Operation Get Up Off My A*s

Keeping it a buck, I’m already regretting this post as I write it, son. In any case, today is a new day for me, man. As of right now, I’ve decided to make a looooong overdue lifestyle change. Basically, it’s about time that I get my ass back in shape, fam. All I know is, I moved up in age yesterday and I should be doing better with my health. With that being said, this is the beginning of my road back to flyness, bruh. Here we go!

Now, I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t keep it all the way real. So, anyone who knows me knows that I’m married and a father of two. Anyway, I was in decent shape when I only had one kid. However; when my second youngin popped up, I fell allllllll the way off, son. For example, when my second child was born in 2014, I was 6’3″ and 220 pounds. Fast forward to 2016, I somehow ballooned to 265. Yeah, I know, son. I know.

Moving on, as I write this, I’ve already made it back down to 245. However; I still have a long way to go, son. On the real, food is my problem, man. I mean, I LOVE terrible food, fam. By and by, I’ve always been able to get away with my eating habits because I was an athlete growing up. But, once that adult life started to kick in, I no longer had the cheat code, bruh. I was able to skate by through most of my 20s, but I hit the wall in 2014.

So, here we are, fam. I’m finally getting back in the gym and doing what I need to do. Shout-out to my brother Kofi Ofori-Ansah and SOTBG for hitting me up with a program. From this point on, I’ll be giving updates on how all of this shit is going, y’all. Here goes nothing, fam!

In the end, if anyone else is on a “Get Up Off My Ass” type of journey, feel free to share any progress. On the real, that could definitely help keep me motivated, son. Let’s keep the proceedings proceeding, man. LC out.

Get Ray Lewis The F*ck Outta Here!

Man, I have so many simultaneous thoughts in my head, I don’t even know where to start, son. Look, Ray Lewis needs to shut the fuckity-fuck up, fam! Listen, I’m pretty sure that Colin Kaepernick isn’t looking to him for advice, bruh. In addition, I TRULY don’t like the idea of a Black man telling another Black man to be low key about activism. On the real, that’s just another way of saying “play nice and don’t publicly piss off White people.” All in all, fuck all of that, man!

Now, for anyone who missed it, Lewis took it upon himself to show Kaepernick “the way.” According to Lewis, if Kaepernick wants to find another job in the NFL, he needs to be quieter about social injustice. Apparently, standing up for what’s right pales in comparison to not upsetting the owners. By and by, Kaepernick needs to be a “good boy” if he wants to secure a spot on another team.

Real talk, that seems to be a common theme amongst Kaepernick’s Black detractors. Basically, if he stopped making White people uncomfortable, then they’d let him throw the football around again. I mean, this is the same shit I roasted Michael Vick for. We’re so programmed as a community, that instead of championing Kaepernick for standing up for US, we’d rather tell him to be more presentable to the White majority. *Sigh* As Malcolm X once said, “who taught you to hate yourself?” Clearly, we already know the answer to that, son.

Moving on, outside of the ridiculous message, I also have a problem with the source, son. Keeping it a buck, Lewis is the LAST human being who should be giving ANYONE pointers, man! Lest we forget, his white suit was never found after Jacinth Baker and Richard Lollar were stabbed to death. Lest we forget, he snitched on Reginald Oakley and Joseph Sweeting to get his murder charges dismissed. Shit, Kaepernick is being judged for taking a knee during the fucking National Anthem, fam. All I know is, Lewis isn’t some beacon of purity, bruh.

In the end, I’m tired of Black people worrying more about our image than our rights. Instead of addressing the issues that Kaepernick is highlighting, folks would rather tell him to pipe down and just play football. Ultimately, the joke is on us as we continue to be mistreated and killed by systemic violence. Then again, maybe Lewis empathizes because he’s also gotten away with murder. Shit, just some food for thought, people. LC out.

P.S. The entire “shut the fuck up” mantra of this post also applies to Kordell Stewart. Seriously, no one wants this dude’s opinion, fam. On the real, all I want from “Slash” is Porsha Williams‘ phone number. Hook that up, bruh. That is all.

What Is Kyrie Irving Doing?

So, I won’t lie, son. I’m confused about all of this Kyrie Irving kerfuffle, man. Like, I truly don’t understand what this man is doing right now. I don’t get why he would want to leave LeBron James and the Cleveland Cavaliers. Frankly, it better be for personal reasons, fam. If not, this has to rank HIGH on the list of Dumbest Moves In NBA History.

Now, I won’t go into a lot of depth with this story, man. At this point, if people aren’t aware of the chaos in Cleveland right now, then they probably don’t care about basketball. With that being said, I question the motives of Kyrie’s desire to leave. From a basketball standpoint, it makes NO sense to me, fam. I mean, he’s coming off of three straight Finals appearances, where his team actually secured one title in the process. Not to mention, his last shot in Game 7 of the 2016 Finals is one for the ages. All in all, he’s an established winner on this team, son.

