Scottie Pippen Needs To Put Them Paws On Future

Ok, let’s skip the formalities, son. Scottie Pippen needs to beat the breaks off of Future, man. Blatant disrespect should never be tolerated, especially when it comes to a man’s wife. Now, yes, I’m aware of the alleged fuckery that transpired between Future and Scottie’s wife, Larsa Pippen. However; if the Pippen’s decide to work on their marriage, then Future needs to sit his lean-sipping ass down. If not, then he needs to be prepared to catch the fade from Scottie.

Now, before I continue berating Future, let me address Scottie. After Larsa was seen galavanting around town with Future, I thought Scottie was BUGGING for taking her back. I mean, cheating, or alleged cheating, is bad enough, son. However; making a significant other look like a dumbass in public is a completely different beast, man. As a married man, I can honestly say, if I saw visible evidence of my wife’s infidelity, I’m catching a case, bruh. Her and I can talk about a possible reconciliation after I put both hands, feet, elbows and knees on that other man. Look, I would never hit a woman, but the side dude could get that Mike Tyson treatment.

In any case, I still understand why Scottie took his wife back. I mean, they’ve been married for 19 years, son. It’s difficult to just end a relationship that has endured for that long. With that being said, I won’t judge Scottie for working through his marital issues. Shit, him and his wife have four kids too. A split could cost him a shitload of money, bruh. It’s much cheaper to keep her, man. Isn’t that what they all say?

Moving on, here’s where Future truly fucked up. Now, smashing a married woman is bad enough, son. But, if she’s clearly trying to work it out with her husband, then go have a stadium of seats, bruh. Instead, Future decided to crank the frivolous meter to ten. Just this past weekend, when Larsa posted a selfie on Instagram, Future left a heart emoji and the word “forever” in the comments section. Bruh, what? What?! See, that’s the type of shit that warrants an open palm slap. It’s bad enough that he was publicly hopping out of cars with Larsa, man. Now, he wants to rub salt on the wounds for the world to see. Look, if Scottie put his entire shin bone in Future’s ass, he would be well within his rights, son.

On the real, this type of fuck shit is probably why Ciara left his ass to go and prosper with Russell Wilson. At some point, the childish antics have to cease, man. This dude is 33 years old, son! How does he have this much time to be so petty? Keep in mind, I’m the treasurer of #FutureHive, but I can’t condone the nonsense, kid. Enough is enough.

In the end, fan or not, Future needs to get this work, man. Just let Scottie get his “five minutes” and then everyone can go about their respective business. It’s the right thing to do, son. LC out.

P.S. There’s a rumor going around that Future smashed Larsa because Scottie refused to sign an autograph for him back in the day. If there is ANY truth to this story, then Future is officially the most petty dude to ever breathe air and walk the planet Earth. Honestly, I hope this tale is true because it would be fucking HILARIOUS, son! That is all.

’25’ Ain’t Got Sh*t On ‘Lemonade’

Look, son, I don’t need much evidence to prove my thesis. I mean, if anyone watched the Grammys last night, they’d know that even Adele knows 25 doesn’t hold a candle to Lemonade. During her speech for Album of the Year, Adele essentially told the Grammy committee and the world that Beyoncé deserved that award. Shit, outside of her “black friends” comment that she’s catching hell for, Adele was just trying to do the Lord‘s work, man. I mean, it’s not like the Grammys have an interest in doing the right thing. Needless to say, as last night showed, the Grammys got it wrong… again.

Now, I could make the argument that Black artists are consistently overlooked in all of the “General Field” categories. However; for today, I’m going to stick with Album of the Year. Namely because this is where the most egregious errors are normally made. Year after year after year, the highest award in music ends up going to the wrong fucking album, son. Ok, yes, Adele sells a lot of albums. We all know that, man. But Beyoncé’s album shifted culture… again.

