A Post Of Jokes For Folks Mad About A Black Mermaid

So, I won’t lie, son. Real talk, I can’t even pretend like I’m surprised, man. I mean, anytime there’s an opportunity, bigots are going to dig into their bigotry bag, fam. In any case, this The Little Mermaid shit is especially preposterous. Like, really? Really, folks? We’re seriously out here debating the race of a fictional character? *Sigh* I guess it’s time to get these jokes off, bruh.

Ok, for those who missed it, Disney just brought out the prejudice in a number of people. Now, Halle Bailey, one half of the Beyoncé-signed sister duo Chloe x Halle, was cast as Ariel in the upcoming live-action version of The Little Mermaid. Anyway, on paper, Bailey definitely has the chops to kill this role. I mean, she’s a credible actress, as seen on Grown-ish, and she’s an incredible singer. So, this should be a layup, right? Well, not according to a bunch of racists on social media, son.

Now, from the minute news went out, the hate train started rolling, man. Shit, whether we’re talking about the #NotMyAriel hashtag or the “Make Ariel White Again” group on Facebook, an unfortunate faction of people started to attack Bailey’s race. Apparently, a fictional character, who is also an imaginary entity, cannot be Black. All I can say is, are folks fucking serious, fam?!

Listen, to begin, Ariel is a fucking mermaid, bruh. Last time I checked, MERMAIDS AREN’T REAL, SON! Hell, this is like when Megyn Kelly and company legitimately tried to argue the race of Santa Claus on Fox News. Seriously, are certain White people so insecure, they need fake characters to validate themselves? Fam, we’re talking about a cotdamn mermaid who’s friends with a Jamaican crab and gets her voice box taken by an octopus in a dress. That’s the fight these folks are trying to fight, man? For God‘s sake, don’t these people have more important shit to worry about? Are they paying their mortgages on time? Did their children eat for dinner? Like, the ethnicity of Ariel is not the hill to die on, brethren.

In the end, I need everyone to understand something: if the race of Ariel causes a person to say bad shit about Black people, then they’re racist. Ultimately, there are no ifs, ands or buts about it, son. By and by, if White people weren’t pissed about the casting of Gods of Egypt, then shut the fuck up. If they weren’t pissed about Fisher Stevens playing Ben Jabituya in Short Circuit, then shut the fuck up. If they weren’t pissed about Scarlett Johansson playing a fucking Japanese cyborg in Ghost in the Shell, then PLEASE shut the fuck up. Side bar, I love Scarlett Johansson, but that’s neither here nor there. At the end of the day, race only becomes an issue in casting when White people don’t get the role. So, these folks can kiss the crack of every minority ass, man. That is all. LC out.

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‘The Lion King’ Isn’t About Beyoncé

So, let me keep it a buck, son. On the real, I know I’m treading dangerously with this post, man. However, as a lifelong The Lion King fan, I feel like I have to take a stand, fam. Listen, I know everyone loves Beyoncé, but the fact is, The Lion King isn’t about her character, Nala. With that being said, I really don’t like how much more attention she’s getting than the rest of the cast.

Ok, for those who are living under a rock, Disney is releasing a live-action version of the classic film. Now, I think it’s safe to say that this movie is star-studded, bruh. From Beyoncé to Donald Glover to Seth Rogen to Chiwetel Ejiofor to James Earl Jones, the big guns came out for this joint, son. Shit, they even got Jon Favreau directing it, man. Side note, I can’t explain how happy I am that Jones is still voicing Mufasa, fam. I mean, no one else is worthy enough for the role, brethren.

In any case, the film sounds fantastic on paper, son. But, as promotion for the movie has started to ramp up, I’ve noticed that Beyoncé is getting a lot of the shine, man. Like, anytime I look on social media, I see people talking about Beyoncé. Next, I read a report that she’s adding her own original song to the flick. Hell, even outlets like Complex are giving Beyoncé her own billing on their sites. All I know is, her character isn’t even close to being the star of the show, fam.