In any case, the rampant rumor is that he no longer wants to be in LeBron’s shadow. Apparently, he wants to run his own team and “can’t” fully flourish as a sidechick. Now, there are a few things wrong with that logic, son. First, Kyrie was The Man in Cleveland during his first three seasons in the league. Guess what? The team was fucking turrible, bruh.

Real talk, the year before LeBron came back, the Cavs only won 33 games, man. The very next year, the win total jumped to 53 and the squad went to the Finals. In addition, Kyrie’s stats weren’t drastically different from the previous season, fam. Meaning, a lot of that improvement came as a result of LeBron being on the team. Look, facts are facts, son. It just is what it is, people.

To add to that point, Kyrie is also coming off of his best year, statistically speaking. So, I’m really not understanding what he gains by leaving the organization. Listen, I highly, HIGHLY doubt he’ll get to the Finals by himself. He’ll either have to get past LeBron or the Golden State Warriors. On the real, neither of those scenarios are realistic, folks. It doesn’t matter if he plays for the New York Knicks, San Antonio Spurs, Miami Heat or Minnesota Timberwolves. He won’t sniff another Finals by abandoning ship, son.

In the end, Kyrie has to ask himself one question: does he want to win or be The Man? If he wants to win, then he needs to sit his ass down in Cleveland. If he wants to be The Man, I’m pretty sure my Knicks would gladly take him. Shit, I’d wholeheartedly root for him in that situation. However; I know it goes against common sense, man. Ultimately, all of this tomfoolery is making it easier for the Warriors to repeat, son. That is all. LC out.

Get Michael Vick The F*ck Outta Here!

Man, let’s just get straight to the point here. Michael Vick is the LAST human being who should be advising Colin Kaepernick on ANYTHING, son. Like, this dude can’t be fucking serious, man! Now, maybe Vick is trying to play nice since a dark cloud has followed his entire NFL career. However; the mere suggestion that a haircut would improve Kaepernick’s standing shows that he’s an unadulterated clown. Fam, someone please get Michael Vick the fuck outta here!

So, the tomfoolery began when Vick appeared on Fox Sports 1‘s Speak for Yourself show. When the discussion turned to how Kaepernick could get another job in the league, Vick said the following:

The first thing we got to get Colin to do is cut his hair. I don’t think he should represent himself in that way in terms of the hairstyle. Just go clean cut. Why not? Perception and image is everything. I love the guy to death, but I want him to succeed in and off the field, and this has to be a start for him.”

Wait, what? Huh? How exactly is he representing himself, Vick? Last time I checked, that’s how hair grows out of a Black person’s scalp. So, is he insinuating that there’s something wrong with the natural state of his hair? Ohhhh, I get it! “Clean cut” is just another way of saying “acceptable for White people.” Yeah, I see what Vick is doing here. Basically, if Kaepernick wants another shot at football, he needs to appease the owners and the coaches. The same individuals who don’t understand his cause in the first place. Shit, fantastic advice, Vick!

To be clear, Kaepernick’s current status isn’t about his ability. Now, is he an elite quarterback? No. But, can someone honestly say that out of the 100+ total QB roles in the league, he can’t lock down ONE roster spot? Man, give me a fucking break, son! This man has played in a Super Bowl, fam! I don’t buy that line of reasoning at all, man.

The fact of the matter is, the powers that be hate what he stands for and don’t want to deal with him. Plain and simple, bruh. Hell, one NFL executive compared Kaepernick to Rae Carruth, a former player who MURDERED A WOMAN! Somehow, kneeling for the National Anthem is equivalent to homicide, man. With that being said, Vick’s comments are completely rooted in racial conditioning. He’s conditioned to think that Black people need to behave in a certain way to be welcomed by White people. By and by, fuck ALL of that, son!

In the end, Michael Vick has some nerve, fam. Frankly, ever since his dog fighting scandal, White people have hated him everywhere he went. Ultimately, the Black community has been the entity who has continued to champion him. In my eyes, he’s spitting in our faces by taking this stance. All in all, I hope he eventually learns the gravity of his fuckery. LC out.

P.S. Kaepernick is righteously petty for tweeting the definition of Stockholm syndrome. In the spirit of Bruce Lee, that’s the art of fighting without fighting. That is all.

Sammy Sosa Looks BONKERS!

Son! Fam! Bruh! What?! Huh?! Dude, what the entire FUCK is going on around here?! Seriously, who the hell is the pink-faced mammal in the photo above?! Now, people are telling me that it’s Sammy Sosa, but I refuse to believe that, son. Like, I’ve always known about his skin-bleaching fetish, but this is preposterous, man! All jokes aside, Sosa has surpassed Michael Jackson in terms of skin-changing fuckery.

Now, shit got weird when Sosa sat down with ESPN to talk about this year’s Home Run Derby. Needless to say, once we all saw his face, we stopped giving a fuck about what he was saying. Son, what in Baby Jesus‘ name did this man do to himself?! Shit, what part of the game is being lavender, son? What part of the game is looking like a batch of cotton candy, man? Listen, I like to match my clothes, but I didn’t think my skin color had to be part of the equation, fam. All in all, this man looks fucking NUTS, bruh!