Man, when she put out “Formation,” a million think pieces and White tears QUICKLY followed. Black people praised the optics of one of our biggest stars tackling social injustice. White pundits bemoaned the fact that a star of her caliber made them so uncomfortable. In addition, she shut the Super Bowl DOWN in all of her Black Panthersinspired glory. Now, Adele’s “Hello” was a great song, but it didn’t affect the world like Beyoncé. As for the rest of Adele’s album, it basically sounded like I’m Still 21. She essentially remade her previous album and cashed in. On the other hand, Beyoncé’s sound continued to evolve and she became more daring in her decision-making.

With all of that being said, I really don’t know why I’m acting surprised, man. This is what the Grammys does, son. They continually find a way to reward the less deserving. I mean, this is the same awards show that gave the Album of the Year trophy to Taylor Swift‘s 1989 over Kendrick Lamar‘s To Pimp a Butterfly. This is the same show that gave the trophy to Beck‘s Morning Phase over Beyoncé’s self-titled album. This is the same show that gave the trophy to Herbie Hancock‘s River: The Joni Letters over Kanye West‘s Graduation AND Amy Winehouse‘s Back to Black. Now, Herbie is an undisputed legend, but come the fuck on, man! Are we really playing this game right now? The list goes on and on and on, son. If I decided to look at any random year, odds are I’ll vehemently disagree with whoever got that award.

Ultimately, I believe in the Grammys… in theory. However; in actuality, it’s always a shit show, son. I love the idea of artists being rewarded for their work, but the night always ends up being a travesty. *Sigh* I don’t even know why I keep watching this show, man. In any case, I’ll probably be back at it next year. LC out.

So… Beyoncé Is Having Twins, Huh?

Look, I won’t lie, son. I get supreme enjoyment out of seeing people lose their shit any time Beyoncé does something. At this point, she might really be a religion now, man. With that being said, I’m having a ton of good laughs while watching the world’s reaction to her pregnancy announcement. Excuse me, her “our family is growing by two” announcement. Honestly, there’s no congratulatory message I could give that would match the fever currently sweeping the internet. So, why don’t I just let the people talk and keep the jokes rolling, son. Below are my favorite responses to Beyoncé’s pregnancy news.

Welp, that’s all I got today, folks. Ain’t much else to say around here, bruh. The internet always wins, man. I’m just sitting back and watching the show, son. I’ll probably get back to my regularly scheduled programming tomorrow. Good day.

Go Watch ‘The New Edition Story’!

All jokes aside, I can’t believe BET pulled this off, son. I mean, let’s be real, man. BET has been a joke for quite some time now. They have specialized in damn near every type of coonery imaginable. However; it looks like they’re trying to get back in Black people’s good graces by releasing good content. With that being said, this New Edition miniseries is awesome, son! Like, this project was really well made, man. So far, after being locked in for the first two nights of the three-night event, I must say, from the storyline to the casting, BET got The New Edition Story right. Ultimately, this series is a dope history lesson about a group of supremely crazy ass dudes who made timeless records. People need to get onboard ASAP, bruh.

First, let’s talk about the casting, son. Whoever assembled the guys to portray New Edition is a cotdamn genius, man. To begin, I don’t care what anyone says, the kid who plays the child version of Bobby Brown MUST be related to Bobby. Shit, Bobby has a gillion kids, so I wouldn’t be surprised if that was actually his real son. Moving on, casting Hakeem Lyon, excuse me, Yazz the Greatest, excuse me, Bryshere Y. Gray as Michael Bivins is fucking brilliant, man. Their vocal inflections match perfectly. Seriously, if I’m not paying close enough attention, I really do believe Bivins is the one speaking. Lastly, Luke James is one of the few people with the vocal prowess to tackle Johnny Gill’s notes. Since these guys are actually singing the songs, they definitely needed a talented singer to handle all of Johnny’s Luther Vandross-esque vocal stylings.