Look, let’s be frank here, bruh. If we’re going by the original film, Nala’s in like three scenes, son. First, Simba convinces her to go to the elephant graveyard and shenanigans with the hyenas ensue. Next, a whole heap of years later, she finds Simba in the wilderness with Timon and Pumbaa. Finally, she helps Simba take down Scar, reclaim Pride Rock and then becomes his bride. Now, in total, that’s like 15 minutes of airtime, man. So, how does any actress playing that role become the focal point of the press campaign, fam?

Listen, I’m not going to sit here and pretend like I know how the movie is going to turn out. All in all, the live-action version could very well end up being a play-by-play remake of the original. All I’m saying is, based on Beyoncé’s coverage, it looks like the powers that be are trying to position her as the lead. In my eyes, that would be a complete disservice to the masterpiece that was/is the 1994 version of the film.

In the end, I want to make myself perfectly clear, son. Ultimately, I’m not trying to hate on Beyoncé. Real talk, I would feel the same way if it were anyone else. The truth is, I’m just a diehard fan of the original movie. By and by, I don’t want Disney to fuck up a classic just to capitalize off of Beyoncé’s fame. The way I see it, the plot is already perfect, man. So, I just hope they stick to the script and do the film justice, fam. At the end of the day, I’d be devastated if they fuck this up. That is all. LC out.

Lena Waithe Has A Lot Of Nerve

So, let me just cut to the chase, son. The way I see it, Lena Waithe needs to lay low right now. I mean, given all of the fuckery surrounding Jason Mitchell and The Chi, she probably shouldn’t be calling out Will Smith and Denzel Washington. Hell, those who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones, man. All in all, I don’t necessarily have a problem with the message, fam. The truth is, I have a REAL issue with the messenger, bruh.

Ok, for those who missed it, Waithe just tried to take Smith, Washington and other Black actors to task. Basically, she feels like not enough high-profile Black actors are funding independent films from Black directors and writers. As an example, she noted that Brad Pitt‘s production company, Plan B, was the entity behind Moonlight and 12 Years a Slave. In her view, that responsibility should lie with folks within the Black community.

Now, I’m not going to sit here and pretend like Waithe doesn’t have a point, son. Shit, as a Black dude, I would love for actors like Smith and Washington to back as many Black films as humanly possible. On the real, I absolutely believe it’s our community’s job to pay it forward, man. However, given the way Waithe (didn’t) handle that Jason Mitchell situation, I feel like she is the LAST person who should sound judgy about anyone, fam.

Look, it’s kind of hard for me to look at her as a champion for Black people when she wasn’t a champion for women, bruh. Real talk, two women were sexually assaulted on HER SHOW and she barely did anything about it, son. First, Tiffany Boone complained about Mitchell’s inappropriate behavior. From there, instead of firing him, Waithe hired Ayanna Floyd Davis as the showrunner. Next, when it was clear that Mitchell was still on that fuckity-fuck shit, Waithe’s response was in poor taste, man.

Listen, in response to Floyd Davis’ gripes, Waithe literally said “I don’t regret making a Black woman a showrunner. I do regret trusting her to handle it all by herself. Just cause you look like me, don’t mean you act like me.” Fam, what the fuck does that even mean?! Shit, it sounds like she’s blaming Floyd Davis for not having control of the situation. But, why should it be on her to stop Mitchell’s harassment, bruh? Nah, homie should’ve been kicked off of the fucking show from the gate, son!

In the end, maybe I’m being a little hard on Waithe, man. Then again, I don’t really give a shit, fam. The fact is, if women are getting assaulted on Waithe’s show, I don’t want to hear her opinion on other Black actors. Ultimately, she should take care of home before she comes for someone else’s neck, bruh. By and by, her callout rubbed me the wrong way, son. At the end of the day, she’s right and deadass wrong at the same fucking time, brethren. That is all. LC out.

