Whose Mans Is This: The Attempted Robbery Of Polyana Viana

Good morning, friends and acquaintances. My name is LC and I’d like to talk to everyone about bad decisions. Now, as seen in the photo above, the man on the left is VERY familiar with bad decisions, son. Look, while attempting to rob the woman on the right, he got the holy shit beat out of him, man. All I know is, when people search for “poetic justice” on Google, his picture should show up, fam. In any case, let’s all take the time to mercilessly laugh at this dude, bruh.

Ok, for those who missed it, an attempted mugging went down in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil on Saturday night. Now, an unnamed assailant with a cardboard gun tried to steal a woman’s phone. Little did he know the woman was Polyana Viana, a UFC Strawweight fighter. Anyway, once she realized what was going on, she quickly sprang into action, son. According to the story, after his botched robbery, she punched him twice, hit him with a kick and then put him in a rear-naked choke. From there, he was incapacitated until the cops came. To make matters even funnier, he was asking for the police after getting his ass beat.

On the real, this story is super hilarious to me, man. I mean, he literally couldn’t have picked a worse target, fam. Shit, of all of the people he could’ve attacked, he chose the damn assassin, bruh. For God’s sake, that’s fucking BEAUTIFUL, son. Also, in my eyes, this situation is the perfect example of why all women should train in the martial arts, man. Like, they could pick boxing, they could pick jiu-jitsu or just MMA in general. All in all, knowing a lil sum sum could potentially save a life, brethren. So, everybody needs to chop chop and get to it, folks.

In the end, vengeance is mine, said the Lord. Except for when a clown tries to rob someone and gets righteously mollywopped. Ultimately, this guy got EXACTLY what he deserved, son. By and by, long live Polyana Viana, man! She’s the real MVP, fam. Hey, Dana White, gives this woman a raise, bruh. That is all. LC out.

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Amanda Nunes Is The GOAT

Look, there are a few things in life that can always be debated. We can debate whether Coca-Cola or Pepsi is the better drink (it’s definitely Pepsi). We can debate whether Tyson Fury got up before the ten-count against Deontay Wilder (he definitely did). Hell, we can even debate whether Killmonger was right in Black Panther (he definitely was). However, there’s one topic that isn’t up for debate, son: Amanda Nunes is the greatest women’s MMA fighter ever. Fucking ever, man!

Ok, by now, anyone familiar with MMA should know that Nunes knocked Cris Cyborg the fuck out. Now, I’ll be honest, fam. On the real, I didn’t give Nunes much of a chance, bruh. Like, I legit looked at Cyborg like the Terminator, son. But, to be fair, I also believed that if anyone was capable of pulling off an upset, it was Nunes. Real talk, I gave Nunes a slight glimmer of hope because she hits fucking hard, man! So, in my head, if by some miracle she caught Cyborg with the right punch, she might be able to pull it off. Well, I was right AND wrong, folks. Yes, she did catch Cyborg with the right punch. But, she also caught Cyborg with like 20 other “right” punches, people. I mean, Nunes beat the SHIT out of her, brethren!

All I know is, after this victory, Nunes is CLEARLY the GOAT, son. Now, I’m not just saying that because of her victory over Cyborg. Nah, I’m saying that because of her victory over Cyborg AND all of the other legends she’s beat, man. Keeping it a buck, her resume is STACKED, fam. Shit, let’s go through some of the women she’s conquered, bruh:

  • Cris Cyborg: Former Strikeforce, Invicta FC and UFC Featherweight Champion
  • Ronda Rousey: Former Strikeforce and UFC Bantamweight Champion
  • Valentina Shevchenko: Current UFC Flyweight Champion
  • Miesha Tate: Former Strikeforce and UFC Bantamweight Champion
  • Julia Budd: Current Bellator Featherweight Champion
  • Germaine de Randamie: Former UFC Featherweight Champion

For God‘s sake, what else do I have to say, son? Nunes took out 6 of the most notable champions in MMA history. From my vantage point, this puts her FAR ahead of her competition, man. At this point, Holly Holm is the only one who hasn’t taken the L yet. Side note, that’s probably coming, fam. All I can say is, I don’t see Holm beating Nunes. Anyway, it’s time for us to acknowledge that Nunes is the greatest, bruh. Hell, it’s not even fucking close, folks.

