Tristan Thompson Is A Jedi-Level Savage

So, when it comes to infidelity, I believe there are two kinds of people in the world: people who have cheated and straight cheaters. Now, the “people who have cheated” are folks who’ve made a terrible mistake and legitimately wish to make amends. A “straight cheater” is someone who can’t pass up an outside smash session. With that being said, Tristan Thompson may very well be the latter, son. All in all, if he really tapped Jordyn Woods, then he’s the Supreme Ruler of the Ain’t Shit Coalition, man.

Ok, for those who don’t know or don’t care, Thompson is back in the news, fam. Shit, for a dude who plays in the NBA, none of his stories are ever basketball-related, bruh. In any case, after previously being accused of cheating on Khloe Kardashian, it appears that ol’ buddy has done it again, son. However, the stakes are much higher this time, man. So, according to the rumors, Thompson allegedly put the full-court press on Woods’ ass. Now, this is notable because Woods is (was?) Kylie Jenner’s best friend. Essentially, Thompson might’ve smashed the ultimate homie, folks. Needless to say, this ain’t a good look for him, brethren.

Now, I’m not going to sit here and pretend like I have all of the details, son. I mean, I wasn’t about to do a ton of research on this subject, man. All I know is, if a guy is trying to work his way out of the doghouse, banging his lady’s sister’s homegirl is not the wave, fam. For God’s sake, just admire her ass is silence, bruh! Hell, if he was a real goon, he could’ve hit Khloe with the following Kanye West lyrics: “I mean you, her and me, maybe, baby, baby, you know I was just kidding, unless you gon’ do it.” Like, the three-three could’ve worked, people!

In the end, who knows, son? Ultimately, all of this could just be publicity for Keeping Up with the Kardashians. By and by, I wouldn’t put any of the tomfoolery past them, man. At the end of the day, Thompson should’ve just kept it tight, fam. Then again, looking at Woods, I can see why he did it, bruh. Side note, don’t tell my wife that I said that, brethren. Thanks! LC out.

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T.I. Couldn’t WAIT To Diss Floyd Mayweather

Look, before I even begin, let me tell everyone where I stand on Floyd Mayweather. On the real, he’s a sellout, plain and simple. He was a sellout when he defended Donald Trump’s “grab ‘em by the pussy” comments. He was a sellout when he spoke up on behalf of Donald Sterling. Shit, he was a sellout when he beat up his child’s mother, son. All in all, I’m not surprised by Mayweather’s support of Gucci. In any case, T.I. has VERY personal reasons for dissing Mayweather, man. Ok, yeah, he can pretend like it’s about Mayweather’s Gucci comments, but it’s really about Tiny Harris, fam. All I know is, Tip ain’t low, bruh.

Ok, for those who don’t know the backstory, here’s a quick synopsis: a couple of years ago, during a turbulent time in their marriage, Tiny was seen running around town with Mayweather. From there, Tip ran up on Mayweather at a Fatburger and tried to engage in fisticuffs. Anyway, despite Tiny’s denials about any affair with Mayweather, a lot of people, including myself, still think something went down. Needless to say, if I believed another man smashed my wife, I’d DEFINITELY harbor some ill will towards that dude, son.

So, fast forward to today, Tip just released a new song. Now, for anyone who missed it, the song is called “Fuck Nigga” and it takes aim at Mayweather for not being down with the Gucci boycott. On the record, Tip calls Mayweather out for only thinking about himself and not caring about the plight of his people. All I can say is, on face value, it appears as if Tip is being socially conscious. However, I can’t help but think about his personal investment in all of this, man. Side bar, we already know how I feel about this boycott, fam. Real talk, Gucci shouldn’t matter that much to us anyway.

In the end, people can listen to the song for themselves. By and by, I’ve embedded the track below, so go to town, folks. Ultimately, we need to stop depending on celebrities to do the right thing, bruh. Frankly, no one would put up with Mayweather’s shenanigans if he wasn’t rich. At the end of the day, we really shouldn’t value money that much more than morals, son. I mean, Mayweather has shown us on multiple occasions that he’s a terrible person, man. The way I see it, his bank account and his Philly Shell don’t make up for his bullshit, brethren. That is all. LC out.

