Ignorant Songs I Like Way Too Much

Disclaimer: Shout-out to Issa Rae for her kindred spirit when it comes to all things ignant.

Now, while I take great pride is scribing about relevant social and political issues, I’m also half-goon. I may be a father and a fiancé, but I’m also an official spokesperson for strippers and alcoholic beverages in Red Solo Cups. With that being said, today’s post is all about ignorant ass songs I have no valid reason for liking. I’m fully aware of the fact some of these tunes may hold us back as a culture, but dammit, they’re catchy as shit, man. It’s the yin and yang of life, son. The “righteous and the ratchet” as Charlamagne Tha God has so eloquently stated. Every single one of us has a stash of music we wouldn’t be able to readily explain to someone if they asked about it. In any case, I’ve decided to gladly share some of my goonery with you today. Why? Because, why the hell not, son? Spring is (hopefully) around the corner and I need justification to roll down all of my windows and open the sunroof. Anyway, enough talking, man. Let’s bring on the fuckery. Enjoy!

P.S. There’s a common theme with every single one of these tracks. See if you can figure it out. I’ll give you one hint: it involves the production.

10 Years Of ‘The College Dropout’

First off, I need to say this: Kanye West‘s The College Dropout changed my life. I can still vividly remember abusing all of Ye’s mixtapes, impatiently waiting for this album to drop. Being an 18-year-old rapper at the time, it completely changed my outlook on the type of topics that could be discussed in a Hip Hop song. With that being said, this record is hands down one of the greatest pieces of art ever released, regardless of genre. Say what you want about Kanye, this man is responsible for some of the greatest music and this is the album that started it all. So, since his debut is officially 10 years old today, which makes me old as shit, let’s celebrate its influence and legacy.

Now that the year is 2014, we as a people need to resign to the fact the Kanye West of old is gone. Since he’s busy with Kim Kardashian, ranting onstage and telling people they don’t have the answers, the soul sampling dude who called himself “Kanye To The” is no longer in regular rotation. While I’m still an unabashed fan of every project he’s dropped, Yeezus included, I will always have an affinity for his “Chipmunk Soul” period. Side note, the hyperlink I just attached is in German. That’s all I could find, son! Sue me.

In any case, I think people forgot just how revolutionary this album was when it dropped. Back in the early 2000s, if you weren’t a gangsta rapper, you didn’t have a career. At the time, 50 Cent was our Lord and Savior and a lot of people weren’t trying to hear social commentary from a man who wore pink Polo sweaters. Hell, his own record label didn’t even really believe in his career as an artist. They just wanted his instrumentals. Despite that, Kanye almost single-handedly changed the image a rapper could have. Artists like Drake, Kendrick Lamar and J. Cole wouldn’t be able to exist if Ye didn’t kick down the door first. Side note, Drake REALLY wouldn’t exist if he didn’t jack Ye’s 808s & Heartbreak style, but that’s an entirely different discussion, son. Anyway, despite the fact it’s fashionable to hate on Ye and his antics, he’s easily one of music’s biggest influences. This CANNOT be disputed.

All in all, now that it’s been a decade since his debut album dropped, I’m going to play the entire thing on repeat for the whole week. I mean, that’s what you have to do when you can’t pick a favorite song, man. With that being said, I command you to join me in the festivities. What would Yeezus do? He’d tell you to play the damn album and enjoy that shit! The both of us have spoken! Good day.

Deport Justin Bieber

Now, I have no idea why, but I’m actually a little worried about Justin Bieber. Ok, that’s not true, but seriously, someone needs to come get this kid ASAP. While he’s hardly the first young celeb to lose his cotdamn mind in public, the rate at which he’s spiraling out of control is alarming. I mean shit, it feels like he’s already outdone Lindsey Lohan in a short two-year period. Say what you want about his music, homie is a talented youth, and if he keeps up the bullshit, his career could be over más rápido. Go ask Amanda Bynes.

Honestly, run down the line, son. What isn’t this little twerp doing nowadays? He’s been arrested for alleged drunken drag racing, police found cocaine in his home, he’s suspected of being addicted to Lean and he even accused his mother of being his Xanax supplier. So you mean to tell me, a dude who still has “teen” in his age could potentially be using alcohol, weed, cocaine, Lean and Xanax? Now, I’ve done a fair amount of drugs in my life, but Good Lord, bruh! Your man is damn near a walking antibiotic at this point. Who needs a pharmacy when you could simply check Bieber’s bloodstream?

