Scottie Pippen Needs To Put Them Paws On Future

Ok, let’s skip the formalities, son. Scottie Pippen needs to beat the breaks off of Future, man. Blatant disrespect should never be tolerated, especially when it comes to a man’s wife. Now, yes, I’m aware of the alleged fuckery that transpired between Future and Scottie’s wife, Larsa Pippen. However; if the Pippen’s decide to work on their marriage, then Future needs to sit his lean-sipping ass down. If not, then he needs to be prepared to catch the fade from Scottie.

Now, before I continue berating Future, let me address Scottie. After Larsa was seen galavanting around town with Future, I thought Scottie was BUGGING for taking her back. I mean, cheating, or alleged cheating, is bad enough, son. However; making a significant other look like a dumbass in public is a completely different beast, man. As a married man, I can honestly say, if I saw visible evidence of my wife’s infidelity, I’m catching a case, bruh. Her and I can talk about a possible reconciliation after I put both hands, feet, elbows and knees on that other man. Look, I would never hit a woman, but the side dude could get that Mike Tyson treatment.

In any case, I still understand why Scottie took his wife back. I mean, they’ve been married for 19 years, son. It’s difficult to just end a relationship that has endured for that long. With that being said, I won’t judge Scottie for working through his marital issues. Shit, him and his wife have four kids too. A split could cost him a shitload of money, bruh. It’s much cheaper to keep her, man. Isn’t that what they all say?

Moving on, here’s where Future truly fucked up. Now, smashing a married woman is bad enough, son. But, if she’s clearly trying to work it out with her husband, then go have a stadium of seats, bruh. Instead, Future decided to crank the frivolous meter to ten. Just this past weekend, when Larsa posted a selfie on Instagram, Future left a heart emoji and the word “forever” in the comments section. Bruh, what? What?! See, that’s the type of shit that warrants an open palm slap. It’s bad enough that he was publicly hopping out of cars with Larsa, man. Now, he wants to rub salt on the wounds for the world to see. Look, if Scottie put his entire shin bone in Future’s ass, he would be well within his rights, son.

On the real, this type of fuck shit is probably why Ciara left his ass to go and prosper with Russell Wilson. At some point, the childish antics have to cease, man. This dude is 33 years old, son! How does he have this much time to be so petty? Keep in mind, I’m the treasurer of #FutureHive, but I can’t condone the nonsense, kid. Enough is enough.

In the end, fan or not, Future needs to get this work, man. Just let Scottie get his “five minutes” and then everyone can go about their respective business. It’s the right thing to do, son. LC out.

P.S. There’s a rumor going around that Future smashed Larsa because Scottie refused to sign an autograph for him back in the day. If there is ANY truth to this story, then Future is officially the most petty dude to ever breathe air and walk the planet Earth. Honestly, I hope this tale is true because it would be fucking HILARIOUS, son! That is all.

Is This Mayweather-McGregor Fight Happening Or Nah?

So, when it comes to this whole Floyd Mayweather/Conor McGregor situation, I have a ton of questions, son. First, why does McGregor think he can beat Mayweather? Second, why does McGregor think he even deserves the chance to fight Mayweather? Third, why would Mayweather come out of retirement for this? Now, I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not a huge Mayweather fan, son. The way I see it, he ducked that Manny Pacquiao fight until Pacman was past his prime. However; Mayweather is still a legend of the highest order. With that being said, why is this potential fight between him and McGregor even a thing? We all know the UFC star will ultimately get washed.

Now, I never took the idea of this fight seriously until yesterday. ESPN‘s Stephen A. Smith said he spoke with Mayweather and was told that a deal to make this fight happen was “very close.” I took that entire report with a HUGE grain of salt because Smith is also the same dude who said Kevin Durant was going to the Los Angeles Lakers. Then, he got pissed when Durant said he was full of shit. Look, seeing how Durant is lighting it up with the Golden State Warriors this season, yes, Smith was indeed full of shit, son. In any case, after hearing the news, I started to wonder about how much money each fighter was offered to make this work. I mean, let’s be real, son. Neither McGregor nor UFC head honcho Dana White have touched Mayweather-type figures, man.