I Am Finally Done With The New York Knicks

Good morning, everyone. My name is Lawrence Charles and I’m a lifelong New York Knicks fan. Moving on, I was there when John Starks went 2-18 from the field in Game 7 of the 1994 NBA Finals against the Houston Rockets. I was there when Patrick Ewing missed a game-tying finger roll in Game 7 of the 1995 Eastern Conference Semifinals against the Indiana Pacers. I was there when the organization traded away half of the Eastern Seaboard to sign Carmelo Anthony. However, I’ve had enough, son. *Sigh* After decades of nonstop tomfoolery, I’ve finally had enough, man.

Ok, for those who missed it, the Knicks decided to trade Kristaps Porzingis, our most promising player, to Luka Doncic’s Dallas Mavericks. Now, along with Porzingis, the team has also given away Trey Burke, Courtney Lee and Tim Hardaway Jr. All this in exchange for Wesley Matthews, Dennis Smith Jr., DeAndre Jordan and two future first-round picks. Apparently, Porzingis, who’s also coming off of injury, asked to be traded because he wasn’t down with the direction of the organization. Frankly, I don’t blame him, fam.

Listen, the Knicks have been arguably (not arguably) the worst organization in professional sports. I mean, we have a long, long, LONG history of making terrible fucking decisions, bruh. On the real, why would Porzingis trust the team’s direction, son? Seriously, when have we showcased ANY intelligence when it comes to building a competent squad? Keeping it a buck, I already know we’re going to fuck up those future first-round picks, man. Shit, we’re absolutely atrocious when it comes to selecting decent players, fam.

To make matters worse, Knicks management has almost certainly shot us in the foot for free agency, bruh. Like, why would Kevin Durant or Kyrie Irving come here if we don’t have Porzingis, son? Real talk, he was one of our biggest draws, man. Hell, he was one of the only bright spots on a team that has a SUPER checkered past, fam. All I know is, I want to break things and hit people, brethren. All jokes aside, I can’t take any more of this sustained abuse, folks.

In the end, AHHHHHHHHHHH! I just… I just can’t do this any longer, son. Ultimately, I don’t know who I’m going to root for, but it can’t be the Knicks, man. By and by, James Dolan doesn’t care about us, fam. At the end of the day, as long as people show up to Madison Square Garden, he isn’t concerned with the team’s pedigree, bruh. All I can say is, I’m finally bowing out, people. No mas. That is all. LC out.

Future Needs To Stop Talking About Ciara

So, it’s no secret that I’m a Future fan, son. I mean, on several occasions, I’ve called myself the Treasurer of the FutureHive. However, I’ve got to keep it a buck, man. On the real, Future needs to stop talking about Ciara and Russell Wilson. I mean, at this point, it looks like a pathetic obsession, fam. The fact of the matter is, Ciara is happily married, bruh. With that being said, if it ain’t about Baby Future, Hndrxx needs to leave that family alone, brethren.

Ok, for those who missed it, Future had some choice words for Ciara and Wilson. During Big Bank Black’s interview on Apple Music’s Beats 1, Future basically called Wilson a puppet. Shit, he said that Wilson does whatever Ciara tells him and that he needs to check his wife. Apparently, Future thinks that Wilson should’ve instructed Ciara to never mention his name. The problem is, if Ciara speaks, it’s usually to respond to some fuckity-fuck shit that Future said about her in the press. Frankly, Future is the one who keeps this back-and-forth going, son.

Look, let’s do the math, man. Right now, we’re in 2019. Ciara’s been married to Wilson since 2016. Her and Future ended their union in 2014. So, why the fuck is Future still talking about this woman, fam? Like, homie, she’s gone. She’s gone, bruh. Real talk, she’s busy raising a whole ‘nother child and wearing Seattle Seahawks jerseys. On top of that, Baby Future is everywhere around town with his stepfather, son. Side note, doesn’t Future have a damn newborn with Joie Chavis? Shouldn’t he be more concerned about the kid? Anyway, Future needs to get his priorities straight, folks. Like I said in the beginning, if it ain’t about his mutual child with Ciara, then leave it the fuck alone, dude.

