of the major titles, the WBC belt held by Deontay Wilder is the only one that Joshua doesn’t have. With that being said, this is the chance of a lifetime for Miller. Shit, if he won this fight, he’d be well on his way to becoming the undisputed Heavyweight champion. To keep this in perspective, Lennox Lewis is the last fighter to hold this distinction, people. Instead, Miller just popped hot for Cardarine, better known as GW1516.

Now, why in this notable? Because this drug is known to increase people’s aerobic threshold and endurance. The fact is, Miller is well over 300 pounds and tends to gas out in his fights. So, a drug like this would give him an incredible advantage, bruh. Frankly, if he were able to keep his power, but avoid getting tired, he would cause a lot of problems for Joshua. The way I see it, this is a super obvious example of cheating, son.

As it stands, I’m not sure if the fight is still on. Apparently, Joshua is going to fight on June 1st regardless, man. It remains to be seen if Miller will still be his opponent. From what I’m reading, Manuel Charr, the WBA (Regular) champion, might get the call to face Joshua. All I know is, I’d be highly disappointed if that were the case, fam. Like, it’s already bad enough that Joshua and Wilder haven’t fought each other yet. I could’ve at least talked myself into Miller, bruh. Keeping it a buck, I have NO interest in seeing Joshua fight Charr, son. *Sigh* These fighters just can’t get right, brethren.

In the end, FUCK, son! Ultimately, Miller might’ve messed up a dope fight for boxing fans. By and by, I don’t know why fighters still try to cheat, man. At the end of the day, they always end up getting caught, fam. Real talk, VADA needs to just look the other way and let Miller get knocked out by Joshua. That is all. LC out.