Moving on, just when the rumor mill hit a fever pitch, Mayweather swooped in to kill the noise. He took to Instagram and dispelled any notion of coming out of retirement to fight McGregor. He refuted the news that there was any deal and maintained that if he ever wanted to fight again, he’d be the first one to tell the public. So, Mayweather’s response begs the question: where the fuck is Stephen A. Smith getting his facts from, son? Is this dude just making shit up for the sake of keeping a job? *Sigh* Him and Chris Broussard are the worst, man. They stay coming out of left field with false information, bruh. At this point, ESPN needs to vet their personnel more. Their anchors and former anchors always roll through with baseless hot takes.

In the end, I doubt this fight is happening, son. Nor should it happen. Like I said, I’m not on Team Mayweather, but reality is reality, man. McGregor hasn’t accomplished enough to square up with Mayweather. Ultimately, McGregor’s hype is reaching Ronda Rousey-levels. Yeah, we all saw how that ended, bruh. LC out.

Charles Oakley Is The GOAT!

Let’s just skip the pleasantries here, son. Charles Oakley is the GOAT, the Gawd, the Myth and the Legend. For ten seasons, he faithfully served my beloved New York Knicks and helped to cultivate our 90s image. Now, when I say image, I’m talking about the fact that he was the tough guy. Along with Anthony Mason and Xavier McDaniel, Oakley let teams know that they couldn’t fuck around in the paint, son. Elbows were being thrown and shoulders were being checked. With that being said, regardless of what happened at Madison Square Garden last night, I’m glad to see his fire still burning.

So, there are conflicting stories about what got Oakley escorted out of last night’s game against the Los Angeles Clippers. According to outsiders, Oakley was either going after Knicks owner James Dolan or a random fan. From there, he got into a physical altercation with MSG security and was forcibly removed from his seat. Now, according to Oakley, he was minding his own business when security told him that “someone” wanted him out. In any case, regardless of the fight’s catalyst, Oakley was eventually arrested and charged with three counts of assault.

Now, maybe I’m a weirdo, but let me explain why this story made me proud. First, I prefer to believe the version of the story where Oakley tried to confront Jim Dolan. As a lifelong Knicks fan, Dolan has run this team into the fuckin ground. He’s made it his life’s mission to oversee every team decision and he ALWAYS makes the wrong choice. Like, I don’t even know where to begin when it comes to his ineptitude. Whether we’re talking about Allan Houston‘s ridiculous $100 million contract, hiring Isiah Thomas or trading away our entire team for Carmelo Anthony, Dolan’s been at the center of ALL of our worst moves. Needless to say, it’s about time someone rolled up on Dolan for his constant fuckery. I’m a firm believer that as long as he owns this team, we will NEVER be great, let alone average.

In the end, FREE CHARLES OAKLEY! He’s just doing the Lord‘s work, man. Contrary to what the Knicks organization said, Oakley doesn’t “need help,” man. Frankly, he’s the only one thinking clearly out here. Dolan is the worst thing to ever happen to New York sports, son. Get. Jim. Dolan. The. Fuck. Outta. Here! LC out. 

I Don’t Know About LaMelo Ball

Look, I already know what some people are going to say, son. Any time someone has a dissenting view from popular opinion, that person is labeled a “hater.” With that being said, call me whatever, but I’m not sold on LaMelo Ball. Yes, the high school sophomore/UCLA-commit can ball (no pun intended), but I think his coaches give him WAY too much freedom, man. At this point, the way I see it, LaMelo is going to have a hard time at the next level if he thinks teams are going to just let him run wild.

Now, before I continue, let me give the kid his props. During a game against Los Osos last night, the Chino Hills star scored 92 points. 92 fucking points, son! Like, that’s absolutely absurd, man! The wildest part is, he’s not even the best Ball on the team. His older brother, UCLA-bound senior LiAngelo Ball, sat out the game with an ankle injury. That gave his little brother the opportunity to make his peers look like a bunch of aimless toddlers. Shit, while we’re on the subject, both LiAngelo and LaMelo are still trailing their oldest brother, Lonzo Ball. As it stands right now, the eldest Ball brother is lighting shit up at UCLA. Good Lord, son, that’s a talented ass family. Word to Lavar and Tina Ball.