In the end, all hail the GOAT! Ultimately, Nunes solidified her place in history, son. By and by, I was hyped as shit to see it, man. At the end of the day, that’s all I have to say, fam. Viva la Amanda Nunes! That is all. LC out.

P.S. Happy New Year, you filthy animals! Good day!

I Want Jon Jones To Lose

So, let me begin this post by saying that I am a huge Jon Jones fan. Actually, I take that back, son. I WAS a huge Jon Jones fan. I mean, let’s be real, man. At this point, if anyone doesn’t believe that Jones is a cheater, they’re fucking delusional, fam. All I know is, the lead-up to UFC 232 has been a straight shit-show, bruh. The fact of the matter is, Dana White, Jeff Novitzky and USADA are okay with Jones being a cheater because he’s one of the UFC’s biggest names.

Ok, for those who have been living under a rock, Jones has tested positive (again) for a banned substance. Now, by my calculations, this is the fourth time he’s run afoul of the drug-testing committee. First, he was busted before UFC 200 and was pulled out of his rematch with Daniel Cormier. Next, he was busted for “tainted dick pills” after his win against Ovince Saint Preux. After that, he was busted for turinabol after his knockout win against Cormier. In any case, that last failure is most notable because turinabol is the same substance that was found in his system last week. All I can say is, I’m fucking done with Jon Jones, son.

Now, according to the “experts,” the turinabol found in Jones’ system is a “residual” effect of the drug discovered last year. Meaning, this isn’t a new ingestion and he was already punished for this before. Furthermore, turinabol is said to linger in a person’s body for 12-18 months. Anyway, with all of that being said, I still have MAJOR problems with this story, man. Look, according to Jeff Novitzky, UFC’s Vice President of Athlete Health and Performance, Jones first passed a drug test on August 9th. Then, he failed tests on August 29th and September 18th. Then, he passed four consecutive tests. Finally, he failed his most recent test on December 9th.

Look, that timeline sounds like pure horseshit to me, fam. If Jones has “residual” turinabol in his body, then why are his test results all over the place? Shit, he passes one test and then fails the next one. All the while, the amount of turinabol they find increases with each positive test. Bruh, if USADA doesn’t get the fuck outta here, son! It’s all fucking nonsense and shenanigans, man! Like, let’s call a spade a spade, folks. Real talk, the UFC wants Jones back because he’s a high-profile name. Frankly, they don’t care that he’s a habitual doper, brethren. On the real, a Jones fight equals pay-per-view buys. So, they just let him get away with anything, people. Regardless of that fact, I’m done with Jon Jones. No more bullshit, Bones.

In the end, this is a sad day for me, son. Ultimately, Jon Jones is the reason I started watching MMA, man. By and by, that’s not enough to continue my allegiance, fam. At the end of the day, there need to be some consequences for his actions, bruh. He can’t keep fucking up and walking right back into a title shot, people. The way I see it, the “undefeated” fighter needs to finally lose, folks. So, I hope Alexander Gustafsson knocks him the fuck out on Saturday. That is all. LC out.

Tyson Fury Beat Deontay Wilder

So, let me begin this post by saying I hate boxing, son. Actually, I take that back, man. In reality, I just hate boxing judges, fam. Like, I legitimately believe they get A LOT of decisions wrong, bruh. Now, in the case of Deontay Wilder versus Tyson Fury, there’s one particular judge I need to address. With that being said, I honestly pray that Alejandro Rochin is never allowed to call another fight again, brethren.

Ok, for those who hate cool things, a huge boxing match took place on Saturday. To make a long story short, Wilder, the WBC Heavyweight Champion, defended his belt against Fury, the former WBA, IBF, WBO, IBO, The Ring and Lineal Heavyweight Champion. Anyway, on paper, the fight looked like the classic “boxer versus brawler” prototype. I mean, Fury is the (way) more technically sound fighter while Wilder has insane one-punch power. Moving on, in my mind, there were only two ways this fight could end, son: Wilder by knockout or Fury by decision.

