Trump & Putin, Sitting In A Tree…


For today’s post, I’d like to tell everyone a love story. This is a tale about the deep-seated and unshakable love between Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin. It all began when the Russian president gushed about how “bright and talented” the GOP presidential nominee supposedly is. This adoration was reciprocated when Mr. Build That Wall praised Putin for being a leader, “unlike what we have in this country.” Now, I’m an advocate for love, so I don’t care who falls in love with who. However; when someone’s love fest begins to interfere with our democracy, now, we have a MAJOR problem, son.

To keep things short, I already mentioned Russia’s possible involvement in our election process in a previous post. Apparently, it was the folks in Putin-Land who leaked the Democratic National Committee‘s emails and exposed the plot to derail Bernie Sanders‘ presidential campaign. Since it’s good for business to see the Democratic party in disarray, of course Trump would jump at the chance to roast his opponents. Now, if Trump simply decided to make fun of the left-wing for looking stupid, that would be one thing. But noooooo, there’s no way he would stick to some semblance of normal behavior. Trump took it one step further and encouraged the Russian government to hack into Hillary Clinton‘s network and find her 33,000 “missing” emails.

So, just to be clear, the Republican nominee for president wants a foreign government to illegally hack into another American‘s email system? Taking this one step further, a presidential hopeful wants a country we’ve had a contentious history with to influence who becomes our next leader? Sooooo, he’s essentially condoning espionage? Isn’t that one of the fundamental definitions of treason, son? What in the flying fuck is happening around here, bro? Even if he wants to claim he was “joking,” he can’t make those type of jokes when he’s trying to run the cotdamn country. Then again, if Trump is so worried about transparency, why doesn’t he ask Putin to hack into his tax returns? Oh, maybe because it’ll expose why they’re so in love with each other in the first place. Of course, that last part is only speculation, but it would surely explain a couple of things, son.

Look, ultimately, I’m just tired of the tomfoolery, man. I can’t think of any other election that’s been this ridiculous. Literally, every single day some new event occurs that defies common logic. Our political system is broken and I’m not sure how to fix it. We might just need to lock the entirety of Washington, D.C. in a basement bunker and start over. My brain is more weary than my body, son. Good day.

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