Good Riddance, Bill O’Reilly!

Ahh, what a beautiful day, son. Well, it’s raining here in New York, but it’s still a beautiful day nonetheless. I mean, waking up knowing that Bill O’Reilly is unemployed is a wonderful feeling, man. Look, after two decades of spewing nothing but hate, O’Reilly is finally getting his just due. Listen, keeping it a buck, he could very well reclaim a spot on someone’s television screen. However; for now, I’m going to bask in the glory of O’Reilly being fired by Fox News.

Now, all I want to know is, why the fuck did this take so long, son? On the real, O’Reilly’s brand is completely based on bigotry. This is the same man who said Trayvon Martin was shot because he was wearing a hoodie. This is the same man who likened gay marriage to interspecies marriage. This is the same man who got Ludacris dropped from a Pepsi campaign because of his “disrespect of women.” Side note, don’t worry, we will get to why that’s the most RIDICULOUS thing to ever occur.

In any case, this is also the same man who defended the treatment of slaves who built the White House. Hell, I even wrote about that fuckity-fuck shit last year, son. All in all, O’Reilly’s axing has been years in the making, man. Frankly, I’m shocked it took this long to get his ass off the air, bruh.

Moving on, O’Reilly is finally having his day in the sun because he can’t seem to stop harassing women. Now, anyone who’s familiar with O’Reilly’s history knows about Andrea Mackris‘ lawsuit. Back in 2004, she accused O’Reilly of making frequent sexual advances towards her over the phone. Ultimately, she settled out of court for about $9 million.

From there, O’Reilly settled another harassment case with Juliet Huddy for $1.6 million. Now, when we add on lawsuits from Rebecca Diamond, Laurie Dhue and Wendy Walsh, we start to see a dangerous pattern: O’Reilly consistently violated women and Fox News always paid to get him off of the hook. In total, the network paid $13 million to save their golden boy.

Look, if all of this wasn’t bad enough, the flood gates opened when an independent law firm got involved. Fox News hired Paul, Weiss, Rifkind, Wharton & Garrison to look into Walsh’s allegations. In addition, The New York Times got wind of all of the settlements and blew the story up. After all of the public tomfoolery, O’Reilly’s show lost about 60 advertisers. All I know is, victory tastes sweet, son. I bet Maxine Waters is somewhere doing cartwheels right now.

In the end, fuck Bill O’Reilly and all of his supporters. Man, it’s absolutely thrilling to see him fail, son. All in all, I don’t want to see or hear anybody try to defend this man. Anybody who abuses women as much as O’Reilly has doesn’t deserve any sympathy. At this point, Donald Trump is probably the only idiot who’s still backing him. I mean, what should we expect from a man who likes to just grab women’s genitals? Yeah, I thought so, son. LC out.

A Letter To Steve Stephens

Dear Steve Stephens,

Look, I’ve never been one to mince words, so I’m going to just get straight to the point. You’re a fucking coward, man. You’re nothing more than a peon who deserves the absolute worst. How DARE you take the life of Robert Godwin in such a callous manner?! That man did NOTHING to deserve your pathetic misguided wrath! All I know is, your day is coming and it will be completely justified.

Now, let’s be clear here, son. People get dumped everyday, B. On the real, unless a relationship ends in marriage or some type of domestic situation, then someone is getting the axe. It’s just the nature of the game, man. With that being said, why the fuck would you use getting dumped to justify why you killed that man? Ok, so, your ex-girlfriend doesn’t want you anymore. What the fuck does that have to do with Robert Godwin? Shit, not only did you take that man’s life over some bullshit, but you had the audacity to commit this travesty on Facebook Live. Good fucking Lord, man! You’ve literally taken being a piece of shit to the next level, bruh.

To make matters worse, you dragged your mother, Maggie Green, into the nonsense. I mean, you really had the nerve to tell her that you’re shooting people because you’re mad at your woman? Man, what kind of hoe ass behavior is this, son? Out of the countless ways people find to get over heartbreak, this is your solution?! Look, your ex-lady really dodged a fucking bullet, no pun intended. Clearly, she’s better off not dealing with your unstable ass. No real man would act in such a manner, bruh. She absolutely made the right decision.

