As I’m writing this post, I’m legitimately laughing out loud. Sidebar, based on the recent Todd Akin tomfoolery, this will be the last time I use any variation of the word “legitimately” for an indefinite period of time. In any case, after Wednesday‘s home intruder incident, there is a new commandment: thou shalt not fuck with LL Cool J. This is actually going to be a short post today because the entire objective is making fun of Jonathan Kirby, the burglar who made the stupid choice of breaking into James Todd Smith’s house.
Now if you haven’t heard, Kirby broke into LL’s house early Wednesday morning. After LL heard a noise coming from his kitchen, he went to investigate and discovered Kirby. When Kirby attacked him, LL proceeded to beat the living shit out of the dude. Now when I say “living shit,” I mean Mr. Smith broke the dude’s nose, jaw and ribs. Let me say that again. Jonathan Kirby, a would-be burglar, broke into LL Cool J’s house and got his nose, jaw and ribs broken. Good Lord, clearly this man didn’t plan this one out properly. At least scope out the house before you try to rob it. That way, you don’t run into a 6’2″ Black man who spends an enormous amount of time in the gym.
I don’t know what else there is to say about this. They should use Kirby’s injuries on an episode of Scared Straight. I’m sure dudes would think twice before running up in someone’s house. Chuuuch.