Protect Soulja Boy At All Costs

So, I’m going to keep this post short, son. The fact of the matter is, Soulja Boy is a national treasure and should be treated as such. I mean, “Crank That (Soulja Boy)” hit me on a philosophical level, man. All jokes aside, if anyone’s in a bad mood, just yell “watch me yuuuuu” and witness the world brighten up. With all of that being said, I’m thoroughly enjoying all of Soulja’s recent shenanigans, fam. All in all, the man just wants his respect, bruh.

Ok, for those who missed it, Soulja Boy has been on a tear, son. First, he took to Instagram to proclaim that he had the biggest comeback in 2018. Frankly, he wasn’t trying to hear shit about Tyga or Meek Mill, man. Next, he went to The Breakfast Club to further dig into his bag, fam. Shit, who cares about Tyga’s collabo with Offset? Big Draco has MAD records with Migos. Who cares about Meek’s former beef with Drake? Soulja went to war with Chris Brown, bruh. Like, what else do folks need to know, brethren? All I can say is, Famous Dex better lay low. He doesn’t want that Stacks On Deck smoke, people.

In the end, I don’t know what else to say, son. Ultimately, this post pales in comparison to Soulja’s actual rants, son. By and by, everyone can check out ALL of the footage below. Real talk, I made my wife watch his IG rant last night, man. At the end of the day, that’s how hilarious it was, fam. Anyway, here’s some tomfoolery to lighten up everyone’s Friday. That is all. LC out.

P.S. I know I’m being an ass, but Soulja Boy really did give a lot of new artists the internet blueprint, son. Hell, he’s legitimately the first rapper that I remember blowing up online, man. So, all hail Big Draco! Good day.

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God Bless Yung Miami & Cardi B

Disclaimer: Don’t watch City Girls’ “Twerk” video anywhere near a place of employment. You’re welcome.

So, let me keep it a buck, son. Generally, I try to be a responsible and respectable dude. I try to be a guy who’s knowledgeable about relevant and pertinent issues, man. However, for today, I’m just talking about ass, fam. I mean, it was EVERYWHERE in City Girls’ “Twerk” video, bruh! Like, all jokes aside, this might be the greatest music video ever made, people. With that being said, why is anyone still reading this?

Ok, for those who missed it, City Girls, well, Yung Miami, released the “Twerk” video with Cardi B. Now, I don’t exactly know what to say about this visual, son. Shit, there are copious amounts of women shaking all manners of culo, man. In addition, there’s a ton of body paint, stripper poles and entertaining displays of athleticism. On the real, what else could we possibly want from a video called “Twerk,” fam?

In the end, there’s nothing else to say, bruh. Ultimately, everyone needs to go watch the video, son. Also, I hope everybody paid close attention to my disclaimer. Seriously, don’t watch this shit anywhere near a place that supplies paychecks. Furthermore, don’t watch this around children or close to any clergy, man. At the end of the day, they’ll probably just start praying for wayward souls, fam. That is all. LC out.

P.S. Based on this video, Offset lost, bruh. Like, he really lost, son. *Sigh* Good day.

The Uncomfortable Truth About Older Guys & Young Girls

So, let’s be real, son. By now, I’m pretty sure a large number of us have watched Lifetime’s Surviving R. Kelly documentary. I mean, what else needs to be said, man? Robert Sylvester Kelly is a fucking creep, fam! Also, water is wet, bruh. But, Kelly isn’t the subject of today’s post, people. Well, not exactly. Instead, he’s the inspiration for a broader conversation that needs to be had, folks. Namely, all of the other old ass dudes who continue to do what Kelly has done. The fact is, he isn’t the only older guy who has shown a propensity for younger girls.

Ok, before I continue, let me tell everyone a quick story. So, back in the sixth grade, I was uber corny, son. Like, I had glasses, braces and wack ass clothes, man. Shit, with all of my powers combined, I was traaaaash, fam. Anyway, there was a girl in my class who I was enamored with. Now, despite my place on the social totem pole, I shot my shot at her, bruh. Needless to say, I got turned down. However, she wasn’t rough about it. In actuality, she told me that she had a boyfriend and couldn’t mess with me in that way.

Moving on, one day after school, her boyfriend was waiting for her. In fact, he was waiting in his Acura Legend and he was a junior at our neighboring high school. All I know is, he was 17 years old when she was 11. Now, at the time, I didn’t really comprehend what was going on, son. Partly because I was young and partly because this wasn’t an isolated case. In fact, I knew a number of classmates who were in similar situations, man. Hell, it was “normal” for a hot chick to be “dating” an older dude. Little did we know it was weird as fuck, fam. As time went on, I noticed the same behavior, bruh. By the time I was 17, a girl I messed with the year before got pregnant by a 24-year-old drug dealer. Needless to say, we ALL knew it was problematic as shit, brethren.

