Who Calls The Cops Over A Foul?!

Nah, seriously, White people need to stop calling the fucking cops on Black folks, son. I mean, this tomfoolery is completely out of control, man! Like, law enforcement has WAY more important shit to deal with, fam. I swear, the authorities are becoming involved in dumber and dumber situations, bruh. All I know is, this basketball incident takes the fucking cake, brethren. Hell, never in a million years did I think I’d see the cops called over a foul, people. Yes, a fucking foul, folks! On the real, I’ve officially seen it all.

Ok, for those who missed it, the most ridiculous thing occurred yesterday. Now, at an LA Fitness in Sterling, Virginia, a group of dudes were playing basketball. So, one particular game got physical. In any case, a Black dude set a pick on this White guy and the White guy fell to the floor. When he got up, he proclaimed that he was going to call the police. Moving on, no one took him seriously and continued their game. That was until the cops actually showed up, son. Apparently, the authorities were told that there was a fight going on in the gym.

Look, I’ve seen and heard a lot of things in my life, man. However, this is hands down one of the most preposterous events I’ve ever come across, fam! My Lord, why the fuck do White folks call the police for EVERYTHING?! Bruh, what part of the game involves police? Seriously, on what planet does Officer So-and-So have to get in the middle of a pickup game? Real talk, some of these White people must REALLY want us all to get shot, son. Keeping it a buck, I can’t even think of any other reason why they ALWAYS feel the need to call The Boys in Blue on us.

In the end, White people need to chill with the fuckery, man. Ok, yes, I know it’s not all White folks, fam. Side note, it’s a damn shame that I have to make that distinction, bruh. In any case, these “bad apples” are always looking to criminalize us. Ultimately, setting a hard pick doesn’t make a Black man a criminal, people. By and by, the nonsense needs to stop, brethren. Like, it really needs to fucking stop. Knock it off, White people! LC out.

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What Does ‘Self-Made’ Mean?

So, contrary to what some people may think, I’m not about to hate on Kylie Jenner. On the real, I’m not even going to go in depth about how her appropriation of full lips is problematic as fuck. Instead, I want to talk about the idea of her being self-made. Look, I can’t front on anyone who’s on pace to be a billionaire, son. But, if Forbes or anyone else actually thinks she’s self-made, then they’re out of their cotdamn minds, man!

Listen, according to the dictionary, the word “self-made” means “having become successful or rich by one’s own efforts.” Shit, on NO planet does Jenner fit this criteria, fam. Shit, if we’re keeping score, her father is Caitlyn Jenner, her mother is Kris Jenner and her half-sister is Kim Kardashian. Furthermore, she’s been on a reality show since she was a child and she’s been rich her entire life. Frankly, she’s always had the access and the celebrity to be successful in life. Now, that doesn’t mean that she doesn’t have to work hard. But, if folks don’t believe that she has a MASSIVE leg up, then they’re fucking crazy, bruh!

Keeping it a buck, I really don’t think that wealthy people fully understand the benefits of being wealthy. Like, I remember when Donald Trump tried to downplay his father’s assistance by saying he got a “very, very small loan” from Fred Trump for a million dollars. Son, I don’t know ANYONE right now who could just give me a milly. Real talk, that’s not the way the vast majority of this country lives, man. So, the idea that any of these people are self-made is preposterous, fam. Now, as I stated before, that doesn’t mean that rich people don’t have to work to prosper. However, they’re already A LOT further in the race than the rest of us, bruh. It just is what it is.

In the end, congrats to Kylie, son. Ultimately, I’m not here to shit on anybody’s accomplishments, man. By and by, I just want to put this entire narrative into perspective, fam. At the end of the day, the Jenner’s did what any family is supposed to do: create opportunities for the next generation. In that regard, Kris and Caitlyn succeeded, bruh. All in all, I’ll let them cook for today, folks. Hell, I’ll probably go back to shitting on them tomorrow. That is all. LC out.

Get Papa John’s The F*ck Outta Here!

So, I can’t even say that I’m surprised, son. I mean, Papa John’s has been trash forever, man. Shit, pick a category, fam: the company’s founder, John Schnatter, is a known bigot and their product is garbage. On the real, I haven’t eaten any of their basura since I slapped one of their delivery men during my junior year of college. Side note, don’t ever shove a box of pizza into my stomach, bruh. Bad things will happen. In any case, after Schnatter’s latest faux pas, it’s time to get the entire establishment the fuck outta here, folks!

Ok, for those who missed it, Schnatter got caught saying some fuckity-fuck shit on a conference call. So, the tomfoolery occurred when he tried to clear up some other nonsense he said. Now, if folks don’t remember, during the previous NFL season, Schnatter claimed that Papa John’s was losing revenue due to players kneeling during the National Anthem. Apparently, since Black players wanted to bring attention to our livelihood, folks didn’t buy more boxes of his subpar pizza.

