You’re No UConn Fan

Let me start by saying, UConn‘s entire run in the NCAA tournament has been entertaining as shit to watch, son. If you could get over the fact your bracket was hit with a thousand hadoukens, it’d be a lot easier to enjoy watching this train roll. One year after getting banned by the powers that be, the team came back and reclaimed the throne for the fourth time since 1999. Fuck what you heard, that’s a hell of a story, bruh. Needless to say, I want to congratulate Kevin Ollie, Shabazz Napier and the rest of the Hungry Huskies for shutting March Madness down.

Now, with that out of the way, I’d like to take this time to address the bandwagon hoppers. Keep it real, son, NONE OF YOU PICKED UCONN TO WIN IT ALL! Just look at the numbers, man. Out of over 11 million brackets, only 0.3 percent picked the Huskies to win the title. Shit, only 2.6 percent even had either UConn or the Kentucky Wildcats in the title game, man. So, where did all of these fans come from? After last night’s win, my Facebook, Twitter and Instagram feeds were chock-full of people using phrases like “we did it” and “they doubted us.” Us? When the fuck did their accomplishment become your accomplishment, son? Last time I checked, most of the people I know aren’t from Connecticut and didn’t go to UConn. You brand new fans need to go back to St. Elsewhere with that pole-jocking shit, man.

In the end, this post isn’t for everyone. If you’ve rooted for the Huskies before five minutes ago, continue to revel in the victory. However, if last night was your first time even uttering the team’s name, would you kindly shut the fuck up? Thank you and have a good day.

P.S. This picture of Drake after the Wildcats’ loss is pure jokes to me. It’ll be OK, Aubrey. It’ll be OK.

You All Should Be Watching ‘That Guy’

Disclaimer: Despite the picture above, the show itself is not actually a cartoon. Just putting everyone on notice. Ok, proceed.

Now, to be honest, I’m not actually sure why I haven’t posted about this sooner. I mean, the online show, That Guy, produced by BLACK&SEXY TV, just finished its second season. If I was being a responsible viewer, I would’ve shared this information sooner. For that, I apologize, son. However, I’m pretty sure the phrase “better late than never” applies to this situation. With that being said, it’s high time I plug a show my fiancée and I have been geeking out on for many moons.

Keeping it short, the show follows two roommates, Mike and Judah, through their endless supply of relationship fuckery with the opposite sex. Yes, fuckery is really the only word that truly describes the incidents these dudes get themselves into. In addition, if you’re familiar with the brothers over at Dormtainment, they make frequent cameos in these episodes, mostly in the second season. Side note, if you are unaware, Dormtainment is a comedy troupe you need to get down with ASAP. They consistently come out with funny shit, son. Don’t believe me? Just watch. In any case, I’d give you all more information, but then I’d be cutting into the actual storyline. All you really need to know is I would never lead my flock astray. This is legitimately an entertaining comedy/drama/whatever-you-want-to-call-it.

In the end, if you haven’t gotten the point by now, I have some coloring books you can sift through. Nah, but seriously, take a chance on the show, man. Support some Black folks putting out good content. If you’re looking for a good place to start, the first episode is below. Shalom!

Must We Instagram Everything?

I’ve been meaning to do a post on this for a while, but alas, life gets in the way, son. With that being said, I’m just going to get straight to the point. Do we really have to post our entire lives on social media? I mean, damn, son! Day after day, I see individuals post pictures and write updates about situations that should be waaaaay too personal. Is nothing sacred, man? Women take pictures minutes after giving birth, men post statuses about “bitches” who did them wrong and clowns like Benzino take selfies while recovering from gunshot wounds.

Now, I’ll be the first to admit, I share a little bit about myself on social media. But the key words in that sentence are “a little bit.” If you pay close enough attention, you’ll know I’m engaged with two children, but other than that, what can you honestly say you know about me? The little intricacies in everyone’s respective lives should only be shared with those who truly care about them. Honestly, I shouldn’t know what your wifey’s ass looks like, bro. If that’s really your significant other, why is half of her content twerk-related? Also, why is the other half of her content pictures of her ass on a bathroom counter?

Truthfully, my motivation for this post was rekindled after I saw the fuckery with Benzino. This dude got shot by his nephew on the way to his own mother’s funeral and losers like his fiancée and Stevie J are busy posting his plight on Instagram as opposed to just comforting him. Is this what the game has been reduced to, son? I swear, if people’s computers and smartphones died tomorrow, one-third of our population would kill themselves. Hell, some other dumbass tried to commit suicide after failing to take a “perfect selfie.” I’m telling you, man, this social media shit is completely out of control.

All in all, I’m not telling y’all to stop sharing, but let’s just keep shit in perspective, son. It’s the damn Internet, bruh. It’s really not that serious. Good day.

Michael Bay Must Be Stopped!

I’m thoroughly convinced Michael Bay is actively trying to ruin everything we love. If there is any franchise you hold near and dear to your heart, Bay is attempting to destroy the memory of it. I mean, that’s the only hypothesis I can come up with, son. This is the only way I can explain why he always remakes popular movies and annihilates them. He’s done it with Miami Vice, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Friday the 13th and A Nightmare on Elm Street, just to name a few. Now, he’s decided to pillage all things sacred when it comes to the Teenage Mutant Ninjas Turtles. Needless to say, I’ve seen the preview and I’m none too pleased, man.

