Son! Fam! Bruh! What?! Huh?! Dude, what the entire FUCK is going on around here?! Seriously, who the hell is the pink-faced mammal in the photo above?! Now, people are telling me that it’s Sammy Sosa, but I refuse to believe that, son. Like, I’ve always known about his skin-bleaching fetish, but this is preposterous, man! All jokes aside, Sosa has surpassed Michael Jackson in terms of skin-changing fuckery.
Now, shit got weird when Sosa sat down with ESPN to talk about this year’s Home Run Derby. Needless to say, once we all saw his face, we stopped giving a fuck about what he was saying. Son, what in Baby Jesus‘ name did this man do to himself?! Shit, what part of the game is being lavender, son? What part of the game is looking like a batch of cotton candy, man? Listen, I like to match my clothes, but I didn’t think my skin color had to be part of the equation, fam. All in all, this man looks fucking NUTS, bruh!
On the real, I knew Sosa had an affinity for bleaching, but I never thought he’d take it this far. Keeping it a buck, the dude used to be my complexion, son. Now, he looks like a fucking Starburst, man. It’s like he went into Home Depot and said “I want to look like the paint in my daughter’s room.” All I know is, I literally can’t believe what I’m witnessing, fam.
Moving on, this type of tomfoolery is why people like Kodak Black need to be called out on their fuckery, man. This Sosa nonsense is a PRIME example of what some folks do when they hate their skin color, son. So, no, we can’t just let derogatory comments about complexion slide, fam. All in all, when I look at Sosa, I see a man who legitimately hates himself. Frankly, it’s disgraceful to watch because I used to be a huge fan of this guy, steroids and all.
In the end, I’m blown away by all of this, son. Like, this fool is actually pink, man! I swear, the truth is always stranger than fiction, fam. Ultimately, I don’t see where Sosa can go from here. I mean, it’s not like he can turn back the hands of time, bruh. Sadly, I don’t think he wants to either. *Sigh* LC out.