A Bald Man’s Letter To LeBron James

Dear LeBron James,

On the real, I’m not here to speak with you about your game. I mean, it’s generally understood that you’re one of the greatest basketball players of all time. Shit, depending on who you ask, you’ve already passed Michael Jordan as the GOAT. In any case, I’m not here to talk about your Los Angeles Lakers or the rest of the NBA. Frankly, I’m here, as a brother, to advise you about your hair. All I can say is, it’s time to fucking let it go, son.

Now, let’s keep it a buck, man. Seriously, we all saw what happened against the Utah Jazz, fam. Hell, Anthony Davis tried to warn you about what was going on, bruh. Needless to say, your lace front fell out, son. In the middle of a game, brethren. On national television. Like, do I even need to explain how embarrassing that is, kinfolk?

Look, for years (and years and fucking years), you’ve tried to avoid baldness like the plague. At the beginning of every season, it looks like you’ve found the cure for male pattern baldness. Then, like 20 games into the season, your real hairline resurfaces. From there, you look like Bobo the Clown for trying to convince us that this was your actual hair. All I know is, enough is fucking enough, son.

Listen, before you think that I’m judging you, allow me to be transparent about myself. Now, despite being bald, I can still technically grow hair on my head. In actuality, I began shaving it off because my front hairline started to go from a straight line to a McDonald’s arch. Anyway, the way my pride is setup, I couldn’t continue to front (and argue with my Jamaican barber) like my shit was still pristine, man. So, I told him to buzz it all off. That was February of 2009. The truth is, I’ve been blissfully happy ever since, fam.

All in all, you don’t have to go through this, bruh. The last time I checked, Jordan was/is your favorite player, son. Real talk, he made baldness cool, man. The way I see it, you don’t have to dealt with this anguish, fam. Just let the hair follicles go and let your scalp be free, brethren. From my viewpoint, your scalp wants to be free anyway.

In the end, come join the team, son. Ultimately, it’s enjoyable on this side, man. By and by, I haven’t worn a durag in a decade, fam. Furthermore, I can go to sleep/wake up without brushing my hair, bruh. At the end of the day, I’m offering you liberation, LeBron. Please, embrace what nature is already trying to show you. It’s the only way, brethren.

Sincerely,

A fan who doesn’t want to see you suffer anymore

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What I Learned From The ‘Free Meek’ Documentary

So, this past weekend, my wife and I watched the Free Meek documentary on Amazon Prime Video. Now, as the title would suggest, the doc is about the decade-long ordeal that Meek Mill has gone through with the Philadelphia justice system. Moving on, I can legitimately say that I have an entirely new perspective on the fuckery that Mill went through. All in all, despite knowing that his situation was terrible, it was amazing to see just how much tomfoolery has transpired, son.

Ok, before I continue, let me transparent, man. Now, I’ve written about Mill’s probation troubles on more than one occasion, fam. Previously, I’ve stated that Mill needed to refrain from doing anything that would result in his judge violating him. Like, I knew his case was bullshit, but I thought that he needed to lay low. In any case, while I still wholeheartedly believe that he needed to stay off of those cotdamn dirt bikes, for example, I’m thoroughly confused by the actions of Judge Genece Brinkley. The way I see it, that woman was ABSOLUTELY determined to ruin Mill’s life. Frankly, I don’t fucking get it, bruh.

Now, for some clarity, let’s run through just a small fraction of her nonsense. First, she originally sentenced Mill to 11 months in jail and 10 years on probation because of the word of Reggie Graham, a crooked cop. Granted, she could use the excuse that she didn’t know that he was dirty at the time. But, anybody with a brain could see that his arrest report never made any sense. Years later, even when it was proven that Graham was a flat-out criminal, Brinkley STILL refused to grant Mill a new trial.