I Don’t Want To Watch ‘When They See Us’

So, I want to take this time to be honest, son. On the real, I haven’t watched Ava DuVernay‘s When They See Us yet. Frankly, my spirit can’t take it, man. Like, the Central Park Five case makes me mad, fam. I mean, REALLY mad, bruh. Shit, my wife damn near had to force me to watch Ken Burns‘ documentary, y’all. The fact is, so many things that minorities fear about the justice system are wrapped up in this case, people. All in all, New York City stole the youth of five innocent men.

Now, before I continue, let me say that I’m not going to explain the entire case here. Hell, that’s what DuVernay’s Netflix series is for, son. However, I just want to touch on some of the shenanigans that caused these young men to lose themselves. First, there are the “confessions.” Real talk, the police department put the fear of God in a group of teenagers, man. The truth is, the cops scared a bunch of Black kids into admitting to a crime they flatly didn’t commit.

From there, the prosecutor, Linda Fairstein, did her best to railroad these young men. Despite the fact their “confessions” didn’t add up, she fucked them. Despite the fact they had alibis, she fucked them. Despite the fact their DNA didn’t match the culprit, the District Attorney‘s office STILL burned them at the stake. To make matters worse, even after Matias Reyes, the real rapist, admitted to the crime, authorities CONTINUE to claim the Central Park Five were responsible. Look, Reyes’ DNA proved he was the offender, yet Fairstein and company REFUSE to acknowledge the truth. Side note, don’t get me started on Donald Trump and all of his racist “bring back the death penalty” bullshit. All I know is, this case makes my soul hurt, fam.

In the end, I do believe everyone should watch this series, bruh. Ultimately, I’ll most likely end up watching it too. By and by, I just need to mentally prepare myself, son. At the end of the day, these are the perils that people of color have to deal with in this country, man. *Sigh* It’s just incredibly draining to constantly go through the nonsense, fam. That is all. LC out.

P.S. New Yorkers have plenty of reasons to shit on Bill de Blasio, but at least he gave the Central Park Five their money, bruh. Keeping it a buck, Michael Bloomberg is permanently on my shit list for fighting that settlement, son. Good day.

A Diehard Fan’s Thoughts On The Wu-Tang Documentary

So, anyone who knows me knows that I am a MASSIVE Wu-Tang Clan fan. I mean, I used to wear Clarks Wallabees because of Raekwon and Ghostface Killah. Hell, I’m wearing a damn Cuban Link chain as I write this, son. In any case, it goes without saying that I was HYPED to watch Wu-Tang Clan: Of Mics and Men, Showtime‘s new documentary. All in all, as much as I enjoyed the film, I also completely understand why the group fractured, man.

Ok, for those who haven’t watched it yet, I’m going to be throwing out mad spoilers, fam. Anyway, the fact of the matter is, business broke up the squad, bruh. Now, when I say “business,” it’s really the lack of business understanding, son. Like, over the years, various members thought RZA and his brother Divine were taking money from them. Look, maybe the were. However, to me, I thought the brothers were engaged in regular business practices, man.

For example, there’s a scene in the fourth episode where Ghostface is arguing with Divine about commission. In Ghost’s mind, if Divine brings him a $1 million deal, Ghost should get all of the money. Divine’s stance is that he would take $200,000 as a finder’s fee. Shit, I’m with Divine, fam. Look, if Divine is out there securing the bag, why would he not get a portion? Real talk, sport agents get commission and lawyers get pieces of settlements. The way I see it, it’s only right, bruh.

As another example, in the third episode of the doc, we see a rift between RZA and Ol’ Dirty Bastard. So, when ODB got out of prison, he didn’t understand why the other members were let out of their deal with Wu-Tang Productions, but RZA and Divine were reluctant to let ODB go. Now, in RZA’s mind, he thought he had the perfect plan to resurrect Dirty’s career. All I can say is, given the immaculate work that RZA did in the beginning, I wouldn’t bet against him, son. Instead, Dirty decided to go with Roc-A-Fella Records and they did absolutely nothing with him, man. With all of that being said, was the move worth it, fam?