Anyway, when asked how he’d separate himself from racist groups, Schnatter scoffed and said “Colonel Sanders called Blacks niggers.” Wait, what? What?! THAT’S his response, son?! So, because he didn’t use blatant racial slurs like KFC‘s founder, we should all just let him cook?! Maaaaan, if somebody doesn’t get this bozo the fuck outta my face! Like, on what planet is that an acceptable reply, fam? This dude really tried to use the “my racism isn’t as bad as his racism” defense, bruh. *Sigh* This can’t be life, brethren!

In the end, fuck Papa John’s as a staff, restaurant and as a motherfucking crew! And if you want to be down with Papa John’s, then fuck you too! Sorry, my bad, Tupac‘s “Hit ‘Em Up” will always be in my blood, son. Moving on, I’m happy that he’s stepping down from his position, man. Ok, yes, I know he still owns the largest percentage of the company. But, at least I don’t have to see his face or hear anymore of his bullshit, fam. Ultimately, I’ll take that as a small victory, bruh. That is all. LC out.

Justice For Junior

So, those who know me know that I’m a Bronx dude to my core. Like, the way I walk, talk and act come directly from my Boogie Down upbringing. However, I’m also familiar with the fuckery that can transpire in my borough. With that being said, I can’t put into words how tragic Lesandro Guzman-Feliz‘s death is, son. All I know is, NO explanation, justification or scenario can justify what those demons did to that 15-year-old boy.

Ok, for those who are unaware, Feliz, better known as Junior, was horrifically murdered last week. Now, at first, no one knew why members of the Trinitarios gang targeted Junior. Based on initial information, all we knew is that five men literally dragged Junior out of a bodega and hacked him with machetes. Sadly, the entire event was captured on video surveillance and cellphone footage. From there, Junior stumbled to St. Barnabas Hospital, where he later died.

Now, as more intel is being gathered, we now know that this whole tragedy is a case of mistaken identity. Apparently, all of this stemmed from a sextape circulating around social media. As the story goes, a video was making its rounds that showed a teen girl having sex with one boy while another boy rapped next to them. From what I understand, the girl is related to one of the dudes who was looking for Junior. In any case, they targeted Junior because he looked like the boy rapping in the video. Problem is, THAT WASN’T HIM!

Moving on, when these assholes realized they killed the wrong kid, they tried to apologize to the family in several text and Facebook messages. *Sigh* Listen, there are SEVERAL things wrong with all of this, man. First, a “whoops, we killed the wrong dude” explanation is not acceptable, fam. Real talk, even if they found the right kid, NO ONE deserved to die over this, bruh! Ok, yes, I can possibly understand wanting to beat up the person responsible for leaking the video. But, all of that machete shit was WILDLY unnecessary, people!

Next, why didn’t ANYONE in the bodega call for help? I mean, they just let these dudes drag that boy out of the store! Look, I’m not saying that the store owner should’ve fought five clowns with machetes by himself. However, either him or his workers should’ve called somebody, son! For God‘s sake, that boy got butchered in their vicinity! The staff could’ve done SOMETHING, man! ANYTHING!

In the end, I don’t know what else to say, fam. Ultimately, this type of savagery is HIGHLY unfortunate and uncalled for, bruh. By and by, I’m happy that all of the suspects have been caught, folks. At the end of the day, I hope the judge throws ALL of the books at them, brethren. Frankly, these dickheads don’t deserve leniency or pity, people. LC out.

P.S. I advise everyone out there to NOT watch the video of his murder. One, I want us all to respect Junior’s life. Two, nobody really needs to witness such a brutal homicide, son. That is all.

P.P.S. Shout-out to Cardi B for donating $8,000 to the family’s GoFundMe page. Real talk, that was a super stand-up move, fam. Good day.

No One Goes To IHOP For Burgers

So, I’m going to keep this post brief today, son. Long story short, IHOP needs to chill the fuck out, man. I mean, no one is going to the International House of Pancakes for burgers, fam. On the real, I don’t care how fire their new lunch and dinner options may be, bruh. All I know is, when I pull up to IHOb, excuse me, IHOP, they better have them buttermilk pancakes on deck, folks.

Ok, for those who missed it, IHOP just tried to do some quick rebranding, son. Now, in a statement released earlier this week, the company said they were changing their name to IHOb. Apparently, instead of being the House of Pancakes, they want to be known as the House of Burgers. In any case, they weren’t really serious about changing their name, man. In fact, the goal of this little experiment was to bring attention to some of their new menu items. For instance, I see there’s going to be some shit called the Big Brunch Burger with bacon, a fried egg and hash browns on top.

Listen, I’ve been going to IHOP for a long time, fam. All in all, they’ve been trying to convince us about their non-breakfast items for a minute, bruh. With that being said, let me send IHOP a message: we’re only here for the pancakes, folks! Real talk, if the meal isn’t an 80-stack of pancakes or an oversized omelette, then I don’t want that shit, brethren. Keeping it a buck, what do I look like going to a pancake house for a burger? Why would I trust IHOP to handle my burger fix when places like Shake Shack and Five Guys exist, son? At this point, IHOP needs to know where its bread is buttered, man. All pun intended.