Well, let me say that I was fucking wrong, man. The problem is, I should’ve been right, fam. Shit, the fight went to a decision, and somehow, it ended in a draw. Look, the way I saw it, Fury definitely won that fight, bruh. Ok, yes, Wilder did knock Fury down twice. Side note, how the FUCK did Fury get up in that 12th round, son? For God‘s sake, he looked fucking DEAD, people. All I know is, Tyson Fury is a cotdamn warrior, brethren. Anyway, besides those knockdowns, Wilder only connected on 17% of his punches, folks. Meaning, Fury CONSISTENTLY made him miss. From my vantage point, Fury easily won about 7 or 8 rounds. So, those knockdowns shouldn’t have been the nail in the coffin.

Now, let me be real, son. At first, I thought the decision was a flat-out robbery. However, after looking at the judges scorecards, I only vehemently disagree with Rochin. Listen, Robert Tapper scored the fight 114-112, meaning he believed that Fury won 8 rounds. On the other hand, Phil Edwards scored the fight 113-113, meaning he believed that Fury won 7 rounds. Real talk, I can live with that, son. These scores mean that the knockdowns cost Fury a clear-cut victory. So, Wilder’s crazy power got him out of a jam, man.

However, for whatever reason, Alejandro Rochin scored the fight 115-111 for Wilder. This means that he thought Deontay won 7 rounds. Man, what? What?! What 7 rounds could he possibly have thought that Wilder won? Like, he believed that Wilder won the first 4 rounds. Fam, he didn’t lay a fucking glove on Fury! How can a man win a round if he literally couldn’t hit the other guy? Is Rochin fucking serious, bruh?! For me, that score was just as bad as Adalaide Byrd saying that Canelo Álvarez beat Gennady Golovkin 118-110 in their first fight. Hell, that’s absolute fucking nonsense, son!

In the end, Rochin needs to find a new occupation, man. Ultimately, he shitted on one of the greatest comeback stories, fam. By and by, Fury is a MUCH better fighter than Wilder. Then again, we already knew that, bruh. At the end of the day, Wilder’s power really is the great neutralizer, son. Keeping it a buck, two punches saved him his title, folks. That is all. LC out.

P.S. We all know why this fight ended like this, son. All in all, the powers that be want to see Wilder fight Anthony Joshua, man. Hell, that fight has been teased for years and it might finally go down in April, fam. *Sigh* I get it, but I feel bad for Fury, bruh. Seriously, he won that fucking fight, folks. Good day.

P.P.S. I want to wish Adonis Stevenson a speedy recovery, son. After getting knocked out by Oleksandr Gvozdyk in the 11th round on Saturday, the former WBC Light Heavyweight Champion ended up in the hospital. As of right now, he’s in stable condition. This is great to hear since he was originally in critical condition and in a medically-induced coma. Either way, it’s a terrible situation and I wish him and his family the best. Ok, I’m gone, for real.

I Don’t Know If I Believe This Dwight Howard Story

Now, let me begin this post by saying that I don’t care if Dwight Howard is gay or not. I don’t care if he’s bisexual or if he gets down with transgender women. All I know is, I don’t want that dude on my basketball team. In any case, Howard’s name is being dragged through the mud because of a story by Masin Elijè. Apparently, according to Elijè, Howard is his ex-boyfriend. Furthermore, Elijè took it upon himself to “out” Howard due to alleged threats of violence. With all of that being said, I have some real doubts about Elijè’s story, son.

Ok, for those who missed it, Elijè is claiming that he had a relationship with Howard. Now, based on his story, their situation ended because of Howard’s infidelity and possible attraction to transgender women. From there, I’ve read some other shit about sex parties and allegations that Howard’s pastor threatened Elijè’s life. The word is, all of this has transpired because he wouldn’t sign an NDA about his time with Howard. Look, all of this could very well be true, man. But, based on the person telling the story, I might have to call shenanigans, fam.