To add insult to injury, Brinkley frequently violated Mill’s probation for the most asinine reasons. At one point, she violated him for having a water gun in one of his music videos, simply because it looked real. In addition, she would call probation hearings on her own, without even consulting the District Attorney’s office first. Furthermore, despite repeated suggestions from the DA to stop sending Mill to prison, Brinkley continued to find reasons to arbitrarily take his freedom.

Listen, I haven’t even gotten to the story that she asked Mill to put her name in a fucking song. I haven’t even gotten to the fact that her own lawyer doesn’t understand her obsession with Mill. Shit, my lawyer wife doesn’t understand why a judge would refuse to overturn a man’s sentence when the fucking prosecutor doesn’t even want to prosecute. The fact is, she literally tried EVERYTHING in her power to keep Mill in the system. All I know is, it’s fucking disgusting, son.

In the end, I’m not even doing this story justice, man (pun intended). Ultimately, everyone needs to go watch this documentary. By and by, Genece Brinkley is the prime example of a judicial abuse of power. The sad part is, these are the type of power who are in charge of our lives. At the end of the day, despite the misery he’s gone through, Mill is still luckier than TONS of other minorities. On the real, the ones without money are still in jail right now, fam. With all of that being said, I’d like to apologize to Meek Mill, bruh. All I can say is, nothing that man did can justify the shit-storm that he dealt with. On top of that, it’s pretty apparent that he never did what they charged him for in the first place. *Sigh* That’s all, brethren. That is all. LC out.

My Beef With Elizabeth Warren’s View On Charter Schools

So, here we are, son. It’s October 25, 2019 and Elizabeth Warren is one of the frontrunners for the 2020 Democratic presidential nomination. Now, I won’t lie, man. On the real, I go back and forth about what I think about Warren. On one hand, I like some of her ideas. On the other hand, I can’t get with some of her stances. Side bar, I genuinely don’t believe that companies like Facebook or Amazon will allow her to break them up. But, that’s neither here nor there, fam. In any case, I legitimately have a beef with her position on charter schools. All in all, I think these institutions are always unfairly maligned.

Ok, for those who are unaware, Warren has a “plan” to improve public schools while simultaneously ending funding for new charter schools. Now, according to her vision, she wants to impose a 2% “wealth tax” that would hit households that make $50 million and up. The goal is to use that money to improve K-12 programs nationwide. In addition, Warren is looking to stop federal funding for new charter schools and subject existing charter schools to the same “accountability rules” as public schools.

Look, the way I see it, this plan perpetuates the idea that there’s something inherently wrong with charter schools. Now, to be fair, I may be a little biased, bruh. I mean, I currently have two children who are benefiting from a charter school education. Side bar, shout-out to Success Academy, son. In any case, while my family is thoroughly entrenched in the charter school system, I can admit that there are some issues. Namely, the lottery system. Real talk, the idea of a lottery system is problematic as shit, man. Basically, it’s designed in a way that prohibits all children from receiving the same education. So, I can readily see the fault with that, fam.

But, with all of that being said, let’s keep it a buck, bruh. The truth is, charter schools exist because public schools are fucking awful. Listen, I’ve heard the “let’s tax the rich” argument for fucking years, son. All I know is, that shit hasn’t worked yet, man. The way I see it, as long as public school funding is determined by tax bracket and property value, underprivileged kids will always get the short end of the stick. Shit, I grew up in the Bronx and my middle school principal personally gave me an application for Prep for Prep as a way to get me out of my school district. Sadly, he knew that there were better opportunities outside of my neighborhood. So, he decided to look out for me.

In the end, charter schools are not the problem, fam. Ultimately, charter schools are unfairly targeted by people like Warren and Bill de Blasio because no one has come up with a sensible enough plan to fix our broken public school system. By and by, taxing the rich works in theory, but that idea has never gotten off of the ground, bruh. At the end of the day, I’ll take my kids out of their charter school when wealthier people stop getting better free education. That is all. LC out.