In the end, this manhunt can only last for so long, man. Eventually, the authorities are going to catch up to you and you deserve whatever brand of justice they plan on dishing out. Ultimately, no one is going to feel sorry for you, son. All in all, fuck you very much, bitch!

Sincerely,

A man who’s disgusted by your very existence

Get United Airlines The F*ck Outta Here!

Really, United Airlines? Like, REALLY, United Airlines?! This is how y’all get down, son? Dragging a paying customer off of an airplane is the wave now? Man, after I saw the video of David Dao’s “removal” from a Chicago flight, I was fucking baffled, bruh. I mean, is this why we pay airline companies? To have them treat us like the prison guards treated Bogs Diamond in The Shawshank Redemption? Look, all I know is, regardless of the overbooking dilemma, Dao paid for his seat. He should have NEVER had to face this level of disrespect and injustice.

So, the whole issue started when a flight from Chicago to Louisville was overbooked. Now, anyone who has ever taken a flight should be relatively familiar with an airline’s overbooking policy. Essentially, to account for individuals who may flake out on their flight, airlines overbook to ensure all airplane seats are full. In theory, it makes sense, but of course, there can be hiccups. Needless to say, there was a HUGE hiccup on this particular flight. All in all, there were too many people on the plane and someone needed to get off.

Now, as expected, no one willingly volunteered to leave. I mean, who really wants to wait for another flight, son? Look, if I’ve already settled into my seat, I’m not getting off of the plane. In my eyes, the airline should’ve figured this out before I buckled my seatbelt. In any case, David Dao must’ve felt the same way. However; the airline had a completely different take on the situation. Ultimately, they instructed Dao to get off and wait for another flight. When he refused to go, three security guards literally dragged him off of the aircraft. Apparently, Dao’s money wasn’t enough to avoid getting his ass kicked by United Airlines personnel.

Moving on, Oscar Munoz, the CEO of United Airlines, sounded a lot like the police in his response to the situation. As justification for his employees’ conduct, he stated that Dao was “disruptive and belligerent.” On the real, cops use these same keywords to justify why they put 20 bullets in an unarmed Black person. Look, anybody in Dao’s position would feel the same way. This man paid for his flight, sat in his seat and is now being told he has to go. Apparently, despite taking his money, United Airlines didn’t give a flying fuck about how this may have inconvenienced Dao. Shit, since he already paid, they probably figured they could do anything to him. In any case, this entire scenario is pure tomfoolery, son.

In the end, I hope Dao sues the paint off of United Airlines. Listen, any company that’s cool with this type of conduct needs to be taken down a few notches. Also, I hope Munoz loses his job. Keeping it a buck, he’s a piece of shit for his stance on all of this. In any case, I now know what airline I’m never using again. From here on out, United Airlines can suck a bag of dicks, word to Louis CK. LC out.

P.S. Once again, the media is doing its best to throw the victim under the bus. Ever since Dao’s identity was revealed, several outlets have reported on his questionable history. Man, get the fuck outta here with that bullshit, son! What does a previous drug case have to do with THIS situation? Why doesn’t the news ever focus on the matter at hand? Regardless of what this man was previously accused of, that still didn’t give the airline the right to physically assault him. *Sigh* Ok, I’m done now. Good day.

P.P.S. A major, MAJOR fuck you to Bill O’Reilly for laughing at David Dao’s plight. I swear, for someone who loves sexually harassing women, he really operates like his shit doesn’t stink. Well, I hope he’s still laughing after the remainder of his advertisers drop him. That is all.

Get Pepsi & Kendall Jenner The F*ck Outta Here!

*Sigh* Damn, son. Why did it have to be Pepsi, man? I mean, I’m one of the people who can actually tell the difference between Pepsi and Coca-Cola. With that being said, Pepsi is without question the superior product, bruh. However; that tidbit can’t save them from getting this work, fam. Look, all I want to know is, what the fuckity-fuck were Pepsi and Kendall Jenner thinking? Now, I’ve seen some strange things in my life, but I’m pretty sure an ice-cold soda won’t stop this country from doing fuck shit.

