Disclaimer: “Feels good to be home, baby! Feels good to be hoooooooome!” – Yeezus
First off, before I even say another word, I’d like to take a bow. The most splendiferous pudding pop you have ever seen has finally made his return to the Interwebz. While I’m positive that last sentence didn’t make any sense, I could truly care less. I’m LC, bitch! I’ll allow you to take a second to bask in the glory of this event……………………….
Ok, now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s talk about the most popular topic of the moment: Beyoncé Knowles. Anybody who has read my site before the revamp knows I haven’t always been the biggest fan of Mrs. Carter. While I always thought she was supremely talented, I also thought she had a penchant for making craptastic songs. With that being said, she put me in my place with this new album. I tried to front, but I couldn’t, son. This is the type of album where you roll all of the windows down and dare somebody to say something about your musical choices. In any case, while I’m truly a fan of the record, Beyoncé still committed a sin she’s notoriously known for: giving a few undeserving women unnecessary amounts of confidence.
Look, before I start getting bashed with “you’re sexist” comments, just hear me out. When Beyoncé put out “Irreplaceable” back in the day, OD amounts of women were walking around insulting dudes on some “I can have another you” type of shit. The entire time, I’m thinking, “this chick should be thanking God daily someone wanted to wife her up in the first place.” Don’t let Beyoncé be the reason you’re sitting alone on the couch with a pint of ice cream wondering where Brandon is. As her new sex-filled album will show you, she’s clearly happy at home, son.
Fast forward to today and I’ve seen ridiculous amounts of Facebook, Twitter and Instagram posts referencing “I woke up like this!” Ok, yes, “Flawless” is a dope ass song, but umm, certain individuals shouldn’t be publicizing that for the world to see. Beauty may be in the eye of the beholder, but if everyone had good eyes, optometrists wouldn’t exist, man. Now, I’m not telling people to have low self-esteem, but realism also helps. While I have a vicious mid-range jumper, I’m fairly positive the Miami Heat don’t need me. Get it? Got it? Good.
In the end, if anyone was even remotely offended but what I just said, either they haven’t read my site before or they forgot who I am. The asshole is back, son! Ahh, it feels so good to be home. Good day, all!
P.S. Shout-out to my dude Asi on his birthday. Live it up, bro!