Tank Is Out Here Wilin’

So, let me begin this post by saying that I’m a big Tank fan. Now, while I was aware of him from the time he dropped “Maybe I Deserve,” I was all in when he released his Sex, Love & Pain album. Side bar, “Coldest” is GUARANTEED to get it poppin’, son. Trust me, brethren. In any case, it wouldn’t be right if I didn’t address the comments that he made on Angela Yee‘s Lip Service podcast. All in all, I think Tank is a little confused on what “gay” means. Anyway, let’s discuss it, fam.

Ok, for those who are unaware, Tank just did an episode of Lip Service with Yee, Stephanie Santiago, GiGi Maguire and Lore’l. Now, sometime during the conversation, they started talking about what determines homosexuality. From there, Tank had a hot take that if a man gave another man head once or twice, that doesn’t necessarily make him gay. In his eyes, continuous physical encounters are the determining factor of a person’s sexuality.

Look, I won’t lie, man. On the real, I’m a very literal dude, bruh. Now, by definition, homosexuality is “romantic attraction, sexual attraction or sexual behavior between members of the same sex gender.” So, by denotation, a man giving another man head is a homosexual act. Now, to be fair, I don’t give a flying fuckity-fuck about who’s sleeping with who, son. Honestly, I want everyone to live their lives and have fun, fam. But, let’s call a spade a spade, folks. Shit, even if the dude doesn’t identify as gay, he’s at least queer, people. The way I see it, there’s a curiosity there that isn’t synonymous with heterosexuality. Listen, if I’m completely off-base here, I’d like someone to explain it to me. I’m always down to learn.

In the end, I couldn’t care less how men or women categorize themselves. Ultimately, love is love, sex is sex and I hope we’re all doing it safely. However, come the fuck on, Tank. He knows damn well that if Bobby is fucking around with Billy, then this isn’t a heterosexual encounter. By and by, I think other dudes are scared to experiment because they’re scared of how they’ll be labeled. At the end of the day, do what feels right, brethren. Who are any of us to judge? That is all. LC out.

I F*cks With This Sabrina Claudio Album

So, I won’t lie, son. On the real, due to the racist Fuckity-McFuckery that Sabrina Claudio tweeted back in the day, I avoided her music like the plague. I mean, if I’m being honest, I’ve never actually listened to any of her projects, man. However, after several people I know told me to peep her Truth Is album, I finally obliged. All I can say is, I like this shit a lot, fam. Real talk, she makes quality fucking music, bruh.

Ok, keeping it a buck, I have no intention of giving some long ass album review, son. The way I see it, my take is pretty simple, man. The fact is, the production, spearheaded by Sad Money, is great and her melodies/lyrics are great. Listen, I’m not a picky dude, fam. In my eyes, music is complicated but simple at the same time. Like, a great melody and good lyrics always win, bruh. Seriously, they always fucking win. For me, all I need is a vocal about heartbreak and some dope ass chords. From there, I’m all in, brethren.

In the end, I have nothing else to say, son. Ultimately, this isn’t my most in-depth review. By and by, this album is just great to listen to, man. Now, based on the artist, do I slightly feel like a sellout? Yeah, a little bit. But, like I said before, I’m just a sucker for good music, fam. All in all, below are some of the records that I fuck with the most. Moody R&B for the win, bruh! That is all. LC out.

Can We Get A Mansa Musa Movie?

So, I won’t lie, son. On the real, I may alienate some people with this statement, but I’m fucking tired of slave movies, man. Like, how many films about slavery can we possibly make, fam? I swear, every year, there’s another “critically-acclaimed” movie about the horrors our Black ancestors had to endure. Yes, it’s very important to give an accurate depiction of our history. But, slavery isn’t the only history we have, bruh. With that being said, can we please get a Mansa Musa movie?