The point is, there are a ton of R. Kelly’s running around out here, son. Frankly, we have to call ALL of them out, man. Look, I don’t care who they are, where they’re from or what they do. Older dudes have NO business dealing with these young girls, fam. For whatever reason, we sweep a lot of that shit under the rug. But, enough is enough, bruh. All in all, we need to hold EVERYBODY accountable, folks.

In the end, I’m raising a middle finger to all of those nasty ass sumbitches out there. At the end of the day, they need to go find some women their own damn age, son. Ultimately, we need to let children and teenagers be children and teenagers, man. By and by, they’re not here for some older loser’s deviance, fam. That is all. LC out.

How Much Evidence Do R. Kelly Supporters Need?

So, I’m just going to get straight to the point, son. On the real, Lifetime’s Surviving R. Kelly is already one of the wildest documentaries I’ve ever seen, man. The problem is, we’re not even halfway through all of his fuckery, fam. Now, to be honest, I knew a lot of these details already. However, that didn’t stop me from being blown away while listening to some of his victims tell their stories. Furthermore, the details that I didn’t know were beyond my level of comprehension, bruh. All in all, allow me to talk through some of the shit that threw me for a complete loop, folks.

First, let’s talk about Aaliyah, son. Ok, at this point, everyone knows that Kelly married her back in 1994. Now, as the story goes, they lied about Aaliyah’s age on the marriage certificate and the two singers tied the knot in Cook County, Illinois. Anyway, my issue is the number of close associates who knew about the shenanigans and did nothing about it. Shit, Demetrius Smith, Kelly’s former tour manager, was the dude who faked the papers for Kelly. Fam! What in the flying FUCK was wrong with that dude, man?! For God’s sake, she was a CHILD, bruh! Real talk, how can that man even live with himself, people?

Second, I can no longer listen to Michael Jackson’s “You Are Not Alone.” Look, let’s be real, son. Given the number of allegations that plagued MJ, I didn’t need another reason to be sick to my stomach, man. But, leave it to Kelly to ruin the day, fam. Now, according to Lizzette Martinez, a woman who met Kelly when she was 17, MJ’s hit song is about her. Apparently, Kelly got her pregnant when she was still in high school and she suffered a miscarriage. After that, Kelly wrote the song and claimed he was thinking about her. Ok, excuse me while I go throw up, bruh.

Third, Kelly’s older brother is a fucking creep, son. I mean, it’s one thing to defend a sibling. However, it’s an entirely different thing to excuse criminal behavior, man. Hell, that’s exactly what Bruce Kelly tried to do, fam. Like, he didn’t understand why people were tripping over R. Kelly’s love of young girls. Bruh! IT’S ILLEGAL, DUDE! Listen, this has NOTHING to do with preference, folks. Underage girls aren’t a cotdamn preference, people! *Sigh* He can’t be fucking serious, brethren. All I can say is, the ENTIRE Kelly family is full of warped human beings.

In the end, I haven’t even gone below the surface of R. Kelly’s tomfoolery, son. Ultimately, people have to watch dream hampton’s documentary for themselves. By and by, Kelly is one of the most dangerous predators we’ve ever seen, man. At the end of the day, he’s been up to the same level of deviance for like three decades. Hell, it’s no coincidence that all of these women have such similar stories, fam. Frankly, this is who R. Kelly is through and through. All I know is, if anyone still rocks with R. Kelly, then they’re rapist sympathizers. Keeping it a buck, there’s no other way to describe this, bruh. That is all. LC out.

P.S. This dude apparently likes it when girls call him “Daddy.” Now, as a reminder, he also made a song called “Come To Daddy.” Jesus Christ, son! Like, I can’t even put into words how disturbing this guy is, man. No mas.

Joe Budden & The World’s Greatest Rebrand

So, it’s no secret that I’m a Joe Budden fan, son. Look, I’ve written multiple articles making that exact point, man. However, I must admit, this version of Budden is WAY better than any previous incarnation, fam. I mean, for once, everything seems like it’s going well for him, bruh. Shit, based on his music alone, we know that he’s gone through copious amounts of shenanigans. But, after all of the tomfoolery and episodes of “Joe being Joe,” he finally seems to be in a good space, folks. With that being said, I have to salute Joe Budden for one of the greatest rebrands in history.

Now, let’s start with the obvious, son. Last night, at a live taping of The Joe Budden Podcast, he proposed to Cyn Santana, his girlfriend and the mother of his son, Lexington Budden. All I know is, for a dude who wrote the “Ordinary Love Shit” series, this is a fucking miracle, man. On the real, we’ve publicly seen him in tumultuous unions with Tahiry Jose, Esther Baxter and Kaylin Garcia. So, to actually see him prosper in a relationship is a welcome change of pace, fam. In any case, between his engagement, the success of his podcast AND his improved relationship with Trey Budden, his oldest son, Joe is living the fucking life, bruh. Real talk, how can anybody hate, brethren?