In the end, I’m still going to vibe out to Future’s music, son. Side note, I’m not sold on this The Wizrd album yet, but we’ll see, man. In any case, I have to call a spade a spade, fam. Ultimately, the way he harps on Ciara is real simpish, bruh. By and by, he’s questioning Wilson’s manhood, but Future’s the one looking like a sucker right now, people. At the end of the day, just give me an Autotune melody and an 808, guy. Leave all of the other clown shit alone. That is all. LC out.

Whose Mans Is This: The Attempted Robbery Of Polyana Viana

Good morning, friends and acquaintances. My name is LC and I’d like to talk to everyone about bad decisions. Now, as seen in the photo above, the man on the left is VERY familiar with bad decisions, son. Look, while attempting to rob the woman on the right, he got the holy shit beat out of him, man. All I know is, when people search for “poetic justice” on Google, his picture should show up, fam. In any case, let’s all take the time to mercilessly laugh at this dude, bruh.

Ok, for those who missed it, an attempted mugging went down in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil on Saturday night. Now, an unnamed assailant with a cardboard gun tried to steal a woman’s phone. Little did he know the woman was Polyana Viana, a UFC Strawweight fighter. Anyway, once she realized what was going on, she quickly sprang into action, son. According to the story, after his botched robbery, she punched him twice, hit him with a kick and then put him in a rear-naked choke. From there, he was incapacitated until the cops came. To make matters even funnier, he was asking for the police after getting his ass beat.

On the real, this story is super hilarious to me, man. I mean, he literally couldn’t have picked a worse target, fam. Shit, of all of the people he could’ve attacked, he chose the damn assassin, bruh. For God’s sake, that’s fucking BEAUTIFUL, son. Also, in my eyes, this situation is the perfect example of why all women should train in the martial arts, man. Like, they could pick boxing, they could pick jiu-jitsu or just MMA in general. All in all, knowing a lil sum sum could potentially save a life, brethren. So, everybody needs to chop chop and get to it, folks.

In the end, vengeance is mine, said the Lord. Except for when a clown tries to rob someone and gets righteously mollywopped. Ultimately, this guy got EXACTLY what he deserved, son. By and by, long live Polyana Viana, man! She’s the real MVP, fam. Hey, Dana White, gives this woman a raise, bruh. That is all. LC out.

Amanda Nunes Is The GOAT

Look, there are a few things in life that can always be debated. We can debate whether Coca-Cola or Pepsi is the better drink (it’s definitely Pepsi). We can debate whether Tyson Fury got up before the ten-count against Deontay Wilder (he definitely did). Hell, we can even debate whether Killmonger was right in Black Panther (he definitely was). However, there’s one topic that isn’t up for debate, son: Amanda Nunes is the greatest women’s MMA fighter ever. Fucking ever, man!

Ok, by now, anyone familiar with MMA should know that Nunes knocked Cris Cyborg the fuck out. Now, I’ll be honest, fam. On the real, I didn’t give Nunes much of a chance, bruh. Like, I legit looked at Cyborg like the Terminator, son. But, to be fair, I also believed that if anyone was capable of pulling off an upset, it was Nunes. Real talk, I gave Nunes a slight glimmer of hope because she hits fucking hard, man! So, in my head, if by some miracle she caught Cyborg with the right punch, she might be able to pull it off. Well, I was right AND wrong, folks. Yes, she did catch Cyborg with the right punch. But, she also caught Cyborg with like 20 other “right” punches, people. I mean, Nunes beat the SHIT out of her, brethren!