Ok, for some background, the upcoming Harriet film inspired this post. Now, before I get chewed to bits, I absolutely believe that Harriet Tubman deserves a quality film. The truth is, Harriet isn’t necessarily my problem. In actuality, Harriet is just a symptom of a larger issue. Frankly, I think Hollywood is just obsessed with slave movies, son. I mean, whether we’re talking about Amistad or 12 Years a Slave or The Birth of a Nation or Django Unchained, there always seems to be a new slave film in the works, man. Keep in mind, I love all of the aforementioned movies, fam. But, the Black experience shouldn’t just be relegated to slavery, drugs, sports or fucking music, bruh.

In any case, I’d like Hollywood (well, Black directors) to venture outside of the usual subject matter. The way I see it, there’s no excuse for the lack of a big-budget Mansa Musa movie, son. Shit, we’re literally talking about the wealthiest person in human history, man. How is it possible that the richest man ever, who happens to be Black, isn’t bombarding our theaters, fam? In my eyes, it’s not a coincidence that we’re always depicted as slaves, but not as royalty, bruh. So, take that for what it’s worth, folks.

In the end, I’m putting all of Black Hollywood on notice, son. Ultimately, I’m not telling people not to see movies like Harriet. Hell, my wife and I definitely plan on seeing the film. However, I’m challenging Spike Lee or Ava DuVernay or Steve McQueen or whoever to tackle these types of projects. By and by, I’ve read that Ryan Coogler and Michael B. Jordan have expressed interest in making a Mansa Musa movie. At the end of the day, I just want us to move away from the regular script, pun intended. The truth is, slavery isn’t the only thing that defines Black people. So, let’s talk about it, brethren. That is all. LC out.

‘El Camino’ Is Aight

Disclaimer: Spoilers, son. Spoilers. That is all.

So, after expressing my excitement/reservation about El Camino: A Breaking Bad Movie, I’m finally back with my assessment, son. Now, I won’t lie, man. The film is cool, fam. Just cool. I mean, it definitely isn’t bad, but it also isn’t on the level of the original Breaking Bad. Hell, it isn’t even on the level of Better Call Saul, bruh. All in all, I may have expected more from Vince Gilligan, but the movie is still a welcomed addition.

Ok, for those who are interested, here’s the movie’s backstory. Now, after Walter White released him from the Brotherhood‘s enslavement, Jesse Pinkman finds his way to his friends, Skinny Pete and Badger. Anyway, due to the machine gun-induced chaos that occurred in Breaking Bad‘s “Felina,” the police are looking to question Pinkman. Anyway, with the help of Skinny and Badger, Pinkman is able to avoid the (real) authorities. Side bar, he did have a run-in with some muhfuckas dressed like cops, but that’s another story, son.

Moving on, Pinkman’s goal is to get enough money to pay Ed Galbraith for a brand new identity. Now, for anyone who’s unfamiliar, Galbraith is a dude who originally helped White evade authorities and gave Saul Goodman a way out after all of Heisenberg‘s fuckery. In any case, Pinkman has to find double the amount to pay Galbraith because he didn’t show up the first time Galbraith tried to help him disappear. From there, Pinkman ends up robbing/killing a couple of people for the extra bread and blah, blah, blah.

Look, let me be clear, man. Real talk, it may appear like I’m being flippant about the movie. In reality, I actually enjoyed it, fam. The way I see it, it’s a fitting ending to the Breaking Bad story. Shit, we already knew what happened to White, we knew what happened to Goodman, and now, we know what happens to Pinkman. On the real, I think the film suffers because it’s a film. Meaning, Breaking Bad benefitted from being a television show. Frankly, Gilligan could really get in depth with the details, bruh. Keeping it a buck, that attention to detail is what made Breaking Bad and Better Call Saul great shows. The fact is, it’s hard to cram all of that shit in two hours, son.

In the end, I still appreciate the movie, man. Ultimately, it’s a good addition to the Breaking Bad canon, fam. By and by, I might’ve gotten my hopes too high, but I can’t necessarily say I was disappointed, bruh. At the end of the day, I will always watch anything Breaking Bad-related, son. YEAH, BITCH! MAGNETS! Good day. LC out.