You Love Ratchet Sh*t

First off, I want to begin this post by saying I’m incredibly indebted to anyone who takes the time to actually read my blog. You could’ve been running in circles or philosophizing about “Hammer Pants,” but you took the time to click on the random links I post across social media. For that, I am eternally grateful. Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, I’m ashamed of all of you. That’s right, I’m talking to YOU, son! Our culture’s insatiable need for all things ratchet trumps all of the actually important topics we should be discussing. With that being said, I’m treating today’s post as a call to arms. Will you respond?

Truthfully, I got the idea for this post by examining which articles of mine get the most views. Without fail, if I rant about a Pop star, a reality star or anything that is WorldStarHipHop-certified, people hop all over it. When I talk about politicians or any societal ills, I still get a good amount of site clicks, but the numbers are nowhere near as exorbitant. For example, before I revamped the blog, my highest viewed article was a diatribe about the stupid beef between Ludacris, Drake and Big Sean. A close second was my post about the altercation between Frank Ocean and Chris Brown. Mind you, I wrote numerous articles about George Zimmerman, Presidential candidates and Batman, but you fine folks would rather keep up with the TMZ-related bullshit. Side note, I know I shouldn’t have put Batman is the same category, but Bruce Wayne is the Man, man!

To be fair, for a quick millisecond, I thought of only giving the masses unbridled ratchery, but my college degree wouldn’t allow me to, son. While I’ll still make fun of all of the fools who engage in Jedi-level fuckery, I will also continue to spoon-feed y’all the news you need to know. That’s right, I’m doing a service for the people, cotdammit! I feel like the “Rent Is Too Damn High” dude would be proud. On that note, arrivederci, brethren!