Catch These Hands: Donald Trump & Joe Biden Edition

Son, what world are we living in right now? I mean, what’s really good with our country when our elected officials are offering each other the fade? Look, at this point, I’m not pointing the finger at Donald Trump over Joe Biden. All in all, both of these old ass dudes are ridiculous for trying to square up with each other. Shit, can these fuckity-fucks just do what they’ve been elected to do?

Ok, for those who missed it, Biden was giving a speech at the University of Miami. Now, while speaking about Trump’s Access Hollywood comments, Biden stated that, in high school, he would’ve taken Trump “behind the gym and beat the hell out of him.” *Sigh* The former Vice President of the United States, ladies and gentlemen! First off, not only is a 75-year-old man talking about what he’d do in high school, but he’s also talking about engaging in fisticuffs. Good Lord, is that how we handle politics now? Listen, if that were the case, then just let a boxer or an MMA fighter run for office, son.

In any case, OF COURSE Trump had to respond, man. Now, in true President Orange fashion, Trump tweeted that Biden would “go down fast and hard, crying all the way.” Word? Trump is fluent in the art of the beatdown? Fam, if these dudes don’t get the FUCK outta here, bruh! Real talk, who are any of these dudes fooling, people? Keeping it a buck, I can’t believe this is how politicians are addressing issues in 2018. On the real, jabs and hooks are how we solve issues in middle school, folks. By and by, this is not how I want Washington to fix its problems, son.

In the end, fuck all of the dumb shit, man. Ultimately, someone needs to tell these guys to grow up, fam. I mean, not only are these dudes running the government, but they’re also old as fuck. In addition, since neither one of them have actually seen any war, I don’t want to hear any of the tough guy talk, bruh. Everybody just needs to knock it off, son. That is all. LC out.


In His Grandmother’s Backyard…

AHHHHHHHHH! *Sigh* At this point, that’s the first thought that comes to mind, son. Good fucking Lord, man, how many times do we have to go through this shit?! Like, is there ANYWHERE on God‘s green Earth that we won’t be shot, fam? Look, a dude can’t even be safe in his grandmother’s backyard?! Once again, it’s mind-boggling how cops always “fear for their lives” and never properly assess the situation. All in all, Stephon Clark died for NO fucking reason, bruh!

Ok, before I continue, let me address the individuals who will justify the officers’ actions. Now, let’s just say, hypothetically, that Clark was actually breaking car windows, as the authorities claim. Even in that case, why were the 20 shots warranted? Listen, when I watched the body cam footage, I saw two officers roll on the scene, fail to identify themselves, yell “gun” and just start firing. After all of that, did Clark have a weapon? Nope. He was simply holding an iPhone, son. All I know is, if Clark was really guilty of a crime, then that’s what due process is for. Let the courts decide his fate instead of MULTIPLE bullets.

Look, on the real, I’m not even going to get into the racial implications of another unarmed Black person getting shot. Real talk, I’ve done that COUNTLESS times on this blog, man. Instead, I want to talk about the GROSS ineptitude of our police departments. Now, let’s just pretend that these shootings aren’t based around an irrational fear of Black people. Even if that were the case, which it isn’t, why are folks cool with how cops handle these situations? Why are folks cool with the fact that officers ALWAYS shoot before getting a handle of the situation? Their constant “fear” puts us all at risk and people should be WAY more critical of their constant lack of proficiency.

In the end, I don’t want to hear about broken car windows and I don’t want to hear about Clark’s criminal record. Ultimately, those areas have NOTHING to do with the matter at hand. By and by, even if both things are accurate, that doesn’t mean he deserved to die. At the end of the day, if the cops weren’t in danger, which they weren’t, they had no reason to shoot that man so many times. When it’s all said and done, a “they feared for their lives” defense shouldn’t be enough, fam. Perception and assumptions shouldn’t be enough to end a man’s life. Frankly, they assumed that he was armed and then they took his life. Officers never need to be right in order to be defended. That, in and of itself, is a LARGE part of the fucking problem, bruh. *Sigh* I’m just drained, son. That is all. LC out.

Wait, Donald Trump Jr. Smashed Aubrey O’Day?!

So, let me be honest, son. I don’t actually care if the rumors are true or not. Frankly, I’m not here to verify whether or not Donald Trump Jr. smashed Aubrey O’Day. Nah, man, I’m only here for the lulz, fam. I mean, this shit is hilarious, bruh! Hell, of all of the people that Trump Jr. could’ve been linked to, the internet pulled up O’Day? All I know is, I’m going to have a GREAT time getting these jokes off, folks.