Ok, now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, let me explain my issue with LaMelo’s game. First, let’s start with the aforementioned 92-point game. Even though he shot 37-61 from the field, he was only 7-22 from three-point range. Why the fuck is this kid allowed to take 22 three-pointers and MISS 15 of them? Moving on from that, there are numerous clips floating around of LaMelo hitting half-court shots during games, a la Stephen Curry. Bruh, why the fuck would his coaches allow him to showboat like that during active competition? The kid is only a sophomore in high school, son! Is this type of behavior supposed to represent good sportsmanship? In addition, don’t even get me started on the fact that he was blocked during one of his half-court attempts.

To be clear, my problem here is the fact that his game isn’t developed enough for him to be this flashy. From the footage I’ve seen of him, I hate his shooting form. Yeah, Curry takes a lot of wild shots, but his release is lightning quick and scarily accurate. LaMelo’s wind up is waaaaay too slow for all of the fuck shit, son. At this rate, by the time he gets to UCLA, defenders are going to be punching his shot left and right. I mean, it’s easy to make everything look effortless against high school talent, but try that against a hoard of players who were also the shit in high school. Unless he matures, he’s going to have a very rude awakening in college.

Ultimately, he’s still really young, so everything I just said could end up being bullshit. All I know is, I need the kid to play some defense and shoot a better percentage to justify his swag. LC out.

How The F*ck Did The New England Patriots Win?!?

Man, what the hell did I watch last night? Seriously, how the FUCK did the New England Patriots pull this shit off, son? More importantly, how the FUCK did the Atlanta Falcons lose this Super Bowl?! In my 30-plus years on this planet, I’ve NEVER seen a crazier comeback. All in all, as much as it pains me to say this, Tom Brady is without question the greatest quarterback of all time. In addition, Bill Belichick is absolutely the greatest coach of all time. Now, before I continue vomiting, allow me to try and reconcile what I just witnessed yesterday.

First, let me start with the Falcons. As far as I’m concerned, this team is no longer allowed to have fans. Not even my greatest enemy deserves to be a fan of a team that can blow a 28-3 lead. 28-3? 28 TO FUCKING 3?!? How on God‘s green Earth could this squad fuck up a 98.9% chance of winning?! Before this game, the largest deficit a team ever overcame was 10 points. THESE MOTHERFUCKERS WERE UP BY 25 POINTS, MAN!! After taking that 28-3 lead, these clowncakes never scored again and lost 34-28. I mean, these losers couldn’t even get a field goal? A fucking safety? Anything?! Man, that’s literally the most insane comeback I’ve ever watched, son. Real talk, to all of my friends and family in Atlanta, the Falcons don’t deserve any fandom from this point forward. They just disrespected the city in the WORST way.

Now, let’s talk about the Patriots. I mean, what can I say here, son? Despite being a diehard New York Giants fan, I have to call a spade a spade, man. Brady and Belichick are the greatest duo in NFL history. Brady now have five rings and Belichick has seven, when including the two rings he won as the Giants’ defensive coordinator. At this point, they have damn near every record imaginable. There’s literally no disputing their greatness, son. Look, I don’t use the term “hater” lightly, but if anyone still has negative things to say about the Patriots, they’re just haters. These dudes have done it all, man. There’s no one else in their league or even close to it.

In the end, there really isn’t much else to say here. The only downside to this victory is the fact that deplorables like Donald Trump and Richard Spencer support the Patriots. It’s literally never cool when White supremacists are onboard the train. In any case, as I’ve previously stated, Tom Brady is indeed the greatest quarterback of all time. However; keep one thing in mind, son. The Patriots’ historic greatness makes Eli Manning and my Giants even more mythical, son. We’re the only team to ever beat him and Belichick. And we did it twice, bitch! I’m perfectly content with my team being the two glorious stains on their record, man. Good day.

P.S. How sick was Roger Goodell yesterday? After the whole Deflategate fiasco, he still had to hand the Vince Lombardi Trophy over to Robert Kraft and company. On the real, I’m no fan of the Patriots, but I’m even less of a fan of Goodell. With that being said, it was great watching him being forced to swallow his shallow pride. LC out.

Nooo, Ronda Rousey Wasn’t Ready!