All I know is, after this victory, Nunes is CLEARLY the GOAT, son. Now, I’m not just saying that because of her victory over Cyborg. Nah, I’m saying that because of her victory over Cyborg AND all of the other legends she’s beat, man. Keeping it a buck, her resume is STACKED, fam. Shit, let’s go through some of the women she’s conquered, bruh:

  • Cris Cyborg: Former Strikeforce, Invicta FC and UFC Featherweight Champion
  • Ronda Rousey: Former Strikeforce and UFC Bantamweight Champion
  • Valentina Shevchenko: Current UFC Flyweight Champion
  • Miesha Tate: Former Strikeforce and UFC Bantamweight Champion
  • Julia Budd: Current Bellator Featherweight Champion
  • Germaine de Randamie: Former UFC Featherweight Champion

For God‘s sake, what else do I have to say, son? Nunes took out 6 of the most notable champions in MMA history. From my vantage point, this puts her FAR ahead of her competition, man. At this point, Holly Holm is the only one who hasn’t taken the L yet. Side note, that’s probably coming, fam. All I can say is, I don’t see Holm beating Nunes. Anyway, it’s time for us to acknowledge that Nunes is the greatest, bruh. Hell, it’s not even fucking close, folks.

In the end, all hail the GOAT! Ultimately, Nunes solidified her place in history, son. By and by, I was hyped as shit to see it, man. At the end of the day, that’s all I have to say, fam. Viva la Amanda Nunes! That is all. LC out.

P.S. Happy New Year, you filthy animals! Good day!

I Want Jon Jones To Lose

So, let me begin this post by saying that I am a huge Jon Jones fan. Actually, I take that back, son. I WAS a huge Jon Jones fan. I mean, let’s be real, man. At this point, if anyone doesn’t believe that Jones is a cheater, they’re fucking delusional, fam. All I know is, the lead-up to UFC 232 has been a straight shit-show, bruh. The fact of the matter is, Dana White, Jeff Novitzky and USADA are okay with Jones being a cheater because he’s one of the UFC’s biggest names.

Ok, for those who have been living under a rock, Jones has tested positive (again) for a banned substance. Now, by my calculations, this is the fourth time he’s run afoul of the drug-testing committee. First, he was busted before UFC 200 and was pulled out of his rematch with Daniel Cormier. Next, he was busted for “tainted dick pills” after his win against Ovince Saint Preux. After that, he was busted for turinabol after his knockout win against Cormier. In any case, that last failure is most notable because turinabol is the same substance that was found in his system last week. All I can say is, I’m fucking done with Jon Jones, son.

Now, according to the “experts,” the turinabol found in Jones’ system is a “residual” effect of the drug discovered last year. Meaning, this isn’t a new ingestion and he was already punished for this before. Furthermore, turinabol is said to linger in a person’s body for 12-18 months. Anyway, with all of that being said, I still have MAJOR problems with this story, man. Look, according to Jeff Novitzky, UFC’s Vice President of Athlete Health and Performance, Jones first passed a drug test on August 9th. Then, he failed tests on August 29th and September 18th. Then, he passed four consecutive tests. Finally, he failed his most recent test on December 9th.

Look, that timeline sounds like pure horseshit to me, fam. If Jones has “residual” turinabol in his body, then why are his test results all over the place? Shit, he passes one test and then fails the next one. All the while, the amount of turinabol they find increases with each positive test. Bruh, if USADA doesn’t get the fuck outta here, son! It’s all fucking nonsense and shenanigans, man! Like, let’s call a spade a spade, folks. Real talk, the UFC wants Jones back because he’s a high-profile name. Frankly, they don’t care that he’s a habitual doper, brethren. On the real, a Jones fight equals pay-per-view buys. So, they just let him get away with anything, people. Regardless of that fact, I’m done with Jon Jones. No more bullshit, Bones.

In the end, this is a sad day for me, son. Ultimately, Jon Jones is the reason I started watching MMA, man. By and by, that’s not enough to continue my allegiance, fam. At the end of the day, there need to be some consequences for his actions, bruh. He can’t keep fucking up and walking right back into a title shot, people. The way I see it, the “undefeated” fighter needs to finally lose, folks. So, I hope Alexander Gustafsson knocks him the fuck out on Saturday. That is all. LC out.