Ok, for those who missed it, Trump Jr. is apparently divorcing his wife, Vanessa Trump. Now, while we can all speculate about the cause, an interesting tidbit arose from the story. Apparently, Trump Jr. was smashing O’Day in 2011 and 2012. Furthermore, it’s been alleged that Vanessa even confronted O’Day about it over the phone. Either way, this has to be the most random story ever, son. Shit, how would Trump Jr. even mix up with a Danity Kane member, man? Do they even frequent the same circles? In my opinion, this debacle is way too odd to be false, fam.

In the end, nothing else needs to be said, bruh. Ultimately, I just needed a laugh for the day, son. Knowing me, I’ll get back to some serious shit tomorrow, man. By and by, during these times, we all need a quick break for tomfoolery, fam. That is all. LC out.

Who’s Bombing Texas?

So, I won’t lie, son. I don’t have a lot of information about what’s going on in Texas right now. However; the number of bombings this month have been disturbing, man. As of right now, since March began, there have been five bombings in Austin and San Antonio. All I know is, authorities need to figure out what’s going on before more people are killed.

Ok, before I continue, can we talk about the fact that this story hasn’t been getting a ton of coverage? I mean, why isn’t it being plastered everywhere that there may be a serial bomber on the loose? So far, four of the five bombings have occurred in Austin. On top of that, two people have been killed and another four have been injured. Now, while tons of cops and the ATF have been on the scene, there haven’t been a lot of answers, fam.

On the real, I’m shooting in the dark right now, but I wouldn’t be surprised if a soldier is doing this. I say that because of how tactical all of this seems. Generally speaking, amateurs find a way to get caught, bruh. Currently, officers have nothing but carnage to rely on as evidence, folks. By and by, it doesn’t seem like the perpetrator is some rookie, people.

In the end, that’s all I’ve got, son. Ultimately, I just wanted to bring awareness to a scary situation. At the end of the day, I hope a resolution is imminent. I really don’t want anyone else getting hurt/killed over random violence. With that being said, let’s hope the authorities get to the bottom of this ASAP. That is all. LC out.

Why I Don’t Do NCAA Brackets

So, it finally happened, huh? A 16-seed finally beat a 1-seed, huh? I mean, based on probability, it was bound to happen eventually, son. However; I never expected a 1-seed to get blown out, man. To make matters worse, the Virginia Cavaliers weren’t just a 1-seed in the NCAA Tournament, fam. They were the number-one overall team in the country, bruh. All in all, that makes their lose to the University of Maryland, Baltimore County that much worse, folks. Keeping it a buck, this is EXACTLY why I don’t do brackets, people.

Ok, for those who are unaware, March Madness is in full swing. Frankly, if anybody doesn’t know that, I’m assuming that something is wrong with them, son. In any case, the Cavaliers were the popular pick to win this year’s title. Now, despite the fact that they’ve been hit-or-miss in the tourney over recent years, people figured that they’d finally get it together. Well, apparently, the UMBC Retrievers didn’t get the memo, man. Shit, after the dust settled, they beat the best team in the country by twenty points. On the real, after watching the game, I can’t even say it was a fluke, fam. Shit, they legitimately had a good game plan against the Cavaliers.

Moving on, this post isn’t necessarily about Virginia. It’s more so about the fact that March Madness is so chaotic, there’s no way my frugal ass could risk losing money on a bracket. Bruh, only a smaaaaaall percentage of us actually know what the fuck we’re doing, son. In spite of that, NO ONE got shit right this time around, man. All I know is, I’m not about to put my hard-earned cash on the line and leave it in the hands of underage drinkers. Hell, I know how foolish I was in college, so I already know there’s no rhyme or reason to how this tournament is going to go, fam.

In the end, my condolences to everyone who put all of their bread on Virginia. Listen, I would say my heart goes out, but my bank account is looking fine. Next time, maybe people would know better than to lose their savings on a hectic brand of basketball. Ultimately, college ball is the least predictable shit on the planet, bruh. By and by, don’t let the brokeness prevail. LC out.

Get DJ Envy The F*ck Outta Here!

Son, somebody tell DJ Envy to relax! I mean, I’m married with kids and even I thought he GROSSLY overreacted to Desus Nice and The Kid Mero. Look, for a dude who works on a show that CONSISTENTLY cracks on other people, it’s absolutely ridiculous that he can’t take a joke, man. All in all, I think there are two ways to look at this situation. In either case, Envy looks like a fucking clown, fam.

Ok, before I get to my analysis, let’s talk about how all of this fuckery began, bruh. Now, recently, Envy and his wife, Gia Casey, sat down with the hosts of The Real. During their segment, they talked about Envy’s infidelity and other issues that put a strain on their marriage. In any case, Envy admitted that his DJ persona was causing serious problems in his family life. By and by, that’s how he got embroiled in such tomfoolery as smashing Erica Mena.