So, I don’t even know where to begin with the tomfoolery, son. Shit, I could start with Skip Marley for donating his “Lions” song to this ridiculous ass commercial. I could talk about the randomness of the Asian man playing the cello or the hijab-wearing Muslim woman freaking out over her pictures. I could talk about the “joy” on people’s faces while they “protest” injustice. Look, I could rip this commercial apart from so many different angles, but I have to aim my crosshairs at the soda itself.

Now, maybe I’m dumb, but can someone please explain to me how a Pepsi can save the world? Listen, before I continue, I’m pretty sure this company doesn’t literally think handing out soda will solve all of our issues. However; I do think it perpetuates a dangerous ideology. Ultimately, being nice to the establishment won’t stop them from fucking us over.

To be clear, sucking up to authority won’t stop police from killing unarmed Black people. Sucking up to authority won’t stop our government from violating the rights of Muslims, women, minorities, poor people and the LGBTQ community. Keeping it a buck, real protest isn’t convenient and it damn sure isn’t jovial, fam. People are really out here fighting for basic human rights and Pepsi just turned it all into a fucking joke, son. All I know is, everyone involved with this nonsense should be fired immediately, man.

In the end, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I’m just… I’m just tired of the day-to-day stupidity, bruh. It’s just so fucking tiring and irritating, son. I quit. I… I fucking quit. LC out.

How Is Kendrick Lamar Misogynistic?

So, I won’t lie, son, I’m confused. I’m thoroughly, thoroughly confused by some of the criticism Kendrick Lamar is receiving for his “HUMBLE.” lyrics. Now, maybe I’m not as in touch with women’s issues as I thought I was. However; I truly don’t understand how anything he said in that song could be considered misogynistic. All I know is, I would really like someone to explain the problem to me.

Now, before I continue, I’d like to give my audience some advice. Everyone needs to go listen to Kendrick’s new song, son! I mean, that shit is hard as nails, bruh! First off, Mike WiLL Made-It killed the beat. Second, Kendrick resurrected the beat and then killed it again. Third… well, there is no “third,” man. Look, just listen to the song, people!

Moving on, the mini uproar started when Kendrick made a reference to stretch marks in the second verse. Now, the lyrics in question are as follows:

“I’m so fuckin’ sick and tired of the Photoshop

Show me somethin’ natural like afro on Richard Pryor

Show me somethin’ natural like ass with some stretch marks

Still will take you down right on your mama’s couch in Polo socks”

Ok, on face value, I see no reason to beef with these bars, son. When I heard these lines, I took them as him encouraging women to embrace who they naturally are. Yes, women absolutely have the right to make any change they see fit. However; a lady’s individuality should be uplifted too, man. No, a woman should not be defined solely based on her looks, but just because a man makes a comment doesn’t mean that’s all he values from the opposite sex.

Look, we live in a society that constantly tries to dictate the standard of beauty. Day after day, tons of women go to the same plastic surgeons in an effort to look like some stereotypical type of person. I mean, just take one look at all of the “models” on Instagram, son. I literally can’t tell a lot of them apart anymore. To make matters worse, others are actually dying from trying to keep up with these homogeneous depictions of femininity.

Hell, just look at the story of Kanye West‘s mom, Donda West. Apparently, she didn’t feel beautiful enough while living in Los Angeles. So, she tried to alter her appearance and it led to her death. Too add insult to injury, Kanye has previously stated that he blames himself for exposing her to this kind of environment. Ultimately, what was it all for, man?

In the end, despite the length of this post, I still don’t feel like I have a handle on this situation. With that being said, can someone explain the issue to me? I never thought I’d see the day when someone would be criticized for telling women that they’re beautiful the way they are. I guess I’m just clueless out here, bruh. LC out.

Say It With Me: James Jackson Is A Terrorist

Look, let’s skip the formalities, son. Fuck James Jackson, man. This clown is a terrorist, regardless of how anyone tries to spin the story. Now, while it’s good to see him formally being charged with “murder as terrorism,” it still doesn’t bring back the life of Timothy Caughman. In my eyes, if the system is serious about justice, then it needs to make an example of Jackson. His fate needs to showcase the fact that this type of behavior cannot stand. All I know is, the hate that runs through America seems to know no bounds.