Next, Bobby Brown is just good for television, son. Without a doubt, Bobby is one of the craziest dudes to ever become famous. Despite all of his talent, he couldn’t help himself when it comes to being a train wreck. He was already everyone’s crazy uncle by the time he was a teenager, bruh. He just always found himself in some bullshit, man. Keeping it a buck, I really do wonder how big Bobby could’ve been if he just remotely kept his act together. People act like he wasn’t the biggest R&B star on the planet when he was at his peak. People act like “On Our Own” isn’t a perfect fucking song. People act like Usher didn’t take a grip of his dance moves from Bobby. *Sigh* Even with the success he had, Bobby Brown still could’ve been a way bigger star. I guess we’ll never know, son.

Lastly, I think the film is doing a great job of displaying the group’s mentality. Sometimes, it’s hard to remember that a lot of this stuff happened before any of them turned 25. Hell, most of this shit happened when they were still teens. Of COURSE they were making terrible decisions, man! How smart were any of us when we were 17? Does any know why the name of this blog is “I Can’t Be Famous?” It’s because I know damn well I’d act a complete fool if I had any kind of notoriety. Lord knows what I would’ve done if I was in their position at 17 or 18. Honestly, I can’t even fault them for the bad contracts. I mean, grown ass people are STILL signing awful deals today. Ultimately, a lawyer is everyone’s best friend.

In the end, go watch this series, son. Plain and simple. Part three comes on tonight and I’m sure BET is replaying the first two parts before that. While I’m still shocked I’m promoting anything related to BET, I do give credit where credit is due. They did great work here, man. Now, let me get back to playing “You’re Not My Kind of Girl” at ignorant levels. Good day.

A Letter To Chrisette Michele

Dear Chrisette Michele,

I rarely use the phrase “real talk,” but real talk, you need to go away now. At this point, none of us care about whatever logic you’ve used to justify performing at Donald Trump’s inauguration. The damage has already been done, lady. On the real, my main gripe with you is the fact that you don’t seem to understand how you’ve fucked up. As weird as it sounds, I would’ve respected you more if you just said you did it for the money. However; if you really think you’ve helped the disenfranchised in any way with your performance, you’re more lost than I was while watching Lost.

Now, ever since Black people began to drag you for filth on social media, you’ve been trying to explain your actions. I’ve seen a lot of bullshit about “being heard” and “helping,” and all of it made me want to barf. Listen, did you really think a falsetto was going to stop the Trump administration from its impending fuckery? Did your song stop him from appointing racists to his cabinet? Did your song stop him from vowing to continue DAPL? Did your song stop him from decreasing FHA mortgage insurance? Did your song stop him from threatening to send the Feds into Chicago? Did your song stop him from promising to cut a variety of cultural programs across the nation? Do you see my point, Chrisette? YOUR SONG DIDN’T MEAN SHIT!

Look, after all of that, I didn’t even mention the fact that Trump didn’t have the decency to shake your hand. So, in the end, you’ve sacrificed your integrity and the support of YOUR people for absolutely nothing. Shit, you’ve even admitted that some of your family members have now disowned you. So, ask yourself a question: was it all worth it? I didn’t think so, Chrisette. I didn’t think so.

Oh, by the way, how DARE you take aim at Spike Lee the way you did? You had the audacity to utter the words “fuck you” to Spike Lee? Shelton Jackson Lee?! A man who has dedicated his entire film career to speaking about issues that affect the Black community? That’s the dude you’ve decided to disrespect? All because he no longer wanted to use your song in his show? You’ve got a lot of fucking nerve, woman! I won’t front like I’ve enjoyed all of his latter movies, but he’s also never disgraced himself as a Black person. As of right now, that’s a crown you seem eager to flaunt and parade around.

All in all, just take your L and go home. Disappear. Poof, be gone. At this particular junction, you were already a niche artist who depended on a core fan base to keep your career going. Good luck selling tickets now, though. You’ve shitted on the people that always had your back. I hope that Trump paycheck is comforting. That might be all you have in the immediate future.