While I could make a bunch of “go back to Canada” jokes about Bieber, the fact of the matter is, if the dude’s really as far gone as it seems, deportation is the least of his worries. You know you fucked up if you don’t even make it to the “27 Club.” I’m going to need Usher to stop fronting like he’s really Sugar Ray Leonard and take some time to talk to his protégé. I know it’s hard to say no to the fast life, but damn son, you can’t have all of the vices. At least choose one, man. Then again, what do I know? I may or may not have had a drink while writing this. Good day.

F*ck You, Macklemore!

Let me start this post by saying I’m actually a fan of Macklemore and Ryan Lewis. Honestly, I cringe when I read the comments section on most Hip Hop blogs. The amount of racist and sexist statements made about these dudes on a regular basis is absolutely mind-boggling. In any case, the diatribe I’m about to engage in isn’t directed at them, exactly. It’s more so directed at the tomfoolerous industry bullshit they happen to benefit from. With that being said, don’t judge me as I rant while listening to “Neon Cathedral.”

Now, I can’t lie, son. I’m having some trouble formulating my thoughts right now. Firstly, because I’m just getting over acute bronchitis and borderline pneumonia. Meaning, my body weary, son. Secondly, because I simply can’t understand anyone who would think Macklemore’s The Heist was a better Rap-anything than Kendrick Lamar‘s good kid, m.A.A.d city. Yes, Mack had the bigger radio records, but I’m sick of Pop-appeal overwriting legitimate quality. I mean, run down the line, son! Kendrick had better rhymes, flows, stories, concepts, beats, features, cohesion, and not to mention, his father was fucking hilarious on the skits. What more could you ask for, man? How could Mack win Best Rap Album over that?! When it comes to Hip Hop, we’re going to be talking about Kendrick’s album 10 years from now. You think the culture is going to give a shit about “Thrift Shop?” I highly doubt it, bruh. Even Mack knows he shouldn’t have won that award. What else needs to be said? This is yet another example of Black culture being appropriated and our pertinent players being usurped. Thanks, America!

In the end, fuck Macklemore, fuck Ryan Lewis, fuck the Grammys as a staff, record label and as a motherfucking crew. And you if you want to be down with the Grammys, then fuck you too! Ok, I didn’t mean any of that. I listened to “Hit ‘Em Up” before I wrote this. Blame it on 2Pac, man! All in all, last night was another L for Hip Hop. Then again, why am I even surprised? Muhfuckas never luhed us, son! Good day.

You Love Ratchet Sh*t

First off, I want to begin this post by saying I’m incredibly indebted to anyone who takes the time to actually read my blog. You could’ve been running in circles or philosophizing about “Hammer Pants,” but you took the time to click on the random links I post across social media. For that, I am eternally grateful. Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, I’m ashamed of all of you. That’s right, I’m talking to YOU, son! Our culture’s insatiable need for all things ratchet trumps all of the actually important topics we should be discussing. With that being said, I’m treating today’s post as a call to arms. Will you respond?

Truthfully, I got the idea for this post by examining which articles of mine get the most views. Without fail, if I rant about a Pop star, a reality star or anything that is WorldStarHipHop-certified, people hop all over it. When I talk about politicians or any societal ills, I still get a good amount of site clicks, but the numbers are nowhere near as exorbitant. For example, before I revamped the blog, my highest viewed article was a diatribe about the stupid beef between Ludacris, Drake and Big Sean. A close second was my post about the altercation between Frank Ocean and Chris Brown. Mind you, I wrote numerous articles about George Zimmerman, Presidential candidates and Batman, but you fine folks would rather keep up with the TMZ-related bullshit. Side note, I know I shouldn’t have put Batman is the same category, but Bruce Wayne is the Man, man!

To be fair, for a quick millisecond, I thought of only giving the masses unbridled ratchery, but my college degree wouldn’t allow me to, son. While I’ll still make fun of all of the fools who engage in Jedi-level fuckery, I will also continue to spoon-feed y’all the news you need to know. That’s right, I’m doing a service for the people, cotdammit! I feel like the “Rent Is Too Damn High” dude would be proud. On that note, arrivederci, brethren!