Moving on, enter Desus and Mero. Now, during a segment on their Viceland show, Desus and Mero were cracking jokes, as they ALWAYS do. Anyway, Desus let a comment fly that it was probably easier for Gia to put up with Envy’s nonsense because of the money. Apparently, that was a step too far for Envy. With that being said, shit hit the proverbial fan when Desus and Mero went up to The Breakfast Club. So, off the rip, Envy introduced them as “Dickhead and Pussy.” Next, he demanded that they apologize to both him and his wife. In his eyes, they crossed the line by insinuating that Gia was only with him for the cash. Hell, he even went on an entire spiel about how they’ve been together since they were 15 and blah, blah, blah.

Now, after all of that, Desus and Mero actually apologized. However; that wasn’t enough for Envy. From there, he legit got up and walked out of the interview. All I know is, that was some super unprofessional shit, son. Listen, I truly believe Envy went above and beyond here. Good fucking Lord, it was a joke, man! Lighten the fuck up! This dude does a show with Charlamagne Tha God everyday and he has thin skin? Shit, it makes absolutely no sense, fam! Desus and Mero make fun of EVERYONE! That’s their job, bruh! If it was really a problem, they travel in the same circles. Envy could’ve handled this shit off-air, folks.

Look, even if people thought Envy was in the right for checking them, here’s another way to look at this: they apologized! Listen, Envy asked for an apology and he got it! So, what’s the fucking problem now? It’s fucking childish to demand an apology and then refuse to accept it. So, he overreacted to a minor joke AND refused to acknowledge that they were sorry. Nah, son, no one can explain that type of behavior to me. On the real, I personally can’t judge a man for cheating. But, let me say, that act is waaaaaay worse than anything Desus and Mero said, man.

In the end, someone tell DJ Envy to man the fuck up, fam. Ultimately, he needs to either grow tougher skin or act like an adult. By and by, he could’ve either let the joke roll or come to a sensible resolution. At the end of the day, he did neither of those things, bruh. So, I don’t feel sorry for the way the internet is killing him, people. When it’s all said and done, that’s what happens when bitchassness goes viral. LC out.

Teachers Don’t Need Guns

So, let’s cut the bullshit, son. Listen, teachers don’t need guns, man! Hell, their jobs are stressful enough as it is, fam! Are we really going to add “armed bodyguard” to their résumé, bruh? Look, outside of all of the Second Amendment talk, there are a variety of reasons why teachers shouldn’t be armed. With that being said, let’s go through some of them.

Ok, let’s start with Dennis Alexander, son. Now, for those who are unaware, Alexander is a teacher at Seaside High School in Monterey County, California. Anyway, in addition to being an instructor, Alexander is also a reserve police officer. So, on face value, he is the type of “gun-trained teacher” that Donald Trump wants. Moving on, let’s talk about what Alexander did the other day. Apparently, while giving a safety class, he pointed a loaded gun at the ceiling and accidentally fired it. From there, some debris hit a male student and he sustained some minor injuries.

Now, I’m totally happy that the kid wasn’t actually shot or harmed any further. However; this is the type of shit students don’t need in school, man! Listen, as a father, I’m sending my kids to school to learn. Shit, it’s bad enough that kids are going around shooting their own classmates. I don’t want to have to worry about a teacher hurting my child too, fam. Good fucking Lord, this is ridiculous, bruh! This isn’t what school is about, folks! On the real, if institutions are so dangerous that everyone needs to be strapped, then I might as well homeschool my kids, people.

Moving on, let’s address the naysayers who might conclude that Alexander’s blunder is just an isolated incident. Now, if no one out there is moved by my argument, let’s talk about the general plight of teachers. Look, in general, teachers are overworked and underpaid. Hell, instructors in West Virginia had to go on a full strike in order to get a 5 percent pay raise, son. So, we can’t pay them but we expect them to defend the school? On top of that, how long do we think it’ll take before someone points a gun at a student they have an issue with? Listen, I’ve seen A TON of videos of teachers assaulting kids, especially Black ones. Do we really think a gunshot is that far out of the realm of possibility?

In the end, can we stop the tomfoolery, man? Ultimately, we should worry about paying teachers their fair share instead of arming them. By and by, I truly don’t see any positives to this idea, fam. *Sigh* This country loves guns so much that they don’t care who gets hurt. At the end of the day, I do believe we have a right to arm ourselves. However; that right should also come with some basic common sense, bruh. When it’s all said and done, that’s the only thing that reasonable people are really asking for, folks. That is all. LC out.