First, let’s start with the entire theory behind his update. Apparently, crime is rampant in the city and the powers that be decide to genetically engineer superheroes. So, let me get this straight, son. A team of influential people are trying to create a high-powered squad and they settle on using turtles? That doesn’t even make sense, man! A turtle isn’t my first logical choice when I think of combating evil. They were happy accidents in the sewer, bro! Why must this dude re-imagine the entire damn plot? The Shredder doesn’t even go by Oroku Saki anymore! Who the fuck is Eric Sachs, son? No, no, hell fucking no! He’s already decimated several franchises and now he’s well on his way to doing it again. Just take a look at the God-forsaken trailer below, man. The film looks like Transformers with turtles instead of alien robots. Seriously, I hate that man.

All in all, my solution is simple: we must kidnap Michael Bay. I need President Obama to create a special bunker where Bay can disappear, never to be seen or heard from again. All jokes aside, his movies must be breaking some law, somewhere. These abominations can’t be legal. Something needs to be done about this ASAP. Someone get the Justice Department on the phone, now! C’mon! GET TO THE CHOPPA!!! I’m out!

I’m Shutting Down My Blog

For all of the people who have supported my site from the very beginning, I regretfully inform you I will no longer write for and maintain this blog. While it was a fun experience while it lasted, I do not believe I am setting a positive example by the language I use and the topics I choose to discuss. I have made certain friends and family members uncomfortable due to some of my views and I’d rather keep those relationships intact than further damage our respective bonds.

As I previously stated, I want to thank any and every single person who took the time to read my words. With the bevy of entertainment and information that surrounds us on a constant basis, no one had to support me in the least. For that, I will always be grateful. Now that my blogging days are over, I’m going to take some time to see what my next move will be. All in all, I’m just hoping whatever path I follow will be something that can uplift instead of criticize. I’m making it my life’s mission to think and operate at a higher level.

In the end, everything I’ve just said in this post is complete bullshit, man. None of this basura even made sense, son. I’m definitely not shutting down the site and I shall continue to try and agitate as many people as I possibly can. There are still way more individuals to ether, bro. My good work must continue. In any case, April Fools’, bitches!

Shut The F*ck Up, Kobe!

I’ll be the first to admit, it’s very easy to hate on Kobe Bryant. While most people hate him because of his douchebaggy ways on the court, he’s also no stranger to off-the-court tomfoolery. With that being said, I’m not as surprised as I thought I’d be by his recent comments regarding Trayvon Martin. I mean, talk about putting your foot in your mouth, son. Even if you find merit in Kobe’s stance on “societal progression,” it’s abundantly clear he chose the WRONG time to express that belief.

Now, where do I start with the fuckery? Ok, let me begin by saying, if I wasn’t aware of the context of his statement, I’d be inclined to agree with Kobe. Any group, regardless of race, color, creed, etc., shouldn’t just come to a contemporary’s defense without being knowledgable of the situation. Nobody wants to jump off of a ledge only to find out they were mistaken about the pretenses of the incident. Side note, this ideal doesn’t count during a bar fight. Even if my dude is wrong, I’m punching the shit out of whoever else, son. In any case, this type of thought process has no business being brought up when discussing the death of Trayvon.

Now, for those who are unaware, Kobe’s comments came as a response to the Miami Heat donning hoodies in support of the slain teen. Why would this fool choose that particular moment to throw daggers at the Heat players? Since when is it wrong to recognize the life of someone who was unjustly murdered? Then, after realizing how much flack he was catching for his words, Kobe tried to backtrack and say he believed Trayvon was “wronged.” Well, if that’s what he truly believes, that makes his criticism that much more ridiculous. If he actually feels the system failed Trayvon, his condemnation of others for reacting has absolutely no merit. This would mean the Heat players, and anyone who showed solidarity, are completely justified in their actions. Way to make yourself look like more of an asshole than you already are, Kobe Bryant.

All in all, this clown should just get back to focusing on “hero ball.” That’s all he’s really good for anyway. As a man who doesn’t pass the ball, maybe he shouldn’t pass commentary either. Keep your stupidity to yourself, Bean.

Let’s Just Skip To The Eastern Conference Finals

Normally, I try to think of some clever quip I can utilize as a title for a post. This is not one of those days, people. Sometimes, getting straight to the point is the best option. Now, as you can clearly tell from the header, the NBA playoffs are heavily on my mind, bro. After watching last night’s rumble between the Miami Heat and the Indiana Pacers, all I can think about is how dope the Eastern Conference Finals is going to be. I mean, at this point, why are we even playing the rest of the regular season? Let’s just skip the formalities and head straight to the slugfest.

Now, before reading the rest of this post, I want everyone to just take a look at the current league standings. At first glance, I’m sure you’ll witness something quite interesting: the 8th seed in the Western Conference has a better record than the 3rd seed in the Eastern Conference. Yes, you read that right, son. That’s how fucking bad the Eastern Conference is. If it wasn’t for the Heat and the Pacers, the entire East might have been demoted to the Development League. Shit, at this point, they should just do that anyway. For God’s sake, the 7th and 8th seeds in the East don’t even have winning records! They don’t deserve a damn spot in the playoffs. Besides, nobody wants to see the Charlotte Bobcats or the Atlanta Hawks play anyway. Side note, don’t even get me started on the bum ass New York Knicks, son. Fuck what you heard, Phil Jackson can’t save that circus act, man.

With all of that being said, let’s all avoid the Eastern Conference tomfoolery. We all know the series between the Heat and the Pacers is going to seven games, so let’s just enjoy that. This rivalry has everything you want, son. LeBron James versus Paul George, Roy Hibbert dominating inside and Lance Stephenson being the most Brooklyn nigga you can imagine. It’s Grade A entertainment, bro. I don’t know what else to say, man. Dear God, please bestow upon us a time machine so we can skip the next month and a half. Thank you, kindly. Amen.