Now, before I continue, I’d like to raise two middle fingers to the New York Daily News. Why the fuck did that “newspaper” deem it necessary to comment on Caughman’s arrest record? Bruh, I don’t give a FUCK about how many times that man was arrested! He was the victim of a cotdamn HATE CRIME, son! His killer, Jackson, specifically traveled from Baltimore, Maryland with the intention of killing Black men. Nothing else needs to be said, man.

In his own words, he hated Black men since he was a child. In addition, he wanted to “saveWhite women from dating us. To make matters worse, he originally planned on killing more people. According to that dickhead, he would’ve rather killed a “thug” or a “successful older Black man” in order to get his point across. From there, he stabbed Caughman through the chest with a fucking sword! With all of that being said, who gives a flying fuck about Caughman’s record, man?! Once again, a Black victim is criminalized for no apparent reason. Thanks for nothing, Daily News.

*Sigh* So, as anyone reading this can tell, I’m PISSED, son! The bigotry in this country just never stops, man. All in all, it’s fucking exhausting, bruh. Caughman was simply minding his own business and ended up dead. The worst part is, he was just some pawn in a bitch ass dude’s sick fantasy. On the real, it’s absolutely disheartening, son. I really don’t know how else to put it, man.

Ultimately, I have nothing else to say here. In the end, I just want Jackson to end up on Rikers Island in the general population. Fuck state prison, bruh. Just let the community handle him. LC out.

Can We Finally Talk About Homegrown Terrorists?

Now, before I say anything else, I’d like to give my regards to the families who were affected by the recent terror attack in London, England. No matter how many times these travesties happen, it’s always incredibly sad to watch. With that being said, there’s a conversation that needs to be had, man. Can we finally talk about homegrown terrorists? I mean, if we really looked at the most egregious attacks in recent years, they’ve all been perpetrated by citizens. At some point, we need to stop politicizing everything and speak on the real issues. Our own people are being radicalized and it’s destroying our respective nations.

So, when it comes to Wednesday’s incident, the horrific deed was carried out by Khalid Masood. As a recap, Masood got in his car, drove on the pavement and started running down pedestrians. Ultimately, he killed four people and injured fifty more. Now, it’s notable that Masood was born as Adrian Russell Elms in Dartford, Kent. Meaning, he was a product of the same land he just terrorized. Somewhere along the line, he got radicalized by ISIS and carried out a heinous act of violence. Apparently, even though he had a criminal record, he wasn’t under any investigation for this type of behavior.

Moving on, Masood’s act continues a dangerous trend that seems to be flying under the radar. A large number of the most despicable acts against people are being committed by natives. I mean, let’s go down the line, man. Dylann Roof, the Charleston church shooter, was born in South Carolina. Rizwan Farook, the San Bernardino shooter, was born in Illinois. Omar Mateen, the Orlando nightclub shooter, was born in New York. Alexandre Bissonnette, the Quebec mosque shooter, was French Canadian. Does anyone else see the pattern here? In all seriousness, the most vicious attacks in recent years were all committed by citizens. So, if that’s the case, why the fuck are we always talking about travel bans and border walls?!

Look, if people like Donald Trump really want to keep America safe, then we need to address our homegrown killers. On the real, a wall along the Mexican border and a Muslim Ban wouldn’t have prevented ANY of these incidents, man. So, how will they make any of us safer? I mean, it’s common fucking sense, son. We need to figure out why so many citizens are turning their backs on their countries and becoming radicals. If not, none of these ridiculous preventative measures will have any type of effect. Shit, more people will die and all we’ll do is argue about the root cause in the media. Ultimately, nothing will get accomplished, man.

In the end, these are scary times, son. The problem is, if we don’t come up with real solutions now, the times will only get scarier. Now, instead of focusing so much on what other countries are doing, can we pay attention to our own people? Ok, thanks. LC out.