This New Nas Song Ain’t It, Chief

So, anyone who knows me knows that I’m an unabashed Nas fan. Like, I legitimately believe he’s incapable of spitting a wack verse. Side bar, if given the chance, I’d even argue with Jay-Z about Nas’ “Oochie Wally” verse. Now, was that Nas’ finest moment? No, but those bars weren’t straight trash, son. In any case, lyrics were never Nas’ problem, man. On the real, his beat selection has always been suspect as fuck. With that being said, the trend (sadly) continues on the first single for this The Lost Tapes II album.

Ok, for those who are unaware, Nas is releasing a follow-up to his classic compilation album. Now, the original The Lost Tapes featured a bunch of songs that were supposed to be on I Am… and Stillmatic. However, thanks to early internet bootlegging, those songs didn’t make it out in their initial forms. Anyway, when that record came out in 2002, I was fucking HYPED, fam. Seriously, that album has some of my favorite Nas tracks, like “Blaze a 50,” “Everybody’s Crazy” and “Poppa Was a Playa.” Needless to say, when Nas teased a follow-up, I was ready to go, bruh.

Now, it finally seems like he’s ready to drop the record, son. So, as a warmup for the audience, Nas put out “Jarreau of Rap (Skatt Attack).” The song features the legendary Al Jarreau and showcases Nas’ lyrical dexterity. The problem is, the beat fucking sucks, man. Like, it REALLY sucks, fam. On top of that, the hook is super weird and wastes the Jarreau feature. All in all, this is not what I wanted to hear from this album, bruh. Shit, when a project lists Swizz BeatzPharrellRZAPete Rock and Kanye West as some of the producers, this ain’t the vibe I’m looking for, brethren. Frankly, I want to know who sanctioned this shit, folks.

Listen, Nas’ ear for beats has always been his Achilles Heel, son. The truth is, he’s always made his best albums when a notable figure gave him guidance. For example, MC Serch and Large Professor were the glue for IllmaticTrackmasters were the glue for It Was Written. Large Professor returned for StillmaticNo I.D. was the glue for Life Is Good. The way I see it, I don’t know if I can trust a Nas album when he’s left to his own devices, man. Keeping it a buck, I wish he would get Rick Ross to pick his beats. Hell, that might end up being one of the best albums ever, fam.

In the end, Nas will always be one of the greatest rappers of all time. Ultimately, I can’t take anything away from his ability to put words together. However, I was seriously unimpressed with this first single, bruh. By and by, I hope this isn’t a reflection of the whole album, son. If it is, it may have to be a hard pass for me, man. At the end of the day, that would hurt my rapper heart, fam. That is all. LC out.

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The Government Is Gonna Bust A Cap In Everyone At Area 51

So, I won’t lie, son. On the real, a part of me wants to be down with the Area 51 shenanigans. But, there’s nooooo way the government is going to allow a bunch of random hooligans on that land, man. I mean, I know we’re all joking here, but I’m sure there are folks who are really willing to test fate, fam. All I know is, the authorities would not hesitate to bust a cap in anyone who tries to infiltrate Area 51.

Ok, for those who missed it, there’s a Facebook event that’s got everyone’s attention. Now, as of today, 1.2 million people have joined the “Storm Area 51, They Can’t Stop All of Us” group. Moving on, as I’m sure folks can deduce, the goal of this group is to run up in Lincoln County, Nevada and “see them aliens.” Anyway, all of the tomfoolery is supposed to take place on September 20th from 3 AM to 6 AM.

Now, this shit is hilarious for a few reasons, bruh. First, it addresses a topic that a lot of people, myself included, are interested in. Real talk, I want to know what’s going on in that place, son. Shit, I’m a conspiracy theorist at heart and I would LOVE to get a glimpse of all of the top secret shit happening behind those walls. However, I’m also aware of the lengths that the United States government would go to prevent any such chaos, man. Hell, just take a look at the Air Force‘s rebuttal to this situation, fam.

Listen, in response to the proposed raid, Laura McAndrews, a spokeswoman for the Air Force, released the following statement: “Area 51 is an open training range for the U.S. Air Force, and we would discourage anyone from trying to come into the area where we train American armed forces. The U.S. Air Force always stands ready to protect America and its assets.” Bruh, that literally has to be the most eloquent way of saying “if you come near this bitch, we’re putting holes in all of you motherfuckers.” Look, I can read between the lines, son.