On the real, I knew Sosa had an affinity for bleaching, but I never thought he’d take it this far. Keeping it a buck, the dude used to be my complexion, son. Now, he looks like a fucking Starburst, man. It’s like he went into Home Depot and said “I want to look like the paint in my daughter’s room.” All I know is, I literally can’t believe what I’m witnessing, fam.

Moving on, this type of tomfoolery is why people like Kodak Black need to be called out on their fuckery, man. This Sosa nonsense is a PRIME example of what some folks do when they hate their skin color, son. So, no, we can’t just let derogatory comments about complexion slide, fam. All in all, when I look at Sosa, I see a man who legitimately hates himself. Frankly, it’s disgraceful to watch because I used to be a huge fan of this guy, steroids and all.

In the end, I’m blown away by all of this, son. Like, this fool is actually pink, man! I swear, the truth is always stranger than fiction, fam. Ultimately, I don’t see where Sosa can go from here. I mean, it’s not like he can turn back the hands of time, bruh. Sadly, I don’t think he wants to either. *Sigh* LC out.

Wait… People Really Want The Rock To Run For President?!

Fam, what in tarnation is going on around here? Like, is this the world that Donald Trump has created? Do people really think that absolutely ANYONE can be President now? Bruh, this shit needs to stop ASAP! No, The Rock does not need to run for government, son. Listen, the man is an actor and a wrestler. He has NO qualifications for the highest office in the world, man. All in all, politics needs to be left to the politicians. The clown shows need to cease, fam.

So, how did we get here? Well, we can thank Kenton Tilford from West Virginia. Now, this dude actually started a campaign committee and filed to draft Dwayne Johnson for President. Like, I can’t make this shit up, son. Listen, the committee, named “Run the Rock 2020,” is actually a real thing, man. Apparently, Tilford believes that Johnson can provide “real leadership” and even created the hashtag #MakeAmericaRockAgain.

Look, I won’t lie, son. This bullshit has made me despise Trump even more, man. Shit, this is the climate he’s created. He’s founded a world where political experience doesn’t matter anymore. Hell, every time he makes some ridiculous move, his defenders just chalk it up to him being a “political novice.” Well, that means he doesn’t deserve the fucking job, man! Bruh, I can’t just roll up into Toyota and say “I’m going to make the next car.” Nah, I don’t know shit about building vehicles, fam! Listen, I’d probably get physically thrown out of the building, people.

To be fair, I’m a huge fan of The Rock. While his movies can be hit or miss, he’s a muhfucking legend in the squared circle, son. On the real, I can’t even count the amount of times I’ve called someone a “jabroni,” man. Keeping it a buck, no one has lived a full life until they ask someone a  question, wait for them to answer and then yell “it doesn’t matter!” With that being said, Johnson doesn’t need to be our damn President, fam. At this point, our country is already in shambles because we gave a television star the nuclear codes. Let’s not continue our buffoonery, bruh.

In the end, the novelty has worn off, fam. On the real, I just want politicians to hold political offices. Now, while I may hate a lot of them, at least I can say that they know how government works. By and by, I’m just tired of seeing our elected officials look like sideshow attractions. That is all. LC out.

Good Riddance, Phil Jackson!

Oh, what a joyous day, people! What a beautiful and wonderful day, folks! The Lord dropped down manna from Heaven and the New York Knicks fired Phil Jackson! Look, I know the reports say it was a “mutual agreement,” but I’m not rolling, son. On the real, I’m pretty sure that James Dolan told Jackson to get the fuck outta dodge, man. I mean, after all of his bullshit with Carmelo Anthony and Kristaps Porzingis, it was clear that the “Zen Master” had to go. In any case, while I still can’t stand Dolan, I must give credit where credit is due. Good riddance, Phil Jackson!

Listen, Jackson has been a disaster in NY, fam. Over the last three seasons, as president of the team, he has an 80-166 record. Meaning, we’ve lost more than twice the amount of games we’ve won, son. Bruh, I couldn’t handle this shit anymore! Look, like I’ve said in a previous post, if Jackson actually traded Porzingis, I was going to abandon the Knicks. Thankfully, the organization decided to make ONE good decision, for a change. Frankly, an overrated NBA coach isn’t worth our best player (Anthony) and our best prospect (Porzingis).

Side note, before I continue, let me explain my belief that Jackson is overrated. Fam, in his career, he’s coached Michael Jordan, Scottie Pippen, Shaquille O’Neal, Kobe Bryant and prime Pau Gasol. Son, even I could’ve won a couple of titles with those lineups. Keeping it a buck, I thought Jackson was overrated long before he decided to ruin my team. In addition, he didn’t even invent the offense he’s famous for! Tex Winter created the “triangle offense,” bruh. So, ultimately, what is Jackson’s real worth? I’ll let everyone get back to me on that.

In the end, nothing else needs to be said here, son. Today is a happy day! The sun is shining, the temperature isn’t too hot and Jackson is no longer able to run my squad into the ground. Now, pardon me while I go find some chilled liquor to consume. Yeah, it’s that kind of moment, man. LC out.