Listen, Elijè is no stranger to the bullshit, bruh. Just last year, both Elijè and Rubi Rose tried to run the same scam on Playboi Carti. After Rose and Carti broke up, she alleged that Carti was messing around with Elijè. Anyway, Elijè tried to put out some DM’s to corroborate the story and most people believe they were fabricated. Fast forward to now and her DM’s with Howard also look shaky. For one, Elijè’s responses are missing the normal text bubbles that appear in Instagram conversations. So, they appear to be doctored as hell, son. All I can say is, we don’t believe Elijè, he needs more people.

In the end, who cares if Howard is gay, man. Ultimately, that ain’t any of our business, fam. Frankly, all we need to know is that he’s a trash NBA player. Ok, yeah, he was dominant at one point in time, but that time is long gone, bruh. By and by, some of the “hurt butt” jokes are funny, but falsely outing someone is bullshit, son. Hell, even legitimately outing someone is bullshit, folks. At the end of the day, that’s not another person’s call to make. The way I see it, Elijè better be telling the truth, people. If not, I hope Howard sues him for erythang. Not “everything,” but erythang. That is all. LC out.

Who The F*ck Let Chuck Liddell Fight?

Ok, seriously, did anyone expect a different outcome? Like, did anyone actually think that old ass Chuck Liddell had a chance in Hell against Tito Ortiz? Listen, we all know that Liddell is an MMA legend and UFC god. But, come the fuck on, son! I mean, he lost his Light Heavyweight title in 2007, man! Basically, he was already washed up over a decade ago. So, why the fuck would anybody let him get back in the cage, fam? Frankly, he got knocked out in the exact manner I figured he would, bruh.

Now, Oscar De La Hoya is the first person who needs to be held accountable for this. Real talk, there’s a reason why Dana White made Liddell quit, son: he was waaaay past his prime. In any case, Oscar wanted his Golden Boy Promotions brand to get into MMA and threw Liddell to the wolves, man. For God‘s sake, Liddell was getting knocked out ten years ago, fam! Fast forward to now and he’s even slower than he was then. On the flip side, Ortiz was still regularly competing. Shit, just a year ago he choked out Chael Sonnen while fighting for Bellator. Meaning, Ortiz’s skills haven’t completely eroded yet. Unfortunately, based on numerous training videos, the same couldn’t be said for Liddell.

Next, I’m holding Chuck’s entire coaching staff responsible for this fuckery. Man, they HAD to know that Liddell was a shell of himself. Ok, yes, he’s a grown man and can make his own decisions. However, that doesn’t mean they have to go along with that shit, son! Keeping it a buck, if they really cared about Liddell, they would’ve told him to sit his geriatric ass down, fam. Instead, they allowed him to get knocked into orbit while fighting Ortiz.

In the end, this entire situation was a shit-show, bruh. Ultimately, the undercard was the only redeeming part of this event, son. By and by, a couple of up-and-coming fighters got a chance to showcase their skills on Pay-Per-View. Other than that, the whole thing was a waste of everybody’s time, man. At the end of the day, Oscar needs to stay away from MMA and Liddell needs to stay retired. All in all, it’s better for the masses, fam. That is all. LC out.

P.S. Why is everyone hating on Ortiz for beating up an old Liddell? Last time I checked, Ortiz isn’t a spring chicken either, bruh. The way I see it, an old guy beat up another old guy. So, it was fair, son. Now, was it fucking stupid? Hell yeah! But, it was fair, man. Anyway, we all need to let these dudes just go be old, fam. Good day.

Go Listen To ‘The Receding Hairlines Podcast’

So, I’m going to keep this super short today, son. All folks need to know is, my dude Fabo has a podcast, man. That’s right, fam, alongside Sarge and Hutch, they collectively host The Receding Hairlines Podcast. Side note, I’ve been making fun of Fabo’s hairline for damn near 20 years. With that being said, I get a MAJOR kick out of the name of this podcast, bruh. Another side note, as a bald dude, I’m a huge hypocrite for making fun of anyone’s hairline. In any case, the podcast has a lot of sports debate, with a variety of real-life shenanigans thrown in for good measure. All in all, everybody needs to do the right thing and ride the wave. Anyway, the podcast can be found on iTunes, Spotify, Stitcher or anywhere else people listen to podcasts. Now, what else is there to say, brethren? Go listen to the cotdamn podcast! That is all. LC out.