I Hate Black Music

Ok, I know the title is a little bit overbearing, but I had to get your attention somehow, son. In actuality, this post has nothing to do with me, but with America as a whole. Apparently, our country doesn’t get down with Black music. Well, that’s what the situation appears to be when you look at the Billboard charts. According to this article, no Black artists had a No. 1 hit on the Hot 100 chart in 2013. Truthfully, as much as I’d like to act surprised, this just serves as another example of Black culture being appropriated while we’re left in the dust.

Now, if there’s anyone who believes I’m simply spewing another sob story, let’s look at the facts, shall we? What do Eminem, Macklemore, Robin Thicke and Miley Cyrus have in common? They’re all White artists who scored No. 1 hits operating under the guise of Black music. Shit, Miley took it a step further by twerking her nowhere-to-be-found ass on every cotdamn landmass last year. Adding insult to injury, Robin damn near stole a Marvin Gaye song and then sued the family to keep them from getting to him. It’s a cold, cold world, son.

With all of that being said, this is far from a brand new trend. From Led Zeppelin jacking Willie Dixon to Elvis Presley‘s entire career, Black artists have been imitated for generations. It’s the law of the land, man, well, at least in the United States and England. I guess the greater Caucasian population would rather watch Black artistic expression from other Caucasian people. I mean, shit, wasn’t that the entire premise of Blackface, bruh? Why hire Tyrone to sing and dance when Barry can just buy some shoe polish, son.

To be fair, I’m not blaming the artists themselves for continuing this trend. I actually dig Macklemore’s music and I gooned out to “Blurred Lines” all last summer. I genuinely believe they appreciate their respective artforms, but I’m sure they realize how much they benefit from the circumstances. Hell, Eminem even dedicated his entire “White America” song to this concept back on The Eminem Show. All I know is, Beyoncé and Rihanna need to quit the bullshit and do a song together that’s dope enough to re-combine the continents into Pangaea.

In the end, Tupac said it best: “everybody wanna be a nigga, but nobody wanna be a nigga.” And on that note… Yeeeeeeah… That’s all I’ve got, son. Good day.

You Are Not Beyoncé

Disclaimer: “Feels good to be home, baby! Feels good to be hoooooooome!” – Yeezus

First off, before I even say another word, I’d like to take a bow. The most splendiferous pudding pop you have ever seen has finally made his return to the Interwebz. While I’m positive that last sentence didn’t make any sense, I could truly care less. I’m LC, bitch! I’ll allow you to take a second to bask in the glory of this event……………………….

Ok, now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s talk about the most popular topic of the moment: Beyoncé Knowles. Anybody who has read my site before the revamp knows I haven’t always been the biggest fan of Mrs. Carter. While I always thought she was supremely talented, I also thought she had a penchant for making craptastic songs. With that being said, she put me in my place with this new album. I tried to front, but I couldn’t, son. This is the type of album where you roll all of the windows down and dare somebody to say something about your musical choices. In any case, while I’m truly a fan of the record, Beyoncé still committed a sin she’s notoriously known for: giving a few undeserving women unnecessary amounts of confidence.

Look, before I start getting bashed with “you’re sexist” comments, just hear me out. When Beyoncé put out “Irreplaceable” back in the day, OD amounts of women were walking around insulting dudes on some “I can have another you” type of shit. The entire time, I’m thinking, “this chick should be thanking God daily someone wanted to wife her up in the first place.” Don’t let Beyoncé be the reason you’re sitting alone on the couch with a pint of ice cream wondering where Brandon is. As her new sex-filled album will show you, she’s clearly happy at home, son.

Fast forward to today and I’ve seen ridiculous amounts of Facebook, Twitter and Instagram posts referencing “I woke up like this!” Ok, yes, “Flawless” is a dope ass song, but umm, certain individuals shouldn’t be publicizing that for the world to see. Beauty may be in the eye of the beholder, but if everyone had good eyes, optometrists wouldn’t exist, man. Now, I’m not telling people to have low self-esteem, but realism also helps. While I have a vicious mid-range jumper, I’m fairly positive the Miami Heat don’t need me. Get it? Got it? Good.

In the end, if anyone was even remotely offended but what I just said, either they haven’t read my site before or they forgot who I am. The asshole is back, son! Ahh, it feels so good to be home. Good day, all!

P.S. Shout-out to my dude Asi on his birthday. Live it up, bro!