Sincerely,

A disappointed former fan who bought your first, second and fourth albums

Taxstone Done F*cked Up

Damn, Taxstone. Damn, son. What the fuck, man? How’d this shit happen, bro? Someone please tell me Tax didn’t really get himself involved in this Troy AveRonald McPhatterIrving Plaza nonsense. Listen, I know Tax and Troy have had beef for a while now, but c’mon son, this situation was a bad look for everyone involved. On the real, if the NYPD is right about the evidence they have against Tax, he’s absolutely going back to jail. At this time in his career, that would be a fucking shame, son.

Now, as a refresher, in May of last year, there was a shooting at New York City‘s Irving Plaza. During a T.I. concert, Troy Ave got into some type of altercation, which resulted in him getting shot, his bodyguard getting killed and him being filmed firing more shots in the crowded venue. After the incident, Troy was arrested and accused of attempted murder. Despite the charges against him, he maintained that he was acting in self-defense after wrestling the gun away from the man who killed McPhatter.

Moving on, no one really knew the root cause of the drama and a lot of different names were thrown into the pot. At first, random sources claimed Maino had something to do with the violence. However; that rumor was quickly dispelled. With all of that being said, Tax’s name always kept floating around. Apparently, his name wasn’t just ringing out in the streets. As it seems, the police were also keeping tabs on him this entire time.

So, after claiming they found his DNA on the murder weapon, cops arrested Tax and charged him with weapon possession. As of yet, they haven’t charged him with McPhatter’s death, but I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s the next step. To make matters worse, the original gun owner already told police he left the gun with an associate of Tax back in October of 2015. Keep in mind, Tax is a convicted felon who’s on the hook now for a gun charge in New York. Shit, it might be a SUPER wrap for him, son.

Look, all I want to know is, why would Tax get himself involved in this type of fuckery? I listen to his Tax Season podcast often and he’s CONSTANTLY talking about leaving his old life behind. Yes, he talks a lot of shit, but he’s also made it clear that he considers himself a retired goon now. In just one year, he’s turned himself into an influential podcast figure and music A&R. Why risk all of that over some stupid ass beef with a local rapper?

At this point, it doesn’t matter what the problem is between Tax and Troy. This one situation has set both of their careers off course and someone lost their life in the process. What the fuck for, man? Hood bullshit should never be the reason we block our blessings and ruin our opportunities. There’s literally nothing to gain from this type of war, son. Nothing at all, man.

In the end, I don’t know what else to say, son. Ultimately, I wish Tax the best and hope this scenario isn’t as black and white as it seems. It would be a damn shame for him to come this far and throw it all away, man. That is all. I’m out.

Migos Needs To Drop Their Album NOW!

Look, let’s be clear here: Migos‘ “Bad and Boojee” is the best song ever. Donald Glover already told everyone this during the Golden Globes, son. Ok, it may be a stretch to say it’s the best song ever, but dammit, I enjoy EVERYTHING about that joint, man. Shit, I even enjoy Lil Uzi Vert‘s verse and I’m not the biggest fan of his music. With that being said, all I know is, Migos needs to drop their Culture album right this second! Their buzz can’t get any higher, son. It’s go time, bro!

Now, as of yesterday, “Bad and Boujee” is the number-one song on the Billboard Hot 100 chart. That makes it the number-one Pop song in the country. That means a song that references cooking dope in a crockpot is the most played song in America, son. Now, I don’t know about anyone else, but that tidbit makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, man. While Quavo may be the most visible member of Migos, Offset is the star of this song and has all of the memorable catchphrases. Hell, the hook of the song ain’t even really a hook, man. It’s just another Offset verse where he gets to stunt in preposterous ways. Man, what’s not to love about this fucking song, son?

I mean, that’s all, folks. I’m just happy that a song I enjoy so much has topped the charts. While I’m at it, shout-out to Metro Boomin for producing damn near every jam over the last three years and finally getting his first number-one song. For me, his work on 21 Savage‘s Savage Mode makes me want to kick small puppies and throw hamsters like I’m playing shot put. All in all, it’s songs like this that keep me sane in this world, son. Everyone needs to get on the train. Good day.