What The F*ck Was Ryan Lochte Doing?!

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Let’s just skip the pleasantries here and get right to proceedings, son: Ryan LochteJimmy FeigenJack Conger and Gunnar Bentz are absolute imbeciles. Honestly, bro, what part of the game is lying about a robbery? On the real, why would these clowns even think that was acceptable behavior, man? While this post won’t be that long today, I can’t let this moment pass by without taking all of these mark ass tricks to task.

This past Sunday, Lochte and the other American swimmers claimed they were robbed at gunpoint. According to Lochte’s original story, their taxi cab was pulled over by gun-toting thieves and one of the perpetrators pointed a gun at Lochte’s forehead. Now, here’s where things start to unravel. At first, there were four perps and then it whittled down to one. Then, the gun went from being pointed at Lochte’s forehead to being aimed at his general direction. With this original account already sounding fishy, a surveillance video came out which put this entire ordeal in its proper perspective. These cowards weren’t robbed at all. In actuality, these drunk ass fools desecrated a bathroom, pissed on the walls and then got into an altercation with the security guards who approached them.

After rehashing that entire saga, I have so many questions, man. First, did they not realize there were cameras filming their fuckery? I mean, I know they were drunk, but come on, man. Seriously, most of the gas stations I know have some type of recording equipment to document this exact type of tomfoolery. Next, why didn’t these trick ass marks get their stories straight before they started lying to everyone? If the goal was to pull the wool over the people’s eyes, at least have the decency to be consistent with one another. Lastly, why would they accuse these innocent Brazilian people of such an act? The fucked up part is, I’m positive they knew everyone would readily believe their tale, especially due to false assumptions about countries like Brazil. Sadly, they were right because everyone sipped the Kool-Aid at first. Sure, why not just blame this vicious act on the native Brown people in order to hide juvenile behavior? I’m sure that sounded like a fantastic idea to them.

At this point, there’s nothing else to say, son. These dudes are losers, and frankly, they should have their medals taken away from them. While social media trolls rather aim their crosshairs at Gabby Douglas, their preferred athletes are really out here disgracing our country. In the end, I shouldn’t be surprised, though. Lochte must be used to losing at this point. Just go ask Michael Phelps. Good day.

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