Now, to be fair, the group members were deadass right about that Once Upon a Time in Shaolin album. Frankly, they got duped into making a project by Cilvaringz and RZA. To make matters worse, it wholly sucks that Martin Shkreli ended up with the record, bruh. The fact is, that chapter was a stain on the Wu name, son. All I know is, that album should’ve never happened, son.

Besides that, the fact remains that the group was at its apex when RZA made the beats and Divine ran the business. Hell, can anyone argue with Wu-Tang’s run from 1993 to 1997? Keeping it a buck, that period was the greatest shit in the world to me. Sadly, “homie business” got in the way of a conglomerate, man. On the real, a lack of business knowledge got in the way of a seemingly unstoppable force. Regardless, I’m just happy that they’re back together and cooking up, fam. Shit, I lost my mind while watching them perform at the A3C Festival last year. For me, a group like that should never break up, bruh.

In the end, I recommend this documentary to everyone. Truthfully, I thought the episodes could be disjointed at times, but there was so much behind the scenes footage that I let my gripes go, son. Ultimately, shout-out to Mass Appeal, man. By and by, any documentary that shows me the recording process of “C.R.E.A.M.” is good in my book, fam. At the end of the day, Wu-Tang is for the children, bruh. That is all. LC out.

RIP John Singleton

So, I won’t lie, son. I don’t have much to say today, man. On the real, this shit is just trash, fam. All I can say is, Rest In Peace to John Singleton, bruh. Frankly, it’s a damn shame that we lost someone who’s done so much for the culture. All in all, his legacy is solidified and we need to keep his art at the forefront.

Ok, for those who missed it, things went downhill very quickly, son. First, on April 17, it was reported that Singleton had a stroke. Apparently, after returning from Costa Rica, he experienced weakness in his legs. Next, on April 25, news spread that Singleton slipped into a coma. Now, five days later, the iconic director has passed away.

Keeping it a buck, Singleton was way too young, man. I mean, 51 is not the time that people should be dying, fam. Especially not when they’re still contributing to the zeitgeist, bruh. Shit, he was the brain behind Snowfall, one of my current favorite television shows. That’s not to mention Boyz n the Hood, Poetic Justice, Higher Learning, Baby Boy and all of the other films that showed his genius. Side note, I really wish he actually directed All Eyez on Me. Listen, that movie was a shit show and Tupac Shakur deserved better, son. In any case, I’m just glad that we’re still able to enjoy the work he put in, man.

In the end, RIP to a great one. Ultimately, we all need to get our health checked, fam. By and by, the idea of dying at 51 is shocking, bruh. At the end of the day, health is wealth and we all need to make sure we’re doing our part. Now, excuse me while I watch reruns of Snowfall and yell at Franklin Saint for not handling his own wet work. That is all. LC out.

Don’t Ruin ‘Avengers: Endgame’ For Me!

So, I played myself, son. Like, I waited too long to get Avengers: Endgame tickets, man. In any case, I have to wait until next week to get my IMAX 3D experience, fam. With that being said, I’d like to address all of my compatriots who are blessed to see the movie this weekend. From the bottom of my heart, DON’T RUIN THE FUCKING MOVIE FOR ME, BRUH!

On the real, I don’t have much to say, son. Frankly, I just know how social media works, man. Hell, most of the time, folks can’t WAIT to jump on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram to spoil shit. Keeping it a buck, just by writing this post, I bet a couple of dummies are going to try and fuck shit up for me. However, I’m imploring everyone to not be a dick, fam. Please allow me to cry from joy in my own time, bruh.

In the end, that’s all I’ve got, son. Ultimately, waiting a week to see this movie is making me siiiiiiick, man. By and by, I need Thanos in my life, fam. At the end of the day, I’m probably going to have to quit social media until next week, bruh. That’s probably the only way for me to be safe. Well, besides my friends who have my number. But, in that case, I can just assault them. Yeah, that sounds about right. That is all. LC out.