In the end, I have some advice for the folks out there: keep y’all asses away from Area 51. Ultimately, I want to know what’s popping off in there too. However, I’m not trying to test the machinery of the U.S. military, man. By and by, shit sounds good on paper until we’re all looking down the barrel of a gun made with alien technology. At the end of the day, I’m just gonna keep my Black ass in the crib, fam. That is all. LC out.

Trump Is As Much Of An Immigrant As The Freshman Congresswomen

So, here we are again, son. Another day, another preposterous Twitter rant from Donald Trump. Anyway, in a random stream of consciousness, Trump tweeted that progressive Democratic congresswomen should “fix the totally broken and crime infested places from which they came” before telling the United States how to govern. All I know is, I don’t even know where to begin with the fuckery, man.

Ok, before I continue, I’d like to go through Trump’s family tree. On the real, I feel like this is necessary in order to showcase how ridiculous his comments were. Now, for those who are unaware, Trump’s mother, Mary Anne Trump, was an immigrant. In fact, she was born in Scotland in 1912. In addition, his father, Fred Trump, was a first generation American who was born to German parents. Furthermore, Trump’s first AND third wives were both born outside of this country. With all of that being said, his views on immigrants are fucking perplexing, fam. I mean, his entire lineage is full of “aliens,” bruh.

Moving on, let’s talk about the congresswomen who Trump essentially targeted. First, there’s Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. She was born in The Bronx, New York to Puerto Rican parents. This makes her a first generation American. Next, there’s Rashida Tlaib. She was born in Detroit, Michigan to Palestinian parents. This also makes her a first generation American. Next, there’s Ayanna Pressley. She was born in Cincinnati, Ohio. Now, unless I’m wrong, her folks weren’t even immigrants at all, son (well, they were, but you know what I mean). Finally, there’s Ilhan Omar. Real talk, she’s the only one who was born out of the country, hailing from Somalia. The point is, the ancestry of most of these women has as many foreigners as Trump, man. So, what is the hate really about, fam?

Look, let’s just call a spade a spade, bruh. The truth is, immigrants are only vilified when they’re Black or Brown, son. Keeping it a buck, the motivation that caused Trump to question Barack Obama‘s birthplace is the same motivation that caused him to attack these congresswomen. The fact is, these ladies are just as American as Trump and anybody else who decides to question them. Listen, political disagreements are one thing. However, belittling someone’s patriotism and devaluing their place in this country is completely different, man. The way I see, people of color are always viewed as “invaders,” regardless of our strong ties to this nation.

In the end, I’m not even going to pretend like I’m surprised, fam. Like, I almost skipped this subject entirely, bruh. Hell, water is wet and Donald Trump says racist shit. What’s new, son? Ultimately, 45 showed us who he was a loooooooong time ago, man. At the end of the day, we just need to keep pushing back until we finally push him out, fam. That is all. LC out.

R. Kelly Is Looking At Fed Time

So, let’s just skip the formalities, son. Frankly, R. Kelly is in a world of shit, man. I mean, when the Feds get involved with an investigation, it’s most likely the end of the road for whoever, fam. With that being said, I’m super interested to see how this situation is going to play out, bruh. All in all, if dude is convicted of these crimes, he’s probably going away for a looooong time.

Ok, for those who missed it, Kelly was arrested (again) in Chicago on Thursday night. Now, if we’re being real, he’s no stranger to the authorities, son. However, this scenario is notable because of who picked him up, man. Essentially, Homeland Security and the NYPD teamed up to apprehend Kelly. In any case, once arrested, he was indicted on 13 counts of child pornography, enticement of a minor and obstruction of justice. Basically, he got hemmed up for the shit we knew he was doing for decades, fam.

Now, I won’t lie, bruh. Shit, my opinion about Kelly is no secret, son. Hell, I’ve lost count of how many articles I’ve written just shitting on that dude, man. Anyway, I do wonder how this case will be different, fam. Like, Chicago police have tried to take this dude down before, folks. All I know is, if Sparkle‘s niece’s family didn’t make a deal with the Devil, Kelly would’ve been stopped years ago. Moving on, I’d really like to know what evidence the authorities have this time. The way I see it, with the Feds jumping in, they must feel like they can wrap this dude the fuck up, brethren. In my eyes, it’s long overdue, people.