In the end, wake me up when IHOP comes to its senses, fam. Ultimately, I will be back at their establishment, bruh. However, I won’t be there for the burgers, son. At the end of the day, they need to have that pancake batter on deck, man. That is all. LC out.

P.S. Shout-out to Burger King, Wendy’s, Whataburger and Checkers for being super petty, fam. Shit, who doesn’t love a good beef, bruh? Side note, does everyone see what I did there? Yeah, I’m fucking HILARIOUS, son! Good day.

Let’s Talk About Mental Health

So, I won’t lie, son. The suicides of both Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain threw me for a loop, man. Now, my wife is way more familiar with Spade than me, but I was always a big fan of Bourdain, fam. In any case, their respective deaths hit close to home for me, bruh. Look, I’m no stranger to talking about mental health on this blog, folks. On the real, I’ve written multiple articles about my own struggles with depression. All I know is, we need to talk WAY more openly about mental illness. Frankly, it could save our life or the life of a loved one.

Ok, real talk, I’m not going to go into much depth about the particulars of Spade’s and Bourdain’s deaths. Shit, that’s what Google is for, son. However, I want to talk about depression and the damage it can do to our psyches, man. Now, for me, I can’t say that I’ve ever contemplated suicide. But, there were definitely times in my life where I didn’t care if I lived or died. Like, I never cut my wrists or tried to hang myself, but I would FREQUENTLY drive highly intoxicated. In my mind, if I happened to just run off of the road, I wouldn’t really give a shit, fam.

Now, as ashamed as I am to say this, being a father didn’t immediately change my destructive behavior. Keeping it a buck, my first son was barely a year old when I was in danger of losing my family. My then-girlfriend (now-wife) broke up with me because of my emotional distance, excessive drinking, partying and infidelity. Real talk, I knew I needed to make a change and FAST. Since college, my homie Mitch suggested therapy, but I always resisted. All I can say is, at that time, I knew it was now or never, bruh.

Anyway, I told that entire story because I want to stress the importance of getting help, son. Honestly, I didn’t even know I had mental issues until I saw someone. From there, so much of my previous behavior started to make sense, man. Listen, I was using all of my vices as coping mechanisms as opposed to getting to the root of the problem. Sadly, I don’t know what was eating at both Spade and Bourdain. All I can say is, it’s truly heartbreaking that they weren’t able to find the relief they desperately needed, fam.

In the end, I don’t want anyone to feel alone, son. If anybody is having mental issues or thoughts of suicide, there’s an outlet, man. Ultimately, there’s therapy and/or medication to help with those cognitive struggles. There are prevention hotlines to help curve those suicidal thoughts. Furthermore, even if we’re not the ones having the problems, I want all of us to be a helping hand and/or ear to anyone who is struggling. At the end of the day, I wish individuals like Spade and Bourdain saw the beauty in their respective lives. But, it’s not to late for those who are still here. That is all. LC out.

Donald Trump Can’t Cancel A Nonexistent Visit

Look, the idea of “fake news” bothers the fuck out of me, son. On the real, it bothers me so much because the person who created the term, Donald Trump, is the BIGGEST proponent of fake news, man. Shit, that’s exactly why this entire Philadelphia Eagles saga is ridiculous, fam. I mean, Trump publicly cancelled a nonexistent White House visit just to perpetuate his false narrative about NFL players hating the troops. All in all, I just want to know if facts will ever start mattering again.

Ok, for those who missed it, Trump “uninvited” the Super Bowl champions to the White House because of the National Anthem protests. Now, here’s the thing: not ONE Eagles player kneeled during the Anthem last season. To make matters worse, Fox News found a picture of three Eagles players praying BEFORE the game and used it to try and prove Trump’s fraudulent point. So, not only did Trump lie on the Eagles, his minions at Fox News DELIBERATELY used propaganda to further his cause. Frankly, ALL of this shit is fucking disgusting, bruh!

At this point, I don’t care that Fox News apologized, son. Real talk, both Trump and the network have fully immersed themselves in smoke and mirrors, man. Like, they don’t even pretend to tell the truth anymore, fam. And for what? To energize a voting base that’s rooted in hatred? Keeping it a buck, it’s tiring trying to keep up with all of the lies, bruh. First, they lie about NFL players disrespecting the troops. Next, they lie about the actions of the Eagles, specifically. Then, they lie about the context of the photo they used to discredit the team. *Sigh* All of the deception is fucking mind-boggling, people!

In the end, I’m just sick of all of the fuckery, son. Ultimately, politics has become the most dangerous game in the world, man. By and by, everyone cares more about sticking to a side than being right, fam. At the end of the day, I wish I could divorce myself from this entire process, bruh. But, if I do that, then I’d REALLY have no say about who’s running this shit-show. *Sigh* I need a drink, folks. That is all. LC out.