So, at this point, Kevin Hart‘s “She Wasn’t Ready” bit is so ingrained in my head, it was the first thing I thought of when I saw Ronda Rousey get the tomorrow knocked outta her by Amanda Nunes. Shiiiit, that’s gotta be it, right? I mean, Rousey’s career has gotta be over, right? This is now the second straight time her face got the piñata treatment, son. First, she got the business from Holly Holm, and now Nunes got her hits in. With that being said, I think it’s safe to say, happy trails, Ronda!

Now, keeping it a buck, there really isn’t much to write about this, man. I can’t turn a 48 second fight into a dissertation. Shit, as soon as the rumble started, it ended, son. Nunes came out of gate looking for blood and Rousey had absolutely no answers. I do, however, have a question for Rousey’s coach. Rousey built her career on grappling moves and submissions. Why the fuck is she being advised to box her opponents? I would’ve assumed that the ass whooping she took from Holm would’ve been enough for her team to realize boxing is a bad fucking idea. Instead, Rousey tried to put her dukes up against Nunes and got beaten like a rented mule, man. All I can say is, her team set her up for failure. Pure failure.

Ok, so, the last point I want to make is in regards to some fuck shit Rousey’s mother said. After her daughter got her ass kicked, again, AnnMaria De Mars expressed her desire to see Rousey retire. Now, that’s not the bad part. In all honesty, that would probably be the best move for Rousey. Things got weird when De Mars said “I told her that at the beginning of this thing that [she’s] smart and beautiful, let the stupid people get punched in the face.”

Wait, huh? Naaaah, son. De Mars hasn’t earned the right to have that attitude, man. As far as we’re all concerned, her daughter is the only stupid person getting punched in the face. As we’ve seen in her last two fights, her opponents actually punch her in the face quite often, son. Maybe her daughter is the dumbest of them all because she keeps getting in the Octagon to have her shit pushed in. Someone tell De Mars to go sit her ass down somewhere. Oh, and maybe she should take her daughter with her. She clearly isn’t making it in this MMA world, man. The only fighter who can take repeated head shots and still come out on top is Rocky Balboa. And did I mention, he isn’t real!

In the end, I won’t front like that Rousey-Nunes fight wasn’t entertaining, son. Shit is bad when the entire fight can fit in an Instagram video. All I know is, the only MMA fighter who’s really worth the hype is Jon Jones. I just wish that fool would stop doing dumb shit outside of the ring. Good day.

2016 Killed EVERYONE!

Man, I had no plans to write anything this week. Since I’m on vacation until the New Year, I thought I could sit back and chill. But yo! What the fuck is wrong with 2016, son?! This year has killed damn near every celebrity I grew up with, man. Seriously, the last 365 days have been completely out of control. At this point, after hearing about the recent deaths of George Michael and Carrie Fisher, I’m more than ready for the year itself to be buried. With that being said, get the fuck outta here, 2016!

On the real, I’m not even sure what to write here. The year started off poorly when David Bowie passed. That caught me completely off guard. However; Prince‘s death took the wind out of my sails. Anyone who knows me knows he’s my favorite musician of all-time and the MAIN reason why I learned to play instruments. In all honesty, I’m still not over his death, man. I still have so many questions and comments about the circumstances that led to his untimely demise. But, we don’t have enough time for all of my conspiracy theories, son.

Now, whether we’re talking about Muhammad Ali, Phife Dawg, John Saunders, Craig Sager, Sharon Jones, Maurice White, Gene Wilder or Alan Thicke, we’ve lost countless celebrities who’ve impacted us on various levels. The wildest part of all of this is the fact that I haven’t even named everyone, son. Frankly, I don’t have enough time, patience or mental capacity to list everyone who fell this year. With that being said, I’ll let the New York Daily News do their job and give the proper shine to all of our fallen comrades.

Ultimately, this may be the last post I write for the year, man. 2016 has been a fucking beast! I didn’t even mention the fact that democracy also died this year with Donald Trump‘s election. For anyone who thinks I’m being over dramatic, just look at the voting numbers. Hillary Clinton got 2.9 million more votes than Trump and still lost, son. *Sigh* I’m going back to sleep, man. Good day.