In the end, yeah, I’m just happy for one of my favorite artists, son. Ultimately, I don’t care if he never spits another bar again. By and by, if his lifestyle is working for him, then I want him to just do that. At the end of the day, he doesn’t need to prove he can rap anymore. His has an entire discography that can speak for him, man. That is all. LC out.

Jacquees Gotta Chill, Son

So, I won’t lie, man. Real talk, I was really trying to avoid this Jacquees shit, fam. I mean, no one in their right mind needs to debate if he’s the “King of R&B.” Shit, it’s a no for all of us, dawg. However, after I saw the nonsense he pulled with Keith Sweat, it’s about time that Jacquees got checked, bruh. All in all, confidence is one thing, son. On the flip side, hubris is the shit that got Conor McGregor choked out, folks.

Ok, for those who missed it (or have no idea who Jacquees is), this dude has been running around talking cash shit, son. Now, it all started when homie hopped on social media and declared himself “King of R&B” for this generation. Needless to say, the internet let him have it, man. Like, just a couple of months ago, he was getting clipped by DJ Mustard and Ella Mai for jacking that “Trip” song. Now he’s the King? Fam. Just… fam. Come on, bruh. In any case, his tomfoolery caused the internet to crown the real Kings and the consensus seemed to be R. Kelly, Usher and Chris Brown. Side note, we all know that R. Kelly is gross, people. But, his discography does speak for itself. It’s just a damn shame that it had to come from him, brethren.

With all of that being said, I was STILL gonna let Jacquees slide, son. That was until he decided to disrespect the Gawd, Keith Sweat. Now, after TMZ asked Sweat if he was the King, Jacquees jumped from the top turnbuckle and rudely interrupted him. From there, he stated that he’s got everyone from ages 16 to 25 on lock and that Sweat is basically the King of the old heads. All I know is, the Harlem dude in Sweat wanted to slap fire out of Jacquees, man. Shit, I would’ve encouraged the hell out of that, fam. On the real, Jacquees needs to chill the fuck out, bruh.

Listen, like I’ve said before, there’s nothing wrong with confidence. Keeping it a buck, all artists need it in order to face the public. But, there’s a thin line between confidence and arrogance, son. Face it, Jacquees has accomplished nothing yet. Now, that doesn’t mean he won’t ever make it big, man. However, he hasn’t popped off anywhere near the level of the artists he’s disrespecting. Hell, forget the legends, fam. He hasn’t even done it on the level of his peers, bruh. Seriously, I don’t know anyone who can name 3 Jacquees songs. Look, I know that may sound like a diss, but it’s not, folks. I’m just making a point that he has a lot more work to do, brethren. All I can say is, the shenanigans aren’t helping his case, people.

In the end, Jacquees needs to fall back and just make music, son. Ultimately, if the songs are dope enough, they’ll hit the people, man. By and by, we don’t need R&B singers to start trolling, fam. At the end of the day, that type of behavior is corny, bruh. Knock it off, Jacquees. That is all. LC out.

A Formerly ‘Ain’t Shit’ Dude’s Advice To Offset

So, let me keep it a buck, son. In order to make a point about this Cardi B and Offset situation, I’m going to throw myself under the bus. In any case, I just hope that anybody in Offset’s position can learn from my past mistakes. All I can say is, I’d bet money that his public campaign to get Cardi back is actually hurting him, man. The way I see it, Offset needs to take a much different approach, fam.

Ok, before I continue, let me outline my qualifications on this topic. Now, back in 2011, I was wilin’ in these streets, bruh. Anyway, despite the fact that I was a new dad and in a committed relationship, I was frequently involved in shenanigans that I had no business being a part of, son. Moving on, I ended up doing some shit with a woman who wasn’t my lady. Needless to say, I ended up in all of the doghouses, man. However, instead of immediately pushing her to take me back, I went a slightly different route, fam.

Now, as difficult as it was for me to do, I gave her space, bruh. I gave her room to make a decision for herself. No public showboating and no persistent pressure. Shit, instead of pining for her on social media, I legit disappeared from Facebook and Twitter for like 3 months. I made it a point to be present without being overbearing. So, that meant getting cursed out regularly. That meant getting ignored for days on end. That meant facing the possibility that she might not come back. All in all, the choice was in her hands and I wasn’t going to force her to make it.

Look, the point of that story is to tell Offset to back off a little. Ok, yes, it definitely seems like he wants his wife back. But, all of this attention may backfire, bruh. Hell, she basically said as much when she said “I told you I don’t like surprises” on Instagram. On the real, if she feels like she’s being bombarded on all angles, she might end up pulling away even more. The truth is, Offset needs to let her make a decision for herself. Real talk, that’s the only real chance he has, son.

In the end, don’t show up to any more concerts, Offset. Ultimately, he doesn’t want his woman to feel smothered. By and by, it’s insanely hard to loosen the grip while also trying to regain a connection. However, that may be his only real move, man. At the end of the day, the ball is in Cardi’s court, fam. Allow her to call the play. It might just work, bruh. That is all. LC out.