In the end, good luck to R. Kelly, son. Siiiiiiike, I hope they throw that bum under all of the jails, man. Ultimately, his day of reckoning HAS to come, fam. By and by, he’s abused WAY too many girls to keep on skating, bruh. At the end of the day, a (hilarious) convo with Gayle King couldn’t save him, brethren. All I can say is, he better start preparing for those prison talent shows, folks. That is all. LC out.

Jeffrey Epstein’s Crimes Are Being Politicized

So, here we are, son. Yet another example of why I vehemently hate politics, man. I mean, journalists, pundits and elected officials have the uncanny ability to turn ANYTHING into a political shit-show. All I know is, I’m fucking disgusted right now, fam. Seriously, anyone trying to turn this Jeffrey Epstein shit into a partisan issue is the scum of the Earth, bruh. The way I see it, this situation is WAY bigger than some Democrat and Republican tomfoolery, people.

Now, before I continue, let me layout all of the despicable things that Epstein has been accused of, son. Ok, for those who are unaware, Epstein is a financier who manages the assets of wealthy individuals. Now, a lot of news outlets have called him a billionaire, but Forbes thinks it’s all shenanigans, man. Shit, he could be, but since his client list is secret, there’s no way to properly determine his wealth, fam. In any case, Epstein is on the hook for an alleged sex-trafficking ring, bruh. Essentially, the authorities believe that Epstein is out here abusing scores of underage girls. Apparently, he’s been violating girls for years and making them recruit more girls for him.

Moving on, since the alleged behavior has been going on for years, everyone wants to know if his associates had any idea about him. The problem is, his associates include Donald Trump and Bill Clinton. Now, because of this, the Right and the Left have been slinging accusations at their respective representatives. Hell, Fox News is trying their hardest to include Clinton in Epstein’s mess and newspapers like The Washington Post are heightening the link between Trump and Epstein. The fact is, both men had a relationship with this sicko.

Look, regardless of what both sides want to say, both Trump and Clinton had numerous interactions with Epstein. Like, Clinton has flown on Epstein’s plane on more than one occasion. Side bar, Epstein’s plane was called the Lolita Express, son. For God‘s sake, the idiot wasn’t even trying to hide his debauchery, man. On the real, something is seriously wrong with that dude, fam. Anyway, Trump hung with Epstein at his Mar-a-Lago Club on numerous occasions. In addition, Trump once called Epstein a “terrific guy” who “likes beautiful women as much as [he does], and many of them are on the younger side.” Bruh, I couldn’t make this shit up! All in all, it seems like everybody knew EXACTLY who Epstein was/is.

All I can say is, the last thing this story needs is a political spin, son. In my eyes, if any of these fuckers knew what Epstein was up to, then they all need to be strung up, man. Real talk, I don’t give a fuck what party any of these people belong to. Frankly, when little girls are being abused, anyone knowledgeable needs to hang, fam. To me, the fact that I need to even say that shows how far gone this country is, bruh. At the end of the day, there are things in this life that are WAY bigger than political affiliations, brethren. The safety of underage girls is one of them.

In the end, I hope they throw all of the proverbial books at Epstein, son. Ultimately, this man is a sex offender who continued to hurt girls, man. By and by, his fate should be sealed, fam. From there, anybody else who knew about his dastardly deeds should pay too, bruh. If it’s Donald Trump, then so be it. If it’s Bill Clinton, then so be it. Neither one of those men should be bigger than justice, folks. Then again, I’m not naïve, people. The powers that be would never let those men fall. *Sigh* That is all. LC out.

A Post Of Jokes For Folks Mad About A Black Mermaid

So, I won’t lie, son. Real talk, I can’t even pretend like I’m surprised, man. I mean, anytime there’s an opportunity, bigots are going to dig into their bigotry bag, fam. In any case, this The Little Mermaid shit is especially preposterous. Like, really? Really, folks? We’re seriously out here debating the race of a fictional character? *Sigh* I guess it’s time to get these jokes off, bruh.

Ok, for those who missed it, Disney just brought out the prejudice in a number of people. Now, Halle Bailey, one half of the Beyoncé-signed sister duo Chloe x Halle, was cast as Ariel in the upcoming live-action version of The Little Mermaid. Anyway, on paper, Bailey definitely has the chops to kill this role. I mean, she’s a credible actress, as seen on Grown-ish, and she’s an incredible singer. So, this should be a layup, right? Well, not according to a bunch of racists on social media, son.

