A Letter To Soulja Boy

Dear Soulja Boy,

Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you, bro? Even though you’ve always been a clown, over the past year, you’ve ascended to Jedi-levels of Ronald McDonald. At this point, you’ve probably beefed with every artist who’s more relevant than you. From Lil Yachty to Migos to Chris Brown, you’ve taken it upon yourself to let your Fuckboy Flag fly. Ultimately, all I know is, it’s time for you to disappear forever. Forever-ever.

First, you decided to beef with Lil Yachty over an Instagram chick. The funny thing is, I’m not even sure which of you is more of a loser in this situation. India Love doesn’t claim either one of you fools and y’all are out here tweaking on social media. I’m sorry, but real men don’t post screenshots of private conversations they had with other people. If you’re talking to India and Yachty behind the scenes, then keep that shit behind the scenes, man. The general public doesn’t give a flying fuck about any of this, son. Keep the fuckery under wraps, bro.

Next, you randomly decided to drag Quavo and the rest of Migos into your world of nonsense. Honestly, I’m not even sure what this conflict was about, man. All I know is, you got on IG, again, and flashed a potentially fake AK-47 for all to see. So, are you trying to convince us that you’re a goon now? Are we, the people, supposed to be scared of the dude who made “Yahhh!“? Bruh, if you don’t sit your short bus ass down. Look, I don’t even think you can spell the word “gun,” let alone actually shoot someone with one. Get the fuck outta here, man!

Finally, you decided to enter into a new conflict with Chris Brown over Karrueche, of all people. You alleged that Chris called you over liking one of Karrueche’s pictures and then proceeded to offer Chris all types of fade. Now, while Chris is no stranger to fuck shit, I have a hard time believing this tall tale. Keeping it a buck, I think you have a vivid imagination and be dreaming all of your gripes. With that being said, let me make one thing clear: no one, and I mean NO ONE, is threatened by you, son. We all saw your recent jailhouse picture, bro. When shit got real, you tensed up reeeeeeal quick. Don’t pretend to be about that life if you’re gonna piss on yourself when shit goes down. That’s not keeping it G, my dude. Not in the least.

In the end, I need you to disappear, son. Your career has run its course, man. As it stands now, you’re nothing more than a character to make fun of. I mean, I’ve been laughing at Joe Budden‘s impersonation of you for the last few days now. This is how we all view you, man. On the real, just take whatever money you have left and banish yourself to the mountains. That’s truly what the people want, bro. And that’s truly what the people deserve.

Sincerely,

A dude who actually used to jam out to “Pretty Boy Swag

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