So while browsing the interwebz a couple of days ago, I saw a story about Rohan Marley being engaged to Brazilian model Isabeli Fontana. If you’re unfamiliar with Bob Marley‘s 172nd child, his other claim to fame is impregnating Lauryn Hill 5 times. Throughout the years, Marley and Hill never officially married, which makes this recent news all the more hilarious. While I will always hold The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill in the highest regard, only one thought comes to mind right now: Lauryn Hill lost.
Ever since her debut album, Hill has been an enigma. She had a boatload of kids, put out an Unplugged album where every song contained the same 3 chords and dressed like Ronald McDonald. On top of that, she became notorious for showing up to her own concerts hours late and singing with a voice that’s seen better years. All of this while being “married” to Rohan Marley. As a matter of fact, all Rohan ever said about their relationship was they were “spiritually together.” That’s just a nice way of saying, “I’ve never going to give this broad a ring.” So in the end, what does Lauryn have? 5 kids with Rohan, 1 kid without him, no new music and now no man. How many L’s can one woman take? From now on, every woman that has multiple kids with a man who won’t commit to her got “Lauryn’d.” Let’s see if that can catch on.
All in all, I’ll still play her debut album and The Score by the Fugees to remember what Lauryn used to be. Nostalgia is the only thing that can keep me from completely washing my hands of her. With that being said, excuse me while I play “Ready Or Not” on repeat. Good day.