Now, from the minute news went out, the hate train started rolling, man. Shit, whether we’re talking about the #NotMyAriel hashtag or the “Make Ariel White Again” group on Facebook, an unfortunate faction of people started to attack Bailey’s race. Apparently, a fictional character, who is also an imaginary entity, cannot be Black. All I can say is, are folks fucking serious, fam?!

Listen, to begin, Ariel is a fucking mermaid, bruh. Last time I checked, MERMAIDS AREN’T REAL, SON! Hell, this is like when Megyn Kelly and company legitimately tried to argue the race of Santa Claus on Fox News. Seriously, are certain White people so insecure, they need fake characters to validate themselves? Fam, we’re talking about a cotdamn mermaid who’s friends with a Jamaican crab and gets her voice box taken by an octopus in a dress. That’s the fight these folks are trying to fight, man? For God‘s sake, don’t these people have more important shit to worry about? Are they paying their mortgages on time? Did their children eat for dinner? Like, the ethnicity of Ariel is not the hill to die on, brethren.

In the end, I need everyone to understand something: if the race of Ariel causes a person to say bad shit about Black people, then they’re racist. Ultimately, there are no ifs, ands or buts about it, son. By and by, if White people weren’t pissed about the casting of Gods of Egypt, then shut the fuck up. If they weren’t pissed about Fisher Stevens playing Ben Jabituya in Short Circuit, then shut the fuck up. If they weren’t pissed about Scarlett Johansson playing a fucking Japanese cyborg in Ghost in the Shell, then PLEASE shut the fuck up. Side bar, I love Scarlett Johansson, but that’s neither here nor there. At the end of the day, race only becomes an issue in casting when White people don’t get the role. So, these folks can kiss the crack of every minority ass, man. That is all. LC out.

‘The Lion King’ Isn’t About Beyoncé

So, let me keep it a buck, son. On the real, I know I’m treading dangerously with this post, man. However, as a lifelong The Lion King fan, I feel like I have to take a stand, fam. Listen, I know everyone loves Beyoncé, but the fact is, The Lion King isn’t about her character, Nala. With that being said, I really don’t like how much more attention she’s getting than the rest of the cast.

Ok, for those who are living under a rock, Disney is releasing a live-action version of the classic film. Now, I think it’s safe to say that this movie is star-studded, bruh. From Beyoncé to Donald Glover to Seth Rogen to Chiwetel Ejiofor to James Earl Jones, the big guns came out for this joint, son. Shit, they even got Jon Favreau directing it, man. Side note, I can’t explain how happy I am that Jones is still voicing Mufasa, fam. I mean, no one else is worthy enough for the role, brethren.

In any case, the film sounds fantastic on paper, son. But, as promotion for the movie has started to ramp up, I’ve noticed that Beyoncé is getting a lot of the shine, man. Like, anytime I look on social media, I see people talking about Beyoncé. Next, I read a report that she’s adding her own original song to the flick. Hell, even outlets like Complex are giving Beyoncé her own billing on their sites. All I know is, her character isn’t even close to being the star of the show, fam.

Look, let’s be frank here, bruh. If we’re going by the original film, Nala’s in like three scenes, son. First, Simba convinces her to go to the elephant graveyard and shenanigans with the hyenas ensue. Next, a whole heap of years later, she finds Simba in the wilderness with Timon and Pumbaa. Finally, she helps Simba take down Scar, reclaim Pride Rock and then becomes his bride. Now, in total, that’s like 15 minutes of airtime, man. So, how does any actress playing that role become the focal point of the press campaign, fam?

Listen, I’m not going to sit here and pretend like I know how the movie is going to turn out. All in all, the live-action version could very well end up being a play-by-play remake of the original. All I’m saying is, based on Beyoncé’s coverage, it looks like the powers that be are trying to position her as the lead. In my eyes, that would be a complete disservice to the masterpiece that was/is the 1994 version of the film.

In the end, I want to make myself perfectly clear, son. Ultimately, I’m not trying to hate on Beyoncé. Real talk, I would feel the same way if it were anyone else. The truth is, I’m just a diehard fan of the original movie. By and by, I don’t want Disney to fuck up a classic just to capitalize off of Beyoncé’s fame. The way I see it, the plot is already perfect, man. So, I just hope they stick to the script and do the film justice, fam. At the end of the day, I’d be devastated if they fuck this up. That is all. LC out.